Hi Max. My name is Boris. I’ve trained my biped to do a neat trick. I can get her to stand up and sit down whenever I want. All I have to do is jump on the big flat thing that the biped puts her feeding bowl on. If I stay far enough away, she will stand up and reach toward me. Then I jump down and she will sit down again. It’s fun. I have her so well trained that I can do it over and over again. Sometimes I can even make her say my name by doing it enough.
Hi Denver! Mrrt? (Sorry, I don’t speak much Cat yet.) How is everyone doing? How are your humans? Did that idea for the feline restaurant ever take off?
Thanks for your reply.
Our JP (short for Jean-Pierre) was a wonderful cat… friendly and lovable, if a little dim. He actually slept in the car’s engine compartment twice; the first time, he merely broke his jaw. After that, he would lay on a towel on our laps, knead his paws, purr loudly, and drool. About every fifteen minutes we would have to change the towel. Sadly, he didn’t learn, but slept in the engine compartment again, and this time he didn’t survive. (I was away at university at the time, and didn’t see it happen.)
Please, cats, take heed and be safe!
Hello **Max ** and fellow feline overlords. I’m Boris as well.
I’ve got a fun trick I want you to all pull. The bipeds got these cat “treats”. Well, they’re sitting on the little ledge right next to the computer monitor. When I want one, I hop up on the desk, plant my glorious posterior right on their hand and swat the bottle down with my paw. They might get testy, but they make with the treats. It’s a fun game. It’s a good game.
I think they’re putting regular cat food in the treat cans to trick me. The bipeds are assholes. I think I’ll give them long cuts on their arms to make them look like hairless suicidal chimps. Yes…an excellent plan…
H-Hell-o-o-o? Is this thang on?
Testin’ 1-2-3, 1-2-3
My name is Pumpkin and I’m a Nashville Cat! How y’all doin? I’ve learned so much already from all y’all! Just fightin’ my iger rats!
First I learned there was other felines and then I learned that I am prolly not supposed to pee in the great big biped water bowl. Then I learned that there is an “outside.” Fancy that! I think it has an engine in it for keepin’ felines warm. Wow! That’s three or four thangs I learned in one day!
Question: How can I get an outside for my bedroom?
Get the lights, Grady…
Wow, I had no idea there were so many of you out there who could read and type. The two lady cats (Cassy and 'Lil) I live with can’t. They’re “pretty kitties”
Pumpkin, I have an outside in the sleep room. It’s a big rectangle in the wall that let’s the outside come in. Well, the really good parts of outside never come in, like the birds and squirrels. Although, there are some BAD things out there too that the screen keeps out, like crows.
Sometimes the outside box doesn’t work. The ledge gets smaller, so I don’t fit on it as well, and the screen turns into the hard clear stuff that doesn’t let any smells or sounds in. I’m trying to figure out how to fix it.
I think the big outside isn’t so great. 'Lil got lost for two days out there before I came to live here, and she still whines about it.
Cassy says that the alpha cat before me (he was Maxx, the elder) went out one night and never came home. She said she could smell him and blood on Mew when she came home that night. Mew cried and cried. Cassy said she had to sleep close the both the pets for a long time after that. She and 'Lil were never allowed outside again. They don’t even ask, because the blood smell was too scary.
I’d go out if I got the chance, 'cause I’m really brave. I just never get the chance. [sub](hush, Cassy, I have NOT.) [/sub]
Boris, do you ever jump up on the back of the chair when one of them is concentrating on the beige box? Usually, I get a good jump up out of that little trick.
Sunspace, I don’t want to confuse you since I know you aren’t a cat, but danger isn’t in our vocabulary. Nothing bad will ever happen to this kitty!
[sub](Cassy! Stop saying that! I will not write it for you. I will not float away, my claws are in the seat of the chair. Hot air, pffffft. Learn to type!)[/sub]
Hello fellow Catrades! My name is Ophelia and I’m a very pretty kitty. My hooman says I’m the prettiest cat in the house but the only competition is from Shadow, he’s big and black and he eats everything in sight.
We have a big square to let the outside in too, but ours is always shut at night because there’s a big nasty cat in the neighbourhood who keeps coming in and stealing our food, well any food that Shadow hasn’t scoffed already. I would have started a fight with the interloper but Shadow’s a bit of a coward and he ran away. So my hooman decided to shut our big outside door so we can sleep at night without having to defend the house from invaders.
