Vote Now and Avoid the Rush!! It's the SDMB Short Fiction Contest's Anthology Thread for June 2011

Cafe Society
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Thanks to all who took the time to read, comment and vote!

As usual, it is fascinating to see what different writers do with the same starting points. (Perhaps this is what my late mother loved about duplicate bridge?)

At any rate…

The End of the Lighthouse–I wasn’t really sure what was happening here the first read. I don’t read a lot of sci-fi, and maybe I should have been quicker to fill in the blanks. (I do have a dandy excuse, however–I’ve just quit smoking cold turkey, and am in a resultant mental fog.) How could I have overlooked the bit about beaming a man from Mars to Earth? Duh! Nice twist on the couple, and it left off on an optimistic note.
**
Working on Those Kilos**–this read a bit awkwardly to me. It seemed as if it were written by someone whose first language isn’t English. Very “sweet” idea, however! The abandoned amusement park in the tropics is a setting I’d never have thought of. Can I have some ice cream and love now?

Reflections in the Water–clever title. This is the writer that probably thinks most like me, as we took the material in similar directions. Maybe it was the time of the day that made the beach picture look melancholy… This was my favourite story. Or was it? Tied with–

Night on Earth–I thought this was a very well-written classic sci-fi story. It’s one where I cared as much about the characters as the “event”. I liked this one a lot. The sad will get me every time!

2P–Oh, my. This story took the material in an entirely unexpected direction. Not quite sure what to think! Memorable, for sure.

Waiting Tiger–again, a completely different kind of story once more. This one really put me on that island, seeing the colours flare against the water, and ending with hope. The story ends in a really good spot–just at a point…

Pinky–action packed, fast-paced, thriller, but… I, sadly, am not quite sure what’s going on here. (Not mentally with it.) I did like the way the writer started with “Her fingers counted the wishes she made as she rolled them through her head. Her thumb had killed the guard. Her index finger saw their Independence Day as they crossed the border. Her middle finger- she paused as this wish is where it all seemed to turn on her- let her finally bed the man who had helped her heart come back to life. The ring finger was to let her love plumb down that well to save them all. She felt her pinky finger curled up and alone in her palm”, and then came back to that at the end. It felt very satisfactory as a reader, as a circle completed. I just needed a few more clues!

Independence Day–hey, this is good. Great opening line, it grabbed me from the beginning. Very well done–at first read, “As she slept and woke and slept again, eating the rest of the produce and breaking into the boxed and canned and packaged items she stored in the cellar, reading the books she’d relegated to storage boxes years ago, the smell of strawberries remained, growing more cloying as the stems slowly rotted” I took as she’d lost track of time, was maybe a little crazy, or… then the second read, along with the comment about it being “the last strawberry. In the entire world.” Oh. Oh! Chills!

The Summer Place - Meh. That one’s okay. :slight_smile:

Sugar-Free–I enjoyed this one! I liked the narrator’s casual, frank, tone; it came across well. Sounds like an ideal summer–I’d put up with a few paranormal incidents to rid myself of my vices, too! Smuttynose is a great name; glad to know it’s possible to go to Smuttynose! This line made me laugh out loud, and wish I’d written it: “being drawn to the fridge like a redneck in an alien tractor beam.”

Payback/Untitled–I kept looking for the first spoiler box with the story. Then I read the story again. And again. Then I said some really foul curse words to the clever writer who managed to nail all the required prompts in 63 words. Not even a 100-word flasher, but 63. **** you, Soul of Brevity! (I keed, I keed–too verbose, am I.) Kudos for a clever entry.

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I’ve always loved the name, and it’s a *bit *less confusing than some of the other names: Smuttynose was said to look the the dirty nose of a sea creature, hence the name.

Guess what nearby Duck Island is known for.

Did you guess gray and harbor seals? Because that’s what it’s famous for, not ducks. :confused:

And I have no idea what an Appledore is.

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Thanks! I love hearing what people get out of things I’ve written that I never intended, too. That ability to come up with multiple interpretations, all of them equally valid, regardless of what the author was going for, is one of the things that I love about all forms of art, including stories.

