She said she's gay, but let's go out anyway?!

[moodtobestewed]

*Originally posted by Sionach *
**If you do end up involved with this woman on a romantic level, be prepared for her to pingpong back and forth, perhaps play a push-me-pull-you sort of “game” with you (not a deliberate game, just the confusion of her own emotions), and generally confuse the hell out of you for the duration of the relationship. **

Yeah, like this never happens when dating a straight woman.

I say go for it. Sounds like for all her protestations she’s giving you the green light. Sure, it may turn into a veritable trainwreck of a dating experience, but I’m not sure the odds of that occurring are that much different from a more traditional situation. The “issues” might be different, but it’s never really the “issues” anyway but how they are resolved, or how the two of you deal with irresolvable ones.

[Pablito]

*Originally posted by Siege *
Pablito, if I may ask, how long has she been divorced, and what kind of a divorce was it? If it happened fairly recently, and her exhusband was cruel or abusive, I would think that could push her away from wanting to get close to men and add to her confusion. After all, since she can’t marry a woman as things stand now, a woman can’t hurt her the way her exhusband did.

Actually, she was married to the same man twice, first time for something like 6 years, then a second time for less than a year. I don’t think he was physically abusive to her; mainly she cited his being critical of her.
And her attraction to women is not a new thing–she said she’s been aware of some feelings like that since being a teenager but only since divorce has acted on those at all, answering questions she’s always had about what it would be like (to be with a woman). Given that information, I’m disinclined to think her sexuality issues result from a bad/abusive marriage. It seems more likely that she’s bi or even fully lesbian, but at least she’s still leaving the door open and isn’t resolved on it.

And thanks to **moodtobestewed ** and hypnoboth and others for your especially sound and sane thoughts, and to everyone else who has responded.

[RickJay]

*Originally posted by jackelope *
**Best advice I’ve seen so far. She’s mixed up because she doesn’t know what she wants. Don’t pressure her for sex (duh); just stick around and be a positive presence in her life, and wait for her to see you as the fantastic person you are.

It may take time; she’s obviously been hurt bad, and it’s not easy to distinguish yourself from the muddled masses of jerks out there. But the one thing that will definitively separate you from them is persistence; stick with it, if you’re serious. **

What does that accomplish, exactly? The OP isn’t asking if he can or should be friends with this person, he’s asking if there’s a chance for romance.

“If I’m just nice to her for a really long time she will see what a wonderful guy I am and romance will blossom” is a strategy sure to fail 99 times out of 100, even when the lady isn’t confused about her sexuality. It’s the strategy favoured by guys who then end up complaining when the woman goes out with some other guy, and bitch about how “nice guys finish last” (misinterpreting “not honest and clear about romantic intentions” for being “nice.”)

Sorry, but every guy I have ever known who tried the “be a persistent friend” tactic failed. I’m sure it succeeds sometimes, but it’s worse odds than roulette.