Thank god Peru and Bolivia are safe…
Hah! I went to a Burger King once and was told they were out of burgers. I amusedly asked how in hell they could run out of burgers and was told that a shipment of buns had been delayed and they ran out of hamburger buns and wouldn’t get anymore until the next day. This was at about 3:00 p.m. It was probably a long night for the evening crew.
My wife orders McDonald’s cheeseburgers with lettuce and onions only. You wouldn’t believe the number of times she didn’t get cheese, on the cheeseburger.
We learned a long time ago to say “with lettuce, onions, and cheese only.”
ETA: Oh, and once all she got was lettuce, onions and cheese: no meat!
We once went to a California Pizza Kitchen and were told we couldn’t get pizza: “We’re cleaning the ovens.” WTF? We left.
And sometimes it’s just so damned hard to get a little bit of cheese: The Cheese Shop sketch, Monty Python - YouTube
I would bet they still had plenty of ice cream, but the employees had disassembled the ice cream machine for cleaning already so they could get out of there earlier.
Didn’t even know they’d do a latte/caffe latte in Florence; I only saw folks drinking straight up espresso or cappucinos in Italy.
I think my favorite “not the food it purports to be” story has to be the dining hall “tacos” at Trinity College in Oxford, England.
They had cold taco shells similar to Old El Paso or Ortega grocery store ones, and they filled them with what seemed to be a really bland Bolognese sauce. No chili powder, no peppers, not even really any garlic.
I remember pissing the dining hall guy off when I asked “What are these?” “Tacos” (said “Tack-ohs”).
Me: <snort> “I don’t know who told you that, but believe me, these ain’t tacos.”
Him: <hostile glare>
And generally, they do a piss poor job at pizza too. The greek places anyway. Oddly, in New England, I’ve found the Greeks do a great job at subs, but lousy pizza, and the Italians do a lousy job at subs, but great pizza.
If you near the Seacoast, try Las Olas . Good, fast, and customized to your liking!
“Out of cups? What the fuck can you shoot directly into my liver?”
Joe
I went a few weeks ago, and their grill was broken. Fried food only. Sorry, fuck off if I can’t get a burger…
Joe
What I do is say “No <blank>.” I get Seven Layer Burritos from Taco Bell. Instead of saying “Only with Rice, beans, whatever,” I say, “No guacamole, No lettuce.” It works. Easier for people to eliminate ingredients, in their mind, than to build from scratch, in their mind, a burger without <blank>.
Joe
My favorite story like this comes from my Mom. She has a very specific drink order whenever she dines out: “Vodka and Diet Coke in a tall glass with a lime.” (Don’t judge, it’s what she likes.)
It may not be the most common drink, but it sounds like a pretty simple recipe, right? Well, she has lots of examples of people getting it hilariously wrong. One time she received three items: A glass of vodka on the rocks, a tall glass of Diet Coke, and a plate with a lime on it.
Unfortunately, its not regional. I’ve had the misfortune of seeing, and briefly tasting, this happen in California. I almost left after the first bite, I have never returned there, and I badmouth the place every chance I get.
That’s what I was going to say. I’ve learned from friends who have worked in fast food that sort of thing is a common tactic if someone shows up at closing time.
Did this happen in Stittsville? Because I know for a fact that my sister put those employees through her meat-less burger training camp after a job interview there! 
Once, when I was working food service in undergrad, I had someone come to my window and ask for an order of extra cheese. It’s right there on the menu, after all, “Extra cheese: 50 cents”.
It turned out that she had already ordered french fries, and then got to the table and decided she wanted cheese fries. So we gave her a little cup of cheese sauce. Still, a surreal moment.
Waitress: May I help you?
Customer: Can I get a grilled cheese sandwich?
W: I’m sorry, we’re out of grilled cheese sandwiches.
C: What do you mean?
W: We don’t have any more bread.
C: What do you have?
W: I can get you a tuna sandwich.
C: What is it served on?
W: Bread.
C: I thought you were out of bread.
W: We’re out of grilled cheese bread, not tuna bread.
C: I’ll take the tuna sanwich then.
W: OK.
C: Hey, can I get that with cheese?
W: Yes.
C: And can you grill it for me?
W: Sure.
C: Great, I’ll have the tuna sandwich, with cheese, and I want it grilled, and hold the tuna.
W: Coming right up.
The McDonalds I worked at (The Parade, Royal Leamington Spa) closed at 12am on a Friday IIRC. About half an hour before that someone fucked up and smashed the bulb that lights up/warms/something the fries at the fry station. Glass all through it, so that had be closed. Seeing as they take some time to warm up an executive decision was made to just cancel fries for that last half an hour.
Jesus, people got very strangely attached to the ability to buy fries. People were practically begging for cold, glass-laced fries. Either that or shouting at us for not warming up the other station. So yeah, that was a nightmare of a half hour or so, I feel for those at your BK.
I do… is this an Austin Whataburger thing? FTR, it was at the one on Barton Springs & Riverside, and the other one was on Lamar just north of 2222.
There was also the time that I ran into the same mentally challenged (autistic?) guy in different Whataburgers. He would talk about his Mustang incessantly… I guess he traveled from Whataburger to Whataburger preaching about how bad ass his car was.