Nope. Am I being wooshed?
Thanks for all of the replies and advice. The wife and I are going to talk over our options.
I’m with those who say, honor your wife’s wishes and tell MIL to screw off, change your phone number and cut her out of your life. If you have kids, tell them their grandmother turned into a wicked witch and now lives in the woods, eating children who wander by.
What bugs me about this torrid tale is not that MIL is not hurting for living expenses, you owe her money, the other siblings will pay up or anything like that. It’s how she takes cruises and gambles. She’s no better nor different than her addict/criminal/loser son.
Think about which would bug you or piss you off more: The possible guilt trip (from MIL and the other 2 siblings) if you don’t give her the money? Or if you pay her off, knowing she will squander the money on gambling, vacations and luxuries when you and your wife need it to pay medical bills, purchase medication and buy down your debt?
This sounds like the least compassionate, hateful, and selfish mother I’ve ever heard of. If either of my parents had ever acted like this, there’s no way I’d be at the point you are – I’d have cut 'em off after maybe 2-3 incidents. I would not put up with this crap for years and years and then feel guilty about it.
You might consider attempting to play the guilt back on her: You’re asking for money when your own daughter needs medicine? Where the f*%# are her priorities?
King Lear by William Shakespeare
Guy has three daughters, tries to set up their inheritence, hilarity does not ensue.
Pay her back for the “loan” of $700. If she insists it’s more, then I agree with asking for proof in the form of canceled checks. Then tell her to get the hell outta your lives and back it up.
from a cow with mad cow disease!
I would probably pay the $700 just so I could feel that I didn’t owe her anymore for anything. Then I would cut her off, and never ask her for anything again.
If you pay her any money - make sure you include a note on the check and maybe a separate written statement saying this is payment in full for all loans. The last thing you want is for her to take a check as proof that you owe her money and are starting to make payments. Make it very very clear that this is all the money she is going to get, ever.
Good luck - I have a craptacular FIL, myself.
Pay what you owe her, but no more (unless its a fair interest rate).
Definately follow your wife’s wishes. It is HER family. It was HER grandfather and HER mother. Therefore, she should get the bigger vote (even if she thought she should give money to her mother - but she happens to be right).
BTW, we were in a similar situation with my MIL - although she is NOT evil (slightly irresponsible about money - but generous and good hearted and NOT evil). We inherieted money from her ex husbands side of the family. We ended up gifting her 10% of it. But it was money we could afford (we had already paid off our debt with it - so it was part of what was left of our windfall) And we (nor she) NEVER made her other son in law - who couldn’t afford the generosity - feel obligated.
Oh come on. The scene where Lear is screaming at the weather is hilarious.
Give the old bat $700, and request documentation of the full amount owed.
Tell her to sod the heck off about the rest of the money. She has more than enough income to be comfortable and you have debts.
Change your phone number make it unlisted and refuse to give it to her, and any relative or old friend of the family that has it tell them that you will change it again and never tell them what it is if they give it to her. heck, I would change my number and never give it to anybody in the family and old friends of the family, and only call relatives and friends of the family with call id blocking on as well.
I hated doing it, but I had a friend who was giving my exfiancee stalker my number whenever I changed it. I now only call her with caller ID blocked and refuse to give her my phone number and she only has a throwaway yahoo email address to get me at otherwise.