astro, maybe you should just get some turf. 
I’m sorry, really I am, very, very sorry.
No, I’m not. 
My turn.
Surrounding our 16-acre property (in east central AL… Alabama clay) on two sides is pulpwood land. The third side is a nice little cemetary. Our land used to be pulpwood land… we cleared out only enough for the house site and a little path to an observation area. Rest of it is still natural forest (and briars that are about as thick as your wrist). Before we cleared, there was no shortage of grass and other ground cover. But now…
Oh, ::sigh::.
Once we had the house started, we tried to seed the areas we wanted as lawn. So we seeded. Put out the seed, put pine straw over the seed, watered as instructed, and waited. And waited. And waited. Right, then. Put out a different type of seed, blew cellulose over the seed, watered, and waited. Still waiting. Now we have some clumps, here and there, of sad-looking grass, but the rest of the yard is still Alabama clay. And we have erosion problems from hell, which could be solved if we had GRASS.
What the heck are we doing wrong? The trees we transplanted are doing fabulously- less than a week after we put them out they were putting out new shoots all over the place. Even our hawthorne, which is notoriously tempermental. But we can’t grow grass!
“I haven’t bagged clippings in two years now.”
I mowed that meadow of grass, grass was one to two feet high, didn’t have to bag anything, reason is, todays mowers
are mulching mowers,
Haven’t watered my clients lawn for 8 years, doesn’t need fertilizer either. I noticed its fed by an
undergroup spring. Green all year long.
Here’s a real easy question that I was going to start a thread with, but now I don’t have to:
I’m a new homeowner. I have about a half-acre lot, mostly on a hill. Eventually I’m going to have to mow it, so I need to buy a lawn mower. (I won’t have to mow it very often–this is the fourth year of drought conditions around here.) What should I get? I’m thinking a self-propelled is probably the best way to go, because of the hill. Is a Lawn-Boy really all it’s cracked up to be, or are other brands of mower just as good?
Dr. J
Thanks for doing this, Philster. You’ve already helped before (when we needed to fill some sparse spots, thanks a bunch.
Today’s problem is that my yard just looks a little blah. Kind of yellow. No major weeds or other things. Just looks a little anemic next to my neigbors (we’ll call them the Joneses). I’d like to spend as little time and money on the yard as possible, and still keep the yard within community standards.
FWIW we are in a small city just north of Cincinnati, Ohio.
Okay, I’ll toss in…
First-time lawn owner. Lawn is in okay shape, not gorgeous, but passable. I’m trying to make it better by doing the home improvement routine, but am not sure if that’s the best/easiest way to go.
Right now my main goal is to get the weeds under control. I had dandelions and crabgrass all over the place a while ago, but after hitting them with the weed killer (“kills weeds, not grass”), most of it seems to be gone. There’s still some crabgrass hanging around, though, and I’m hoping that a repeat attack with the weed killer will get rid of them for good. My questions are:
(1) What’s a sure-fire way to get rid of weeds from the lawn and keep them out? Preferably without requiring a big investment in time.
(2) What’s the One True Path to a beautiful green lawn that doesn’t require a big investment in time?
(Yeah, I’m a lazy SOB, so sue me 
)
Hi, Philster.
You’ll probably think I’m nuts for asking this question, but here goes anyway. Is there any way I can get my lawn to grow more slowly? I absolutely hate mowing the lawn. It used to be my husband’s responsibility, but he has back problems now, so I’ve had to take it over. We have never joined the lawn worship cult that so many of our neighbors are a part of, so as long as we have something other than dirt for a yard, we’re ok with it.
DoctorJ,
I would get a field mower, these have big wheels on the back. I use one for a similar situation as yours
although no slope. I don’t think they make one thats self propelled though.
“Kind of yellow.”
Get some iron (liquid spray if you can find it) & put it on, this should make it greener really fast without causing it to grow as fast.
