I like to tell people like this that the Rapture has already happened. 
Jesus is just trying to reserve a few good places to sit. He left Chicago bound for New Orleans and he’s been waitin for the bus all day, to Colorado Springs.
Apparently the bus service between New Orleans and Colorado is lousy.
I hear he’s headed off to California…through the forests and the pines
The world can’t end then. I have yogurt in my fridge that doesn’t expire until 2013…
My credit card, my driver’s licence, my passport, my health card… all expire in 2012.
I’m afraid to check my birth certificate.
Merged two threads on this – if the continuity is a little incoherent (as is only right, I guess, given the topic), that’s why.
As I always say when these come out - “good! 9 months and 23 days before we won’t hear anything more from these losers! I’ll indeed mark my calendars!”
Do you suffer from premature Armageddon? If you’re one of the millions of people who do, maybe it’s time to talk to your doctor about Delaygra, the drug that stops the world from ending and lets you experience the Rapture when you choose. If Rapture lasts longer than four hours, consult a doctor.
If* Rapture* lasts more than 4 hours, it’s time to upgrade your Blondie collection to CDs.
Didn’t you folks watch The X-Files? That’s when the alien invasion is due to start!
StG
Did they bump that up? I thought it was supposed to end in 2012.
Yes. Apparently we’ve been running ahead of schedule.
Well, I have in front of me a very interesting little newsletter from the House of Yahweh that reliably informs me that nuclear war will start “no later” than September 12 of 2006. “Yahweh has put together a small team,” we’re told, and you might want to do something pertinent to be a part of it – repent, let’s say, or do a spot of digging in your backyard, or maybe send a small check to the House of Yahweh in Abilene, Texas.
In any event, you’ll want to reconsider scheduling a dentist’s appointment for September 13, 2006. You’ll miss the appointment, and you know those bastards will charge you anyway. They always do.
Not only will they charge you, but your insurance company will deny the claim on the basis of an “act of God” clause.