View Full Version : Bathroom Graffitti's Greatest Hits!

07-01-2005, 11:51 AM
you see it everywhere.
sounds pretty self-explanatory to me.
Post here, Bathroom Graffitti's Greatest Hits!
-or leave your own!

"If only my wife were THIS dirty!"

"Kilroy shat here."


"For a good time, call that cheating *&^# of a wife at..."

"Scott wuz here. 1977
Scott wuz here. 1986
Scott wuz here. 1999
I killed Scott. 2003"

07-01-2005, 12:05 PM
Anyone can piss on the floor. Be a hero. Shit on the ceiling.

Here I sit, broken hearted.
Came to shit and only farted.

Some come here to sit and think.
Some come here to shit and stink.
But I come here to scratch my balls,
And read the bullshit on these walls.

Don Draper
07-01-2005, 12:11 PM
Written in a stall in "Broadway Joe's" (Buffalo, NY) in one distinctive handwriting:

"I fucked your mother!"

Written in a distinctly different handwriting just below it:

"Go home Dad, you're drunk!"


Written on "the Phoenix" (lower east side of Manhattan) men's room wall :

"You're the load of cum your mother should have swallowed!"

Hey, It's That Guy!
07-01-2005, 12:11 PM
My high school in Miami had some gangs. I'll never forget this bathroom graffitti:
"The Frijoles Clan had intimate carnal knowledge of your mother!"

And a reply, in different handwriting:
"The Frijoles Clan had intimate carnal knowledge of EVERYBODY'S mother!"

07-01-2005, 12:14 PM
King Norton is so nasty, he has to sneak up on his own dick to take a piss.

(Near the ceiling) My name is Too Tall, and I wrote this.
(Just above that) I am taller yet!
(On the ceiling) I'm taller than the both of you.

07-01-2005, 12:25 PM
"I Fucked your mother!" To which someone responded, "Go home, Dad, you're drunk."

07-01-2005, 12:27 PM
Seen on the wall at Canadian Forces Base Borden, in '98

"I've been sittin and a'squeezin,
Pinchin' and a'gruntin,
No matter what happens it just won't flow

Oh there it goes! The mother load!
It's big, it's wet and it's green;
has eyes, so it seems.

Oh fuck.... I just shit a toad."

Maus Magill
07-01-2005, 12:41 PM
"There once was a poem with only one line."

Hello Again
07-01-2005, 12:49 PM
"I masturbated in here"
"Perhaps you need A Room of Your Own, like Virginia Woolf"

Pythian Habenero
07-01-2005, 01:02 PM
The classic, spotted by someone and remembered forever by me:

Kaspar Hauser
07-01-2005, 01:37 PM
Next to the toilet seat covers: "Free cowboy hats!"

07-01-2005, 01:45 PM
Not graffitti, but alongside our No Diving - Shallow Water & OSHA 'Wear Face Masks' signs in the company bathrooms is this Bathroom Etiquette Rules Sheet (http://public.fotki.com/JohnBuckLINY/work_stuff/bathroom_etiquette.html)

07-01-2005, 01:49 PM
a friend of mine saw one writtin in the grout of the floor of a restroom...... you had to lean and squint to read it, once in the position it read "you are now sh*tting at a 45 degree angle"

in another restroom was "if you take a sh*t put it back"

07-01-2005, 01:53 PM
In one particular bathroom in my high school everyone wrote jokes on the wall over the urinals. There were dozens, but the best was "Don't look up here -- the joke is in your hand."


Man With a Cat
07-01-2005, 02:21 PM
I've mentioned this one before. In the 70's there used to be AAU track & field meets in the old fieldhouse at the University of Chicago. Anyone running there will remember the red clay, and marvelously pinkish red boogers that resulted.

But I digress....

On the wall of a stall there:

"Richard Nixon took his wife to see Deep Throat 3 times before he finally got it down Pat"

Another I can't recreate but can only describe, was a drawing of the molecular symbol for benzene, but with the downward pointing peace-sign looking thing in the middle. The caption read "Mercedes Benzene" If you're a chemist, you can picture it. It was funny at the time, I swear......

07-01-2005, 02:24 PM
Above a urinal somewhere:

"Do not eat the big white mint"

Hung Mung
07-01-2005, 02:48 PM
"Do not throw cigarette butts into the urinal. It makes them soggy and hard to light."

"Do not throw toothpicks into the urinal. The crabs have learned to pole vault."