Anemic= low iron 
Philster darling, where are you? You offered advice, you offered insight, you said you were the best, you lit the flame of hope within us! We can be rid of weeds and brown patches. We can water the proper amount. We can have a beautiful lawn! You told us this and we believed. With trembling fingers, we typed in our darkest secrets, our lawn failures, our shame. And have you responded? Have you given us guidance? A few lucky ones, chosen ones? have received your wisdom, but the rest of us are still waiting, still hoping for the revelation of lush green-ness. Philster, we put our trust in you. So get busy and answer, forchistsakes. Jeez, some people.
handy, thanks for picking up the slack.
45 mins, twice a week, per area.!!!
Water every day!!??!! Disease and bugs comes from that.
Dmark - you can do little 10 min daily watering in afternoon to cool soil and grass thorugh evaporation in addition to heavy 2-3 times per week watering.
Handy, as a rule, weeds don’t like to be cut, while lawns bounce back better and stronger from regular cuts.
Meadows that are turf grasses? Or meadows that are wild grasses? Wild grass might not be able to choke off weeds like turf grasses foun don lawns.
Still, cutting regularly and high reduces the weed population. Might not be an area where you can get rid of them, but they might be thriving if let to bloom. Bloom = seeds…not good.
We just built us a house, and we just recently (about a month ago) put th grass down with straw, and have been watering it lately, because it has been dry. It’s growing, and growing well, but it seems a little thin, and we are getting a lot of weeds. Why’s that? Also, how long till I can mow it? Do we have to do anything special if it has never been mowed before?
Handy - do not wait for grass to flower either! (had to re-read)
Darn, my answer is in that post above, starting with, “Clover is a sign of underfertilization…”
Kallesa, you need a metal rake to tend to the occassional bare spot.
You live in grass heaven, by the way.
bare spots that are small: rake and turn the soil and sprinkle with seed as per directions. Seed is sold regionally, so your home store will ahve varieties for your area.
For general up keep, every fall spread an organic fertilizer as per the directions.
Even fertilizers are local, so check the home stores and ask for “organic”.
Follow the rest of the advice from above: cut high, water 2-3 times (if needed) and do it heavy, not light. Fetilize in fall only, and go organic…mulch the grass, do not bag it.
“Still, cutting regularly and high reduces the weed population. Might not be an area where you can get rid of them, but they might be thriving if let to bloom. Bloom = seeds.”
Well, I cut it quite high you see? I think about 4" with a field mower. Next day some idiot who needed
time away from his wife, did it again with a riding mower, which is just dumb since it looked fine after
I did it. Now three days later its brown. sigh. Mostly foxtail grass.
This is a great question: Water only as needed, which is 2-3 per week in most areas when rain is missing.
Also, do not use regular fertilizers from all the big fert companies. They are nitrogen heavy and cause a lot of unecessary top growth. Use organic as it releases fertilizer over time through micro organisms doing their thing. Water won’t cause a surge growth w/ organics.
Different types of grasses grow differenty as well. Some ryegrasses are very aggressive and grow fast, some of the newer fescues are very short dwarf grasses. The labels usually advertise the lower slower growing qualities.
Ok. Skipping the whole quote since slow enuff 'round here:
Okay…bring soil and grass samples to county extension office. This would be ideal. Most people would never do this, so start overseeding in the falls with shade tolerant grasses (note ‘tolerant’ as grass doesn’t prefer the shade)…your ‘turf type tall fescues’ and your ‘creeping fescues’ are the best choices for shade.
Now, for cutting height under trees and shade, there are two schools of thought: One says to cut it as high as possible to give more blade square feet to compete with trees, the other says to cut it short (2") because all that blade means more grass that needs more water and nutrition.
From my experimentation, which is now on the short school says:
Shorter is better in shade. It seems to dry out better (which prevents disease), and needs less nutrition/water, which is a losing battle near trees. It also gets more sod like when short from tillering out, and this helps choke off smaller invading tree roots.
Soil acid test: chances are, your soil is screwed up from tree waste. Using the fescues will help, since they aren’t as fussy for soil acidity. If you don’t switch grass types, get soil test or test kit and follow directions. You probably need alot of lime.