This was one that was in the Sun Times - they have it in the beginning of the Sports Section (and I don’t remember what they call it) but it cracked me up.
Just one frame, and there’s two guys talking. On the wall, they have the stuffed heads (trophies??) of different animals the one guy has killed. At the end of the row of a bunch is this big Pikachu head. The one guy is telling the other guy “My kids have stopped speaking to me…”
I dunno. It cracked me up! Guess you had to be there.
Bloom County
Opus on the telephone:
“Hello. I’m from the bureau of nosy statistics. Would you answer some questions?”
“Certainly, Madam.”
“What is your weight?” “36 pounds.”
“height?” “2’11”."
“pants size?” “I don’t wear any pants.”
“and sexual preference?” “Svelete, Buoyant Waterfowl.”
“Thank you.”
“My pleasure.”
“They’re either going to arrest me or fire her.”
I’m only your wildest fear, from the corners of your darkest thoughts.
The one I have hanging on my dorm room door is from Calvin and Hobbes.
Calvin is sitting at a cardboard box turned upside down announcing his sale of a swift kick in the butt for $1.00.
Hobbes: “How’s business?”
Calvin: “Terrible!”
Hobbes: Scoffing a bit “That’s hard to believe”
Calvin: “I know, everyone I know needs what I am selling”
I also like Calvin’s observation that if God put us on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things, at this rate “I’ll never die!”
“I celebrate myself, and sing myself, and what I assume you shall assume, for every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.” --Whitman
Two of my faves, from the New Yorker, one old and one new:
A boy in a pond yells to a collie on the shore “Lassie, get help!” The next panel shows the collie on the couch at the shrink’s.
From this years cartoon issue: A Eskimo family are waving from the shore at an old grannie Eskimo floating off on an ice floe, as she yells “Are you sure this is going to the nursing home?”
I don’t know why I like 'em, but I do. 
Jodi
Fiat Justitia
two from Bizarro:
A husband and wife talking to a house guest, as their daughter literally swings from the chandelier: “Disciplining a child is simply too much work, so we’ve decided just to let society do it later.”
Three guys waiting for an elevator, two of them dripping wet and wearing scuba gear. One of the divers advises the third guy, “I wouldn’t push anything below ‘four’ if I were you.”
Calvin walks up to a ringing telephone, picks it up, and says this:
Calvin: Hello, I’d like to order a large anchovy pizza.
Phone Voice: What?? Huh? I…"
Calvin: I’m sorry, you must have dialed the wrong number.
(turning to face the “camera:”)
I like to make everyone’s day a little more surreal.
:::sniff::: Aw, man, I miss that comic strip. Bill Watterson, where are you?
formerly known as LauraRae
I’m a Raggety Ann in a Barbie Doll world.
Bloom County, right after the 1984 National Meadow Party Presidential Nominating Convention, as Milo Bloom and Michael “Mad Dog” Binkley contemplate the aftermath:
Binkley: Well, it’s done Milo. Bill the Cat is our official presidential canditate. And I’ve got a case of post-convention doubts. I mean, it’s the Presidency! Wow! Leader of the Free World! Global Distruction at his fingertips! And we nominated a Dead Cat! My gosh, maybe we should’ve found someone with a more appropriate background! A more experienced background, MILO! WE SHOULD’VE FOUND AN AMIABLE OLD EX’“B” MOVIE ACTOR!!"
Milo: Don’t be ridiculous.
Binkley: Oh, Milo, we should have called Fred MacMurray…
Cracks me up everytime.
One of my favorites is a Gahan Wilson cartoon from the 1970s. It shows a man, wearing a tie and with his shirt sleeves rolled up, standing beneath a sign that says “Rev. Jim Bob, faith healer.”
In front of him is a couple with incredible facial expressions, half sappiness and half hope. They are carrying a coffin with a young man in it.
The reverend says: “Now, just a goddam minute here.”
More Calvin & Hobbes:
C: They say life is a cabaret, but it seems more like a tragedy or a farce.
H: We need more special effects and dance numbers
I’m not a fallen angel, I’m a risen demon.
OK, here’s one I remember from my father’s Playboy, c1965:
Man lying on his back in bed, nekkid. Over one chair is a woman’s dress, over another a Superman outfit. Man is looking up at hole in the ceiling and saying, “Lois . . . ?”
From Wee Pals: (Ralph, the neighborhood bully, approaches Oliver and Randy, playing one-on-one at the basketball hoop in the park. Ralph, as his usual menacing self, approaches Oliver and rants at him that he’s ‘doing it all wrong!’)
Oliver: I know I did something wrong, Ralph… would you tell me what the right thing is?
(Ralph is dumbfounded and walks off sputtering to himself.)
Randy (to Oliver): Just great, Oliver! :)
I apologize for forgetting to post this one before. It’s one of the best lines I ever saw in the comics.)
Quigmans, I think:
Sargeant (to a line of recruits): Attention I said ATTENTION!
Recruit: Sorry sir, but I have Attention Deficit Disorder. In fact, this conversation is starting to bore me
Last I heard (about three years ago, I believe) he was back in his boyhood home of Chagrin Falls, Ohio (my boyhood home, too!) Trivia: Chagrin is the town that the giant Calvin is rampaging through on the back of one of the books (‘Indispensible’?). The building that he is holding up is the ice cream/ candy store
The one that springs immediately to mind is monologue, not dialogue, and again it’s from Calvin & Hobbes, all spoken by Calvin as he strolls by his mother (who is reading the paper):
(1) Paul Gauguin asked “Whence do we come? What are we? Where are we going?”
(2) Well, I don’t know about anyone else, but <b>I</b> came from my room, I’m a kid with big plans, and I’m going outside! See ya later!
(3) (pregnant pause as Calvin’s mom absorbs this…)
(4) Say, who the heck is Paul Gauguin anyway?
Calvin the Giant is holding the Chagrin Falls Popcorn Shop, Chagrin’s best known manmade landmark, on the back of The Essential Calvin & Hobbes. That drawing always brings back memories, not the least of which is how I got caught shoplifting at Nall’s Drugstore there on the town triangle.