I probably haven’t pickup up an Auel book for 20 years, but this still brought back memories of her style.
Yeah, the Neanderthal culture depicted drew in part on Shanidar. A Neanderthal hyoid bone, which gave indications of spoken language capacity, wasn’t discovered until 1983, after publication of the book. I seem to recall at the time there were speculations that human language development had gone through a gestural phase, but that was not specific to Neanderthals. I didn’t have an objection to Auel having Neanderthals converse through signing as a speculation. But I agree the mystical memories were the most off-putting element in that book.
Yeah, humans probably switched to habitual face-to-face intercourse long before Neanderthals. On the other hand, doing it doggie style may have been an preferred by Neanderthals due to the general homeliness of the population. 
This part made me do a spit-take. Awesome.
I believe even the memory thing was (loosely) based on research. I don’t know if more recent studies support this, but years ago I remember hearing more than once that the size and shape of the Neanderthal brain indicated that they had better memories than we do – IIRC specifically better long-term memory. It is admittedly quite a leap from that to hereditary memories, but this fantasy element didn’t bother me. It did bother me when Ayla was able to briefly see into the far future, though. :smack:
Shandi I? My guy?
I’m onboard with Neanderthals since whenever. We are (pointing to my chest) peeps.
"While Jondalar and Ayla were earnestly discussing the new technology, a group of young women passed on the way to the nearby wastepits. They were Marona and her friends.
Marona had aged visibly since the last time Ayla had seen her, and her petty and evil character was getting more and more visible in her face. She was still beautiful, though, and she threw her usual “come here you stallion” glances at Jondalar. But Jondalar didn’t even look back at her. Instead, he gazed at Ayla with such love both women could hardly bear it.
In fact, so did Marona’s friends, all three of them, Portula, Chortula and Threetula. All three young girls gazed star struck at the woman who was now Zelandoni, and had brought the horses and the huge meat eater Wolf. Marona was so annoyed, that she didn’t quite look where she was going. She tripped over a rocky edge and fell headfirst into the waste pits."
I loved the first three books but Shelters of Stone was the one that killed it for me. It’s all pretty much how awful the other women treat her and how she is too naive to get it or so proud that she pulls off whatever trick they are playing on her. She also seems to make enemies of the halfbreeds when she should be their best supporter. And of course she’s smarter than every Zelandoni wise woman put together and stares the “First” one down.
They also know how to use birth control, invent a “spear thrower”, tame the first animals evar, all very Mary Sue-ish. And just when everyone is deciding they hate her (not sure which book) her lion Baby shows up and impresses the hell out of everyone. And If I hear how to make a knife out of a rock ONE MORE TIME…
I didn’t know the latest one was out already. I am debating whether I should even try it out.
LOL!!!
Okay, my turn:
Ayla looked up from the open-heart surgery she was performing to see an unfamiliar young woman approaching. The woman extended her hands in greeting.
“I am Motorola, of the 89th Cave of the Scumbagi north of the big East River near The River that flows into Big River above Grass River near the 78th Cave of the Southern Holdings of the Spitooni, hang a left at the fourth stalagmite and knock before you come in (were you raised in a barn?) I am blessed of Doni and a collector of grass which we call the pubic hair of the Great Mother, mated to Jugular and second cousin twice removed of Elevator, child of the hearth of Jocular, the second mate of Asthma, friend of the sparrows but not of those fuckin’ pigeons who shit all over the front of the cave, hunter of deer and megaceros who are mistakenly named Irish Elk but are in fact members of the deer family and whose heads seem small compared to their antlers which you have probably heard about 500 times already, member of the bridge club and the bowling league of the 36th Cave of the Vendetta, member of the Junior League, suffering from acid reflux (oi, you don’t know how it burns already!) fooling around on her mate with Canker the flint knapper, second cousin of that snooty bitch Papaya who thinks she is better than me just because she married a lawyer but I hear tell he’s a fag and she’s just a beard and she spends a lot of time with the bottle if you get my meaning.”
“Welcome, Motorola” said Ayla as she closed her patient’s chest cavity with silk thread she had gotten from her silk worms in the Cave. What can I do for you.
“Well, I wanted to tell you that my mother was sick, but she’s probably died of old age by now.”
Nice parodies all, I wonder if anyone took on Jean Auel in the legendary "If the Lord of the Rings had had another author thread several years ago?
Did she ever have it as a writer? I always the CotCB books were just soft porn.
Valteron, I think I love you.
::Actually ROFL after reading Valteron’s post::
My husband has just confirmed a suspicion he’s had for years, that I’m absolutely crazy.
The snorting, wheezing, choking, bust-a-gut guffaws are a dead giveaway.
Thank you so much, Valteron! I kneel in submission at your feet, and please hurry up and tap my shoulder, I have to pee!
I have to confess, I read the last two books by SKIMMING. I didn’t want to read about knapping, hide curing, cooking with round stones, Creb’s favorite ptarmigan dish, sling-throwing or spear Olympics. I REALLY got tired of that damned “Mother’s Song.”
The part of Auel’s writing, though, that drove me the absolutely BATTIEST (if that isn’t a word, it should be, after reading her series) was her absolute inability to write directions. If those maps had not been drawn on the inside of the cover, I would not have known where in the HELL everything was located.
My two cents’ worth: I hated Plains of Passage the most, because of the Tribe Led By The Crazy Woman.
We need to list all of the things that Ayla invented, without which, there would be no humans of today.
I’ll go first:
(1) Mouth-to-mouth resuscitation
(2) Sewing needles
~VOW
Don’t forget the K-Tel meat and rectal thermometer, which I believe Ayla invented. She was the first to market it in annoying ads where the announcer says “How much would you pay for this. . . . . wait! don’t answer right away. Because with every order Ayla will send you a firestone and flint fire starting kit absolutely free.”
Since TV had not yet been invented, Ayla would deliver these annoying ads by standing at the door of each cave and shouting. One poor cave dweller got so sick and tired of her that he was going to throw the carcas of a wild Dall sheep he had killed. But Ayla told him not to, saying “Wait, don’t touch that Dall!” which is how Ayla invented the famous phrase that would be used thousands of years latere in TV ads.
A dear friend of mine said it best: In the first book, Ayla discopvered fire, in the second book Ayla discovered how to domesticate animals, in the third book, Ayla discovered the multiple orgasm. I quit halfway through the third book.
Specifically, Caveman Porn. Which isn’t remotely appealing.
Who/what is this Mary Sue?
My thoughts exactly.
I read the first one, Clan of the Cave Bear, a couple of years ago. I was trapped by bad weather on a long trip, and this was the only book I could find. I got it from the desk clerk at the cheap motel where I was staying.
The only thing I remember was thinking was “Who knew the cave men had such great hair and were so in touch with their feelings?” I guess you learn something new every day.
Might you mean the quarry?