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Old 02-12-2019, 10:22 AM
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Lamest Cartoon Series Ever


Oh, there's plenty of contenders. But I'm going to put in my vote for Winnie Witch.

I only saw Winnie Witch cartoons on reruns of the Banana Splits Show. There were other forgettable offerings on there. I remember Squidley Diddley being chased around his Seaworld-esque home by a poor man's version of Stanley Livingston. I remember Secret Squirrel and his flasher coat, and his mole sidekick based on Peter Lorre. I remember "Up and atooom, Atom Ant!"

But so help me, I cannot remembering a damn thing about Winnie Witch, other than the Banana Splits' Fleagle announcing, "It's time for some witchcraft with Winnie Witch!"

When your routine intro is more memorable than your act, then you are lameness personified.

Really. I can remember nothing about her. She had dark hair, I think, but that's it.

Others? Or else Winnie Witch defenders? Speak now.
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Old 02-12-2019, 10:30 AM
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It may be because I'm a drooling simpleton with the attention span of a demented gnat, but would you mind explaining everything in words of one syllable. 140 chars max.
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Old 02-12-2019, 10:56 AM
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Clutch Cargo, with its weird live-action mouths?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTQI_XjoSSY
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clutch_Cargo
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Old 02-12-2019, 11:20 AM
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JOT the Dot. JOT was a white splotch with arms and legs who faced a child's level choice between good and bad in every episode. The cartoon was produced by the Southern Baptists, and had heavy references to Jesus and the Bible.

In this episode, JOT lies to his mother AND learns the meaning of the word "abomination."

It makes Davey and Goliath look like Toy Story.

Last edited by kunilou; 02-12-2019 at 11:22 AM.
  #5  
Old 02-12-2019, 11:23 AM
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Good choice, but the whole creepy mouth thing makes Clutch memorable. It also had a fantastic bongo and woodwind theme song. (What was that, a flute? An oboe?)
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Old 02-12-2019, 11:26 AM
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Speed Racer/Marine Boy
King Kong
Hercules (Newton should be euthanized)
another Clutch mention
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Old 02-12-2019, 11:39 AM
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Great Googly Mook! Winnie Witch doesn't even have a Wikipedia entry! That means I hallucinated the whole thing!

No wait, she comes up on Google. Well, that's a relief.
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Old 02-12-2019, 11:53 AM
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The actual stories were pretty good. What they saved on animation, they used to pay their writers.

There were a bunch of second-string Hanna-Barbera shows -- Magilla Gorilla, Wally Gator, Touche Turtle and Dum Dum, Lippy the Lion and Hardy Har Har, Ricochet Rabbit, etc. All had catchy theme songs but nothing else.

King Leonardo was also pretty bad -- the same plot every episode. The other cartoons that shared the half hour -- Tooter Turtle and The Hunter -- were no better.
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Old 02-12-2019, 12:01 PM
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JOT the Dot. JOT was a white splotch with arms and legs who faced a child's level choice between good and bad in every episode. The cartoon was produced by the Southern Baptists, and had heavy references to Jesus and the Bible.
How can they be bad? It took them 9 years to make 30 episodes, so they must all be of the highest quality.
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Old 02-12-2019, 12:05 PM
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Oh, I remember Winnie Witch, but not until you mentioned her.

She started her broom by clicking her heels and saying, "Aca...paca..PULCO"

I one episode she met some kids, who kinda outsmarted her, then she went, fine, g'hed and tell your parents. The kids came back, sullen.

"Well kids, how'd it go?"

soap bubbles emerge from their mouths"Telling the truth is one thing, being *bubble*believed is another. *bubble*

God. I wasted a lot of afternoons that I should have spent studying.

Along the vein of that Spiderman cartoon, "Spiderman Spiderman, does whatever a spider can" and the Iron Man, Thor, Hulk cartoon (That ever lovin' Hulk. Hulk Hulk. The one whose Iron Man's them is Rhodey's ringtone for Tony in the Iron Man movie,) there was another one. It had a cold open, it just started, then eventually they wrote some starting credits, I think it had young Marvel comic characters, at the very least I recall it had Robin, essentially flying across the screen. That one's a complete blank. ANd no, I'm not conflating Teen Titans.

There was a Saturday cartoon that was later, it had Mandrake, and his adopted kid, Flash Grodon and his son, the Phantom and his daughter, (son and daughter had like a thing for each other,) and maybe another character?

