Or you just don’t get involved with these types people in the first place.
All the stories above are of people that posters were at one time really close with. I’ve of course met people here and there who I never want to have any dealings with again, but as to those who were close friends or family? No, I can’t think of any offhand who have done anything wrong that would make me want to cut off all contact with them.
My mother’s parents. I just had a 90 minute discussion with my uncle about how toxic and poisonous they are, and he revealed a few “family secrets” that I was unaware of, but which strengthens my conviction that I don’t need to speak to those people ever again. Like the fact that my grandpa waited a full year before taking my grandma to the doctor when he noticed she was getting a bit “silly.” Which explains why her Alzheimer’s diagnosis was such a shock. He knew she was getting sick, but he liked it because that meant he could have more control over her and the house. Of course, now he owes tens of thousands of dollars in back taxes, he’s cash broke, none of his grandchildren will speak to him or visit him voluntarily, and he doesn’t even bother to hide his casual cruelty, selfishness, or racism. At this point, I think everybody’s just waiting for them to die so we can split up whatever is left (it won’t be much) and put them in the ground where they belong. It sounds cold, I know. I know it sounds absolutely awful. But the damage they’ve inflicted on their children and grandchildren is incalculable, and in some ways, permanent.
To give an example of what they’re capable of. They along with my uncle and my mother started a business. It went on to be a very successful business, but in the early days, my uncle owned part of the company (though not my mom. She’s a girl, so fuck her). Anyway, my uncle set aside money every month to pay his share of the taxes, though my grandparents assured him that it was fine, they were handling it, no problems here. He believed them. Until the government came calling and he learned that the IRS believed he owed $40,000 in unpaid taxes and the matter was so serious that he had a warrant out for his arrest. When he went to the bank account so he could pay off a portion, it was completely cleared out. They knew full well what they were doing and they nearly destroyed his life. And when he protested this treatment, as a reasonable person would do, they called Child Services on him, claiming he was neglecting their baby daughter (which is so ridiculous on so many levels that of course nothing ever came of it). I wasn’t even that surprised when I learned all of this. I was just surprised that my uncle still spoke to them after that (all this happened around 25 years ago. He should have cut them out of his life at that moment, but he persevered because he’s a good person).
The kids’ mom could fall down a hole and die and I wouldn’t miss her one iota. The kids would, so that idea is out.
There’s my uncle Mike and my cousin Mike. They are like clones of some bad seed somewhere. My uncle was always getting on with some get-rich-quick scheme and a manipulator, my cousin is a bully and thinks he’s king of the world. For some reason my grandma was in financial straits and in danger of losing her house, and rather than go to one of my more successful aunts or uncles, chose him to give power of attorney. Then he decided to start charging his own mother rent on her own house. Then when she wouldn’t pay he threatened to evict her. His other siblings took him to court and got the house back, and basically told him not to ever darken any of their doors ever again.
Interesting family story here:
My aunt is kind of a sucker. She always seems to get swindled. One time, she loaned her friend a sizable sum of money, I believe over $10k. My aunt asked her to sign an IOU, and the friend did. Later, my aunt went to collect the debt, and her friend said she doesn’t remember borrowing that money, and asked to see the IOU. When my aunt showed the IOU, the friend took it and tore it up in her face, saying now there’s no evidence.
I think she got cleaned out 3 other times too.
Thank you for the responses. Most of them sound like good people to be will shot of. As a follow-up question, how do you handle it when circumstances mean you have to see each other every so often, whether because they’re family members or because they live in the same town and move in the same social circle?
Shortly after breaking up a girl, she told me she was pregnant. It came to light that she had lied about the pregnancy so that I would stay with her. I cut off all contact with her after that. In the years afterward I received an email and a facebook friendship request, but I didn’t respond to either. I still haven’t seen her, and have no desire to do so.
