*Ah, bidets are here again!* 
:eek:
Where’s that Men in Black memory-flash thing when you need it?
Apparently, even zombies have hairy asses.
You need a rabbit.
Oh well played, cochrane. 
I don’t EVEN want to know. I am trying very hard to avoid speculating. Better never open this thread again, just to be sure.
So a bear and a rabbit are taking a dump in the woods. The bear asks the rabbit “Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?”. The rabbit answers indignantly “No!”. So the bear grabs the rabbit and wipes his ass with him.
One of my cats has long hair. She solves the problem with a ride on the living room carpet.
Stop eating a taco bell and eat something healthy for the love of God.
If you need a pressure washer for your ass, you have diet issues, not scrubbing issues.
Need answer fast?
Seriously, get a bidet. Hear the voice of elder wisdom: Some time in your life, perhaps only once, you’ll need one, and you’ll be glad you made the investment.
Consume enough opiates to cause moderate constipation. Your poop will then be firm ovoids which leave little if any residue.
I don’t think anyone’s mentioned this, but softer toilet papers are worse–they come apart, form numerous dingleberries, and get shit on your hand. A slightly sturdier tissue is better–I like the Costco store brand (Kirkland).
This joke never made sense to me. The twist is funny, but if the shit doesn’t stick the rabbit’s fur, it won’t be transferred off the bear to the rabbit.
You’re putting too much thought into it. Perhaps as you say shit doesn’t stick, but on the other hand, perhaps it does stick but the rabbit doesn’t consider it a problem.
Trimmer with a #1 or #2 shield so you don’t grab flesh.
No bidets, they only create a more labor-intensive mess to attempt to clean.
Normal bowel movements run from the loose to the quite hard, or scybalous. There is no one correct texture. Stool texture must be judged in context with frequency, ease of passage, and various other possible co-morbidities such as Inflammatory Bowel Disease, Celiac disease, diverticultosis/itis, hemorrhoids, fissures, fistulae, etc.
Don’t be prejudiced, don’t automatically fear stools which don’t look exactly like yours. Wouldn’t be a dull world if all feces were the same? 
Or not enough? It seems pretty clear that the rabbit thinks he’s being asked the question “Does your shit tend to stick to your fur when you poop?”, but the bear responds as though he had answered the question “Do you object to having (somebody’s) shit sticking to your fur?”.
(Yes, I opened the thread again. I am just as sorry as I thought I would be.)
I knew you’d be back.
It’s a fatal dependency.
(That was a pretty good joke, though.)
Adopt “pretty girl protocol” and just don’t poop.