Yeah, they just haven’t met the right Dopers yet.
The anti-malware may report the SDMB as safe, but of course they have all been back-doored so they don’t report the NSA spy-ware that is recording everything we say. Where else can they learn the real truth about “Life, The Universe, and Everything”. Like for instance that General Keith Alexander is actually the illegitimate offspring of kernel Flag and Senator Joseph McCarthy. 
That’s nothing…
The really bad news is… that this message board has been found to be habit forming.
Even small doses have been proven to seriously reduce efficient functioning at work.
You should contact your doctor if you have an SDMB connection that lasts longer than four hours.
Caution: This blog may contain traces of nuts.
But at least it has Og Trans Fat.
Og smash.
You knew someone would say it.
I called the EPA and they said that the SDMB should only be buried with proper containment.
That’s it. I demand that all “Guests” get their money back!
Quick question: straightdope gave my computer Jerusalem B. If I were a member can I get Jerusalem A?
My pharmacist insists this board should only be used topically.
Do Not Taunt Straight Dope Message Board.
I’m still looking for the ‘stickie’ (or would that be a Safety Data Sheet?) listing possible hazards and side effects associated with the SDMB. 
Are you bored? Ignorant? Suffering from Chronic Pedantry Deficiency? Consider SDMB[sup]TM[/sup]!
SDMB[sup]TM[/sup] is available on your web browser, in convenient SDMB[sup]TM[/sup] Guest, or ad-free SDMB[sup]TM[/sup] Member.
SDMB[sup]TM[/sup]. For relief of ignorance, boredom, and Chronic Pedantry Deficiency.
Relief of ignorance may take 14 years or longer. For persistant extreme ignorance, please get a clue.
SDMB[sup]TM[/sup] should only be used with the Registration Agreement. Posters who use SDMB without the Registration Agreement may experience serious side effects including jerkishness, mod notes, warnings, suspensions, and even permanent banning.
Other side effects of SDMB[sup]TM[/sup] may include irritability, lost productivity, ruined keyboards, inexplicable references in conversations with family and friends, Vitamin D deficiency, intolerance of grammatical errors, grammatical errors, changes of opinion, hardening of opinion, ovinophilia, chronic use of catchphrases and in-jokes, becoming a Joss Whedon fan, aversion to the works of Joss Whedon, and dry mouth.
I just checked, and the Straight Dope Message Board can be found on Google.
And Google can be found using Bing.
And Bing can be found with Bob Hope in a bunch of old movies.
A big 
to all…
A+
That should just about cover it. 
Well done, MEBuckner! 
<nitpick> Shouldn’t that be ovinophobia? 
The SEC has confirmed the SDMB is prohibited from accepting cash as part of its day to day activities. The SEC further has levied a fine to the SDMB for lacking procedures for the acceptance of cash in the day to day activities.
Everybody remembers that one thing.
Glad my badly worded OP has provided some entertainment. Ace is always available to help.
I really should have proof read the OP before pressing the post button.