At the University of Tennessee, there was a universal graffitto in many men's restroom stalls: On the toilet paper dispenser in large, black letters was scrawled, "UT DIPLOMAS: TAKE ONE."
Anyone who's used a stall in Hodges Library knows what I'm talking about.
In a rest stop bathroom on the way to Orlando (so somewhere in Georgia): "Butt sex is for assholes."

Here's one I found elsewhere...
"Fight for the rights of the pansexual." After the usual bible-beater remarks about how homosexuality is a sin, and all pansexuals will therefore burn in hell, there as a string of humorous responses. The first was "Does that mean you fuck a little guy with hooves and a flute?" they followed:

"or does he fuck you?"
"and what role, if any, is played by the flute?"
"It plays an octave, albeit minor, role."

whack and blight
07-01-2005, 02:49 PM
I saw this in a gas station just over the Alabama border.

Don't bother not touching the seat,
Alabama crabs jump 5 to 10 feet.

Biffy the Elephant Shrew
07-01-2005, 03:00 PM
In the Humanities Library at UCSD, someone quoted Captain Beefheart:

I was shanghaied
By a high hat beaver mustache man
'n his pirate friend
I woke up in vomit 'n beer
In a banana bin...

...to which another hand replied:

Bah. This stuff sucks.

Everybody's a critic!

07-01-2005, 05:10 PM
Above a urinal:


a few feet above that


near the ceiling


and, on the ceiling itself


07-01-2005, 05:25 PM
In black ink:


Adjacent, in green ink and a distinctly different hand:


Tracy Lord
07-01-2005, 08:10 PM
"Press button, receive bacon" is one of my all-time favorites.

07-01-2005, 08:23 PM
I once saw (in my high school bathroom) "Fuck the world--I'm on a Quaalude!"

So I wrote "Shit the world--I'm on Exlax!"

07-01-2005, 08:44 PM
I'm sure this one is in a lot of high school rest rooms:

Flush twice. It's a long way to the school cafeteria.

And equally erudite :rolleyes: I've seen this near a urinal:

No matter how you shake and dance,
that final drop rolls down your pants.

07-01-2005, 11:00 PM
In between tiles on the wall:

It freaks me out to write on grout.

In another tile:
It freaks me in to write so thin.

Better yet was when I graffiti'd a "proof" that 1=0 on a bathroom wall of a college, and someone actually provided the proper correction!

But the most memorable one I've seen, if not the funniest or most cogent:

"It's allways 4:20". The misspelling is key. How can someone not misspell when thinking about pot?

07-01-2005, 11:01 PM
The classic, spotted by someone and remembered forever by me:

I'm so stupid. What?

07-01-2005, 11:16 PM
I believe the joke is that the attempted correction was a horrible failure.


07-01-2005, 11:49 PM
This has been mentioned elsewhere, in other threads, I'm sure.

IIRC, it was the restroom of the Red Rock in NYC.

The first philosopher had written:

"What would Jesus do?"

Someone else followed with:

"For a Klondike Bar?"

07-02-2005, 02:01 AM
I have been perplexed by some bathroom scrawling I saw years ago. I never found anyone who knew what it meant. Maybe someone here has seen it. Of course I cannot remember exactly what it said. I saw it in a few campus bathrooms (UNC Chapel Hill) and I know for sure it was in the physics building bathroom. It involved looking at your anus, a blue dot and Indians (I assume the New Dehli variety.

Has anyone seen this or is it just something exclusive to the school, maybe something that came from an inside joke of some lonely physics majors? I thought I saw it in a bathroom in another town, but I could be mistaken.

I tried to figure it out for the longest time. It is a still mystery and now a fuzzy one to boot.

07-02-2005, 05:34 AM
My favorite is one that's actually appropriate for Cafe Society:

It was in the bathroom of the Coronet theater in San Francisco, when they were showing preview screenings of the "special edition" of Star Wars. We must've gone to one of the later ones, because in the men's bathroom stall, somebody had written:


07-02-2005, 07:46 AM
Seen on the walls of a high school bathroom in Topeka:

"Flush twice, it's a long way to the cafeteria."

07-02-2005, 08:22 AM
In a ladies restroom somewhere: "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie".

Linty Fresh
07-02-2005, 08:53 AM
In a porta-potty on a field exercise ten years ago:

I've fucked women from France
I've fucked women from Spain
I've even fucked women on the coast of Maine

But I'll never be happy
And I'll never be free
'Til I've fucked the army
The way the army fucked me.

In the Borders Bookstore stall in downtown Boston:

"The wages of sin are death!" And underneath that in different handwriting: "But the hours are great!"

