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  #1  
Old 07-09-2007, 02:34 PM
lieu lieu is offline
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Worst songs for a stripper to perform to

The best songs would be easy. I'm sure *ahem* some of you/us have your/our favorites. But how about the worst for either women or men?

I was thinkin' Dueling Banjos from Deliverance might be kinda creepy. And please, Lord, don't make me watch someone bump and grind all sexylike to The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.
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  #2  
Old 07-09-2007, 02:37 PM
Zeldar Zeldar is online now
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Oh, man, Lieu, what a concept!

Swan Lake
Amazing Grace
Night on Bald Mountain
Star Wars theme
Magnificent Seven theme
Jaws theme

How far out can we get?
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  #3  
Old 07-09-2007, 02:49 PM
twickster twickster is offline
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Well, if it were the Chippendales -- I'm not sure I could keep a straight face if they did "Macho Man."
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  #4  
Old 07-09-2007, 02:58 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Anything by Handel
Greensleeves
Anything sung by the Muppets
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  #5  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:00 PM
RiverRunner RiverRunner is offline
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"Lizzie Borden took an axe
and gave her father . . ."

No?
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  #6  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:01 PM
bouv bouv is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by panache45
Anything sung by the Muppets
Especially the Muppets Christmas special with John Denver.
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  #7  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:02 PM
lieu lieu is offline
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What was Arnold Schwarzenegger singing on the plane near the beginning of Twins? Yakkity Yaks? That'd be a bone killer.

Oh, Jesus Loves Me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bouv
Especially the Muppets Christmas special with John Denver.
Enter... John Tesh.

Last edited by lieu; 07-09-2007 at 03:05 PM..
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  #8  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:04 PM
Hypno-Toad Hypno-Toad is offline
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-Go Tell It On The Mountin'
-Kum Bai Yah
Anything with Mel Tourme scatting.

Last edited by Hypno-Toad; 07-09-2007 at 03:05 PM..
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  #9  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:06 PM
BobLibDem BobLibDem is offline
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The Barney theme song.
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  #10  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:07 PM
Sunspace Sunspace is offline
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"The wreck of the Edmund Fitzgeeeeeraaaaaallllllld...." boom chika boom chika

It might go over well in a gay bar, though.

I am now thinking of the Rheostatics' version. Which them makes me think of their song "Horses", which would be even worse to strip to.

Then there's the "Canadian Railroad Trilogy":

"There was a time in this fair land
When the railroad did not run/
When wild majestic mountains/
Stood alone against the sun..."

Hmm. Actually that one has some promise.
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  #11  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:07 PM
TheMerchandise TheMerchandise is offline
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Alvin and the Chipmunks is never a good idea.

Or Puffy Ami Yumi.
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  #12  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:09 PM
lieu lieu is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeldar
How far out can we get?
Heh, you tell me.
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  #13  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:10 PM
RiverRunner RiverRunner is offline
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The Brave Sir Robin song from MPatHG:

Bravely bold Sir Robin
Rode forth from Camelot.
He was not afraid to die,
Oh brave Sir Robin.
He was not at all afraid
To be killed in nasty ways.
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin.

Last edited by Frank; 07-09-2007 at 05:50 PM.. Reason: bit too much for fair use.
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  #14  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:12 PM
Sunspace Sunspace is offline
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I think we should be aiming for a "WTF" surreality, kind of like "Godzilla vs. The Smog Monster".

Is there any song that is proof against double entrendres?
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  #15  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:15 PM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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The Benny Hill Theme
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  #16  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:16 PM
running coach running coach is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by panache45
Anything sung by the Muppets
"One of these things is not like the other"
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  #17  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:16 PM
tdn tdn is offline
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The Star Spangled Banner
The Cat's in the Cradle
Theme music from Family Ties
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  #18  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:18 PM
Malthus Malthus is offline
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"Excitable Boy" by Warren Zevon?
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  #19  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:19 PM
Zebra Zebra is offline
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But oddly the theme from The Facts of Life would be kind of hot.
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  #20  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:19 PM
CalMeacham CalMeacham is offline
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"The William Tell Overture" as played by Walter/Wendy carlos for "A Clockwork Orange"


anything by Gyorgy Ligeti from "2001"


