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View Full Version : ACK! They got Maynard! (Tool is over)


gobear
04-06-2005, 11:21 AM
From mtv.com (http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1499613/20050405/tool.jhtml?headlines=true)

Recent postings on two Tool Web sites — one of them purportedly by
Keenan himself — contend that the singer has found religion and has left Tool. Could this really be? On Tuesday afternoon (April 5), MTV News' Kurt Loder e-mailed Keenan for confirmation, and this is what he e-mailed back: "I did, in fact, find Jesus. More news to follow. God bless ya."

I didn't much care when Brian Head got "saved" because Korn sucked anyway, so his brainwashing is no big loss, but to lose a brilliant writer and performer like Maynard Keenan is just plain depressing. No more dark, sardonic songs like "Undertow" and "Aenima"--he will subjugate his talent to making saccharine, second-rate Jesus pop.

I'm really, really hoping this is a prolonged April Fool's prank because otherwise I'm going to be depressed.

UrbanChic
04-06-2005, 11:30 AM
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!


...playing Sober right now.

ultrafilter
04-06-2005, 11:32 AM
To be fair, there is Christian metal that doesn't suck, but yeah, this is bad news.

UrbanChic
04-06-2005, 11:33 AM
I enjoy Chevelle. Are they still a christian band?

Neurotik
04-06-2005, 11:43 AM
Hmmm...perhaps Welch and Maynard will start collaborating. May the spirit of Stryper find new voices!

ultrafilter
04-06-2005, 11:46 AM
I enjoy Chevelle. Are they still a christian band?

I didn't know they were ever a Christian band.

Hmmm...perhaps Welch and Maynard will start collaborating. May the spirit of Stryper find new voices!

Actually, it would be really cool if Maynard could get involved with Trouble somehow. His voice would fit really well in there.

audiobottle
04-06-2005, 11:46 AM
Huh. I'm a Christian and even I am a little bummed by this news since I can't imagine Maynard continuing to make the same kind of music. On the other hand, I can't really be upset with somebody else's choices if it makes them happy and brings them peace.

Jenny Haniver
04-06-2005, 11:53 AM
Were these postings made on the first of the month?

interface2x
04-06-2005, 11:56 AM
Yeah, that's what I was thinking - they were posted last Friday. Anything particularly ...strange about posting them THAT particular day?

interface2x
04-06-2005, 11:59 AM
My mistake - it was posted on Thursday. I stand by the rest of my post, though. I think it's a joke and not atypical of Maynard's sense of humor.

gobear
04-06-2005, 12:01 PM
Were these postings made on the first of the month?
Yes, and so as I noted in my OP, I hope that this is merely a prolonged prank. But Kurt Loder got an e-mail from Maynard yesterday, 4 days after April Fool's, confirming that had in fact "found God." So, I don't know, but if it's so, it's not good.


On the other hand, I can't really be upset with somebody else's choices if it makes them happy and brings them peace.

A. Happy people rarely make good art. This is especially so of musicians.
B. Happiness and peace derived from belief in unreality are naught but self-deception. I'd feel the same way if he had become a Scientologist or an Amway salesman.
C. I want another Tool album!

FriarTed
04-06-2005, 12:34 PM
I am soooo sorry a dark & tormented artist may have found solace in Christ.


Maynard's been wrestling with Jesus for a while. It was inevitable.

Anyway- think about it-

Christians have produced-

The Book of Revelation
Dies Irae
The Divine Comedy
The Sistine Chapel
Paradise Lost
Sinners In the Hands of an Angry God

and hey, don't forget Flannery O'Connor, Walker Percy, U2 and Johnny Cash!

It's not all happy happy joy joy! We Christians can still be dark and tormented and artistic!

Tori Amos, you're next!

Ike Witt
04-06-2005, 12:37 PM
there is Christian metal that doesn't suck

This statement makes no sense.

gobear
04-06-2005, 12:48 PM
I am soooo sorry a dark & tormented artist may have found solace in Christ.


Maynard's been wrestling with Jesus for a while. It was inevitable.

Anyway- think about it-

Christians have produced-

The Book of Revelation
Dies Irae
The Divine Comedy
The Sistine Chapel
Paradise Lost
Sinners In the Hands of an Angry God

and hey, don't forget Flannery O'Connor, Walker Percy, U2 and Johnny Cash!

It's not all happy happy joy joy! We Christians can still be dark and tormented and artistic!

