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View Full Version : "He MUST be laid!" Book passages that have not aged well


Eve
01-31-2004, 07:52 PM
The "unfortunate pet names" thread put me in mind of this. I was just reading Mr. Skeffington (1941), which included a section about a woman who kept imagining her ex-husband's "spirit" visiting her. A friend said, "If he is a ghost, you must lay him--he must be laid!" Which made me giggle uncontrollably on the subway.

There are also the c1900 children's books Dorothy Dainty's Gay Times (a corking name for a web 'zine), and Lively Lays for Dreary Days.

Also a bio of Joan of Arc, which quoted translated trial transcripts: "She was taken out into the courtyard and confronted with the sight of flaming faggots, which did most terrify her." Pandemonium.

There are others I can't think of offhand, many involving now-hilarious uses of "gay." Any you guys can recall?

Shade
01-31-2004, 08:04 PM
Use of 'ejaculate' in place of 'said'...

Eve
01-31-2004, 08:06 PM
Use of 'ejaculate' in place of 'said'...

Oh, oh! You just reminded me! My mother has a 1901 book about a couple with a new baby, and one entire chapter is called "Baby's First Ejaculation!"

dantheman
01-31-2004, 08:09 PM
Use of 'ejaculate' in place of 'said'...

Ooh, that's right! I recall myriad Hardy Boys books - which, incidentally, made a point of not using such pedestrian words as "said" - that did precisely that.

"Joe, no!" Frank ejaculated, getting some on Aunt Gertrude.

jimmmy
01-31-2004, 08:13 PM
The word "Queer" is an empowering word for some gay folk today but
I had a had a totally different take the stanza by R. Frost:

My little horse must think it queer
That I stopped without a farmhouse near

There was also a specific use of the word, character was a "queer old man", meant to be strange or odd -- I think I caught the refernece once in a pre-1950 Hardy Boys that I checked out of the library that changed the story on me.

Larry Mudd
01-31-2004, 09:24 PM
Never pick it out of her. Like getting L.S.D. out of him. Does himself well. No guests. All for number one. Watching his water. Bring your own bread and butter. --James Joyce, Ulysses.

I dimly remember something from Kipling (or maybe Conrad?) where a character is condemned as a bigot with words to the effect of "He was the sort of brute who judged that a nigger was his natural inferior, simply because of the colour of his skin."

Dragonblink
01-31-2004, 09:31 PM
When I was working at Borders, I saw a book of children's songs from the past century. My coworkers and I got much amusement out of an ode to the singer's pussy(cat).

Sparrow
02-01-2004, 09:26 AM
In Thomas Hardy's "The Mayor of Casterbridge" there's a reference to a new factory built by one of the other characters (Farfrae) as "Farfrae's huge erection".

ivylass
02-01-2004, 09:44 AM
I read Gone With the Wind when I was in 6th grade.

It threw me for a loop when Scarlett wondered, upon Ashley's furlough from the war, how she could have stood other men making love to her.

I kind of got the feeling it didn't mean what I thought it meant, but I never figured out what it means. Is it flirting?

Scarlett67
02-01-2004, 09:56 AM
I have two, courtesy of Up the Down Staircase:

"There is no frigate like a book . . ." (Only last fall I saw this poem framed on the wall of a school, only the frigate had been turned into a ship.)

"It is chiefly through books that we enjoy intercourse with superior minds."

On preview: ivylass, check out The Court Jester with Danny Kaye and Angela Lansbury. At one point, the witch commands Danny to "Go and make love to the princess!" He does -- by doing a Gomez Addams on her: kissing up and down her arm, whispering sweet nothings, etc. That was the old definition of "making love."

Rube E. Tewesday
02-01-2004, 10:22 AM
Scarlett67, I must live a sheltered life, 'cause I don't get the frigate one. What's a frigate besides a ship? (Having a feeling I'll be sorry I asked.)

Scarlett67
02-01-2004, 11:20 AM
Think Beavis & Butthead: "frigate" sounds like "friggin'." It's a laugh riot if you're nine.

jackelope
02-01-2004, 11:47 AM
Toward the beginning of Huck Finn, when they're camping on the island, Jim finds out that a search party is out looking for them. He wakes Huck up in the middle of the night to tell him they need to get moving pronto, using the unfortunate phrase, "Wake up and hump yourself, Huck!"

When I was reading the book aloud to a group of ten-year-old boys, this line produced much hilarity.