"They're coming to take me away, ah ha!" by Napoleon Bonaparte XVI

"Funeral March for a Marionette" (Alfred Hitchcock's theme)

The "Electronic Tonalities" from "Forbidden Planet"





The stopwatch from "60 Minutes"
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  #21  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:20 PM
Idle Thoughts Idle Thoughts is offline
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Dude....Dude....duuuuuude looks like a lady....
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  #22  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:23 PM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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The theme from Gilligan's Island and/or The Brady Brunch.
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  #23  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:24 PM
kittenblue kittenblue is offline
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"Having My Baby" was the first thing that popped into my head. I have no idea why. Was that Paul Anka?
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  #24  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:26 PM
danceswithcats danceswithcats is offline
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Daddy's Little Girl
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Crows. Keeping our highways clear of roadkill for over 80 years
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  #25  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:27 PM
Mrs. Millamant Mrs. Millamant is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by panache45
Anything sung by the Muppets
Kermit singing "Lydia the Tattooed Lady" might work...with the right stripper.

I nominate pretty much anything from the O Brother soundtrack (with the exception, of course, of "Didn't Leave Nobody but the Baby." Yow).

Also Rasputina's "The Donner Party."
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  #26  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:28 PM
Count Blucher Count Blucher is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeldar
How far out can we get?

The Bridal March.

There isn't enough therapy available in the Northern Hemisphere to help someone twisted enough to pole-dance to that song (or to anyone who'd drink beer and hoot/holler at someone stripping to it).
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  #27  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:29 PM
Trunk Trunk is offline
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"goin' to the chapel, and we're. . .gonna get mair-air-air-eed"

"Love & Marriage"

"Skid Row"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Malthus
"Excitable Boy" by Warren Zevon?
Followed by "Ooops, I Did It Again."
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  #28  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:31 PM
Zeldar Zeldar is online now
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Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head
Muskrat Love
Ben (Michael Jackson)
Alone Again (Naturally)
Vincent
Sabre Dance
Notre Dame Victory March
Psycho theme
La Marseillaise
Deutschland Uber Alles
Rule Britannia
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  #29  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:33 PM
Idle Thoughts Idle Thoughts is offline
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Taps.
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  #30  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:34 PM
Interrobang!? Interrobang!? is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeldar
Oh, man, Lieu, what a concept!
Isn't it, though?
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  #31  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:35 PM
Morgenstern Morgenstern is offline
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WOOLIE BULLY (Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs)
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  #32  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:45 PM
lieu lieu is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Interrobang!?
Isn't it, though?
Oh man, I searched but just back a year. I see my memory's no good to '04 either. That's kinda scary. Sorry!
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  #33  
Old 07-09-2007, 03:47 PM
Evil Captor Evil Captor is online now
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Well, in "Exotica" there's a stripper who dances to Leonard Cohen's "Everybody Knows" which I thought would be awful ... and it kinda is. She's not a very good dancer anyway.

"Dress Rehearsal Rag" by Leonard Cohen, however, would be even worse.

"Avalanche" by Leonard Cohen would also suck.
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  #34  
Old 07-09-2007, 04:02 PM
Ferd Burfel Ferd Burfel is offline
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"Tubular Bells" by Michael Oldfield
"Timothy" by The Buoys
"Dominique" by The Singing Nun
"Revolution #9" by The Beatles
anything by Yoko Ono
William Shatner's version of "Rocket Man"
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  #35  
Old 07-09-2007, 04:13 PM
Max Torque Max Torque is online now
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I actually did see a stripper perform once to "Zombie" by the Cranberries, back when that song was getting airplay. I honestly can't think of a more inappropriate song to strip to.
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  #36  
Old 07-09-2007, 04:14 PM
ShibbOleth ShibbOleth is offline
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I once actually saw someone dance to Ave Satani (or however it is spelled), that creepy music from the Omen and often used in trailers for other freaky films. It was the DJ, not the dancer's choice. Not sure what he was trying to say.
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  #37  
Old 07-09-2007, 04:15 PM
gommsn gommsn is offline
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Teddy Bears Picnic.
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  #38  
Old 07-09-2007, 04:16 PM
Larry Borgia Larry Borgia is offline
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Brian Eno: Music for Airports.
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  #39  
Old 07-09-2007, 04:19 PM
elmwood elmwood is offline
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Suzanne Vega - Luka
Blue Oyster Cult - Godzilla
Pat Benatar - Sex as a Weapon
Ted Nugent - Fred Bear
Janis Ian - Seventeen
Lita Ford - Only Women Bleed
U2 - Sunday Bloody Sunday
Black Sabbath - Iron Man
Nirvana - Rape Me
Any Christian rock
Any "womyn's" folk music

... and finally ...