Well, OK, Maynard can be a Christian as long as you make sure he wears a hair shirt, scourges himself in the morning while saying the Rosary, and puts out a new Tool album, dang it!

Tori Amos, you're next!
I look forward to her cover of "You Light Up My Life."

unwashed brain
04-06-2005, 12:49 PM
I'm 99% sure this is toolshed.down.net's annual April Fool's joke. Maynard lying to that tool Kurt Loder seems more likely than him telling the truth.

betenoir
04-06-2005, 12:51 PM
The Book of Revelation
Dies Irae
The Divine Comedy
The Sistine Chapel
Paradise Lost
Sinners In the Hands of an Angry God

and hey, don't forget Flannery O'Connor, Walker Percy, U2 and Johnny Cash!

It's not all happy happy joy joy! We Christians can still be dark and tormented and artistic!



You forgot The Brothers Karamazoz and Crime and Pumishment.

And anything by Kierkegaard.

Still, though. I need to see some proof that dark tormented rock and roll can be produced by Christians (I know there's been some produced about Christianity, but I don't think Nick Cave is actually saved.)

audiobottle
04-06-2005, 12:54 PM
A. Happy people rarely make good art. This is especially so of musicians.
B. Happiness and peace derived from belief in unreality are naught but self-deception. I'd feel the same way if he had become a Scientologist or an Amway salesman.
C. I want another Tool album!

I agree with A and C, and as for B, well... if he keeps this belief in his unreality until the day he dies, how is this self-deception hurting him any?

Besides, maybe he'll join up with Opus Dei, take corporal mortification (http://www.odan.org/corporal_mortification.htm) to its extreme, and then we'll have the tormented Christian instead of the tormented atheist.

Kid_A
04-06-2005, 12:54 PM
This better be an April Fool's joke. This totally crapped on my so far excellent day.

RikWriter
04-06-2005, 12:57 PM
Well, I recall SOMEONE on this board saying something about how Christianity was always a force for evil in the world. Maybe this is what he had in mind.... :D

E-Sabbath
04-06-2005, 02:20 PM
Christian Metal... Christian Metal...


Have you ever thought about your soul - can it be saved
Or perhaps you think that when you're dead
you just stay in your grave
Is God just a thought within your head
or is he a part of you
Is Christ just a name that you read in a book
when you were at school?
When you think about death do you lose your breathe
or do you keep your cool?
Would you like to see the Pope, on the end of a rope
- Do you think he's a fool?
Well I've seen the truth. I've seen the light
and I've changed my ways
And I'll be prepared when you're lonely
and scared at the end of your days


Eh, it could work, but you'd need someone whose name means metal to sing it. I dunno...

gobear
04-06-2005, 02:23 PM
Eventually, Maynard will go over to Henry Rollins and Greg Graffin's houses, and after his visit, they'll find large green seed pods hidden in their bedrooms. . .

ultrafilter
04-06-2005, 02:33 PM
Still, though. I need to see some proof that dark tormented rock and roll can be produced by Christians

Trouble and Megadeth.

gobear
04-06-2005, 02:50 PM
Trouble and Megadeth.
But wasn't Megadeth pretty much over by the time Mustaine converted?

ultrafilter
04-06-2005, 02:55 PM
But wasn't Megadeth pretty much over by the time Mustaine converted?

No, his OD was before Countdown to Extinction (1992) and some of his lyrics on that album definitely have Christian themes. They did break up for a couple years, but they're back together now. 2004's The System Has Failed is probably their best album since Countdown.

Talon Karrde
04-06-2005, 03:51 PM
I don't particularly like him, so it doesn't matter to me. Well, actually, the idea of him making saccharine, second-rate Jesus pop is hiliarious, so I kind of hope he does.

But, really, his music won't necessarily worsen. I doubt his career is going to go like you predict. It's not like a conversion means a loss of depth.

Look at Johnny Cash- you might not like him, but his religion didn't make his lyrics shallow

It seems like people in metal bands have an unusually high rate of conversion, particularly those who sing about spiritual things.

Marley23
04-06-2005, 03:59 PM
Tori Amos, you're next!
Tori's neither dark nor tormented these days.

ninetypercent
04-06-2005, 04:46 PM
Lateralus had some definite religious undertones. Lyrics from "The Patient" :


"A groan of tedium escapes me,
Startling the fearful.
Is this a test? It has to be,
Otherwise I can't go on.
Draining patience, drain vitality.
This paranoid, paralyzed vampire act's a little old.

