What are the bizarre things people say to you when you tell them what you do for a living?

Er, this is the kind of thing I would say :o - what’s wrong with it?

Upon reflection, I think it’s mostly the delivery. Usually that question is accompanied by guffaws of laughter or the wink-wink-nudge-nudge that’s meant to signal sexual innuendo. That, and I’ve always wondered whether they’re expecting an answer other than, “Yes.”

Back when I was studying math:

“What’s 12874 plus 34879?”

For some reason, when people find out I’m an engineer, they don’t say much of anything. I like to think it’s because they’re awestruck, but more than likely they just have no idea what an engineer does so they’re at a loss.

I had a year of saying “I’m retired” but I’ll be going back to work next month, mostly as a draftsman with the potential for some engineering down the line. (Frankly, I just wanted to get out of the house, but I wasn’t desperate enough to go into retail… :smiley: )

I’m a math major (nothing to do with my job) so I get that a lot. I usually just tell people that being a math major doesn’t mean I spent 4 years doing arithmetic so I’m not a human calculator (I’m not that bad either, but that’s just a coincidence). I think it’s an honest mistake though, since the last math class most people take is Algebra and since they don’t remember it from 15 years ago in high school they seem to picture a bunch of college kids sitting around in dorms doing flash cards all day. My normal ‘comeback’ is to ask them what their major is and if it’s any thing along the lines of English or Journalism or something like that I’ll ask them if they’re a human dictionary. But in a very jokingly way just to get the point across that I didn’t spend 4 years doing arithmetic just like they didn’t spend 4 years memorizing the dictionary.

“Ever shoot anyone?”

More often than that I here about every ticket everyone has been given. And given their totally truthful and unbiased account I have to agree that each one was innocent.

I am the executive director of a writers’ organization. I am frequently asked “what do you write?” Nothing, I say. I already have a full-time job in association management.

“Where do you get your ideas?”

My careers have been eclectic.

My formal training is in genetics.

Why, yes. Yes I am one of those horrible people who put weird genes in stuff. :rolleyes:
I’ve also worked as a scuba instructor.
“What’s the most unusual thing you’ve seen underwater?”

  • A very terrified, and quite alive, woman who was trapped in an air pocket inside the hull of a sailboat that flipped and sank a few minutes before.
  • For fish life, a Caribbean Torpedo Ray. Extremely rare. And ugly. The tourists weren’t interested and went off to chase the ubiquitous parrotfish.
    And now as a 9-1-1 center supervisor.
    “I saw Jay Leno do a comedy bit about stupid 9-1-1 calls. People don’t really call about McDonald’s running out of McNuggets, do they?”
  • No. They don’t. It is usually Wendy’s running out of Frosty mix. Or Burger King not serving fresh onion rings. Or Pizza Hut delivering a Pan pizza when you ordered Thin and Crispy. Or KFC running out of their extra cripsy. Or…"

“What was your stupidest call?”
Me: 9-1-1, where is your emergency?
Caller: Just send the police.
Me: But where should I send them? What is the address?
Caller: They’ll find out when they get here. <Disconnects>

It they ask about the worst call they just get the Stare of Death in return. We do hear a lot of bad stuff. :frowning:

I’m an editor.

“How do you spell [____]?”

My response: There are 800,000 words in the English Language. I do not know them all.

“How do I use semicolons?”

If you have to ask, just don’t use them.

I write software for cable set top boxes.

"Can you get me free HBO ? "

Sure, I can, but the loss of a job + civil suit + jail time isn’t worth it.

Among other things, I write book reviews. People tell me how lucky I am to get all those great free books.

  1. I don’t get free books. That’s unethical.
  2. Many of the books are unreadable crap.

Here’s a dialog between me and a lady I met in a bar some weeks ago (who turned out to be my next door neighbor I had never seen before, but that’s another story):

Her: “What do you do?”
Me: “I’m a software developer.”
Her: “What’s that?”
Me: “I write computer programs.”
Her: (light bulb appearing above her head) “So you’re a hacker!”
Me: (sobbing into my glass) “Yeah, sure.”

When I worked at Rogers Cable for a short time as a temp: “So can you get me free cable?”

When I worked at a Pet Store for many years: “You’re so lucky, you get to play with puppies and kittens all day!” Yeah, let me tell you about the 10 shepherd-cross puppies with liquid diarrhea on Christmas morning.

When I worked for the Provincial Ministry of Environment: “Oh you have to get me a job there! I’ve done landscaping before.”

Pretty much all I get is :confused:

Then I say, “I work with medical equipment…testing and repairing it.”

Them: “Oh, so like…wheelchairs and gurneys and stuff?”

Me: “No, monitoring equipment, surgical devices, that sort of thing…my specialty is in anesthesia machines.”

Them: “Oh…” (Indicating they probably still don’t understand, but are afraid to keep asking.)
(I’m a biomedical technician, BTW.)

Nobody finds my job interesting at all. They just look at me blankly when I tell them.

:frowning:

We had a “salesman” (traveller cough) wanting to sell us a bunch of “extra meat”. I explained we were vegetarians.

He spotted a Masonic emblem on a relative’s car “Wow, don’t you get hungry being a stone mason and not eating meat?” :rolleyes:

Programmer here and I get the same thing. The really dumb ones are the questions about hardware problems. People hear the word computer and expect you to know every thing about every computer every where.

You could carry this poster around with you:
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/semicolon

That’s when you frown, shake your head, write down their name, and walk away.