Anyway, one episode I recall, Ming's (or some other intergalactic villan's son) overthrows his father, and tries to force the daughter to marry him. Unfortunately for him, her telepathic command of animal life allowed her to turn a dragon they got as a wedding gift against him.

Sheesh. So much worthless trivia. There's gotta be a way I can use this to earn a living.
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Old 02-12-2019, 12:09 PM
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Hardy Har Har, Ricochet Rabbit

Heh - I can hear the sarcastic laughter of childhood friends glumly going "hardy har harrrr",
Or going "Bing bing BING!!! Ricocheeeeeeeet Rabbit!"
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Old 02-12-2019, 12:09 PM
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Oh, I remember Winnie Witch, but not until you mentioned her.

She started her broom by clicking her heels and saying, "Aca...paca..PULCO"

I one episode she met some kids, who kinda outsmarted her, then she went, fine, g'hed and tell your parents. The kids came back, sullen.

"Well kids, how'd it go?"

soap bubbles emerge from their mouths"Telling the truth is one thing, being *bubble*believed is another. *bubble*

God. I wasted a lot of afternoons that I should have spent studying.

Along the vein of that Spiderman cartoon, "Spiderman Spiderman, does whatever a spider can" and the Iron Man, Thor, Hulk cartoon (That ever lovin' Hulk. Hulk Hulk. The one whose Iron Man's them is Rhodey's ringtone for Tony in the Iron Man movie,) there was another one. It had a cold open, it just started, then eventually they wrote some starting credits, I think it had young Marvel comic characters, at the very least I recall it had Robin, essentially flying across the screen. That one's a complete blank. ANd no, I'm not conflating Teen Titans.

There was a Saturday cartoon that was later, it had Mandrake, and his adopted kid, Flash Grodon and his son, the Phantom and his daughter, (son and daughter had like a thing for each other,) and maybe another character?

Anyway, one episode I recall, Ming's (or some other intergalactic villan's son) overthrows his father, and tries to force the daughter to marry him. Unfortunately for him, her telepathic command of animal life allowed her to turn a dragon they got as a wedding gift against him.

Sheesh. So much worthless trivia. There's gotta be a way I can use this to earn a living.
Cartoon Curmudgeon?
  #13  
Old 02-12-2019, 12:27 PM
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I'm not going to make fun of cartoon series just because they're old. Some were OK. Some were pretty clever. But there WEREE plenty of lame ones:

dodo, the Ki from Outer Space

The New Three Stooges

The New Adventures of Abbott and Costello
(notable only because it gave a paycheck to an aging Bud Abbott, who used to get dressed in a full suit to record his parts.)

Tales of The Wizard of Oz -- https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0054568/ and https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tales_of_the_Wizard_of_Oz



THESE were lame TV shows. At least The Adventures of Commander Bleep! ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colonel_Bleep ) featured a cool alien as the hero, and science fiction ideas.
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Old 02-12-2019, 12:30 PM
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c.1982 there was a string of arcade game themed Saturday morning cartoons that were all uniformly terrible. They existed only as commercials and because arcade games were the hot new thing. Amazingly, a foul-mouthed sphere hopping around a ziggurat doesn't translate into great stories. Also we had Rubik, the Amazing Cube which was the same garbage in physical toy form instead of arcade game. I don't remember anything much about them aside from, even as a kid with a bowl of cereal in his lap, realizing that these were insultingly bad.

There was also the Godzilla cartoon where I'd sit through twenty intolerable minutes of Godzooky the cute "baby" monster to maybe get thirty seconds of recycled Godzilla cartoon footage. I would just tune out the plot until I heard Godzilla roar.
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Old 02-12-2019, 12:42 PM
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I grew up in the 80s, a time when network execs in charge of Saturday morning cartoon would literally greenlight anything, giving us timeless classic such as:

Kissyfur - escaped circus bears escape to a swamp and start a taxi company.
Potato Head Kids - kinda like Muppet Babies, only with... anthropomorphic potatoes.
Denver the Last Dinosaur - he wears sunglasses, skateboards, and plays the electric guitar. If your grandparents were forced to come up with a "cool" cartoon character in the 80s, it would be exactly this.
ALF Tales - you read that correctly.
Wuzzles - a group of bizarre winged hybrid animals
Rubik the Amazing Cube - no comment necessary.
Pac-Man - no comment necessary.
Popples - no comment necessary.
Teen Wolf -
Shirt Tales - based on characters that originated in Hallmark cards. Seriously.
The Fonz and the Happy Days Gang - yeah, this happened.
Laverne & Shirley in the Army - seriously? Seriously.
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Old 02-12-2019, 01:03 PM
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DCnDC might've just won this thread.
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Old 02-12-2019, 01:07 PM
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Great Googly Mook! Winnie Witch doesn't even have a Wikipedia entry!
Yes, it does, but under its actual title, "Winsome Witch." ("Winsome W. Witch - the W stands for Wacky")