07-02-2005, 09:24 AM
Jim Hightower mentions in one of his books a message written over the hand blow dryer in a Texas bar: "Press here for a message from Senator Phil Gramm."

07-02-2005, 11:03 AM
In the ladies room of the Little Five Points Pub in Atlanta:

"My mother made me a lesbian."

In different handwriting and ink:

"If I buy the yarn, will she make me one, too?"

07-02-2005, 12:18 PM
This one's not very funny, but it did seem to fit the general mood of the college I was matriculating through in the Spring of 1968 when I saw it on a restroom wall on campus:

"Where is Lee Harvey Oswald when we need him?"

The subject matter (that everyone who read this at the time understood) was then POTUS Lyndon Johnson, who was at his lowest ebb of popularity. The graffitti appeared just about the time he announced he wouldn't run for President in 1968.

Here's a less ominous one I saw in a local bar years ago:

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a pre-frontal lobotomy"

07-02-2005, 05:28 PM
Any one who's been to summer camp has probably seen this one (from Camp Bratton-Green, an Episcopalian camp near Canton, Miss.):

Those who write on bathroom walls
Roll their shit in little balls

Those who read these words of wit
Eat those little balls of shit.

07-02-2005, 08:17 PM
My Dad told me these two from his college days:

Don't change dicks in the middle of a screw
Vote for Nixon in '72.

And the inevitable liberal backlash:

If you voted for Nixon in '72, you can't shit here because your asshole's in Washington.

07-02-2005, 08:39 PM
An photo major friend of mine used to describe the great graffiti found in the art building. My favorite was one written on the entirety of a wall, with a huge space between the first statement and the second:

I am far more than a mere wall.

Far more.

Dr. Rieux
07-02-2005, 08:51 PM
In a men's room in the Hayden Library here at ASU:

Here I sit
Butt cheeks flexin'
Just gave birth
To another Texan

Tentacle Monster
07-02-2005, 09:32 PM
At the Pita Pit in downtown Boise:

"We were somewhere outside Boise when the drugs began to take hold..."

li'l Dickie Dirtz
07-02-2005, 09:38 PM
My favorite, first seen at The Showdown on the Drag,

No matter how good looking she is, some guy somewhere is sick of her shit

07-03-2005, 07:35 AM
In Kelly's in Kansas City MO "I feel more like I do now, than I did when I got here."

07-03-2005, 09:07 AM
One I saw at the UNM library:

She offered her honor
He honored her offer
And all night long
It was on her and off her.

07-03-2005, 09:58 AM
Apparently a Melbourne Uni toilet door has written at the very bottom (just above the gap between the door and the floor): "Beware of gay limbodancers."

~ Isaac

07-03-2005, 10:15 AM
Jim Hightower mentions in one of his books a message written over the hand blow dryer in a Texas bar: "Press here for a message from Senator Phil Gramm."
Very funny. I'm in TN and need to make stickers like that for dumbass Bill Frist and start spreading them around.

07-03-2005, 10:24 AM
I've done a lotta traveling and always enjoy the graffiti . Here's a memorable one.

I fucked her standing,
I fucked her lieing ,
and if I could have
I'd fucked her flying.
Now she's gone
but not forgotten
because I dug her up
and I fucked her rotten.

Hung Mung
07-03-2005, 11:09 AM
Very funny. I'm in TN and need to make stickers like that for dumbass Bill Frist and start spreading them around.
Dude, let's do it. Fuckin' aye.

07-03-2005, 01:37 PM
My personal favorite, under all the I LOVE JOE and KA+TB=TLF!!!! :

"Give your guy a little class
Don't write his name where you wipe your ass"

07-03-2005, 01:57 PM
Back at Columbia U., we all had to take two semesters of political philosophy (course title: Contemporary Civilization). In Hamilton Hall, where I had the first semester of that class, right abvove the urinal were the words:

"A Piss Is a Catehorical Imperative." - Kant

07-03-2005, 03:08 PM
Above the truck stop condom machine:

Don't buy this gum it tastes like rubber

marque elf
07-03-2005, 03:49 PM
Jesus saves.
Moses invests.

Jesus saves... and clears to the corner. Gretzky picks up the rebound. Centers to Messier standing in the crease. He Shoots...HE SCORES!!!!!

Be back soon. Wait for me. Godot

07-03-2005, 09:37 PM
At my college, on the door at about eye height as you are sitting:You are sitting on an American Standard toiletAt the pub in Sacramento where I played open stage a few times, there was a whole series of "grout" jokes--written on the grout, of course. "Try the burgers, they're GROUT!" and "The Grout Gatsby" and my personal favorite "Hockey great, Wayne Groutsky." Sadly, they've now been scrubbed out.