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Oh, and you totally made me tear up. Also:

Genius.

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You are very kind! Thank you.

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11 stories and 8 voters? Hrmmmmm, I say.

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I am sorry I still haven’t commented on any of the stories. That part of this exercise is probably more difficult for me than writing the damn story was. I am swamped with work and will try to get it to it this weekend. In the meantime I hope some more people vote. :stuck_out_tongue:

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I have a hard time commenting because saying negative things, even constructive ones, when someone hasn’t explicitly asked me for a critique feels kind of like kicking a puppy. :smiley:

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I’m the same–I’ve been swamped lately. I hope to get to some commentary over the weekend.

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All right, the poll closes in 51 hours, folks. We have 11 authors and 9 votes - while I appreciate that this decision may take some sober second thought, I’d like to see more people express their opinions…

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Okay, next time I’m going to give away free toasters with every vote cast.

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I think you’re going to need a lot more than toasters.

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If more people vote, my next story will be erotica.

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Okay, let’s go back to the toasters, then!

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No, Savannah, why not have a go at erotica, if that’s what you would like to do? We do see various genres in these contests; I don’t believe there is any reason why erotica couldn’t be one of them.

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Oh, I know. If more people don’t vote, my next story will be bad, Laurell Hamilton inspired erotica. Boring, repeative erotica. Perhaps as a follow up to my werewolf story “Silver Blues.”

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Okay, as promised, some commentary…

The End of the Lighthouse: On my first read, I had a difficult time understanding what was going on. It came clearer on subsequent re-readings, but was still kind of unclear. Good dialogue though; very natural sounding.

Working on those Kilos: Nice idea, and a nice resolution. The dialog sounded a little unnatural in spots, though.

Night on Earth: Well-written, and with a good hook: while end-of-the-world scenarios can tend towards too much science, this one simply accepts that the event will happen and concentrates on how one person deals with the crisis. A refreshing change.

2P: Every performer’s greatest fear! This one made me smile, though the number of jokes and puns toward the end were predictable, and the story wrapped up almost a little too quickly. But it was a fun read anyway.

Waiting Tiger: I like the idea, but I think this one could be improved by fleshing out the details a little more. What caused the protagonist’s fear of poisoning by the others? Had something happened at one point to cause distrust, or was it paranoia caused by isolation? A little more detail would improve this one.

Pinky: I think there is something here, but I cannot figure out what. It started off well, but then seemed to bog down. It did appear to conclude satisfactorily (“full-circle,” as an earlier comment pointed out), which is a point in its favour.

Independence Day: I liked this one. It taunted the reader slightly, I found–wondering just what would happen next, and would it explain more? I did think that a different title might be in order (something like, “The Last Strawberry”), but then realized that “Independence Day” was quite appropriate. Well done!

The Summer Place: This one contained the sense of loneliness and despair that I was trying for in mine. Very well done!

Sugar-Free: It took me a while to “get” this one, but I managed. I think it could be improved a little by pointing out a more obvious connection between consuming sweets and the mysterious occurrences–as it was, it was difficult for me to see the cause and effect.

Payback: A good take on the required elements! I find it interesting that this is the only one to use “vie” as a French word in a colloquialism often heard in English–that usage never occurred to me until I read it.

I’ll comment on mine (“Reflections in the Water”) once the poll is over.

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I don’t kick puppies, but I’m one of the people who’ve complained about lack of feedback, and I don’t mind being presumptive, so I’ll have a go at criticism.

The End of the Lighthouse: I liked the upbeat, hopeful tone of this story, and thought the prose was sharp and efficient. The transit beam could’ve been any sort of technological or even political milestone and worked equally well, but it appeals to the science fiction geek, so I enjoyed it.

Working on those kilos: I admire the ability to write in a second language, and I liked the story, but I kept wishing for a better translation of it. This just read a little “clunky” to me. Also, I didn’t really get a connection to the assigned photograph, but it’s probably too subtle for me. (I hope you continue to write in English, and I don’t mean to denigrate. I’m hoping this is useful feedback.)