My choice: Fox's Allen Gregory

Last edited by That Don Guy; 02-12-2019 at 01:07 PM.
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Old 02-12-2019, 01:10 PM
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There was a Saturday cartoon that was later, it had Mandrake, and his adopted kid, Flash Grodon and his son, the Phantom and his daughter, (son and daughter had like a thing for each other,) and maybe another character?
Defenders of the Earth? I'll admit to liking it once up on a time. Fortunately, I have not seen it in my adulthood.
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Old 02-12-2019, 01:12 PM
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The Three Robonic Stooges and Wheelie and the Chopper Bunch were the most boring cartoons I remember watching.
Sherlock Holmes in the 21st Century was memorably lame because one of the characters spoke only using Foley sounds.
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Old 02-12-2019, 01:20 PM
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Top Cat was another Hannah Barbera cartoon that had a nifty opening and good song, but the actual plotlines were boring or unintelligible to the average eight year old.

I thought that maybe it was due to my youth that I didn't care for Top Cat, but I recently youtubed up an episode and tried to watch it. Nope, it really was boring and pointless.
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Old 02-12-2019, 01:20 PM
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<snip> The other cartoons that shared the half hour -- Tooter Turtle and The Hunter -- were no better.
We can only imagine what his special talent was...
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Old 02-12-2019, 01:25 PM
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I grew up in the 80s, a time when network execs in charge of Saturday morning cartoon would literally greenlight anything, giving us timeless classic such as:

Kissyfur - escaped circus bears escape to a swamp and start a taxi company.
Potato Head Kids - kinda like Muppet Babies, only with... anthropomorphic potatoes.
Denver the Last Dinosaur - he wears sunglasses, skateboards, and plays the electric guitar. If your grandparents were forced to come up with a "cool" cartoon character in the 80s, it would be exactly this.
ALF Tales - you read that correctly.
Wuzzles - a group of bizarre winged hybrid animals
Rubik the Amazing Cube - no comment necessary.
Pac-Man - no comment necessary.
Popples - no comment necessary.
Teen Wolf -
Shirt Tales - based on characters that originated in Hallmark cards. Seriously.
The Fonz and the Happy Days Gang - yeah, this happened.
Laverne & Shirley in the Army - seriously? Seriously.
Ok, I bolded the ones I disagree with you on. I have so many awesome memories of watching those shows! They may not have been the most creative shows but they made Saturday mornings fun! And AND! You can't knock a cartoon from the 80s for being basically a half hour commercial for some existing brand. That was pretty much the origin of 90% of shows back then lol

But. Denver can suck balls. God Damn I hated that show. And thanks, btw, for making me think of the theme song. Now it's gonna be in my head all day.
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Old 02-12-2019, 01:30 PM
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...But. Denver can suck balls. God Damn I hated that show. And thanks, btw, for making me think of the theme song. Now it's gonna be in my head all day.
He seems pretty cheery for being all alone, the last of a vanished species, destined never to mate: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Denver,_the_Last_Dinosaur
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Old 02-12-2019, 02:58 PM
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Fred And Barney Meet The Thing-Stupid Cubed.

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Old 02-12-2019, 03:04 PM
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He seems pretty cheery for being all alone, the last of a vanished species, destined never to mate: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Denver,_the_Last_Dinosaur
Well he's got all those kids around him who think he's pretty awesome. Give them a few years and who knows how things will go.
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Old 02-12-2019, 03:11 PM
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Well he's got all those kids around him who think he's pretty awesome. Give them a few years and who knows how things will go.
If Howard The Duck and Beverly Switzler can hit it off, any combination is possible.
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Old 02-12-2019, 03:21 PM
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If Howard The Duck and Beverly Switzler can hit it off, any combination is possible.
That always concerned me to be honest. I mean, have you seen pictures of wild ducks? Those things are like three feet long. He'd be tickling her eyeballs.
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Old 02-12-2019, 03:51 PM
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We can only imagine what his special talent was...
IIRC he was "tutored" each episode by a Mister Know It All scientist guy.

