I think a more interesting question might have been “would you pay as much support if it weren’t court ordered?” Human nature being what it is, I think many non-custodial parents feel they pay for way over half the expenses a child creates and most custodial parents feel like they are covering more than their share.
This isn’t even crazy talk because with kids the necessities tend to expand out and fill however much money there is: my dad used to swear we checked his bank balance and had emergencies whenever he got a few hundred bucks ahead. I mean, if you have the money, braces are a necessity: if you don’t, kids live with crooked teeth and jaw problems. If you have the money, extracurricular activities are a necessity: if you don’t, kids come home after school and watch TV and get into less competitive colleges. If you have the money, a kid having a separate bedroom is a necessity: if you don’t, the kid sleeps on the couch in the living room.
The custodial parent would probably have been awarded more that the annual ‘raise’ each year by the court.
However, the child wanted for nothing, the custodial parent did not have to pay a lawyer and take time off work, and the non-custodial parent saved enough to help set up the child as an adult.
Even the best non-custodial parents feel the lack of decision (not just ‘control’) in what the money goes for ("Hundred dollar sneakers?!). They also often have greater housing costs, because it’s important the child has a room, dedicated space, in the their house, too.
I would like to point out that the attitude of the non-custodial parent’s partner can be very important.
My daughters mother decided to leave me when my daughter was 10 months old. I guess it was for the best, but we were not married. She is a really great mother who has found happiness with another man. She has been happily married for some time now. My main concern was, “Would this man love my daughter and care for her”? The answer to that is… yes he does. I have never been court ordered to pay child support BUT I PAY IT EVERY MONTH. She is 16 years old now and she’s doing well. I missed one payment in the past 16 years…I went from being paid bi-weekly to monthly and trying to cover the bills was a hard task. My ex said not to worry about it, make it up the following month, which I did. I was laid off for a while BUT MY DAUGHTER STILL HAS TO EAT! REAL MEN SUPPORT THEIR CHILDREN REGARDLESS OF WHAT HAPPENS BETWEEN THE PARENTS. No matter what, the first bill of the month needs to be CHILD SUPPORT! I HOPE ALL THE DEAD BEATS OUT THERE WAKE UP! It makes us “good” dads look bad with all of the losers out there who claim their fathers. I love my girlfriend and shes going through hell because her ex will not pay. Its court ordered…its just not right. She struggles and sacrifices so much and he’d rather go party…The pains/struggles of the mothers will be revealed to the child eventually.You can see the pain in her eyes…she works so hard for her children… All I can say is CHILDREN REMEMBER things, be responsible and be a MAN. Karma will eventually catch up to those who don’t do the right thing.
Though I’ve seen many scenarios, here’s a fairly typical depiction of some of divorces that I’ve witnessed throughout the years:
Stage 1 (post-divorce) - father is devastated at losing his kids; would pay any amount to have them back; agrees to pay child support as both his legal AND ethical obligation.
Stage 2 - father is depressed and disillusioned when he realizes that being with his kids every other weekend and Wednesday evening does not come remotely close to living with them full-time; feels more and more disconnected with their life; mother gets to make 100% of the decisions involving the kids while he feels like he’s paying 100% of their bills; he’s beginning to resent that missing 1/3 of his paycheck that is being sent to support kids that he rarely sees.
Stage 3 - children continue to grow up and feel more awkward with their dad; they’d rather spend their weekends with their friends; father feels the distance widening; when he gets a third request to increase his child support, which is inversely proportional to the time he is actually spending with them, he starts to feel angry and used.
Stage 4 - father re-marries and starts a new family; ex-wife is ticked and frosty towards new wife; new spouse resents every.single.penny he sends to his ex-wife because they have a life of their own to lead. Relationship between father and “old” kids, and his kids and his new wife, leads to further deterioration. This is a period filled with tons of tension between the two families.
Stage 5 - Kids are teenagers and doing their own self-centered deal, which involves spending as little time with either parent as humanly possible. Both spouses count the days until the kids turn 18.
Stage 6 - Kids suddenly remember that they have a father when they get the first college bill. Father feels grateful that his kids notice him again and guilty for resenting the money he’s paid out. New wife cannot believe that he is voluntarily sending them money after the way they’ve treated him, especially when they have their own kids to put through college.
Stage 7 - As kids move more into adulthood, the balance is restored to the universe. They gravitate towards the parent that they’ve always gotten along better with.
Stage 3 is why court-ordered child support is best. Because while most fathers are more than willing to pony up for the kids that they love and feel bonded with, few would continue that support once that bond is severely weakened.