There’s also black comedy. In 2Kings Elisha’s moseying along when a bunch of punks said, ‘Hey, Cueball! I’ll shine your head for a shekel!’ (Or maybe it was ‘Go up, you baldehead!’ But I like my [del]version[/del] translation better.) So Elisha called down a couple of bears and killed 42 of them. It doesn’t mention if Yackety Sax was heard during the event.
1Sa 17:38 And Saul armed David with his armor, and he put a helmet of brass upon his head; also he armed him with a coat of mail.
1Sa 17:39 And David girded his sword upon his armor, and he attempted to go; for he had not proved it. And David said unto Saul, I cannot go with these; for I have not proved them. And David put them off him.
Where does it say he fell over?
Oh come on, Elisha/Elijah was the most overpowered super-hero duo EVER. Spiderman? Batman? Good ol’ pre-crisis Superman? Pansies. I mean seriously, Elijah was so powerful as soon as he ascended bodily into heaven on a Chariot of Fire (no… not THAT one) all Elisha had to do was put Elijah’s remnant clothing (his cloak) in the Jordan and the water split. Everyone makes a big scene about Moses doing it but no one ever gives the Great E Duo™ any credit for accomplishing the same feat using nothing but ripped dirty laundry.
And that whole book between Ecclesiastes and Isaiah for that matter, which was basically just softcore pornography. (Yeah yeah, porn isn’t as offensive as violence, it’s an elaborate allegory etc etc)
Anyway I found one in Exodus, a little more dry, but I laughed:
Exodus 14:11, 12 (The Israelites to Moses, 7 days post flight, army on their tail) - "And they said unto Moses: ‘Because there were no graves in Egypt, hast thou taken us away to die in the wilderness? Wherefore hast thou dealt thus with us, to bring us forth out of Egypt? Is not this the word that we spoke unto thee in Egypt, saying: Let us alone, that we may serve the Egyptians? For it were better for us to serve the Egyptians, than that we should die in the wilderness.’ "
So basically they’re about top die at the edge of the Red Sea and just go, “Dude, seriously, did they run out of graveyard real estate so you had to take us out HERE before we died? Because, you know, comparatively we were pretty happy in Egypt, better than dying in this Hellhole and getting stabbity stabbed by Pharaoh’s dudes and feasted upon by wildlife at the very least.” (Most of it is standard fare, the graveyard part is the meat of the joke)
A crappy translation that takes the humor out. Better:
The Septuagint, instead of “he tried to walk but…” says “he could not walk for…”
It’s a breastplate and helmet, the only reason he couldn’t walk was they were too heavy. I exaggerated with “fell down” – but “they’re too heavy, I can’t walk” is pretty slapstick-ish as well.
Just in case it’s unclear, the joke here is that Egypt was a huge graveyard – mausoleums and mummification and necropolis, the Egyptians were obsessed with death and graves. So “were there no graves in Egypt?” is extremely ironic on several levels.
Didn’t you catch my sarcasm at my acquaintance thinking there was nothing “dirty” in the Bible?
(I think some of the references to male members would be even more upsetting to him than what you cited. In Ezekiel, IIRC, certain individuals are compared to horses in that, um… capacity.)
Still, can anybody tell me whether emerods are literally hemorrhoids? It’s not that I
even bother with the individual in question any more. I just would like to know.
- “Jack”
No, just old-fashioned. “Prove”, in period, generally means “test” or “try”.
Nevermind!
While emerod could easily mean hemorrhoid, it could also mean boil. That’s no surprise to me, since I’ve been aware for some time that there are problems with Hebrew-English translations of many terms.
Getting back to the OP: It seems that there is some wordplay with Esau also being called “Edom” referring to the color red, and saying to Jacob, “Let me have some of that red stuff.”
- “Jack”
Heh.
Q: Why do rednecks think the Three Wise Men were firefighters?
A: The Bible clearly says, “And they came from afar…”
Most of the names in the Old Testament are puns: You’ll get two very similar-sounding words, both relevant to the situation. I don’t remember any specific examples, but whenever you see something like “And she named her son ____, because he ____”, the name itself is one word, and the “because he ____” is another word.
Of course, of all types of humor, puns translate particularly poorly, so you don’t know they’re there unless you speak Hebrew or your copy of the Bible has good footnotes.
Since the column was just re-run as a “classic,” I’m going to close this thread and direct folks to the new one: Biblical Jokes - Cecil's Columns/Staff Reports - Straight Dope Message Board