As lame as it was, The Hunter featured the voice of the guy who originally made it famous as Senator Claghorn (I think?); Mel Blanc copied the voice for Foghorn Leghorn.
Although I haven't heard it for at least 55 years, I fondly remember this exchange between The Hunter and King Leonardo.

Hunter: "...that's a joke, son."

King Leo (angrily): "Don't you call me 'Son'! Don't you know I'm the King?"

Hunter, unfazed: "Well, I call everybody 'son', Sire. That's a joke, son."

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Old 02-12-2019, 03:58 PM
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Caillou

Every episode features Caillou freaking out about going up stairs or getting splashed with water and then saying "but mommy, I'm scared" in that fake kid falsetto voice and then the mommy replies "That's OK, Caillou, just give it a try" in her wholesome, slightly condescending voice, and then Caillou walks up the stupid stairs and says "Look mommy! I did it!" then the theme song plays and then he does it again with baking cookies or cleaning up his toys.
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Old 02-12-2019, 04:17 PM
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Or going "Bing bing BING!!! Ricocheeeeeeeet Rabbit!"
Excuse me, it is 'Ping! Ping! Ping!'. I remember liking that show (it looks like I was 6 or so when it was shown), and think I had a story book with him in it.
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Old 02-12-2019, 04:20 PM
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My boys (7 and 4) would swear that Veggie Tales are the worst, lamest cartoon ever.

Note I didn't say solemnly swear, because they get surprisingly animated describing how much those cartoons suck.
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Old 02-12-2019, 04:24 PM
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There was also the Godzilla cartoon where I'd sit through twenty intolerable minutes of Godzooky the cute "baby" monster to maybe get thirty seconds of recycled Godzilla cartoon footage. I would just tune out the plot until I heard Godzilla roar.
"Up from the depths, 30 stories high!"
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Old 02-12-2019, 04:53 PM
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Davy & Goliath.
Christian TV at it's nadir.
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Old 02-12-2019, 05:19 PM
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My boys (7 and 4) would swear that Veggie Tales are the worst, lamest cartoon ever.

Note I didn't say solemnly swear, because they get surprisingly animated describing how much those cartoons suck.

That is probably a good thing--I've seen only two or three episodes, but one of those was pro-genocide.
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Old 02-12-2019, 05:35 PM
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"Up from the depths, 30 stories high!"

Huh. I vaguely remembered the Godzilla theme but strongly remembered the Star

Blazers one. Never noticed the similarity of the singing of the two.
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Old 02-12-2019, 06:12 PM
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I grew up in the 80s, a time when network execs in charge of Saturday morning cartoon would literally greenlight anything, giving us timeless classic such as:

Kissyfur - escaped circus bears escape to a swamp and start a taxi company.
Potato Head Kids - kinda like Muppet Babies, only with... anthropomorphic potatoes.
Denver the Last Dinosaur - he wears sunglasses, skateboards, and plays the electric guitar. If your grandparents were forced to come up with a "cool" cartoon character in the 80s, it would be exactly this.
ALF Tales - you read that correctly.
Wuzzles - a group of bizarre winged hybrid animals
Rubik the Amazing Cube - no comment necessary.
Pac-Man - no comment necessary.
Popples - no comment necessary.
Teen Wolf -
Shirt Tales - based on characters that originated in Hallmark cards. Seriously.
The Fonz and the Happy Days Gang - yeah, this happened.
Laverne & Shirley in the Army - seriously? Seriously.
How can you not like ALF Tales? Who could forget the episode where the fairytale Rapunzel becomes a tale about how the Witch owns every TV station in the kingdom and King Ronald Reagan defeats her by creating a Federal Communications Commission?

(Seriously. I am not making this up.)
  #37  
Old 02-12-2019, 06:14 PM
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A minor one for Magilla Gorilla which was pretty bad on its own, was the Hippo that sneezed and blew around in a balloon.

I googled, it was Peter Potamus and it was the worst.
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Old 02-12-2019, 06:18 PM
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Christian TV at it's nadir.
Gosh - it had a zenith, then?
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Old 02-12-2019, 06:44 PM
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Gosh - it had a zenith, then?
Well, sure - if it was TV, it had a Zenith.
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Old 02-12-2019, 07:39 PM
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Well, sure - if it was TV, it had a Zenith.
Bravo! And not the channel.
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Old 02-12-2019, 07:56 PM
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JOT the Dot. JOT was a white splotch with arms and legs who faced a child's level choice between good and bad in every episode. The cartoon was produced by the Southern Baptists, and had heavy references to Jesus and the Bible.