Lynyrd Skynyrd - That Smell

Last edited by elmwood; 07-09-2007 at 04:23 PM..
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  #40  
Old 07-09-2007, 04:19 PM
Yag Rannavach Yag Rannavach is offline
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well, if it's a straight club this one(gay bar, electric six) would be rather odd...

Then again, When The Tigers Broke Free would provide, well, very little, opportunity for any kind of dancing.
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  #41  
Old 07-09-2007, 04:37 PM
bump bump is offline
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I'm pretty sure nothing by Hap Palmer or Raffi would work for stripping....
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  #42  
Old 07-09-2007, 04:50 PM
Queen Tonya Queen Tonya is offline
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"From a distance" by Bette Midler would be fairly uncomfortable.

"God is watching us, God is watching.."
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  #43  
Old 07-09-2007, 05:03 PM
Miller Miller is offline
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The Beer Barrel Polka
Gregorian chants
The works of John Cage

Thus Spoke Zarathustra is doable, but only if the stripper has the goods to justify it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Idle Thoughts
Dude....Dude....duuuuuude looks like a lady....
That one really depends on what club your at. At the one I went to this weekend, it would have been entirely appropriate.
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  #44  
Old 07-09-2007, 05:05 PM
Least Original User Name Ever Least Original User Name Ever is offline
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Hello Darkness, my old frieeeeend.....



What about William Hung?

Miller, if a gal comes out to Thus Spake Zarathustra, she better be the hottest thing on two legs or on hands and knees.

Last edited by Least Original User Name Ever; 07-09-2007 at 05:07 PM..
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  #45  
Old 07-09-2007, 05:09 PM
Larry Borgia Larry Borgia is offline
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Old Time Religion.
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  #46  
Old 07-09-2007, 05:12 PM
VunderBob VunderBob is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Malthus
"Excitable Boy" by Warren Zevon?
Or Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner...

Last edited by VunderBob; 07-09-2007 at 05:12 PM..
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  #47  
Old 07-09-2007, 05:18 PM
SiXSwordS SiXSwordS is offline
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"The ocean doesn't want me today" Tom Waits. (Although, "Step right up" might work....)

"Harry's Circumcision" Lou Reed. (Call me kooky, but I'd steer clear of any song about attempted suicide and self-castration.)

"I like big tits" Joe Walsh. (Crude even for a stripper. A male stripper might get some irony mileage out of it though)

"Cold Ethyl" Alice Cooper. (See comments on Harry's Circumcision and substitute necrophilia for self-castration.)

"Achy-Breaky Heart" Billy Ray Cyrus. (This song is on an endless loop in the deepest bowels of hell!)
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  #48  
Old 07-09-2007, 05:27 PM
gotpasswords gotpasswords is offline
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A lapdance is so much better when the stripper is crying - Bloodhound Gang
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  #49  
Old 07-09-2007, 05:33 PM
OtakuLoki OtakuLoki is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by panache45
Anything sung by the Muppets
It may not have much of a beat, but isn't that what "Lydia, the Tattooed Lady" is all about?



To answer the OP - How's about The Dixie Chicks' "Earl's Gotta Die"?
"Timothy" by the Buoys
"Papa Don't Preach" by Madonna



On preview: Dammit, already beaten for two of my comments. Dammit.


ETA: Larry Borgia, have you seen/heard any of the other versions of Old Time Religion?

Let us worship Aphrodite
Let us worship Aphrodite
She wears that see-thru nightie
And it's good enough for me!

Last edited by OtakuLoki; 07-09-2007 at 05:36 PM..
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  #50  
Old 07-09-2007, 05:37 PM
garygnu garygnu is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Max Torque
I actually did see a stripper perform once to "Zombie" by the Cranberries, back when that song was getting airplay. I honestly can't think of a more inappropriate song to strip to.
Tears in Heaven
Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning)

Last edited by garygnu; 07-09-2007 at 05:38 PM..
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