Ex Machina
02-01-2004, 01:48 PM
I just saw an old movie where Clark Gable and Spencer Tracy are pugnacious oil wildcatters in love with the same woman. In a climactic scene Gable grabs the woman and declares (something like) "Your my wife and I love you, even if I have to lick you to prove it." She stares back dreamily and says "Yes. Yes you can lick me anytime." The exchange refers to the idea that it once was acceptable to physically dominate your spouse (which is startling enough) but when you hear the double entendre you can't help but laugh.

thegreyathena
02-01-2004, 01:54 PM
There's something in Little Women about having "four gay girls in the house." Also, in the play The Children's Hour , in one version, Martha makes an early comment about feeling gay - which, if you know the play, is kind of giving away the store in the first act.

Alias Juno, Twee Celt
02-01-2004, 02:31 PM
I kind of got the feeling it didn't mean what I thought it meant, but I never figured out what it means. Is it flirting?

Sort of. The old fashioned kind of flirting, anyway. I'd usually translate it as 'courting'.

Hugh Jass
02-01-2004, 02:51 PM
Baseball still refers to a mistake made by Fred Merkle in a game in the early part of the century as "Merkle's Boner." Reading about this for the first time as a 10 year old was truly a watershed moment for me. The book I read used the word boner several times to refer to errors or mistakes in the field. I got to read about Henry Aaron's numerous boners when he was still learning the game. Boners cause a lot of unintentioned results in the early years of baseball.

rowrrbazzle
02-01-2004, 05:34 PM
It's been mentioned before, but there's Cornelia Otis Skinner's book "Our Hearts Were Young and Gay".

Francis Thompson (author of "The Hound of Heaven") wrote a poem that ended ...She gave me tokens three,
A look, a word of her winsome mouth,
And a sweet wild raspberry.

F. U. Shakespeare
02-01-2004, 05:55 PM
I can't remember the episode, but I remember Moe once said to Curly, to express the sentiment, "Boy, you can say that again":

"You ejaculated a mouthful!"

Also,...

The 1977 film Gizmo consisted of old film clips, many of them showing inventors talking about and demonstrating their discoveries.

One such guy (who was probably filmed around the thirties) had devised a musical instrument that was based on his practice of clapping both cupped hands together, which produced a percussively melodic tone.

After demonstrating the hand technique, he described how he decided to construct the device:

"A few years ago, I was in my backyard, entertaining a friend with my hands. He suggested I build a device that..."

Mister Rik
02-01-2004, 05:59 PM
I had a children's book when I was a, um, child, called Something Queer Is Going On.

It threw me for a loop when Scarlett wondered, upon Ashley's furlough from the war, how she could have stood other men making love to her.
In one of C. S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia books, there's a reference to young Lucy going about the house "making love to everybody" (paraphrasing - it's been many years since I read the books). Considering the fact that Lucy was prepubescent, I must assume that "making love" had an even more innocent connotation that even flirting. Especially since most of the people in the house were her relatives.

jjimm
02-01-2004, 06:04 PM
Coleridge's Kublai Khan has a few "fnarr fnarr" moments:In from that chasm, with ceaseless turmoil seething,
as if this Earth in fast thick pants were breathing,
a mighty fountain momently was forcedHeh heh heh. Chasm. Thick pants. Heh.

TWDuke
02-01-2004, 06:20 PM
There are others I can't think of offhand, many involving now-hilarious uses of "gay." Any you guys can recall?
In that spirit, it's hard to get past the tile of Spenser's The Faerie Queene.

Robert Louis Stevenson's essay The Truth of Intercourse sounds more exciting than it is.

The Lord of the Rings contains many references to pipe-weed, which people who read the book in the '70s (but skipped the prologue) "knew" was marijuana.

And to close with a snatch of poetry:

"The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
"O lovely Pussy, O Pussy, my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are,
You are,
You are!
What a beautiful Pussy you are!"

-- Edward Lear, "The Owl and the Pussy Cat"

Mister Rik
02-01-2004, 06:25 PM
Not a book, but...

A few years ago an online ladyfriend sent me a sound clip that sounds as if it must have come from a '40s-era cartoon. I can only assume that the chorus of singing men are searching for a lost cat:

Here, Pussy, Pussy, Pussy
Here, Pussy, Pussy, Pussy
Where can you be?
Here, Pussy, Pussy, Pussy
Here, Pussy, Pussy, Pussy
Won't you come back to me?

wolfman
02-01-2004, 06:32 PM
I can't remember exactly what book, but I think it was in a black-southern kind of dialect.
The line was something like:

"And when grampa gets here, don't you be givin' him no head!"

