I’m right now remembering that episode of Cops where this good-hearted officer is trying to do a promo for animal adoption…
and gets eaten alive by a kitten on a leash.
You would have to be pretty damned fast and know ahead of time that you were going to be attacked to stop a badger or wolverine from getting to your face. Even then you would very likely die of blood loss from the teeth and claws that were ravaging all of your body that they could reach.
I’m going to vote for some kind of primate.
But I came her to say that I saw the thread title and thought, “Astro is Dwight Schrute!”
18 feet for any constrictor to be lethal. To actually consume an adult human of average size it would have to be near the 30 foot range. It’s the shoulders.
Crocodilians are lethal at 8 feet and man-eaters at 12 feet. On land you’d have a hard time with them because they’re just freaking tough. I’m not certain how you would kill one unarmed.
Problem with this question is it isn’t just about numbers, temperament plays a huge part. A determined wolverine will kill a human, but a determined human stands a great chance of landing some lethal kicks even without a lot of training.
If we are assuming an average male of normal disposition, then my vote would go to the wolverine. Anything smaller is too lightly built to withstand any amount of punishment from a determined adult human.
I’m sorry, but on first glance, I read ‘Honey Badger’ as ‘Horny Badger’. Oh, the images that played through my mind…
tasmanian devil?
I agree with the Honey Badger. It’s a real badass.
Uh uh, no way. Have you ever seen an ermine in person? They grow up to 11.5" max. The one in my road a couple of years ago was all of 7" to 8". (I thought it was really out of place until I found out on the fish and game page that they’re NH natives) Weasels have the same limp reaction to being picked up by the scruff of the neck that kittens do. I used to have to scruff my ferret when I needed to put her in the bath - she’d barely move in that grip. See here in the Grooming section.
I nominate the smallest of bears, the Sun Bear. Apparently they’re known to attack without provocation too. I saw a special that showed someone who’d been maimed by one. It would be able to take us on.
Pretty much a human in good shape can whip another non-simian mammal of up to our size, assuming the human is ready, knows what to do and doesn’t panic. We have reach and smarts.
But in the case of a badger you’ll be hurtin and in the case of a wolverine, you may very well need an ER, and they might not be able to save your arm.
You’d likely lose against a chimp.
However, in many case a Mtn Lion half your weight can take you down as it ambushes you.
You’re going to have trouble keeping it completely away from some of your vital parts, simply because of the weight. Keeping it at arms length in a standing position, while it chews your arm? You reckon?
If it was a 25 pound ragdoll cat, sure, but badgers are significantly more muscular and stocky. I don’t think you’d be able to do this at all.
Kicking something that’s attached to the end of your own arm isn’t all that easy. If you got the kicks in early, while it’s still on the ground, yeah, that might do it.
Best strategy if the thing is locked onto your arm would, I think, be to try to fall on it very heavily.
you could suffer more than just scratches - lacerations serious enough to die from, even.
But all of this is based on the notion that the badger would be determined to attack you full-out - in reality, such a confrontation would be unlikely to ever happen - even in an artificially closed space, I think a badger would shy away from a human, only lashing out when cornered.
If I was really hungry, I’d hope that the bear in question was a big wimp like this one.
We also have to set rules on what it means to win, I would say it means the victor can walk away from the loser, who is now dead. Whether or not they need immediate medical attention is a side issue.
I’d have to think it’s near impossible for a creature to regularly get a kill on a human if it’s under 30lbs or so. It’s just too small, they can be picked up, placed face down and sat on. Get above 30lbs, and it starts to become harder and harder to do, a bigger wolverine, in the 50lb range is going to be awfully hard to control.
Wolverine is where I would draw the line. Anything smaller we should be able to handle more often than not. Once we get to a wolverine (and up) we are going to lose more often than we win.
Errr… Do you guys realize that “naked” means no boots? That means a lot when it comes to kicking. Actually, how many people can barefooted kick something weighting more than 20 pounds and NOT break their toes in the process? And if said 20 pounds are made of furious and fast moving claws and teeth then thing gets more complicated… Is draw allowed when none of the combatants is capable of delivering a fatal blow?
The smallest? A hookworm.
Well if most people learnt to kick things properly they wouldn’t break their toes. That aside, the fragility of small animal bones is greatly underestimated, as is the strength of a human. As a primate, we can produce some serious leverage when we choose to, and are capable of crushing most animals up to about 40-50 lbs with ease. Since you stipulated naked, I would go for a grab and bash approach. Use your intelligence to wait until you you can grab a limb, break it or use it to bash the animal into the ground until it stops moving. Really, it’s not that hard, you don’t have to be Bruce Lee. An average human male will have no issue tossing around that kind of weight. Two or three good bashes will be enough to dislocate limbs, break small bones, or skulls, and do serious internal damage to a small animal.
Haha! Infiltrate and conquer.
OK, how about infiltrate, divide and conquer? - A Malaria parasite.
For this human? Probably something at least the size of a grizzly bear
Even a jungle cat like a cougar or jaguar?
If you took away the ambush technique that they use to kill their prey, there’s a decent chance. Without that blind attack, the smaller big cats don’t have a lot in their arsenal. If you could avoid the claws long enough to get a choke hold, or wrench a limb you’d win.
Are you talking “average” human? Because some people I know would be severely taxed by a tussle with a ladybug.