I divorced my sister after our father died. After I got married, she started contacting my husband, telling him all kinds of lies about me (I used to beat up our father, I’m a lesbian, I swindled her in the division of the estate). We had our lawyer draw up a cease-and-desist letter, but she stopped before we sent it. Apparently found a new victim. She’s dead now, but in answer to SecondJudith’s question, my sister lived in Florida while I live in Ohio, but I still kept “seeing” her places and sometimes found myself hiding behind pillars in department stores. My mother-in-law, a therapist, told me I had PTSD, and I was quite taken aback, but I realized it was true.
People would ask me “Have you heard from your sister?” and when I answered “No!” some would say “What a shame!” It took me a while before I could say, “No, it’s not a shame. I’m finally happy and free, and if I did hear from her, there would be legal action.”
Well funny you should say that … she was in the bar last night - with the dude who knocked her tooth out. I was chatting with a friend and all of a sudden she’s yelling in my ear a bunch of drunken gibberish but I turned my back. My bewildered friend was happy with my brief explanation “She’s fucking crazy”
You know what’s sad? She’s having a bit of a field day with this instead of getting on with her own life.
It’s so much better when you can do this. A friend was preparing for her mothers visit and when it came to the actual day she put her head in her hands and said - I’m dreading it - my mother’s a raging bitter alcoholic and I don’t like her. It was so much easier to support her through the visit once she’d told me that.
If you “can’t think of any offhand who have done anything wrong that would make me want to cut off all contact with them” - gads, do you know how very LUCKY you are???
It’s close friends or family that often turn out to be real stinkers, and if you go through your life, tra-la, with good folks all around, count yourself LUCKY.
And how do you “just don’t get involved with these types in the first place”? Do you have some sort of ESP, warning you away? They don’t wear signs saying “I will harm you.”
I know of a family friend who made a huge amount of money, I mean she became extremely wealthy. Who did she pick to ‘handle’ her money? Her brother, a straight-arrow lawyer. They grew up together in the same house. They were close. She trusted him, he was family. And he ripped her off, used her money for jewelry, trips abroad, cars, gambling, and loads of drugs, just about cleaned her out. And she didn’t know until it was too late, because this was her own dear brother that she lived with for much of her life. She shouldn’t have gotten involved with that type? What type?
My second wife’s lawyer during our divorce. He was such a needlessly condescending, needling, insulting jack-ass every single time he spoke to me that I genuinely wanted to physically harm him. My lawyer, who was entirely businesslike through the proceedings, cautioned me that she knew him from previous cases and that he always behaved that way. He apparently considered it “scoring points” for his clients and part of giving them good value. In any case, never interacting with the man again sounds just fine to me.
Of course…but sometimes I wish I could see them again, on specific terms. I would like to see my family, but I’d want to be the distant cousin that only shows up now and then. But they are all soul-sucking leeches and I don’t need them hanging on to me.
There’s a few people I’d rather not see again, and one or two I’d gladly sign up for a trip into a black hole. Mostly, I only know them online, and I’ve left their usual hangouts, but they keep showing up here and there like some sort of digital herpes outbreak.
I’m sorry, but a lesbian? To your husband? That’s just…something else. Bitch is craaaaazy.
My ex-wife’s attorney, who was her father-in-law’s attorney and not specifically a divorce attorney, did this to me intentionally. Because she had sold him on this idea that I was a violent psychopath who was completely unable to control my temper. When he served me the divorce papers in the family court building (in front of tons of county deputies and security officers) he did his level best to bait me into violence, even following me around the building and into the restroom to pick at me.
Unfortunately for him (and her), I wasn’t the one with the anger management problem. The entire reason we were there was that I had served HER with an Order-for-Protection, and the thought of violence never entered my mind, nor did I lose my temper at him at all.
Sounds like your wife’s attorney had something of the same idea. Engage in hostile and unprofessional behavior to attempt to provoke you to losing your temper, at which point “Gosh, your honor, he is clearly dangerous!” and you lose.
She enjoyed telling that to a lot of people. If I denied it, she made it into a “methinks thou protests too much” kind of thing. The thing was, if I had had such a past, whose business would it have been? I guess it might have been my husband’s to a point, but all I would have had to do would be to tell him either 1. Nope, or 2. Before your time, doesn’t concern you.