...

If there were no rewards to reap,
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
Gonna wait it out."

Parabola:
We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment,
We are choosing to be here right now. Hold on, stay inside
This holy reality, this holy experience.
Choosing to be here in

This body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal
All this pain is an illusion.

Alive, I

In this holy reality, in this holy experience. Choosing to be here in

This body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal
All this pain is an illusion.

Twirling round with this familiar parable.
Spinning, weaving round each new experience.
Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing.

This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality.
Embrace this moment. Remember. We are eternal.
All this pain is an illusion."



'Course, it seems as much influenced by myticism as Christianity. You can't really trust what Maynard says; he's a pretty sardonic character, going by the interviews I've read.

Dogzilla
04-06-2005, 05:17 PM
Well, this is the worst news I culd hear. I'm gonna need verification. Troops? Let's get to Googling! First person that finds corroborative evidence. . . hell, gets the next Tool album on me. If Maynard didn't really go to the Xians and another album is released, of course.

Go.

Dogzilla
04-06-2005, 05:22 PM
Awwwwwww. Crap.

From this site (www.toolband.com), posted March 31, 2005:
" REMEMBER, DON”T KILL THE MESSENGER

You know the old saying, “no news is good news”, well… that was the case as far as the recording process was going for the new Tool CD, but now things may have changed a bit. Yesterday, when I went to the studio to give Maynard a bottle of wine (a 1992 Maya) for winning the bet that I had with him involving his new film “Sleeping Dogs Lie” (I lost by default, not being able to attend the Sedona screening), not only wasn’t Maynard there, but, in what seems to be a case of enantiodromia (something becoming its opposite) if ever there was one (!), I was told the reason why he wasn’t there. I wish this post was dated April 1, but, unfortunately, it isn’t. Like a doctor giving a patient a straight, honest answer to a medical diagnosis, without sugar-coating the truth, here’s exactly what I was told: “Maynard has found Jesus.” This will come as a complete shock to most (but not all) of you, as it did to me. In fact, it just seemed like another MJK prank until I talked to the one person who I believe would know if all this was legit or not. After nearly an hour on the phone with this person, the answer I received was that Maynard has indeed “found Jesus” and that, for this reason, he’s abandoned the project for the time being, if not entirely. I don’t know what the f**k is in the water these days, but hopefully a black jelly belly will turn up in that golden bowl… that’s all I can think to say at this point. Before leaving the studio, I watched as Danny made arrangements to go play some golf, while Adam and Justin kept working on a particular song. So, in case you missed it (those who don’t read the whole post), here’s today's news: Maynard has found Jesus… "

May I request a moment of silence for the death of another little piece of rock and roll? This is worse than Dimebag's death.

:: walks away, slumped over, kicking' cans ::

kung fu lola
04-06-2005, 05:31 PM
I look forward to her cover of "You Light Up My Life."

She probably already went there in her Lounge Lizard days.

Too bad about Maynard. He seemed like such a thoughtful guy.

Scissorjack
04-06-2005, 05:52 PM
'Course, it seems as much influenced by myticism as Christianity. You can't really trust what Maynard says; he's a pretty sardonic character, going by the interviews I've read.

It seems as much influenced by 14 year old scribblings on the back of a Tech Drawing folder, too: those have to be some of the worst lyrics I've ever read. Tool were great around the time of Opiate {still the best "annoying the neighbours" album ever} and Undertow, but they lost me once they turned into the heavy metal Yes. Why all the Christian bashing, in this thread, anyway? I'm not a Christian, but saying that someone's conversion is worse than a musician's onstage murder is pretty rough.

Miller
04-06-2005, 06:01 PM
Calm down, people. It's not like turning Christian is going to suck all his talent away. (Assuming he had any to begin with, which is a seperate debate.) He's likely still going to be making music, and I'll bet it'll still be pretty dark. He did, after all, convert to a religion that holds as central to its belief system that God was, at one point, tortured to death in just about the most brutal manner possible. Forget that fluffy bunny Sunday school shit: Christianity is pretty hard core. Don't forget, Jesus is f'ing metal! (http://www.thinkgeek.com/pennyarcade/swag/6fc1/)

UrbanChic
04-06-2005, 06:02 PM
I'd like to clarify that what's sad to me is that there will be, assuming the rumor is true, no more Tool, no more A Perfect Circle. I couldn't care any less if the reason he stops performing is because he wants to worship Christ or become a goat herder in Northern Akrotiri.

audiobottle
04-06-2005, 06:22 PM
Why all the Christian bashing, in this thread, anyway? I'm not a Christian, but saying that someone's conversion is worse than a musician's onstage murder is pretty rough.

