Thank you for starting this thread. I’ve wondered the same thing myself.
Think of things that make you feel good other than food. Music by a particular artist? Painting or knitting? Reading a good book? Buying yourself something cute but nonexpensive like a new pair of earrings or a houseplant? Trying out a different hairstyle? Watching a favorite movie that you’ve seen a million times but you still haven’t gotten sick of (i.e. Purple Rain…at least for me)? Spending time with someone who doesn’t get on your nerves?
If you find yourself getting upset or stressed out more than a few times a month, then you might need to figure out why that is happening. Emotions that escalate so much that you have to worry about them wrecking your self-control don’t sound normal to me. I’m not above treating myself with food if I’m down or stressed out, but that happens so infrequently that its of little consequence to my weight. And it usually not of the pigging out non-stop variety, but rather eating Chinese take-out one night instead of my usual routine.
First I would suggest praying for guidance.
Then you mentioned your SO, which may be a great place to go to, then again it could work against both of you, depending on where you both are. Is that person capable of comforting you and are you capable of receiving comfort from them? Could that person take on a loving parent role for you during these times also, which is what you may actually need, perhaps just having someone to hold you? Could you place yourself during these times, in the place of a child, or even baby, just to be loved and held?
I had the same thought. You had a bad day, so you… eat food? How would eating food make your day any better? If I’m bothered by something, I get over it. If it’s a big deal, and I can’t get over it right away, I gripe about it to my friends, or go for a bike ride or something, then get over it.
Question: Did eating to cope with your feelings ever make you feel better?
On preview: Ignore kanicbird.
It’s been said, but bears repeating. Exercise. Vigorous, intense exercise is one of the best ways I know to deal with stress. It also has an appreciable impact on a depressed mood.
Wow, lots of good feedback from this thread.
I’m a little surprised by this:
Food is definitely combined with emotion for more people than you think. Just about everyone I know offers to take a friend out for Starbucks or lunch if they’re feeling down, meets up with relatives over family dinners, celebrates a number of occassions with cake, etc.
I definitely wish there were no connection between food and anything other than being hungry for me, but I know that it’s not the case just yet.
Holy cow, lightbulb! I expected the nagging sensation to have a cigarette, the “what the eff do I do with my left hand now when I’m driving?!”, the mad desire to climb over a friends patio table and grab their cigarette to ease that awful feeling of not getting what I felt I needed. I guess I’d read enough about quitting smoking that I knew what to expect and I knew that, if I pushed through it, it’d get easier.
Granted, it took nearly a year before I didn’t actively want a cigarette at least once a day and another 4-5 months before I didn’t like being around second-hand smoke. And that’s without daily reminders from fast food signs, commercials, food pushers, et al.
But you know, I’m willing to bet that quitting smoking and knowing how that felt will give me a leg up on quitting overeating. At least I hope that’ll be the case. 
Nothing to add here. I understand the sentiment and I just wanted to congratulate you on quitting drinking. Many of the people in OA were also part of AA and it’s interesting to see how analogous the two issues really are.
Aw, you know you’re my girl. I told my team at work about your camp story and we’re all hyped about finding something similar in our neck of the woods.
I do love music. And I love my guitar. The houseplant suggestion really resonated with me though… I’ve been dying to spruce up my curb appeal by pulling out some ugly shrubbery and replacing it with bouganvilla or roses and then maybe eventually getting pansies planted somewhere for a splash of color (and because I LOOOVE pansies), but have put it off because it can get expensive. Know what else gets expensive? Wendys. So if I’m not going to restaurants or fast food joints, I’m guessing that I’ll be able to find a few extra bucks to throw at gardening and the like. Great suggestion! (No house plant though, my cats chew on EVERYTHING)
Are they taking them to starbucks or lunch because the *food *will cheer them up, or because the socializing will? I’m thinking to the last times a friend or I needed cheering up and something was offered to boost spirits, it’s been food, drinks, random trinkets, whatever. The cheering up part is your friend being around when something bad is happening, not the eating. Recently, a friend of mine as having a shitty time, so I went to her house and we watched TV together. A few weeks ago, I was having an exceptionally shitty day, and my friend bought me breakfast. We didn’t really eat a lot though; I got a small bagel, and she drank plain black coffee. The talking is what did the trick, not the food. I don’t even think I ate the whole bagel. Food has never made me feel better about anything but hunger.
It sure does, at least temporarily. If you eat a bunch of carbs, they in turn release serotonin in the brain, which is a mood lifter. Eating sugar and fat helps release endorphins. Here’s a cite. And here’s another one. These really help explain why there’s the stereotype of pigging out on chips (high carb) or eating a tub of ice cream (sugar plus fat) when you’re heartbroken.
So yeah, the eating of the food itself really does make you feel better temporarily. You (this is the general you, obviously) probably don’t even realize it, but your body does. It learns that hey, eating that unhealthy crap made me feel a rush or feel happy. I’m gonna send intense cravings and desires to eat, even if i don’t actually need it for nutrition or I’m not even hungry. A lot of people don’t have this turn into a coping mechanism, just like a lot of people don’t become alcoholic or become a compulsive shopper (retail therapy, anyone?). But unfortunately, a lot do.
Does this mean that if you have a psychological connection to food, that it’s not your fauuuuulllltt that you’re overweight and there’s nothing you can dooooo? Heck no. But the key is that it’s something that 1 - you need to work through and defeat and 2 - is not defeated merely by willpower or telling yourself to eat less. Getting to the root of the issue causing you to use food as a coping mechanism is what will then allow you to actually be successful in eating less.
Exactly. The concept of comfort food exists for a reason. You don’t have to be fat or psychologically unhealthy to relate to food in this way, either. One person glass of wine is another person’s shopping excursion is another person’s cigar is another person’s donut.