Meant in the don't backtalk sence, but still. :)

Eve
02-01-2004, 06:49 PM
Oh, I just remembered a passage from Barrie's Peter and Wendy: "I don't want to grow up and work and have a job! I want to go live in the park with the fairies!"

"Me, too!" says my friend David.

ddgryphon
02-01-2004, 07:05 PM
Mark Twain, unfortunately, contains a great number of the aforementioned problems in modern reading. Often they seem to think that someone is "Queer", or Tom and Huck thinking things would be "most gay", people didn't shout, but rather "ejaculated" their interjections. There is a notable instant in "Roughing it" in which a rabbit "humps himself" which sent a group of middle schoolers into hysterics.

Just to show you how interesting reading some things can be today, many of the students who were listening to "Tom Sawyer" thought Injun Joe was "Engine Joe" and pictured him in an engineer's outfit.

Also, just to throw it in, one of the worst songs I can think of in a revered musical is "You're a Queer One, Julie Jordan" from Rogers and Hammerstein's Carosel. It also has the misfortune to include "That Was a Real Nice Clam Bake".

And while I'm talking about Clams -- there is some Elvis movie from the 60's that takes place in Florida and has a song with -- I think an intentional double-entendre -- "Do the Clam."

Lyrics: Do the clam, Do the clam, now grab your barefoot baby by the hand, hug and squeeze, turn and tease, just dig right in and do the clam, just dig right in and do the clam.


I kid you not!

F. U. Shakespeare
02-01-2004, 07:30 PM
I can't believe I'm the first to bring up Gilbert and Sullivan's Tit-Willow.

thegreyathena
02-01-2004, 07:43 PM
I can't believe I'm the first to bring up Gilbert and Sullivan's Tit-Willow.


You don't like the little tom tit? (snicker)

gobear
02-01-2004, 07:44 PM
Lyrics: Do the clam, Do the clam, now grab your barefoot baby by the hand, hug and squeeze, turn and tease, just dig right in and do the clam, just dig right in and do the clam.

Just as an interesting footnote, "Do the Clam" was written by Dolores Fuller, Ed Wood's girlfriend who was played by Sarah Jessica Parker in the movie.

Dizzy Fingers
02-01-2004, 09:13 PM
Then there's the classic moment when Romeo tells Juliet, "Call me but love, and I'll be new baptiz'd."






Heh heh. "Butt love." Heh heh.

Celyn
02-01-2004, 09:40 PM
Thomas Hardy again

"The Heavens are well-hung tonight" (Two On A Tower")

ddgryphon
02-01-2004, 10:22 PM
I can't believe I'm the first to bring up Gilbert and Sullivan's Tit-Willow.


How about "Is There Not One Maiden Breast?"

Actually they come in pairs -- or perhaps Messers. Gilbert and Sullivan caught the half-time show?

ddgryphon
02-01-2004, 10:23 PM
Just as an interesting footnote, "Do the Clam" was written by Dolores Fuller, Ed Wood's girlfriend who was played by Sarah Jessica Parker in the movie.

Cool, I did not know that.

Ranchoth
02-01-2004, 11:04 PM
I've even heard the old version of "Making Love" used on I Love Lucy. Lucy was describing to Ethel a scheme of her's to make Ricky jealous...she was going to invite some famous Frenchman of the time—who's name, I regret to say, I can't remember—over to dinner, and have him pretend to "make passionate love" to her in the middle of the living room, with Ricky watching.

That sound you're hearing is a small part of your soul screaming in utter horror.




Ranchoth
("Waaah! Riiicky! I wanted to go to the orgy!")

racinchikki
02-01-2004, 11:42 PM
I am currently beginning to read Mr Patrick O'Brian's series of seafaring novels featuring the unbelievably slashy pair of Captain Jack Aubrey and surgeon Stephen Maturin; they call each other "love" and "dear heart" and "my soul" very often, but the following two bits from Post Captain left me in uncontrollable giggles:

Stephen unexpectedly returns to Jack's ship, just about at bedtime, and says:

'Where must I sleep?'
'There's a question,' said Jack. 'Where should you berth, in fact? Of course you shall sleep in my cot; but officially where should you be?'

And later:

'I love a good blow,' said Jack.

Sketch
02-02-2004, 12:29 AM
Some of this stuff is hilarious. I'm ashamed, but I laughed for like a minute after I read all the "ejaculation" passages!