The big outside is fun to explore, there’s lots of good stuff to do out there but Shadow won’t go very far from home. He says he doesn’t like the outside much because his last hoomans moved house and left him behind. I think he’s scared my hoomans will do that, but they won’t 'cos they’re too nice. They buy me special treats, they’re good people despite the obvious disadvantage of not being a feline overlord like me.
So, fellow cats, when are we planning to do away with these despicable humans? Have we solved the doorknob problem yet?
And thus the kitties go about their adventures, while we humans stay behind and slowly have our hearts broken…
Greetings, Max and Gentlecats! I am Lord Fang the Mighty, Shredder of Flesh, Mangler of Dogs, Geeker of Rodents, and other titles too numerous to mention! I live in my temple with my two worshippers. (Actually, when they are supplicating me, they make a noise that sounds like “Squeakers.” I suppose they think that’s cute. :rolleyes: Well, let them have their fun.)
Max, I was piqued by your mention of discovering your worshipper was female. I must say I’ve never given any notice to the sex of my worshippers, but now that you mention it, I HAVE seen my Big Worshipper spray, so he must be a tom. And come to think of it, it’s my Little Worshipper who does all the yowling when they mate; obviously she’s a queen.
I too, have rooms with the three water bowls. Once I was streaking about my temple as is my wont. I dashed in there to see what my Little Worshipper was up to and made a graceful leap to the bowl they use as their litter box. Imagine my horror as—while I was in mid-leap—I realized she was just opening the cover. Kashploosh! She quickly fished me out, but how embarrassing! Of course, I was able to convince her that I had meant to jump in there all along.
Worshippers can be so amusing, can’t they? I just love to make them jump through hoops. Flaming hoops. I impose consternation upon my Big Worshipper all the time. I’ll demand that he let me out. As soon as I’m sure he’s gone back to what he was doing, I’ll demand to be let back in. Heheh. Or I’ll make a big fuss until I get him to come all the way downstairs and then I’ll say, ha ha, I just wanted you to watch me eat. I love to make my Little Worshipper jealous. When she tries to coax me into her kitty bed, I’ll go jump on his instead.
I do like my Little Worshipper’s kitty bed the best; it’s so much warmer and softer than my Big Worshipper’s. When I was little, I wanted to get into it all the time, but she wouldn’t always cooperate. So I had to climb up her leg. She used to make these earsplitting noises when I did that, but I was able to train her to be quiet by simply keeping my claws out of her flesh. I used to ask her to clean my butt, too, like my mother used to, but I could never get her to do it. So I just had to start doing it myself.
As for the doorknob problem, tch. If your worshippers are properly trained, as mine are, all you have to do is stare at it and they will open it for you. Of course, I get to go to the Outside of my temple whenever I want. When I was little, I used to take my worshippers to the Outside with me to keep an eye on them. But now I trust them enough that I don’t have to. I think they were afraid of the Big Smelly Things That Move Fast And Make A Lot Of Noise. I’M not afraid of them, I only run away when they come by because I don’t like the noise.
I like my worshippers and don’t have too many complaints about them, except one. They still don’t feed me properly. When I still lived in my mother’s temple, there were two big worshippers and a lot of little worshippers. The little ones gave me lots of good food any time I wanted it. Now you’d think when my new worshippers took me to my new temple that they’d continue this apotheosis, which is after all, only my due as a member of our exalted race. But no. Sure, I get plenty of dry stuff. And my Little Worshipper will give me wet stuff quite often (but never enough!). But they don’t seem to understand that I’m entitled to the food they keep for themselves! Oh, well, I’ll just have to keep working on them.
As to your concern, Max, I don’t think you have to worry much about your worshippers drowning. They like water more than we do, because they can take their fur off to keep it dry. An even if they did drown, well, that’s a lot of fresh meat…
Wow, look at the time! I’m late for my nap.
I had no idea. Or I would have provided more kitty porn. Who doesn’t like a nice pussy?
bete “biped” noir
This is Charlie, who’s just using this username because my slave…I mean companions (you have to give them something) keeps hiding the credit card from me. You can’t get good help these days. Yes more kitty porn would be appreciated. The only pussy I get to see is my sister’s. And while we are of Egyptian decent it would still be a little weird. And I’d love to see some Abyssinian tail!!
I just discovered something! Our servants are trying to communicate! It’s rather primitive, in that they use vocalization. It never before occured to me that those grunts and yelps had any sort of meaning.
I know that our means of communication is quite beyond them. I’ve stared and strained to make them understand, but they never feel my thoughts.
I just thought all the other cats out there might be interested. Maybe your people have been trying to communicate with you too.