Short answer? Yes. Long answer? Yes, but only for a little while and the ramifications of eating to cope with my feelings certainly don’t make me feel better long term.
If I could eat until my heart’s content and never gain an ounce or develop other health problems, you bet your ass I’d do it. Turns out that reality doesn’t work that way and I need to defeat this habit while I’m still relatively young, have both of my original knees and all of my bloodwork is still coming back great.
Eh, it’s not that I don’t pray. I’m not particularly religious but both of my parents are and the idea of God isn’t something that has disappeared entirely for me.
That said, I’m relatively agnostic so I don’t really know what I’m praying to or why I’d pray about something I can control when clearly God is needed in other, more pressing corners of the Earth.
I think I understand what you’re going for here, but it doesn’t really resonate. No, my SO cannot take on a parenting role for me. He’s a good guy who occassionally steps into greatness, but he’s not my parent and any attempt to behave as one would be met with a swift and relentless fury on my part.
He’s not a compulsive eater, but he is a smoker who eats crappy food and is overweight with high blood pressure. He’s willing to eat whatever though, so me changing the entire menu and grocery list in our house isn’t an issue for him, but it’s also not something he would do for himself.
My son, on the other hand, has no idea why we can’t just keep Lucky Charms and an Costco sized box of Cheese Nips on hand because he literally only eats when he’s hungry and is, if anything, a couple lbs underweight. The compromise will thusly be that, as long as he’s eating mostly healthy foods, he’s welcome to keep Ramen noodles (his favorite, not a trigger for me) in the pantry and mini bags of snacks in his room for taking to school in his backpack but not sitting in the pantry where I can see them and think “Eh, one–two–three bags won’t hurt anybody”. This works out for both of us because I don’t see the triggers and he doesn’t have to wonder why his snack packs are dwindling even though he’s only eating them every once in awhile. :smack:
As far as being loved and held, I think I may have a conversation with the SO about this. Sometimes when I’ve had a rough day, I could totally use a hug. I’m not really the type to interrupt whatever the SO is doing to get said hug, but perhaps that’s one of the things I’ll need to change. I’m sure he’ll be happy to comply. I mean, who wouldn’t want to hug me? I’m like the Snuggle fabric softener bear.
Maybe the term “comfort food” means something different than what I thought. I’ve always thought of it as simple, familiar food. Like instead of seeking out the most exotic eatery in town, maybe you just want to eat some beans and rice. Comfort food never meant to me that eating the food actually makes you feel better. Perhaps in the sense that it reminds you of home or your family, but I never thought of it as something you ate because you had a bad day.
So you’ve never heard of treating a broken heart with tub of ice cream?
I don’t think SO and parent roles should ever mix. You’re one or the other, not both, to one person. Being both to one person is icky. I even found it a little eesh when my grandfather used to call my grandmother Mommy.
This also explains why I get as mean as a snake if I try to go on a low-carb diet. Fortunately for everybody who has to interact with me, I generally stay away from low-carb diets. The closest I get is Passover, and I eat as much matzo and potatoes as I can even then. I’m still usually in a fairly foul mood by the eighth day.
I may not be typical here. I have depression, which is treated with a serotonin reuptake inhibitor, so I know I have some serotonin issues.
Me, too. Stress causes me to stop eating, not to eat more.
I’ve heard of the concept, yes, but I thought TV made that up. I’ve never known anyone to actually *do *this.
I’m a formerly seriously overweight woman - and still working on just being a formerly overweight person. When I get really upset, I usually can’t eat. My cat has been in the kitty hospital all week and my son has had some serious behavior problems because of it, so I’ve lost three pounds since Sunday. That said, when I’m dealing with everyday stress and am tempted to eat, I usually chew gum. If I still can’t get food off my mind, I go for a walk or read a book. If I still can’t get what I’m craving off my mind, I will get a very limited amount of what I’m craving. That way I get that decadent mouthfeel and the “closure” of having eaten it all, but don’t consume as many calories as I would had I allowed myself to be less in control.
Yes, I probably shouldn’t give into a food craving when I’m eating because I’m upset. But, if I do so, I try to do it in a more calculated manner than I used to, and this has worked for me so far.
{{{{overlyverbose}}}}
Same here. When I’m really upset, I pick at my food.
Well, an awful lot of people feel differently. I think it is pretty common in general. In the sense kanicbird is speaking of I think it requires a higher level of awareness so is less common, but it’s hardly icky.
Heck, there was a popular form of therapy based on the notion that this is simply what people do, whether they are spouses or not.
Okay, the next time there’s a thread on why people are fat, just link to this thread. I’ve never agreed that there are two kinds of people when it comes to food, naturally fat and naturally thin, but this does point out pretty clearly that there are people for whom food is a lot more than nutrition or taste. For what it’s worth, I’m as shocked that there are people who don’t understand the concept of emotional eating as MeanOldLady is at the idea of it.
I’m fairly thin and I work at it, but I still have a very screwed-up relationship with food. When I’m feeling happy and good about myself, I eat really healthily, but when I feel sad or depressed I don’t just want carbs, I want continual carbs. I would rather slowly eat a box of mediocre cookies all afternoon than one really outrageously delicious pastry. I think it’s because it both gives me a prolonged sugar high and something else to think about other than what’s depressing me. If I were to get really psychoanalytical, I would say I’m also subconsciously punishing my body when I’m unhappy with myself. But that might be because I study medieval nuns and I think about women punishing their bodies all the time. 
Sorry, I have no helpful advice. I don’t really eat to cover up feelings, I wallow in them with the help of food. I just wanted to weigh in on the idea that it’s somehow bizarre or unheard of to eat for reasons other than hunger.
FWIW - I completely agree with every one of MeanOldLady’s comments.