Bummer, dude.
I’ve been using the regular Gold Bond on John Henry and the twins for decades…never had so much as a rash. So it’s true what they say…YMMV. 
Ok, I’m a female, but I must second this suggestion. I have a fat baby, and he had a lot of chafing, and the Johnson & Johnson cornstarch powder cleared it up, and prevents it. It’s gentle, and hypo-allergenic, and as safe as can be, around your man-bits. Super-silky feeling, and it seems to last a good amount of time. Best of all, it doesn’t smell so much like regular baby powder.
I’ll third Bodyglide. Not cheap, but does a helluva job.
Baby powder will do the trick nicely.
If that is not manly enough, good old fashioned cornstarch will also suffice. And it’s cheap as hell.
Except that “Bodyglide” sounds like the brand name for a lubricant.
THAT kind of lubricant, yes.
Jeez, doesn’t anybody outside of Louisiana use the local athletes’ preferred anti-chafing ointment, Boudreaux’s Butt Paste? Apparently it’s great for all kinds of problems in the area of your naughty bits. Plus it has a great name.
Wouldn’t jockey underwear be a cheaper solution? Keeps everything nice and tight.
Actually, I tried the jockey-style. And as I said in my OP, they’re somewhat effective, but not foolproof. The snug-ness deteriorates over the course of a day, especially one composed of hot, steamy walking.
As for the powdery options, I’m still wary of creating a paste with my own juices. I guess it’s longevity I’m worried about. What’s good for an hour and a half mowing the lawn may not be good for 5 hours of hiking. Besides, I’m not coordinated to put powder on myself without making a mess.
Vaseline…forget it. Tried it. Too greasy, hard to wash off, gets in fabric. Very effective, but inconvenient.
So, with the desire to have something that was no-mess, I picked up a stick of Body Glide yesterday at the only local shop that carries it. The owner of this runner’s store was indescribably enthusiastic about this product. He went into gruesome detail about how awesomely effective it is, and kept informing me of how I would definitely not be disappointed. I’m not taking his word for it, but the recommendation by my fellow Millions seals the deal for me.
It’s true that it’s not really cheap stuff. But given that I only need it on a small contact patch of skin, this stuff should last me literally FOREVER. I’ll report back to the masses with my success.
[[ And BodyGlide is also the name of a “personal” lubricant. The results of my Googling produced two equally popular, but VERY different products. I’ll stick to the skin product, rather than the foreskin product. ]]
Wow, crazy reaction to Gold Bond.
I totally suggest using the stuff though. Maybe you’d want to try it on a less…precious…part of your body first if you’re afraid you’ll have an allergic reaction. I can’t speak from personal experience (with lack of testicles and all), but EVERYONE to march drum corps uses Gold Bond. I use it on my inner thighs and it works wonders.
PS-Try the blue or green bottles if you want a more intense experience
So how about wearing a kilt?
Another vote for Gold Bond, or the generic store brand’s version.
That’s a bizarre reaction! I don’t blame you for avoiding it in your nether regions but I’ve had no problem with that.
I’ll fourth body glide. Although I’m not a guy, I’ve run several marathons, and most of my male friends use body glide to avoid chafing their nipples and thighs. It’s very manly and not nearly as messy as Vaseline. It’s also supposed to let your skin breathe more.
I’ll twelveth the four funniest words in the English language, Gold Bond Medicated Powder. I think you have to make sure and say “Medicated,” but for some reason that phrase is guaranteed to get a laugh out of most people.
Not only is it funny but that shit rocks like three the hard way. When you are a fat man who sweats at the drop of a hat, that stuff will set you free, I’m tellin ya.
I forgot to mention, when I was listening to last year’s baseball playoffs, I heard a hysterical ad for GBMP, in which Tim, a golfer from Georgia, talks about applying the stuff to his “masculine areas.”
I almost drove off the road. Can you imagine the meeting between creative and management?
“Can’t say balls, can’t say sack, or scrotum, or bits and pieces, or boys, or twins. Can’t say genitals, too clinical, god forbid we say penis and testicles, can’t say block and tackle, or meat and two veg, goddamn it boys, what the fuck are we gonna say here?”
No, the four funniedt words in the English language are anti monkey butt powder. Co-incidentally, they also provide the solution to one’s of lifes sweatier problems. :eek:
Well, I got to put BodyGlide through its paces yesterday, and I’m genuinely impressed. I applied some of the stuff before I headed out for a day outside. I walked 18 holes of golf, then came home and mowed the lawn. After all that (several hours of walking outside) I felt totally fine. There was zero sensation of rubbing or rawness. The BodyGlide never felt sticky, slimy, or greasy. Hell, it never felt like anything at all. No smell, either…that’s always a plus.
So, I have to give it two very enthusiastic thumps up. It really may be too good to be true.
Thanks a lot to the folks that pointed me in that direction. The board membership pays off, once again! 
[QUOTE=aerodave]
Well, I got to put BodyGlide through its paces yesterday, and I’m genuinely impressed. I applied some of the stuff before I headed out for a day outside. I walked 18 holes of golf, then came home and mowed the lawn. After all that (several hours of walking outside) I felt totally fine. There was zero sensation of rubbing or rawness. The BodyGlide never felt sticky, slimy, or greasy. Hell, it never felt like anything at all. No smell, either…that’s always a plus.
So, I have to give it two very enthusiastic thumps up. It really may be too good to be true.
QUOTE]
I am sooo not going to go there… :eek:
Good to hear the Bodyglide worked out.
I got a severe rash on the inside of my thighs several years ago, when I went jogging in a pair of canvas shorts that had thick hems. I put Gold Bond on there, and thirty seconds later I was in the shower, frantically trying to wash it off. That stuff burned like the fire of a thousand suns.
I can personally testify to Body Glide and other “personal lubricants”. I run marathons and have one run of at least 15 miles every week. I use something other than Body Glide, but the idea is the same. I use it anywhere I am prone to chafing on long runs. Without it, I too am prone to chafing between the thighs and a few other places. If I’m wearing a pack, I even use around my pits, as the straps can chaff. (I think biking increases the size of certain leg muscles, which leads to the chafing. I never had your problem before I took up triathlons.
Tapioca, that anti-monkey butt powder is awesome. We call it “roast beef ass” where I come from.