“Everybody watching me write this note thinks I’m leaving my phone number and insurance information after I backed into the side panel of the country…”
“First, write two letters …”
That red telephone does not actually connect to the Kremlin. It’s a direct line to Chung’s Golden Palace in Georgetown. The takeout kung pao chicken is to die for.
Hey Obama,
0
#======D - - -
0
Dubya
Be sure to circle all the dents and scratches on the diagram of the White House before signing at the bottom. They charge through the nose.
The gas tank is on the *left *side of the limo.
Check the fridge - I left you a couple beers for after you get your stuff all moved in.
Sorry 'bout the mess we left - didn’t really have enough time to clean it all up.
Enjoy your new home!
"Chinese food menus go in the left drawr, nuclear launch codes go in the right drawr. DO NUT CONFUSE THESE TWO! I almos did that one tiem and Dick yeld at me.
2 get from the oval office to yore bedroom, go down the hall (open dor first!), make a right, then a left, then a right, then four lefts. Bed room is sekint one down. LURN THIS ROUTE! I wuns became lost and got stuck in the yard for two days!
Make shore Cheney left. Look under the beds. ALL THE BEDS."
After unfolding the paper tucked in the envelope, Obama quizzically looks at the crayon drawing of what seems to be a family in front of a little house, waving. The stick people amusingly all have different numbers of fingers, and the sun in the sky is done in purple. Perspective errors appear to make the house’s chimney look like a top hat on the figure of the mother. Great care seems to have been taken with the grass, of which 3 different colors of green were used.
He sticks it to the refrigerator with a magnet.
The red phone? It don’t summon Batman. Nearly got caught on that my first day.
Laura and Dick both told me it was uncool to shout “Whee!” when Marine One lifts off from the South Lawn, so if I were you, I wouldn’t do it.
WARNING SICK JOKE BELOW
I have cast a spell on Senators Byrd and Kennedy to spoil your Big Day. I hope it works.
“Every president gets two free secret murders. If ya don’t use 'em by the end of your term – PFFFT! They’re gone!”
Obama,
The moon landing was faked and the evidence is in the safe.
W
you bowl like a girly man.
It was me who took all the O’s from the keyboards.
Oh, nevermind.
Dear Barack:
The toilet in the bathroom next to the Lincoln Bedroom runs a little. Make sure you jiggle the handle if you use it.
George