I've got to agree with this. I'm saddened that most likely Maynard's conversion will mean no more Tool, but honestly, isn't our disappointment a little outweighed by the chance that Maynard may have found some peace? Regardless of if your own opinions on his belief, if he's happier for it now isn't this a good thing? Time will only tell if it's a temporary thing or if it lasts, but a little support of him couldn't hurt.

interface2x
04-06-2005, 06:26 PM
If I may quote a passage written by Maynard himself ...
you're such an inspiration for ways that i will never ever choose to be.
oh so many ways for me to show you how your savior has abandoned you.
Fuck your god.
he did this, took all you had and left you this way.
still you pray, never stray, never taste of the fruit. never thought to question why.
it's not like you killed someone.
it's not like you drove a hateful spear into his side.
praise the one who left you broken down and paralyzed.
he did it all for you.

I won't believe this until I see an official statement from the band that it's over.

ultrafilter
04-06-2005, 06:30 PM
"Judith" was off an album released in what, 2000? That was five years ago.

I agree, this could be an elaborate ruse, and I wouldn't put it past them.

gobear
04-06-2005, 06:36 PM
This thread isn't abput Christian-bashing--I'd be just as bummed if Maynard had become a Hasidic Jew or a Republican--art and dogmatic ideology do not play well together.

ninetypercent
04-06-2005, 07:03 PM
It seems as much influenced by 14 year old scribblings on the back of a Tech Drawing folder, too: those have to be some of the worst lyrics I've ever read. Tool were great around the time of Opiate {still the best "annoying the neighbours" album ever} and Undertow, but they lost me once they turned into the heavy metal Yes. Why all the Christian bashing, in this thread, anyway? I'm not a Christian, but saying that someone's conversion is worse than a musician's onstage murder is pretty rough.

Yeah, but he makes it sound damn good.

Floyd13
04-06-2005, 10:09 PM
What in the holy hell fuck is going on? Maynard?!?!? It can't be, I will not believe that he has found jeebus. I mean, what is Trent next? NIN, Tool and APC is all we've got left folks. I cannot take 2 more off that list. I never thought either of these guys would go to the dark side, but I guess the world really is ending. I blame Bush for this.

Floyd13
04-06-2005, 10:31 PM
Fuck me sideways with the Pope's fancy hat.


[04/01/05] - Completely unexpected

I have no idea how to introduce this, so I'll just post it. This is an email Maynard (the real one) sent in moments ago:

"hi, kabir. i thought it only fair to inform you first, before you hear it second or third hand. some recent events have led me to the rediscovery of jesus. tool will need to take the back seat. this may come as a shock. i just thought you should know considering all the support you given us over the years.
all my faith. maynard."

jweb
04-06-2005, 10:32 PM
I read about this on toolband.com the day it was posted... but I'm pretty sure it's just Maynard's way of joking around with his fans.

My guess is that we won't hear much from Tool or Maynard for another month or so, and then suddenly we'll hear that the album is finished and is due for imminent release.

Even if it is true Maynard has found Jesus and is leaving Tool, at least we have all of his previous work to enjoy.

Kid_A
04-06-2005, 10:37 PM
I'm now convinced that this has to be an elongated April Fool's joke. Maynard's sitting back right now, having a good laugh at how distraught his millions of sheep are.

In a bit, he'll reveal it's all a hoax and the new single will be out in a couple of weeks.

Right?

Lord Ashtar
04-06-2005, 10:51 PM
Don't forget, Jesus is f'ing metal! (http://www.thinkgeek.com/pennyarcade/swag/6fc1/)
I am so buying that.

Silver Fire
04-06-2005, 11:03 PM
This is worse than Dimebag's death.
:eek:

Yeah, except not really.

I'm also hoping it's a publicity stunt. That would be really funny. If it's true, I would be shocked. It'd be a complete 180° from this big speech he made right before sliding into the title track from Opiate when I saw them in concert. I wish I could remember what he said, but it was about organized religion (with a tiny nod to the events of 9/11) and the general public's interpretation of the bible, and thinking for yourself and not getting caught up in this bullshit, and being true to yourself and blahblahblah. It was scathing and wonderful, and I knew before he was finished that he'd be doing Opiate next because it was so perfect.

