Chimp vs. Brock Lesnar

[PlainJain]

Now that this has been bumped, can I now suggest that the only way to truly defeat a chimp is with the Double Moe gambit?

[Ludovic]

@Cammacdon

Everyone is focusing on the chimps superior strength, forgetting that it is also more durable and agile and likely has far greater stamina (not sure).

I’m not sure, either. After all, chimps native habitat is the jungle, where you’ll run out of tree or get cornered eventually when you’re running. Whereas human’s native habitat is the savannah, where we used to (and still can) follow herds of game animals for days until closing in for the kill or they drop dead of exhaustion.

What this means for short-term stamina, I don’t know.

[CurtC]

@Chronos

At least part of the chimp’s strength advantage comes from having its muscles attached to the bones further from the joint, giving it more strength-biased leverage. It’s a trade-off, though: For the same reason, humans can move our limbs more quickly than can a chimp. With the right training, that speed advantage might be enough to give a skilled, athletic human an edge.

OK then, what about a chimp vs. Jose Aldo?

[TriPolar]

In a real fight, not a limited fight a chimp has been trained to do, where the chimp fears for his safety, in an enclosure so that Brock could not run away, the chimp will have a hormonal surge, including a lot of adrenalin, and I don’t know what else, that will give him a huge advantage in strength and speed, and a complete disregard for pain. Any human would be torn apart. In the chimp attack CT not so long ago, the chimp was stabbed and hit with a shovel by his owner, and then shot multiple times by a policeman, before he returned to his house to die. It is unlikely that Brock Lesnar or any other human being could stand and all out attack by an enraged chimpanzee.

If you put boxing gloves and shoes on the chimp so he can’t use his hands and feet to grab and gouge with, and you muzzle him so he can’t bite, the maybe Brock stands a chance of using strength and skill to his advantage.

[Darth_Panda]

@PlainJain

Now that this has been bumped, can I now suggest that the only way to truly defeat a chimp is with the Double Moe gambit?

Dammit, I wanted to be the first to mention this

@Magiver

first blow is to the wind pipe with the sharp of the knuckles and the second to both temples with both fists at the same time. This is done because the energy of a singular blow is partially absorbed by the deflection of the head. Striking from both sides doubles the force of a single blow and with nowhere for the head to deflect it transmits all the energy. I’m sure there is probably some additional trauma to the brain from 2 intersecting shock waves but I’ll leave that to engineers to explain.

Just about my favorite thread ever…

Long story short: If Brock spends a 2-month training camp with Magiver and the 3 Stooges, not a chimp in the verse that could stop him…

[FinnAgain]

@The_Second_Stone

However, I think that since dogs and cats understand the concept of play fighting, I think chimps could be taught this too. I’ve seen bears, lions, tigers and orangutans do stunt work in movies that looked like wrestling. So a chimp probably could be taught to play wrestle.

If you abuse the hell out of them enough, a chimp can be taught to do just about anything.

[drachillix]

@Ace309

It’s the only way to be sure.

Well in the case of roaches…nuking from orbit may not be a sure thing

[Number]

@CurtC

OK then, what about a chimp vs. Jose Aldo?

Well, does the chimp know how to check leg kicks?

[Darth_Panda]

@Number

Well, does the chimp know how to check leg kicks?

Rook to knee four?

[RickJay]

I’m no better at fighting than I am at flapping my arms and flying like a bird, but I have a MUCH better chance of beating up Brock Lesnar than Lesnar has of winning a fight against a chimpanzee.

[Number]

@Darth_Panda

Rook to knee four?

You shanked my Jengaship!

[pravnik]

After I saw the thread was bumped, I was filled with hope that it was due to an update informing us that Brock Lesnar fought a chimp last night.

[Toxylon]

@YogSosoth

Chimps are a lot smaller target and have a lower center of gravity, but it’s got short legs and no formal martial arts training.

Even the bolded part is debatable, as wild chimps engage in organized violence against other chimp groups utilizing even basic guerrilla warfare tactics. This, plus the hunting of monkeys, give chimps plenty of training in using lethal force. I wouldn’t be surprised if older guys actually showed their comrades some tricks of the trade concerning effective face-eating and genital-ripping techniques before embarking on death patrol.