I bow before thee.
My all time favorite is Honest Bob and the Factory to Dealer Incentives.
This reminded me…I put the top 12 in a list on MPSIMS.
PS: Stoidela confesses to a lifetime of telemarketing. It’s a really rough gig, I gotta tell ya. Most of what I did was biz-to-biz, tho, that’s not quite as evil.
Glad y’all enjoyed it. It was my first, so I figured it had better be a good one.
The real test will come if the craven cow ever pokes her head in here and attempts to craft something resembling a response. I await the challenge with blades a-whirl.
<<brachy prints out the OP, dons the asbestos gloves and places it by her telephone.>>
Thank you Cervaise.
Applause!
Wow! Bravo, bravissimo!
We haven’t met yet, but I wanted to drop by and add to the list of complements.
That was one hell of a finely crafted post. A tad heavy on the ‘C’ word, but a great pit entrance. Consider yourself no longer a pit virgin. 
I think that the repeated C&T references were put in simply so that the target might absorb SOMETHING from that rant. Small words that she might be familiar with, repeated, so that she’s likely to remember them five minutes from now. Out of a scale of 1 to 10, I’d give that an 11.
**Originally posted by Cervaise
**
And it has obviously been to our disadvantage. You have found your true calling.
A perfect post!
So, why wasn’t this posted in GD?
Hell, I rolled a cornflakes on the floor, LMAO reading this!
sweet…just damn sweet 
I’ve often been of the opinion that telemarketers eat their young…
Cervaise - To think I almost missed this brilliant post only because I thought this rant had been said before…
This unrepentant pit whore bows to your genius…
Was “Good Omens” the Terry Pratchett book which had the funny exchange about telemarketing in it? Can’t locate my copy, so I can’t check.
I, too, and am in awe of the OP - now if you could just step over to a couple of other Pit threads, Cervaise, and continue the demolition derby. 
Cervaise, you absolutely must do this more often. You haven’t posted in the Pit in two years? More’s the pity.
Where the hell have you been? You’re a natural. That was a masterpiece, a work of art, an opus of unequivocal beauty and symmetry.
It made me laugh and pound on my desk. When my Discman skipped, I noticed tears on my cheeks. Good thing I finished my pop tarts earlier, otherwise I would have choked to death.
As is well known, I love this board. I love this forum most of all, and now I love it even more because you’re here.
Don’t ever go away, and please, please, pretty please, with sugar on top, let your ire rise and get your bile up to share with us in the future.
…or something.
Coupla things, for the record:
This isn’t my first Pit post; it’s just the first Pit thread I actually started. When I’ve contributed to others, I’ve never before risen to this level of unholy ire. See, e.g., the current “Kinkade” thread. I guess Vonda just struck a chord in a way that, so far, nobody else has. A powerful source of inspiration, it would seem, is a good thing. Now, if someone’s crazy enough to push my button like Vonda did (or if she’s suicidal enough to show up here), you can bet a handful of good goddamns I’ll be back with another one.
And although in retrospect I may have leaned too heavily on the “cunt” epithet to characterize this clod, I bestowed, in point of fact, one and only one “tit” upon her. You could argue that makes her a fiery, bow-wielding Amazon, but I’d counter that she’s really just a rather nasty bit of roadkill. Or, well, now she is, anyway.
<Warriors voice>
“Vo-o-onnnda! Come out and plaaayyy-iii-yay!”
</Warriors voice>
Cervaise, I would just like to stand in your shadow for a moment.
Awesome.
First of all, good pit thread.
Secondly (And, I know, I’ll probably get flamed for this), I was a telemarketer once. I was just out of college, ready to go to grad school, and just was looking for something to do over the summer, so I sold vinyl siding and windows over the phone. Actually, it’s more accurate to say I tried to sell them…I don’t think I actually sold any. I got fired after a few months, because I think they got tired of paying me with no return. However, in spite of that, I was one of the most senior employees when I left…the burnout rate was really high. I know I was burned out when I left. While there were some things I enjoyed, like being yelled at by an old woman who I called at 5 for calling so late when she was in bed, in general the job was like getting your tooth pulled, except it took longer. On the one hand, I sympathize with people who are bothered with telemarkers, because they bother me too. On the other hand, the person who calls you at 6 in the evening didn’t really decide that it would be your house called while you were eating dinner. He or she is just some poor schlub who’s trying to pick up a few bucks. The person you should be angry with is the executive who thinks that mass cold calling is the way to sell a product. I understand, though, that it’s impossible to yell at them, but it’s easier to yell at salesmen. Personally, though, I’ve found that saying either “I’m not interested” or “Put me on your do not call list” is the best, least aggrivating way to deal with telemarketers.
Cervaise,
I have often been told that I have a knack for flame wars. But I always feel guilty for the mental anguish I deal out. (Well, except for that Limbaugh fan I flamed on another board.) But having read your post I realize that I am but a student and you are the master.
I have done telemarketing before (once selling burglar alarms, two times selling tickets to charity fundraiser events) and every time I absolutely hated it, and felt very sorry for the people I had to bother. About the only way I would do it again would be if it was the only job I could get (which is pretty unlikely now that I have 5 years experience in tech support).
Astounding. Cervaise, you are obviously a superior form of human.
I suggest we make Cervaise our leader.
I’ve never laughed so hard at anything else on this board.