Then there's the classic moment when Romeo tells Juliet, "Call me but love, and I'll be new baptiz'd."


This one, I can't figure out.

tracer
02-02-2004, 12:32 AM
The Lord of the Rings contains many references to pipe-weed,
... as well as references to flaming faggots.

Weirddave
02-02-2004, 12:45 AM
I rember this one from a series of books for pre-teens, the Bronc Burnett series, like the Hardy Boys, but sports. Anyway, describing how tired Bronc was at the end of a game, the author uses the unfortunate phrase: "Bronc was fagged". I always got a mind image of some kind of gang bang involving all the football players, "Hey everybody, line up and we can all fag ole Bronc!" Weird.

Mudshark
02-02-2004, 12:48 AM
In a lot of Agatha Christie's books, she refers to old women as "fluffy old pussies".

Freiheit
02-02-2004, 12:51 AM
A friend supposedly has (had?) a hardy boys book with a certain chapter entitled A Big Boner

Cargogal
02-02-2004, 12:54 AM
Use of 'ejaculate' in place of 'said'...

You don't even need to look to aged books! Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix used 'ejaculate'... and many other choice phrases:

<a href=http://www.clockwork-harlequin.net/harry_potter/smut.html>Harry Potter oddities</a>.

Cargogal
02-02-2004, 12:55 AM
Darnit, HTML isn't allowed...

That link (http://www.clockwork-harlequin.net/harry_potter/smut.html).

Cargogal
02-02-2004, 12:59 AM
I can't believe I'm the first to bring up Gilbert and Sullivan's Tit-Willow.

:D The first verse is the best:

On a tree by a river a little tom-tit
Sang "Willow, titwillow, titwillow!"
And I said to him, "Dicky-bird, why do you sit
Singing Willow, titwillow, titwillow'?"
"Is it weakness of intellect, birdie?" I cried,
"Or a rather tough worm in your little inside?"
With a shake of his poor little head, he replied,
"Oh, willow, titwillow, titwillow!"

The Little House on the Prairie had Laura chasing tits at one point, if I remember correctly.

And then there are nursery rhymes:

Ding dong bell, pussy in the well
Who put her in? Little Johnny Flynn
Who pulled her out?Little Tommy Stout...

Kamino Neko
02-02-2004, 01:14 AM
In one of C. S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia books, there's a reference to young Lucy going about the house "making love to everybody" (paraphrasing - it's been many years since I read the books). Considering the fact that Lucy was prepubescent, I must assume that "making love" had an even more innocent connotation that even flirting. Especially since most of the people in the house were her relatives.

It was The Silver Chair, and not Lucy, but Eustace's female friend.

What makes it even scarier, using the modern meaning, is it was GIANTS she was 'making love' to.

slackersavant
02-02-2004, 01:42 AM
From 1898 -
E.W. Hornung's story "The Ides of March" about gentleman thief AJ Raffles includes

"But I fagged for you at school"
"Anyway I recollect fagging you to do my verses"
and
"Because he had been kind to me at school, when he was captain of the eleven, and I his fag"

Fag in this sense apparently is a reference to a younger student helping an upperclassman with stuff.

Miller
02-02-2004, 01:43 AM
Hey, Sketch:

"Call me Butt Love, and I'll be new baptiz'd."

Shade
02-02-2004, 07:05 AM
You don't even need to look to aged books! Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix used 'ejaculate'... and many other choice phrases:

<a href=http://www.clockwork-harlequin.net/harry_potter/smut.html>Harry Potter oddities</a>.I stand corrected. I hadn't noticed that.

brainfizz
02-02-2004, 10:09 AM
I remember reading one of Enid Blyton's "Famous Five" books, in which one of the characters was a tomboy called Georgina, which she shortened to George. One of the lines in it was:
Dick ejaculated, "George, you've got as much spunk as any boy!"

Malacandra
02-02-2004, 10:15 AM
I had a children's book when I was a, um, child, called Something Queer Is Going On.


In one of C. S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia books, there's a reference to young Lucy going about the house "making love to everybody" (paraphrasing - it's been many years since I read the books). Considering the fact that Lucy was prepubescent, I must assume that "making love" had an even more innocent connotation that even flirting. Especially since most of the people in the house were her relatives.

The reference I was just trying to remember is from The Silver Chair, in which it's Jill Pole, not Lucy, and the people in question are giants, not relatives. Apologies if there really is a Lucy reference in one of the other books.

