There are two friends, Bob Jones and Sam Frank. Bob was a nice guy, but Sam was a gangster and killed a lot of people. They both dies, and Bob went to heaven, while Sam went to hell. One day Bob decided to visit Sam. He goes down to hell, and he sees that Sam has taken it over, and turned into a very popular dance club. He spends the evning dancing and socializing, and then returns to heaven intime for celestial choir practice. When he gets there, he looks around, and says “Oh No!” The choir director asks, “What’s wrong Bob?”
“I left my harp
In Sam Frank’s Disco!”
(And don’t forget the Annamaria Alberghetti knock knock joke from Mary Tyler Moore)
Keats and and Percy Bythe Shelly were checking into a hotel in Rome and they were behind a very old nun of some obscure order in Rome to view the Pope and Percy Bythe kept trying to cut in front of the ancient sister and register. Finally Keats tells his friend, “Wait 'til the nun signs Shelly.”
I heard this one years ago on some television show and I have never been able to tell it because it so bad and the occasion never rolled around.
A man was walking along a path and found a tiny sick bird he nursed it back to health and named it Rary because he had looked everywhere to try to find out just what sort of bird it was, and it was so rare he could find nothing about it. The one thing he did find, however, was it was eating an incredible amount of food and growing and growing and growing. soon it was the size of a large dog and soon it was the size of a very fat man. He tried to set it free, but it would not go. Clearly, it was too large to fly. Finally when it became the size of a small car he rented a dump truck and drove the bird to the Grand Canyon and backed it up to the edge and started the dumper action into motion, the bird looked over the edge and then locked its mournful eyes with the man who was guiltily looking back. That was when the bird spoke for the first time, “It’s a long way to tip a Rary.”
If actress Kaye Ballard had married astronaut Wally Schirra, divorced him, and then re-married to a man of the same surname, she would have been Kaye Schirra-Schirra.
Old, old church joke, that really only works if you can sing Gregorian chant.
One Sunday, during a high Mass at a Catholic Church, one day and the priest chanted, "Oh Lord, I am the priest and I only make $100 a week, and that’s not enough…’ The bishop followed and chanted, ‘Oh Lord, I am the bishop and I only make $200 a week, and that’s not enough.’ And then the organist got up and sang, ‘I am the organist and I make $3,000 a week, and . . . . There’s no business like show business . . .’
Lura, the Countess of Killarney, was on a world tour with her husband, the Count. They were staying at an Intourist hotel on the edge of the Ural Mountains and were scheduled to begin an escorted horseback tour of the area early the next morning. Lura had developed a good tan a month earlier on the beach at Nice, but now she noticed that it was beginning to fade. Not having anything scheduled after lunch, she took a blanket and wandered off in search of a secluded spot where she could touch up the tan a bit. Unfortunately, Lura failed to realize that at high altitudes the rays of the sun were much more damaging than at sea level. Even worse, she fell asleep. She awoke, feeling rather uncomfortable. Dressing gingerly, she limped back to the hotel to have her husband assess the damages and the prospects for the morrow. After one look he delivered his verdict: …