And now he's going to drop Tool for that? Huh?

So yeah, count me as shocked.

Gatopescado
04-06-2005, 11:03 PM
To be fair, there is Christian metal that doesn't suck, but yeah, this is bad news.

Thanks! Now I have blood flowing out of my ass and ears simultaniously!

Actually, I was talking to Maynard the other day and he told me..............

...............to not talk about what we discussed! ;)

FriarTed
04-07-2005, 01:14 AM
Granted, he's not turning out any dark rock classics anymore, but Vincent Furnier's conversion hasn't caused him to kill Alice Cooper (any more than he already does in many concerts).

PEOPLE! Traditionalist Passion-focused Catholicism, Calvinist Double-Predestination, Fundist Apocalyptism, Orthodox Mysticism, Kierkegaardian Existentialism- WE CHRISTIANS GOT PLENTY OF DARKNESS TO FUEL GOOD ART!

Btw, other examples of Christian-themed Dark Art in Cinema-

A Clockwork Orange
Bram Stoker's Dracula (the actual novel & the Coppola movie)
Blade Runner (Roy Batty's nail & dove motif, how obvious is that?!)
Sling Blade & its companion The Apostle
Kevin Smith's Dogma
Michael Tolkin's The Rapture
Night of the Hunter


oh, and in books-

the best of Stephen King- CARRIE, THE STAND, DESPERATION
(hell, he had to take a detour into it on KINGDOM HOSPITAL-
OK, not the best example)

Btw, lemme drop another one on ya-

Anne Rice is now promoting the NDE "rescue from Hell by Jesus" account of Howard Storm, AND working on her novel "Christ the Lord". Of course, her Vampire novels MEMNOCH and ARMAND were strongly Christ-laden anyway.

stately plump buck mulligan
04-07-2005, 03:14 AM
http://toolshed.down.net/0001.html

Mwaha. Chalk up another success for our annual April Fools' Day gag. Maynard found Jesus. Sure he did. This year's prank actually got a mention over at mtv.com, making it the first April Fools' joke to get written up there since the ol' Bus Crash of 1997. (They have since updated the original article to reflect the fact that they fell for it. Excellent.) Fan responses ranged from disbelief to despondent, which I suppose is good for this sort of thing. If you're curious, some of them are posted here. §

FriarTed
04-07-2005, 04:02 AM
http://toolshed.down.net/0001.html


OK, he got us good.

But when Maynard awakens before the Big Faceless Judge & watches "This Way Your Life"...


"Maynard, on April 1, 2005, you announced you had come to faith in My Son- all for an April Fools Joke."

HAW HAW!

E-Sabbath
04-07-2005, 05:37 AM
(For those who missed it, the extended quote above was from Black Sabbath, After Forever.)

gobear
04-07-2005, 06:43 AM
Good, he got me. Awesome! (big sigh of relief)

NothingMan
04-07-2005, 07:04 AM
I'm really surprised how many of you fell for that. Suckers. Heh heh. I thought it was pretty obviously a dig against Head from Korn. "Wait! I've found Jesus TOO!!"

I'm am curious as to whether a "saved" Maynard would act a little less angry. . . or do radio interviews. . . or perhaps actually face the audience during a show. Hmmmmmm.

kidchameleon
04-07-2005, 08:17 AM
I enjoy Chevelle. Are they still a christian band?

The members are very religous themselves. The lead singer dumped one of my friends because she was 'too much of a temptation'. She's still friends with him though.

unwashed brain
04-07-2005, 09:09 AM
I'm 99% sure this is toolshed.down.net's annual April Fool's joke. Maynard lying to that tool Kurt Loder seems more likely than him telling the truth.
http://toolshed.down.net/0001.html

Told ya so!!! Told ya so!!!! :D

FriarTed
04-07-2005, 10:04 AM
Told ya so!!! Told ya so!!!! :D


You forgot the last line...

Tol'ja, tol'ja, tol'ja so!

Thanks to Debra Messing.

Tristan
04-07-2005, 11:05 AM
Good gag.

Not a huge fan of Tool... their music, in my opinion, is not the Be All End All that so many folks seem to feel it is, but that was FUNNY!

ultrafilter
04-07-2005, 11:06 AM
Yeah, that was good. I still think Maynard should hook up with Trouble or some other old-school doom metal band.

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