Reflections in the Water: For me, this captured the calm and isolated feeling of the assigned photo quite well. The author never quite strayed over the line from melancholy into maudlin, so I felt it was skillfully done.

Night on Earth: One of my favorite short fiction devices is the looming apocalypse story. This one is punchy and nicely developed (although the astronomy seems a bit dodgy). Nice, literal use of the photo, too. I liked it very much.

2P: Cute silly little story. I normally don’t like the “little did he/she know…” foreshadowing, but it seemed to fit the story so the author’s use here wasn’t obnoxious. Clever use of water imagery.

Waiting Tiger: For me, this story is all about faith. I liked the contrast between the protagonist’s almost monastic outward activities on the island, and his inward attention to unseen and only guessed at and hoped for actions outside of his control. (The dude abides, I guess.)

Pinky: This was a very sparingly told story, almost like a Mark Knopfler song, and I thought it was pretty successful. I noticed that, while the protagonist makes decisions and takes actions, almost everything she experiences is described in a passive voice. Flashlight beams appear, shots are fired, voices are heard, as if these are things that happen without direct agency. I don’t know if this was deliberate, but for me it gave a nightmare quality to the story, where the objective facts behind the predicament are just irrelevant and it’s all about the excruciation of the poor girl. My only quibble with the story is that, beyond the addition of the three assigned words I felt it didn’t reflect the assigned theme and photo.

Independence Day: Another apocalyptic context. Cool! I thought this story was well written, but I couldn’t really care sufficiently about that last strawberry, as I didn’t “see” the finality of the disaster happening outside the cellar. It’s clear that the protagonist believes the world is inalterably changed (at least at the expense of further strawberries), but I never got a clear understanding of what was happening, or why.

The Summer Place: This was my favorite entry. The story deals realistically not just with the surface effects of grief, but with the process of grieving, and does this without hitting the reader over the head with an overly sympathetic portrait or by reaching for sentimentality. I appreciated that the ordinary strength of the protagonist is enough, that she can overcome (or at least move past) her grief by finally letting go. I think anyone who has been in similar circumstances (all of us, if we live long enough) can appreciate this as an honest portrayal. Bonus – the author hits all required aspects of the assignment without having to wedge them into the story. Beautifully done.

Sugar-Free: There must be a term for this type of poltergeist. Cute, clever and well constructed story on the whole. I thought it could’ve used more showing and less telling, but this was a 60 hour, 2000 words or less assignment (one I didn’t finish so I’ve no room to talk), so that’s not a major criticism IMO.

Payback (or Untitled): Pithy.

Well done you guys; I’m envious.

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Darn it, looks like I can’t even get my act together to read and vote on time. :frowning: This has been such a crazy week.

ETA: If the PTB can extend by another 24 hours, I will get it done. Just can’t see how I can manage to fit it in this evening.

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With the closing of the poll, the June 2011 SDMB Short Fiction Contest has come to an end.

First, allow me to acknowledge the contributions of
jackdavinci
GIGObuster
Spoons
MsWhatsit
DMark
Le Ministre de l’au-delà
Stpauler
Shot From Guns
Savannah
Elfkin477 and
foolsguinea. Take a well deserved bow, everybody!!

And a very special congratulations to Savannah, whose moving story The Summer Place was chosen as the favourite! Congratulations and well done!

I’d like to take a moment to thank the Mods for their ongoing support and help with the Short Fiction Contests. It is greatly appreciated.

And a final thank you to all who have taken the time to read, comment on or vote for the stories in this thread. On behalf of all our writers, many thanks.

I’m planning to run another Short Fiction contest in late August. Meanwhile, for anyone interested, I am long overdue for another Poetry Sweatshop - I hope to have one in the last week of July. I’ll keep people posted.

Meanwhile, please continue to discuss the stories and comment on them - it is very helpful for all of the writers to see how people reacted to their writing.