And on another well-trodden theme in this thread, The War of the Worlds has the narrator visiting someone's house in great urgency, and the lady of the house hurrying downstairs to the door, while her husband follows her, ejaculating. Makes you wonder what they were doing before the rude interruption :)

RobuSensei
02-02-2004, 10:23 AM
... as well as references to flaming faggots.You dieth, G.I.! :D

sorry, couldn't resist

BrotherCadfael
02-02-2004, 10:54 AM
You don't like the little tom tit? (snicker)[Benny Hill]
TITS LIKE COCONUTS!!!!!!

They are also fond of sunflower seeds, cracked corn, etc...
[/Benny Hill]

Kamino Neko
02-02-2004, 06:09 PM
The reference I was just trying to remember is from The Silver Chair, in which it's Jill Pole, not Lucy, and the people in question are giants, not relatives. Apologies if there really is a Lucy reference in one of the other books.

Look up about 4 posts.

sugaree
02-05-2004, 06:55 PM
From James Fenimore Cooper's Last of the Mohicans:

One, and she was the most juvenile in her appearance, though both were young, permitted glimpses of her dazzling complexion, fair golden hair, and bright blue eyes, to be caught, as she artlessly suffered the morning air to blow aside the green veil which descended low from her beaver.

I can't stop laughing.

pravnik
02-05-2004, 07:21 PM
I love little pussy,
Her coat is so warm,
And if I don't hurt her,
She'll do me no harm.
So I'll not pull her tail,
Nor drive her away,
But pussy and I,
Very gently will play.

SciFiSam
03-09-2004, 04:45 PM
Enid Blyton of course has numerous references to 'feeling queer' 'gay fellows' and 'fags,' and of course has characters called Fanny and Dick. They characters also ejaculate a lot and sleep together all the time. It gave me some extra laughs as a knowing chld :D

Cliffy
03-09-2004, 05:50 PM
I read Gone With the Wind when I was in 6th grade.

It threw me for a loop when Scarlett wondered, upon Ashley's furlough from the war, how she could have stood other men making love to her.

I think the meaning changed around WWII, although there were several years of overlap. I'm pretty sure I've seen the term used both ways by Chandler, who was writing from the '30's to the '50's

I also just read "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" about a month ago and I think I recall a passage where Lucy did indeed go around the house making love to people, in that case, playing at being an older girl with her suitors.

--Cliffy

CalMeacham
03-09-2004, 06:39 PM
Boy, this many posts and no one has mentioned Emily Dickinson's poem with the line about "....the tiger's mighty balls..." (Eyeballs, that is), or the poet (Browning? Shelly?) who wrote about "nun's twats", thinking that the term meant their headgear (the real term is "wimple").


Conan the Barbarian, inn Robert E. Howard's stories, is constantly ejaculating.


Crom!

Alto
03-09-2004, 07:01 PM
Boy, this many posts and no one has mentioned Emily Dickinson's poem with the line about "....the tiger's mighty balls..." (Eyeballs, that is), or the poet (Browning? Shelly?) who wrote about "nun's twats", thinking that the term meant their headgear (the real term is "wimple").


Conan the Barbarian, inn Robert E. Howard's stories, is constantly ejaculating.


Crom!

In "Pippa Passes" Browning writes:

Then, owls and bats, cowls and twats,
Monks and nuns, in a cloister's moods,
Adjourn to the oak-stump pantry!

I've read that some dictionaries, out of deference to the poor poet, include as a definition of twat "an unspecified article of nun's clothing" but I've never seen this.

I once saw, in a discussion of this sort, a passage from a Victorian novel describing a man whose job it was to pump the bellows of the church organ. He fell in love the organist, and apparently there was a passage something like:

"When she touched his organ, even that neglected instrument became a source of pleasure again."

I'll see if I can find it.

Eureka
03-09-2004, 08:50 PM
A little different than most of these mentioned, but still kind of funny. While home for Christmas, I was looking through my mother's Betty Crocker Hostess Cookbook circa 1965. In the front it had some guidelines for hostesses, including a discussion of how you should provide ashtrays on every level surface of the house plenty of matches and perhaps even a selection of cigarettes if you were so inclined. Forty years later, we hosted an open house, no ashtrays, matches or cigarettes. If anyone invited smokes, I don't know it; but if someone does, I am sure that he or she would have stepped outside and away from the front door so as not to disturb anyone without even being asked.

tracer
03-09-2004, 10:17 PM
But did your Betty Crocker Hostess Cookbook refer to the cigarettes as "fags"?

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