In this episode, JOT lies to his mother AND learns the meaning of the word "abomination."

It makes Davey and Goliath look like Toy Story.
Dear god. I grew up watching Mr. Peppermint, but somehow I had suppressed the memory of Jot for more than forty years.
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Old 02-12-2019, 09:06 PM
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I'd have to go with the original Baby Huey cartoons from Harveytoons. Even as a little kid I couldn't stand these.
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Old 02-12-2019, 09:46 PM
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IIRC he was "tutored" each episode by a Mister Know It All scientist guy.
Mr. Wizard the Lizard.
"Drizzle Drazzle Druzzle Drome
Time for this one to come home."

Damn your eyes for reminding me of this.
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  #44  
Old 02-12-2019, 09:51 PM
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Dear god. I grew up watching Mr. Peppermint, but somehow I had suppressed the memory of Jot for more than forty years.
Mr. Peppermint ranks behind only Mr. Rogers in my esteem for children's TV hosts. I can forgive him for almost anything. But JOT is like asking me to forgive LBJ for Vietnam.
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Old 02-12-2019, 11:01 PM
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Well he's got all those kids around him who think he's pretty awesome. Give them a few years and who knows how things will go.
Ew. Pass me the brain bleach, wouldja?

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Caillou

Every episode features Caillou freaking out about going up stairs or getting splashed with water and then saying "but mommy, I'm scared" in that fake kid falsetto voice and then the mommy replies "That's OK, Caillou, just give it a try" in her wholesome, slightly condescending voice, and then Caillou walks up the stupid stairs and says "Look mommy! I did it!" then the theme song plays and then he does it again with baking cookies or cleaning up his toys.
To each their own. I thought Caillou was actually rather charming.
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Old 02-12-2019, 11:09 PM
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Didn’t we do this recently? Ah, here it is...

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...d.php?t=854168

ETA: I still love Cecil.

Last edited by Lucas Jackson; 02-12-2019 at 11:11 PM.
  #47  
Old 02-13-2019, 12:20 AM
nightshadea is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ricksummon View Post
How can you not like ALF Tales? Who could forget the episode where the fairytale Rapunzel becomes a tale about how the Witch owns every TV station in the kingdom and King Ronald Reagan defeats her by creating a Federal Communications Commission?

(Seriously. I am not making this up.)

heres my worst cartoon list

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...light=cartoons

but the first few seasons of the alf carton was rather sophisticated then they retooled it and it disappeared ..


and you want a convoluted cartoon? the story of "lazer tag" the series
  #48  
Old 02-13-2019, 12:57 AM
TreacherousCretin's Avatar
TreacherousCretin is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor View Post
Davy & Goliath.
Christian TV at it's nadir.
I glanced at this once or twice as a child, and even my infantile brain was insulted by the stop-motion animation. Apparently the puppets were repositioned twice for each second of film time.
  #49  
Old 02-13-2019, 01:03 AM
The_Peyote_Coyote is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DCnDC View Post
I grew up in the 80s, a time when network execs in charge of Saturday morning cartoon would literally greenlight anything, giving us timeless classic such as:

Kissyfur - escaped circus bears escape to a swamp and start a taxi company.
Potato Head Kids - kinda like Muppet Babies, only with... anthropomorphic potatoes.
Denver the Last Dinosaur - he wears sunglasses, skateboards, and plays the electric guitar. If your grandparents were forced to come up with a "cool" cartoon character in the 80s, it would be exactly this.
ALF Tales - you read that correctly.
Wuzzles - a group of bizarre winged hybrid animals
Rubik the Amazing Cube - no comment necessary.
Pac-Man - no comment necessary.
Popples - no comment necessary.
Teen Wolf -
Shirt Tales - based on characters that originated in Hallmark cards. Seriously.
The Fonz and the Happy Days Gang - yeah, this happened.
Laverne & Shirley in the Army - seriously? Seriously.
Despite my love of toons, you make me glad I usually stayed in bed until noon on Saturdays because I was out partying the night before.
  #50  
Old 02-13-2019, 01:16 AM
nightshadea is offline
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you know the wuzzles were created by Disney? it was their 2nd tv cartoon after the "adventures of the gummi bears"
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