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  #1  
Old 07-10-2001, 12:06 PM
matt_mcl matt_mcl is offline
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What follows is a true and unvarnished account.

Today, at approximately 12:45 PM, my friend Eric came over to return a bus pass I'd lent him. When my roommate Hamish opened the door of the apartment to see who was at the front door of the building, I saw my cat Zazou and Hamish's cat Littl'un, who were in the living room, run away in the direction of my bedroom. Eric, Hamish, and I were all standing in the doorway from the time it was opened and the time it was closed. Since Zazou has run out the door in the past, we are always careful to make sure he doesn't pull it again. He did not pass through the apartment door between the time it was opened and the time it was closed. In fact he was nowhere near the door at any time.

After the door was closed, we heard a hideous yowling and scratching from outside. I cautiously opened the door, and Zazou came running in.

There is no part of our apartment that communicates with the building's stairwell except for that door, and none of the other exits from the apartment (windows) were open. There is no normal way for Zazou to have gotten from inside the apartment to the stairwell.

I therefore propose that Zazou has mastered the art of feline teleportation. As Schrödinger demonstrated, cats can alter their quantum state at will. All Zazou had to do was to alter his quantum state from the actual eigenstate to one in which he was in the stairwell. Why he then had to yell and scratch in order to be let back into the apartment remains a mystery, however.
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  #2  
Old 07-10-2001, 12:12 PM
screech-owl screech-owl is offline
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Even think that perhaps you have two identical cats: one works the day shift, one works the night shift. Evidently, the secret passageway was blocked off, nightZazou made it through and dayZazou had to find an alternate route to work - probably a multi-kitty accident somewhere, what with the dayshift and nightshift crossing paths.
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  #3  
Old 07-10-2001, 12:16 PM
Simetra Simetra is offline
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How Teleportation Will Work.

I've been waiting for a reason to post a link to that... such a cool site.
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  #4  
Old 07-10-2001, 12:18 PM
saepiroth saepiroth is offline
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well, that's why I installed a two-lane quantum rift in my house. keeps those multi-cat pileups from occuring.
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  #5  
Old 07-10-2001, 09:48 PM
Peregrine Peregrine is offline
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Aren't you overlooking previous research?

Cat Tunneling from The Annals of Improbable Research
"In this paper I report instances of the spontaneous relocation of entire cats."
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  #6  
Old 07-10-2001, 10:17 PM
mrblue92 mrblue92 is offline
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Didn't you people learn as children that cats have nine lives? Obviously then, there are actually nine nth dimensional "cats" for each cat in our universe. On rare occasions, a cat will decide it "needs" to be in a different universe. Sometimes it will want to curl up on a nice, warm blue star in the corner of the galaxy. Other times it will chase a comet or two around an asteroid field. And when it gets tired, it sits down, licks the space dust off, leaps up and rips its claws into the fabric of reality.

If, upon its return, your cat happens to wind up outside the window instead of inside, well, that's just none of your business, human.
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  #7  
Old 07-10-2001, 10:28 PM
trose trose is offline
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What I want to know is, what makes Hamish so special that he's the only one in the OP to get his name in bold--and every timehe's mentioned?
Whatever the reason, it apparently has a hold on me.
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  #8  
Old 07-10-2001, 10:40 PM
matt_mcl matt_mcl is offline
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Because he's a poster here, trose. We often embolden posters' screen names.
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  #9  
Old 07-10-2001, 10:52 PM
saepiroth saepiroth is offline
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hee hee hee...

that was funny, matt_mcl.

i hope that WAS a joke...
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  #10  
Old 07-10-2001, 11:50 PM
Gunslinger Gunslinger is offline
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:: puts on Twilight Zone theme music::
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  #11  
Old 07-11-2001, 01:00 AM
Protesilaus Protesilaus is offline
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Well, this explains how the cats in all those horror movies managed to get into cabinets and other hard-to-reach places from which to jump out at people. I'd always wondered about that.
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  #12  
Old 07-11-2001, 03:12 AM
Barbarian Barbarian is offline
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They don't teleport, silly

They just walk through walls. There's even a book about this called The Cat who walks through walls by RAH
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  #13  
Old 07-11-2001, 07:23 AM
Dragwyr Dragwyr is offline
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Re: They don't teleport, silly

Quote:
Originally posted by Barbarian
They just walk through walls. There's even a book about this called The Cat who walks through walls by RAH
If that were the case, they would just walk back through the wall and not howl at you to open the door.

I have 2 cats that have this problem. They always end up in our attic, no matter how careful we are to close the door behind us.

I think that the "Random Teleportation" theory has the most merit because a cat can transport at random, and then not be able to transport back, hence the howling to let them back in.
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  #14  
Old 07-11-2001, 08:12 AM
Rue DeDay Rue DeDay is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by matt_mcl
Because he's a poster here, trose. We often embolden posters' screen names.
But we don't do that for trose. Ha ha trose. You don't get emboldened.

-Rue.
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  #15  
Old 07-11-2001, 08:30 AM
deepbluesea deepbluesea is offline
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I have experience of two phenomena:

Feline Teleportation

Canine Vortex Action

My evidence follows.

Despite being allergic to cats, I shared an apt for a month with a woman who had two cats, including one neurotic orange cat (NOC). Said cats were not allowed outside. One night, while watching a video - I believe it was Monster in the Box - we heard a god-awful noise at the front door of this freestanding apartment. After working up some nerve, we looked out, to behold NOC outside, apparently panicked, and desperately wanting in. We let him in.

