Keturah you need to learn to let things go. I’m flattered, but defining your very existence on these boards by being some kind of gatekeeper to make sure my personal confessions never fade into obscurity portrays you, not me, as a sad, shriveled little prune of self-loathing. I wish you joy and peace on you journey to recover from the tiny malice of your sniping interaction with me, but I can no longer be bothered to pay any attention to it. Please continue to display your raisin-brained obsession with me, a total stranger who exists as no more than waves and particles in your universe. As heartbreakingly pathetic as it is, it still remains a kind of guilty, sadistic pleasure. If you can dance like a monkey, I’d appreciate a video; at least it would be a step up, dignity-wise, from your current campaign of, “Duuuhhhh, yer hair is stoopid and you used to own a scarph! that makes me feel smart!”
Of course, if you decide NOT to let these things go, all the better; I’ll just pop some corn kernels and scratch my balls as you self immolate. Down if front!
Wait a minute! Where can I get accessories made of frozen kittens? They would go so well with my Hush Puppies, made of real permanently silenced puppies.
Yeah, now I will have to search for the frozen kitteh cane discussion instead of happily remaining in the dark.
Oops, now I’ll probably get mod-smacked by twickster.
Sooo, back to glasses, at least they’re better than my poor nerd specials where the screws have been replaced by wire twisty ties. White tape is sooo 80’s nerd.
This is so awesome, the number of people who think my friend was “telling me an unfortunate truth,” rather than making a funny joke.
Hey people, not all comic putdowns are “unfortunate truths.” I personally specialize in comic putdowns; my friends call me an insult comic. Unfortunately that way of looking at things–with my snark phaser perpetually set on “stun”–doesn’t translate well to a text-only medium and has gotten me in a lot of trouble here. And obviously in real life some people are turned off my by mode of continuous sarcasm. But my friends get it. Frinstance, the friend in the OP, who knows that’s just my style of humor. I thought it was hilarious. But yeah it’s even funnier that some people think it was serious.
Oh, I got the joke. I just thought ***you ***didn’t. I’ve been acquainted with people who would seriously have done what you apparently joked about doing.
Don’t call a woman a bro, bro, and don’t misuse the word “parse,” bro, okay, bro? (It does not mean what you apparently think it means.) I called it an “unfortunate truth” because that was how it appeared to me that you were viewing it–your friend pointed out that your cool Malcolm X glasses were also lame Tom Arnold glasses, and instead of laughing at the joke, you took it as a serious indictment of your taste and flipped out.
If you want to make sure these little quips are understood by everyone who reads them, restrict them to your Facebook page. Otherwise, put up with people who don’t know you that well and may assume that you have no sense of humor.
You have to remember that we get a thread on this board at least once a week about how somebody’s Facebook friend keeps posting Farmville updates or bible verses or whatever and it just makes them so damn pissed off that they’ve gotta write a page full o’ bile. The default pretty much is that the OP has no sense of humor.
Now if you’d titled the thread something like “I spent $x on these glasses and now I have to throw them away”, most of us woulda twigged.
ETA: Or what Malacandra said.