perfectly reasonable.
That would be a warning bell for me, too. It would also get my back up, to have people demanding to know if I was going, and making plans for my money without consulting me. The sucky part of all this is that is sounds like it could have been a lot of fun, if you had had proper notice. Your girlfriend needs to figure out what she can do and wants to do and let her family firmly know where you guys stand. There are no obligations here.
Eh - one day down, one day attend, one day back. Three days.
It’s only 850 miles - that’s not awful. What? Maybe 14 hours driving?
However, I’m in the “don’t go if it’s not that big a deal to you” camp. Perceived obligation kinda fades away after the 200 mile mark for me.
Want to feel better about it? You can send a better gift for a fraction of what the travel costs would take from your pocket. You’ll look generous and save two days in the car.
Certainly one of the two of you can come up with a credible reason (work related?) that would make this last minute change impossible for you to go?
Then you could send a larger check/gift (considering you are saving air-fare and hotel, etc.) so the bride and groom go “wow” when they get it - hard feelings tend to evaporate with very nice gifts.
Friends from Illinois were recently here for a wedding in Las Vegas, and although those who booked early paid about $200 round trip, one aunt booked late and had to pay $1000 for her flight! That is a lot of money to spend to be one of many in the background of a wedding - especially if you are not even in the wedding party!
Personally, considering the short notice, the rather large expense, and the fact that neither of you is all that wild to go - I would send sincere regrets and a nice check and forget about it.
I usually don’t mind driving but this sounds like a nightmare -
Take Friday off, leave the house at 6AM, get to SC at 7 or 8 PM, maybe in time for any dinners or hang out or whatever. Wedding on Sat with reception that will likely run pretty late into the night, which means we won’t be getting up at dawn on Sunday. Even if we leave by 11 or noon, that puts us home well after Midnight Sunday, and then back to work on Monday.
Sounds like a blast.
For November, we were planning on taking some more time off, staying with a friend of mine for a day or 2 after, so it would have been more relaxing.
A valid excuse isn’t a problem - I’ve suggested many many to the GF 
(work, money, travel, time, other plans, etc)
She doesn’t really want to go either, its just that she is feeling obligated, or that it would rude not to go.
Family is tough. But when they start to pressure you into things you don’t want to do, that’s rough. If your SO attends under pressure, she will resent the time and expense, and you’ll be edgy because* she’s *edgy, and it won’t be a fun time.
Instead of hemming and hawing, your SO is going to have to put her foot down with her family and tell them plainly but politely that you will be unable to attend due to the change of date. No arguments, no long drawn out explanations…just that November = good, July = not feasible. Send a lovely gift and let it go.
I would not go because a four week notice for such an expense is rude on their part. I would not feel like I was being rude for declining to go because expecting me to come up with the money and time off of work in that short amount of time would not be possible for me and that is what I would tell them except for the rudeness on their part part.
If the wedding was in November like originally planned and I had all that time to save up for the wedding then I would go but not in this situation.
Just because they want to change the wedding date before she gives birth just to satiatie some idea they have that it would be better that way does not obligate me to conform, and be put out, to their change.
I just came up with the perfect solution!
The LasVegasDopeFest08 is July 11, 12 and 13th. Quick book a flight here for the two of you, pretend you have had this booked for months, and nobody could possibly expect you to come home and turn around and take another big trip the following weekend!
That way, you can have a great time here with us and spend the money you would have spent going to the wedding!
I have to say - what kind of jobs do you people have that 4 weeks isn’t enough notice to take a couple of days off?
Sounds like a total PITA to me.
I don’t think you’re ever obligated to go when the distance is so great. Especially when gas prices are uncertain, a lot of people will probably send a note, possibly a gift, and decline. Think of the super gift you can send with all the gas money you won’t be spending!
And really, weddings aren’t supposed to be an epic journey that requires you to take several days off work. Some don’t have the sick time, or others may only get paid if they work, etc. Nah, it’s too much.
The most logical thing, it would seem to me, is for them to come to you. I.e. get the family together in NY for a “second ceremony” and/or a reception. If you pooled your money maybe that could be a gift to them.
Okay, I thought your girlfriend wanted to go. To clarify, I agree with others that it’s not an obligation for either of you. And not obligated means no drawn out explanation is needed.
The other thing I’m thinking is that, and I mean this nicely, you might not be on their VIP guest list. You’re out-of-town cousins who aren’t that close to the couple, you probably wouldn’t be interacting much with the bride or groom that day anyhow. And it sounds like it’s like other family members who are pinging your girlfriend to make travel plans, not the couple themselves. I’m sure cousin-she’s-close-too will be disappointed if you don’t show, but you know, it’s not his wedding.
Yes, that’s how I feel. Funerals and medical emergencies are the sort of things that family need to drop everything and fly out for. last-minute weddings … not so much.
Non-salaried jobs. It’s not an issue of notice, but whether I have accumulated enough paid time off. If I just came back from my 3-week vacation, I would have zero hours PTO left and 4 weeks would not be enough time to accrue 16 hrs PTO. And you bet your butt that if I’m taking time off to attend this kind of fiasco, I want PTO.
Since there is travel and considerable time/cost involved, it is inconsiderate of them to move the wedding 5 months up to just 4 weeks away. I’d also be really turned off by being informed of “my share” of plans I didn’t suggest or have any input towards.
Your reason for attending a wedding should be “I want to.” If there’s none of that desire, don’t go.
I think you should go. Consider it research into your SO’s wider family. Is there a sleeper train available?
We are both salaried, and normally 4 weeks would be plenty of time, however we both have some major things going on at work. My GF has an employee on maternity leave that reports to her, and a peer that just resigned. I am the middle of a major project and need to be available to consultants, as well as the fact that my boss is on vacation at that time.
Taking that Friday off would be doable, but anything more (to join in on the whole sudden vacation to the beach house) would not be doable at this time.
Oh, and we are taking a day off (Friday) for a wedding the weekend before that has been planned for months and hotels booked, so to suddenly ask for another day the next week…
Just so you know, it’s going to be about a billion degrees here in four weeks. Might want to keep that in mind. 
My company has kind of a vacation “blackout” right now due to a big project. Between mid-May to the end of July, they’ve asked that no department have more than two people out on the same day for “planned” absences. We all put in for our preferred dates some time ago, and making changes to that now is nigh on impossible unless you can find someone else who just grabbed some dates to be away from the office for a day or two and doesn’t have plans set in stone who would be willing to swap.
That doesn’t sound like it’s the case here, but it’s not unusual, either.
I say send a nice gift and consider any obligation fulfilled.
Wait, you’re getting almost a month’s notice to go somewhere in the SAME country you live in, that you could DRIVE to if necessary, to commemorate a HAPPY occasion?
In the past 6 months, I have made THREE trips, all with 24 to 48 hours notice, from Jakarta to Mexico because of my father’s critical illness and death. The first trip was when holiday rates were in effect, and cost me nearly $4,000 in airfare. I have had to take four weeks off of work at a job I only started six months ago, and as a result am staying home to go to the office this year while my husband and son take a vacation without me.
Go to the wedding or not, but either way, in the great scheme of things I don’t think you are being all that put upon. Be glad it’s a wedding and not a funeral.
If it was a funeral, or for a sick relative time and expense would be no problem. We both missed a few days when my GF’s grandfather was sick and then died. I walked out of work a couple of weeks ago for a few days when I got the call that my grandmother passed away.
Comparing obligations related to sickness/deaths and rescheduled weddings due to avoiding the embarrassement of an unplanned pregnancy are far far different.