Fortunately, my husband knows enough people who knew her, and knew even before he got these freaky letters that she was totally unbalanced. She accused her sister-in-law of sordid promiscuity and confronted our uncle at his sister’s funeral and told him he had no right to be there. 
Ha! Saw Zora yesterday for the second time since the bust up. I work in the only major supermarket in this town, so it will be unavoidable. The first time she walked past me. Yesterday she was shopping in my section with a young woman I’ve never seen before. I went & found something to do “out back.” Obviously I won’t always be able to keep doing that, but she was just kicked out of the flat around 3 weeks ago, so feelings may still be high.l
What really is a drag is that her mother is a good florist & after the abuse she hurled at my daughter, I can’t use her anymore. But I only buy flowers once or twice a year anyway.
& just to clarify - I don’t hate Zora. She always got on my nerves a bit because of her know all personality but I don’t hate her. I think she is probably mentally ill.
This is a case of the truth being stranger than fiction. Man.
I have one ex-boyfriend that I pretend doesn’t exist. We were living in the same house (different rooms, this was university) at the time of our break up. We weren’t getting along so I called it off. This happens sometimes and all my other exes and I were on good terms so I thought little of it.
Then he started banging on my bedroom door for hours at a time. Sending me threatening notes. Pretending he had committed suicide. (I called the cops that time.)
Now, even though some of my friends still talk to him and I have been in the same room with him, I pretend he doesn’t exist.
I used to date a girl named Rebecca. She was completely batshit crazy. We dated for four years. While we were together, she accused me of:
Cheating on her with a co-worker of mine. Rebecca and I had went out one Friday night, and I asked her if she wanted to do anything the next day. She said okay. She had a part-time job on the weekends, and I knew she had to work. I told her to call me when she got done, and we’d work it out. The next day rolls around, and I don’t hear from her. I left my apartment for about 20 minutes to go get cat food (this is before I had a cell phone). When I returned, I had no new messages in my voicemail. I never heard from Rebecca. Around 5 or so, a girl that I worked with called me and asked me what I was doing. I replied that, apparently,I wasn’t doing anything. We went out and got a pizza, and went to her house and watched a movie. NOTHING HAPPENED. I get home, there are over 20 messages on my machine. When I called Rebecca, she accused me of cheating on her. She still thinks that, despite knowing that nothing happened, I cheated because I was with a friend instead of her.
One of my best friends called me one night (this is after I got a cell phone), just devastated. His live-in fiancée revealed that she cheated on him, and wanted to be with the guy she cheated with, so he was kicked out of his apartment. I left Rebecca’s house, and went to be with him. Over the next few weeks, I tried to hang out with him more so that he wouldn’t feel as alone. This meant less time to spend with her, and she accused me of cheating on her with my best friend because I preferred to be with him over her.
Rebecca and I split up, and she went off the deep end there, too. About halfway through the relationship, she realized that we didn’t have a future, so she decided to withhold sex and the like. When we broke up, it was at my apartment. She thought I dumped her because she had decided to “cut me off.” So she stripped down and told me to have sex with her. I told her I’d call the police if she didn’t put her clothes on and leave.
We ended up being friends many years later. Until I met the girl who is now my wife. When Rebecca found out about the age difference (Whit was 21 when we met, I was 33), she hit the ceiling. I was accused of being a child molester and a rapist, among other things. She and I fought all the time about my relationship, it she got so incensed by it that, one day, she called my phone and left a voicemail saying that wished that Whit would die. She went into this rant for a few minutes.
I’ve pretty much written her off after that.
Another anecdote:
Her sister, Dawn, cheated on Dawn’s husband with a guy that Dawn worked with. Dawn ended up pregnant from the affair, and divorced her husband to marry the baby’s father. Dawn’s parents (and Rebecca’s) disapproved of the ethics, but accepted the baby, as it wasn’t HIS fault. Rebecca was so offended that she was subsequently refused to have any contact with her parents for condoning the affair, since they accepted the baby. She doesn’t even know what her nephew’s name is.