Can’t it be both?
It may not work no matter what, but the only way it will have a chance to work is if it’s a statement, not a suggestion.
But however you end up handling it, there’s going to come a point where she needs to decide if wants to be with you as you are, or go try to find someone else (who will also look at porn). Good luck to you – dealing with other people’s insecurities sucks.
**Dan Savage **would likely recommend #2 if there’s no chance of her coming around and you want to keep the relationship going. In fact, here’s his reply to a question from the other side - a girl complaining about her boyfriend’s porn. Here’s the gist:
I agree with the Dan Savage advice.
Personally, I would probably have already been scared away by a woman who thinks naked pics are “cheating” and claims never to have sexual thoughts about anyone else.
But if for some reason I really wanted the relationship to work, I would continue to make the porn folder on the computer invisible, and continue to give her the chance to pretend it wasn’t there.
How old is she? Does she understand that most men (and lots of women) enjoy porn time to time?
Another chick who thinks OP’s GF is being a huge drama-llama about this. Women who pull this “looking at porn is cheating!!” horseshit give the rest of us women a bad name.
This is why mixed-gender relationships never work.
snicker
Bulltwaddle. Girls like porn too. The issue is that a) girl-porn is usually rather different from guy-porn, and b) a lot of guy-porn is offensive and/or scary to us girls (not that the converse doesn’t also hold sometimes). control-z, has she told you why specifically she’s so upset about it?
Whatever you do, don’t pretend like you’re not doing it. That’s one way to fail this shit test. Don’t disrespect her by any means. But if the subject comes up again tell her in no uncertain terms that you aren’t budging on this. Then quickly redirect your attentions to her and then joke about how she’s your little slut anyway – or something corny like that to transition out of the curt line in the sand. If you have enough charisma that won’t be too hard. If not…well, that will be difficult, but don’t give in. Fail one shit test, she’ll find more to test your resolve. And the benefit of this is that it’s about sex, so it’s an easy transition to fun happy time. Easier than the next made up test, anyway.
And some men like to wear dresses.
Thing is, she’s probably telling the truth. Now imagine her attitude towards sex in another 10 years.
When I started dating my GF I deleted all the porn from my pc. When she found out she was bummed. Wish I had known she wanted to see it.
I didn’t say that no women anywhere like porn. Though I will assert now that far fewer women like visual porn, and those that do like it far less than most men, which is evidence of the fundamental difference in sexual wiring between men and women.
In any case, it’s pretty clear that the OP’s girlfriend doesn’t like porn, and is having a hard time understanding why the OP would look at it. I think part of the problem is that she needs to accept male sexuality as it is, and not project her own experience onto it – actions like masturbating to an attractive naked person that mean one thing to her mean something entirely different to the OP. Or, more accurately, don’t mean anything at all to the OP.
Just another woman supporting the whole “lots and lots of women like porn in various forms,” and I think a person’s sexual fantasies are just that. So long as a guy (or girl) isn’t using porn to replace the actual affection to their SO in a relationship, or trying to get their SO to look at porn that makes them uncomfortable, I don’t think it’s a sign of a relationship problem at all.
Having to lie about it just means more relationship trouble down the road. Some little lies might be needed for a relationship to work, but this is too easy to be found out and might result in more drama than just whacking off on occasion in private and going for a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy of ignoring the subject.
Personally, I have no problem with it. I’d find it odd if I found out a partner didn’t like any sort of porn (including written or drawn.) Sexual fantasies are a part of life, but they’re just fantasy.
ETA: I’m chiming in on “some women like porn” as a reason not to see it as a gender war, not just because of Giraffe’s comment. I do agree most women prefer porn that isn’t film or photos, though drawings are pretty popular with a lot of women I know now. More women are becoming aware that they’ve liked porn for years and just haven’t called it that, too. 
I told all my girlfriends to grow up or get out.
I think women are less likely to use “visual porn” because of 1. cultural conditioning (good girls don’t, blah blah blah), and 2. the vast majority of visual porn is geared to men and is boring or icky to lots of (maybe most) women. When you take women who “don’t like porn” and show them porn geared to women, a substantial fraction revise said opinion after due investigation. I don’t think there’s anything to do with “sexual wiring” affecting women’s interest in visual erotic stimuli, although there may well be a biological effect on what types of stimuli/context work best.
Probably a lot like mine. Imaginative, fairly open, and quite active, thank you, but only with my husband. So don’t assume things.
Dan Savage would disagree with you. Over the years, this is the advice he’s given to dozens of men and women about the issue of porn:
And here’s some more specific advice:
I disagree with you completely, but we should probably discuss it in a separate thread. 
Actually, there is little scientific evidence for this, and the difference may be due more to cultural differences than biological differences.
I don’t like most porn, as the majority of it is made for straight males and typically contains elements that don’t appeal to me. If I hadn’t come across porn that does appeal to me, I might’ve continued my dislike of it. I suggest sitting down with her and having a talk about what exactly she objects to with porn and what she does find sexually attractive. You might be able to find some porn that the two of you can enjoy together.
I’ve not had a boyfriend who was much into porn, except the first one, he was nicking mags from the top shelf from the age of 14. It was a bit disconcerting, not his looking at porn, but the kind of stuff - also I was very young.
Some women don’t wank - not sure why not, but there it is.
If I found myself up all night worrying about my boyfriends porn, I’d get out of there.
If I were you mate, I’d go for number three - if she can’t take it, she should just bail. It’s ridiculous to try to change your habits like this, she’s being unreasonable so maybe she should find someone else.