Does a tank count as a suit of armor?
Don’t they have powered grippers instead of hands? I don’t think it would do the chimp much good if you squeezed it with something like that.
Mmmmm, terminator armor. You need termie honors to wear it, though.
What about those heavily padded suits you see dog-handlers wearing, the ones where the dog grabs onto the guys heavily padded arm? Is their a full body version of those, with some sort of helmet to go with it?
A knight’s plate armor, highly polished with all the plumes and fancy coverings. The chimp acts on instinct and would be puzzled by all the funny shapes, colors and textures. The disadvantage is your own ability to strike a fast blow with the thing on.
I’d go with articulated plate circa 1450’s. Gothic armor like this: http://www.longshank.com/images/gothic%20plate.jpg
And this:
http://www.medievalrepro.com/Images/Armour%20History%20031.jpg
Arming jackets with reinforced mail at the articulations was in common use by this time, and with these types of armors.
The quality and weight distribution of these harnesses would keep you mobile for a while, though unaccustomed to being in one, you will get tired eventually.
I’d take the brunt of the attack by facing the chimp and letting the armor absorb the onslaught. Eventually it would get tired/hurt from pounding on hardened steel and A few kicks and punches would have it running away.
Homo Sapiens 1 Great Apes 0.
I’m not so sure. I can see a full-on ragemonkey tearing that armor away. Of course, I’m not fully versed on medieval armor, but that suit looks full of gaps and finger-holds. The helmet and codpiece better be firmly secured.
What’s all this talk about chimps “ripping arms off”? It’s one thing to bite a face off, gouge eyes out, tear ears off, bite a hand so bad it has to be amputated or rip testicles/penis off, but ripping a homo sapiens arm clean out using nothing but pull strength is something I’d like to see a cite for before just accepting that it happens.
Plus, chimps aren’t trained at wrestling humans, if you went down in the suit of armor and kept your arms close in, I don’t know that they’d just natural know to try and pull them out to get a better grip. Nor do I think they’d just naturally know if they pulled off the strange metal helmet they would get to the soft flesh of the face.
With all those straps? I doubt a chimpanzee would even bother trying to pry the armor off at all. He’d just throw feces at you, hoping to shame you, then he’d just throw himself at you and pound with his fists.
Would a chimp recognize than on order to defeat shiny tall monkey, he has to remove the shell to get to the gooey insides? And would he continue to try to pry things off while you take advantage of his attempt to lay a metal fist of righteous indignation on his head?
Hmmm then again maybe, specially if told he’ll get an gelato as a reward.
Yeah, I suppose it depends on how motivated the particular chimp is.
I wouldn’t wish a chimp attack on anyone (okay, mostly anyone), but I usually root for the confined animal. We need to leave these wild animals the hell alone.
The first time the chimp tries for a face bite, you smash him in the temples with armored gauntlets. Then gouge his eyes out. From that point on it’s a basic curb-stomping.
I was going by a recent new report linked to in another SDMB thread about the grad student who got pulled under a fence - the description was that the victimg “lost his ears, his left arm and all his toes in the attack”. However I think I’ve seen later reports of this same incident where the arm injury was described as having been “ripped UP” or to shreds, as opposed to disarticulated (“ripped OFF”). In addition, that attack involved 2 chimps, not just one acting solo.
Other accounts include ripping of digits like toes and fingers as well as soft extremeties, but it does seem attributing the ability of a single untrained chimp to dismember a human arm is overstating things. On the other hand, they probably have the strength to do so: as the “Master’s” SDMB article mentions, using one foot propped against the wall for leverage, *A 165-pound male chimpanzee named “Boma” registered a pull of 847 pounds, using only his right hand *and a female chimpanzee (described as being “in a fit of passion”) weighing a mere 135 pounds and going by the name of Suzette, checked in with a one-handed pull of 1,260 pounds. :eek:
So, an ordinary chimp prodded into a rage would probably not think of rushing in to knock down a person in full plate, then to stand on his chest while ripping the person’s arms out of their sockets. But a chimp TRAINED for pit fighting the way the Rajas had elephant executioners… That would be evil.
well built armor isnt going to just pull apart, the articulations are riveted. Getting my helm off without undoing a buckle wont happen. even armor like mine which is mostly 5/16" thick wax hardened leather would definitely stop most sm/med wild animal attacks. i wouldnt bet on me vs. a bear, but i would say solid betting odds in my favor vs a chimp.
See, this is the sort of first hand info that’s lacking in just looking at pics. To my eye it looked like it was all just strapped on, like the padded stuff that motocross bikers or skateboarders might wear.
If we’re limited to pretty much what can be ordered off the shelf and delivered in a week or so I’m going to have to go with a bomb suit or atmospheric diving suit.
Sure, that’s going to limit my offence to waiting for it to get into a position where I can go for a bear hug and fall over on it, eventually having enough weight on its chest to suffocate it, but I imagine I’ll live to tell about it.
[quote=“AaronX, post:19, topic:627607”]
- How about a giant hamster ball? Diameter at least 5 m, the surface would be too flat for the chimp to grip/bite. You could try running him over.
This is exactly what I was thinking. Why engage in mano-a-paw combat at all? Like one of those giant, clear, inflatable balls that people go into the center, and are able to roll it around simply by shifting their weight. You may not be able to roll over the chimp and kill him that way, but I am sure he would be fearful of it and try to run away from you. In an enclosed space, as I think we are envisioning, like a stadium, you would only need to run him around until he drops from overheating or exhaustion.
Re: total limb removal
They’ve taken a man’s foot clean off. Not just a case where the injuries were so bad doctors amputated, they took a foot off.
Warning: story involves cake
http://chronicle.augusta.com/stories/2005/03/05/biz_446406.shtml
Well, the conditions of contest were that you defeat the chimp (into submission if not death) in enclosed combat to gain your freedom, and that you were allowed “body armor” but nothing customized for the specific purpose of pit fighting (outfitted with poison darts, electrodes, spiked gauntlets with +5/+8 “Simian Avenger” enchantments, etc.). Effectiveness aside, it’s questionable whether even a deep sea diving suit would qualify as “body armor”, and telling the Raja “sea pressure counts as an opponent!” might earn you another, more watery type of execution.
Unspecified I guess is some kind of time limit. The bomb armor looks chimp-proof, but the Wikipedia entry describes them as “…very heavy, bulky and difficult to maneuver in. These drawbacks make it unsuitable for regular use in combat situations.” Which is what this is meant to be. Going armadillo until the chimp gets bored might enrage the Raja, which under the circumstances could be even worse for you than an enraged chimp.
Maybe I need to commission Skald the Rhymer to describe this eccentric, “cruel… but fair” Raja (Dinsdale?) in more detail 
Memo to self: never give cake to a Chimp.