What bugs me is a female friend of mine and her friends have this misconception that gay men are ‘neater’ ‘tidier’ and more ‘fashion concious’. I really think its stupid to make an association between neatness and sexual orientation. I really don’t see the connection. If I were decide to switch teams, not much about me would actually change; I’d still wear unironed shirts, still have a disorderly fung shui nightmare of a room, still talk in a deep voice, etc.
Huh. I just heard a female caller tonight on “loveline” say that.
Um…it’s a cultural thing, I suspect, but gay boys do tend to let themselves have more style. There are a bunch of forces at play. One is simple self-reinforcement: in white American culture men aren’t supposed to be interested in the arts or design - that’s faggy. So fags are more likely to let themselves live up to the stereotype. People who’ve seen my apartment know that I have a pretty strong interest in High Modern design. Although in New York, more straight guys are willing to educate themselves the same way I did, I suspect a lot of guys would instinctively check those interests early on.
Another is that men are more focused on looks than women, which means that gay men feel more pressure to make themselves attractive. And, of course, a gay man can look in the mirror and feel he really knows whether he’s attractive or not; perhaps the ultimate statement of confidence for a gay man is, “I’d fuck me.”
Of course, male vanity is becoming more acceptable these days, at least in major cities. And there have always been straight guys in the arts, although I get the sense that a lot of them feel like they have to compensate in some way for their interests.
Also note that I said white American culture for a reason. Straight African-American men, for example, seem much more comfortable looking in the mirror and making sure they’re put together. Back in the 80s, one friend of mine liked to say that you could tell a white gay boy because he’d dress like a black straight boy. With more “thug” styles becoming prevalent since then, I see a lot less evidence of this - but even that style seems to require a lot more thought and effort than the jeans-and-a-plaid-shirt so many white guys rely on.
no gay man would own a typical stereo…
I would say gay men act stereotypically gay about the same amount of time that straight men act stereotypically gay…odd eh?
But don’t most people have different behaviours depending on where they are? As a straight female I would say my behaviour at work versus certain social situations is different. At work, I don’t believe I flirt and I don’t act ‘over the top’ in any provocative manner. When I am out on a run with “a drinking club with a running problem - the Hash House Harriers”, I’m outrageously flirtly and somewhat suggestive as would be expected with the HHH. And then when I am visting with my family back in the town where I grew up, I’m different again … perhaps a little less opinionated, ‘dumbing down’ just a little, and certainly not over the top.
Speaking for myself, to some extent my behaviours fit in with the expectations of the group with which I am interacting. I’m sure that many other people (straight or gay), behave somewhat differently depending on the environment they are in.
I always say, you never know who you know that’s gay. I’ve been surprised many times in my life. I’ve also heard that a lot of gay guys put on the swish as sort of an “I’m Here, I’m Queer, Get Over It” kind of statement.
The stats, cited by stpauler from the oft maligned SA.com only tell part of the story.
From what I’ve seen, the “Christopher Lowell” act ebbs and flows day by day, situation by situation, person by person. In some cases it’s contrived, in others it’s not.
BUT,
As a rule it tends to be most obvious and “in your face” right at the point the person comes out. Being that most guys come out in their early 20’s, it is most apparent in that age group and tends to diminish through the years.
Bingo, JBW. I’ve seen that one over and over.
And I know for me and a few of my friends, masculinity has felt less strange as we’ve grown into it - literally. When I was 6’2" and 135 lb (there was a time :eek: ), it felt really weird. Now that I’m 15 years older and 35-40 lb heavier, it’s much more integrated.
When I want it to be. 