Ten minutes later, it happened again.

Conclusion: not only do cats teleport, they do it involuntarily. There is no way NOC would have teleported himself outside a second time.

As for the dogs-as-vortices, note this: around my house, one of a pair of socks will disappear. Not uncommon, you say, especially in a house with dogs. But mark the sequel - sometimes we will remove from our Lab's mouth a sock that in no way matches any sock we have ever owned. Our dogs are not allowed to roam freely. These socks are coming from inside our house. And yet they are not our socks - and clearly could never have been. (Examples: we have no children, and yet we have several minute, child-size socks in hideous colors and patterns, all recovered from the dog's mouth.)

Conclusion: somewhere, in another Lab-owning household, in this dimension or another, a Lab is appearing with our socks in his mouth, even though he is owned by people who would never wear black, women's-size socks. (As most of ours are.) In return, we are getting some other Lab-household's socks. Apparently, Labs are sock-specific local vortices.

Pet Physics: the Final Frontier.
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  #16  
Old 07-11-2001, 08:58 AM
Ike Witt Ike Witt is offline
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Man, this Twilight Zone like thread almost makes me want to talk about my encounter with the time travelling raisin. But since this thread is about paranormal pets, I'll wait until a thread gets started on psychic fruits.









I am serious.
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  #17  
Old 07-11-2001, 09:13 AM
Chef Troy Chef Troy is offline
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several people have posted in this thread that the cats' practice of yowling to be let back in is some sort of proof that they didn't teleport out in the first place. I can think of at least two explanations for this:

1) It could be similar to the greenhouse effect, wherein light enters a greenhouse (or my car windows... grr) and then is no longer powerful enough to escape. Perhaps the act of teleportation uses too much energy for the cat to be able to do it twice in a short period.

2) Just because they DON'T teleport back in, why are you assuming they CAN'T? It's quite likely that the cat requires you to let it back into the house just to remind you of your place as its servant, lowly human.
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  #18  
Old 07-11-2001, 10:33 AM
Grimace Grimace is offline
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Now I think you're all missing the obvious. As the owner of three felines, I do not think that they have the ability to teleport. I think that they have a natural ability to bend lightwaves around their fur and cloak themselves and become invisible.

it's what I call the Kitty Cloaking Phenomena or KCP

You see, this explains not seeing the animal leave though the door/window while you are standing there, and also explains why they mewl and howl to be let back in.

Now, this does not explain how they get out when there has been no access to an open door/window. But that is another theory all together (KPS, or Kitten Putty Syndrome, where the cat's body becomes like putty and is able to slip through areas that no living creature it's size can normally slip through)

And as for the "Dog as vortex" theory...That would explain how the hell my German Shepard was always gnawing on trash from three blocks over all the time, even though she never left the yard.
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  #19  
Old 07-11-2001, 03:47 PM
Balance Balance is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by Chef Troy
I can think of at least two explanations for this:

1)...
2)...
3) The transporter on the mother ship can lock onto the communicator in their posteriors to beam them up, but is less accurate at beam-down as it has no beacon to target.

Yes, I still remember the microphone-in-the-butt/leg-antenna theory.
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  #20  
Old 07-11-2001, 07:13 PM
elfkin477 elfkin477 is offline
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While I can't add anything relevant to the cat teleportation theory, I once saw a cat fly. The cat was standing on the floor, then the dog walked in. Cat soared through the air, limbs kicking, and landed on the 7ft tall hutch 3 seconds or less later. I gave it a 9.2, because the landing was a little sloppy.
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  #21  
Old 07-11-2001, 09:33 PM
OxyMoron OxyMoron is offline
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Re: They don't teleport, silly

Quote:
Originally posted by Barbarian
They just walk through walls. There's even a book about this called The Cat who walks through walls by RAH
And for one of my favorite franco/allophones, I also recommend Marcel Ayme's Le Passe-Muraille, on the same theme....
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  #22  
Old 07-11-2001, 10:09 PM
Balance Balance is offline
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I've seen cases of Feline Gravitic Modification as well, elfkin. In particular, I once saw a half-grown kitten (designated "Trouble") who had somehow stranded himself in the branches of a cypress in the middle of a pond demonstrate it. One of his teleport-to-dry-land attempts left him plummeting toward the water. Just inches above the surface, his trajectory appeared to alter by 90 degrees; thereafter, he fell toward the bank. After detaching him from my leg for inspection, I found that he was perfectly dry.

I will grant that he may have dried his pads on my jeans, but the rest of him clearly never touched the water.
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  #23  
Old 07-12-2001, 06:47 AM
Dragwyr Dragwyr is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by Balance
I've seen cases of Feline Gravitic Modification as well, elfkin. In particular, I once saw a half-grown kitten (designated "Trouble") who had somehow stranded himself in the branches of a cypress in the middle of a pond demonstrate it. One of his teleport-to-dry-land attempts left him plummeting toward the water. Just inches above the surface, his trajectory appeared to alter by 90 degrees; thereafter, he fell toward the bank. After detaching him from my leg for inspection, I found that he was perfectly dry.

I will grant that he may have dried his pads on my jeans, but the rest of him clearly never touched the water.
Perhaps this kitten had a piece of buttered bread on his back? Check out the threory behind that at http://members.nbci.com/_XMCM/ipkis/butrcat.htm
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