A young mother took her baby to an Ozzy Osbourne concert, but left right away because the loud music made the infant cry.
Richard Gere had a pet gerbil as a youngster.
My high school best friend’s cousin’s sister-in-law totally knew this one girl named Jennifer.
This one made me laugh aloud!! Thanks for a great start to my day!
The FCC has enacted a tax that will be collected whenever a computer user connects to another computer or network with a modem. Meanwhile, Hayes Electronics has announced they are dropping production of their entire modem line, and will focus on manufacturing wireless networking products instead.
If you play “Stairway to Heaven” backwards, you either still own a functioning phonograph player, or you have some awesome sound editing software.
On his drive home, a man noticed an unusually bright light in the sky. After posting to a message board, he identified it as the planet Venus.
A couple enjoyed a night out at a fancy hotel restaurant.
They asked the chef for the recipe for the wonderful cake they had for dessert.
“Certainly” the chef replied, he was complimented by this.
A lady walked into a Chinese restaurant with her little poodle beside her. The restaurant told them that the health department didn’t allow pets in the restaurant, and she left.
At the end of a college final exam, the instructor told everyone it was time to turn in their papers. One student kept working even though everyone else finished. The instructor requested him to stop, but he kept going even after the instructor told him that he would not accept the test.
Finally, when the instructor was gathering up all the exams, the student came up and said, do you know who I am?
The instructor said, “Yes son, and you don’t get any special favors.”
After the couple found the hook hanging from the automobile hanfdle, they turned it in to the police, who determined that it belonged to a one-handed homicidal maniac who was still locked up in his cell and had never gotten out. The hook was returned to him, and he was said to reply “I’ve been looking all over for that.”
A woman who never washed her elaborate beehive hairdo passed out and when rescuers disturbed the hair a really bad smell came out.
A woman gave out free copies of a recipe for Red Velvet Cake, because shre once asked for the recipe in a restaurant, and they charged er $1,.50 after telling her.
Hugh Brannum, who played “Mr. Green Jeans” on the TV show Captain Kangaroo, was really the father of his son.
Anton LaVey’s religious organization is actually run by Satanists.
If you forward this e-mail to your entire address list, you will increase spam on the internet and will receive no monetary compensation.
Marilyn Manson was a big fan of “The Wonder Years”.
A man was out driving one night and picked up a young lady hitch-hiker. He dropped her off at her house, and realized she’d left her jacket in his car.
He went back the next day and returned it to her, and she said, “oh, thanks.”
A man and woman went to Las Vegas for their honeymoon, and checked into a suite at a hotel. When they got to their room they both detected a bad odor. The husband called down to the front desk and asked to speak to the manager. He explained that the room smelled very bad. The manager apologized and told the man that he was going to send a maid up to their room to clean and to try and get rid of the odor.
As the maid pulled the top mattress off the box spring she found an old piece of pizza the other maid had missed.
Dr. Pepper contains high fructose corn syrup.
A library at a university was found to be settling into the ground at an alarming rate of a half an inch a year or so. After consulting with the architects, it was found that the library had been built on landfill.
Man wakes up in a bathtub full of ice with a pain in his side. The pain is caused by him lying on a bottle of beer, as the bathtub was being used the night before as a booze cooler for a party. He ends up having to apologise to the host for getting so drunk.
Once a guy had the idea to attach a JATO rocket to the back of Chevy Camaro to see what would happen. But it turns out it’s really hard to get a JATO rocket. So instead he bought some beer and spent the night watching reruns of Dukes of Hazzard.
After the babysitter received multiple calls wondering if she had checked on the chidlren, she became suspicious and watched the Caller ID.
When the phone rang again, she was horrified to see it was the children’s mother, calling from her cell phone. The new mom didn’t really trust babysitters yet, and the teen resolved to be especially responsive and comforting to the repeated questioning, so as to earn trust and respect.