How about a box of wine? Separate the silver packaging from the box portion and see if you can find a camping toilet you can put the bag of wine in. Prison Wine!!!
With Halloween stuff in stores now you should be able to find a prisoner costume and accessories.
Bruce Willis’s watch from “Pulp Fiction.”
A pair of handcuffs for a charm bracelet. Several on ebay
They also do handcuff earrings.
An mp3 of “Prisoners Of Love” from “The Producers”.
Nonpariels. I hear they’re like currency in the jug.
Also, Stir Crazy.
I like the suggestion of a birthday cake with a file in it, but please don’t use any of the jokes about her getting raped.
A harmonica for playing the blues
A tin cup for rattling on the bars
A book on how to hand-tame birds.
Make and take her a ‘Prison Pizza’.
I think there’s just enough technical hooks to hang a weak legal hassle upon, especially if the plaintiff insists. Misdelivery of a package does not constitute ownership.
Yeah, I’m not really comfortable with the rape jokes (though I admit soap on a rope had leapt to my mind too at first). I’m definitely doing a cute birthday cupcake with obvious file sticking out, and a ball and chain or handcuffs if the Halloween store has cheap ones. Also, a temporary tattoo from the craft store.
I’ll take pictures when I bring her the stuff and share them here!
Yep, it seems that receiving a misdirected package and deliberately keeping it when you know its not for you can be a crime. From what the DA said, Pennsylvania has a lower mens rea requirement than NC. But in any case, I don’t see how the law can require you to spend your own money to send it back, as my friend did just to make the issue go away. I told her she should tell the lady it was ready any time she wanted to come pick it up!
Rita Hayworth poster and a small rock hammer.
And send Auntie a bill.
Give her some oranges, ketchup packets, sugar, a towel, a large ziploc bag, and a printout of this page.
If it is addressed to a specific person, then it is not yours, even if it comes to your house.
If it is addressed merely to your house number or “resident” or the like, then it is arguably yours.
She should have burned the damn thing. The woman who was pressing charges is a nutjob. She should have burned the book and mailed the ashes. How could the law ever prove that she received it? BURN BABY BURN! 
Also a copy of the new Netflix series, Season 1 of Orange is the New Black.
Okay, so the package is not yours. And I assume you cannot legally destroy it. But does the law require you to actively spend time and money to hunt down the true owner?
Can the [del]nutcase[/del] owner demand that you buy a first class ticket , fly to her city, rent a car and return the package to her at her home? Do you have to take off work and lose a day’s salary to go to the post office (or stay at home and wait for the FedEx delivery guy) to help them rectify someone else’s mistake?
Even the simplest solution in this case–just mailing it to the correct owner–will cost the unwilling recipient a little bit of money for the shipping.
There must be legal precedents for cases like this.
So I’m asking the legal beagle people here: what’s the letter of the law in a case like this?
Let’s suppose, to make it more interesting, various scenarios:
- the package is unmarked, and remains unopened, but contains a piece of jewelry worth $10,000.
- the package is marked on the outside as being insured for $500, but remains unopened.
- the package is unmarked, but the unwilling recipient opened it and it contains an old photograph of somebody’s family, with zero financial value, but great sentimental value.
- the unwilling recipient is handicapped, confined to a wheelchair and unable to leave the house.
If it comes by USPS, write “no such person at this address” on the package, and give it back to the carrier.
If it comes by UPS, Fedex, or the like, call them, tell them there’s no such person at this address, and they’ll come back to pick it up. (IME)