Johnny L.A.
07-03-2005, 09:40 PM
I was sitting on a toilet at Santa Monica Airport. In front of me, on the door, someone wrote: 'If you look down, you'll see the same view a Stuka pilot would see when he's bombing Kansas.'

I looked down at the floor tile. Sure enough, it looked like farm fields.

Typo Negative
07-03-2005, 11:09 PM
From a Port-A-John:

"Here I sit, tired and dirty
Hiding out until 3:30"

07-04-2005, 12:13 AM
At the NY Botanical Garden: Karl Marx's grave is a communist plot.

07-04-2005, 12:17 AM
Forgot this one: Claimed to be college bathroom grafitti by Stan Mack (Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies, a cartoon that appeared for years in The Village Voice):

To be is to do. - Descartes
To do is to be. - Sartre
Do be do be do. - Sinatra

Anne Neville
07-04-2005, 01:25 AM
Boingboing had an article last week about a site with a large collection of 18th century toilet wall graffiti (http://www.boingboing.net/2005/06/26/toiletwall_graffiti_.html).

07-04-2005, 11:20 AM
In a similar fashion but not seen in a bathroom

"There is no God" -Nietzsche

"There is no Nietzsche" -God

Hung Mung
07-04-2005, 01:03 PM
From the walls of Pompeii. (http://www.orbilat.com/Languages/Latin_Vulgar/Texts/Pompeii_Graffiti.html)

More from Pompeii. (http://college.hmco.com/history/west/perry/western_civilization/6e/students/primary/pompeii.htm)


Charlie Tan
07-04-2005, 03:49 PM
"If Batman is so fuckin' smart, why does he wear his undies outside his suit?"

07-04-2005, 04:26 PM
Here I sit
On the pooper
Giving birth
To a new State Trooper.

07-04-2005, 05:50 PM
Dude, let's do it. Fuckin' aye.

Ya know it would be so easy and I'm betting it would make the local news if we got a lot of people in on it. Good idea.

07-05-2005, 05:31 AM
The classic, spotted by someone and remembered forever by me:
END IS^NEARI don't get it.

07-05-2005, 05:38 AM
I think it was meant to say "The end is near", but the author left out "the." Someone tried to be smarmy and correct it, yet put the "the" in the wrong place.

It should have been:

^end is near.

Or.. it could be that I don't get it, either.

Pythian Habenero
07-05-2005, 11:42 AM
I think it was meant to say "The end is near", but the author left out "the." Someone tried to be smarmy and correct it, yet put the "the" in the wrong place.

It should have been:

^end is near.

Or.. it could be that I don't get it, either.
The true issue is that I failed to recall the piece correctly. It was worse. Note that in the original this was all written by the same person:

07-13-2005, 12:54 PM
"Nixon Now!"

Beware of Doug
07-14-2005, 01:40 PM
Writer 1: Don't write on this wall
Writer 2: Don't type on it either

Writer 1: I wanna fuck grils
Writer 2: it's girls, not grils
Writer 3: What's wrong with us grils?

N. Sane
07-14-2005, 05:15 PM
Oscar Wilde was prematurely gay.

John Carter of Mars
07-14-2005, 09:35 PM
Sign in a downtown shop window, during the Nixon impeachment flurry:

"Dick Nixon before he dicks us"

Sign over a bar urinal:

"We aim to please
You aim too, please"

07-15-2005, 06:00 AM
"John Is Gay"

a little below that, "He Is Not"

a little below that "I Am, Too!"

07-15-2005, 07:28 AM
My all-time favorite is written directly on the seat of the toilet in the women's room at a bar in Brooklyn. Around the top of the seat, there's a drawing of the Revolutionary War navy flag snake, with the text:

"Don't pee on me"

07-15-2005, 11:20 AM
At my old university library, in all three women's loos and with big black marker:

Bloody Hell.

Tampax Woman Strikes Again.

07-15-2005, 02:01 PM
Next to a urinal with the logo of Crane Plumbing:

"You stand on one leg in the middle of a bog"

07-21-2005, 01:34 PM
Please don't throw cigarette butts in the urinals.
We don't come to your house and piss in the ashtrays.
--The Janitors

07-21-2005, 01:59 PM
Look Down - Your Future Is In Your Hands

Electrical Storm
07-21-2005, 06:05 PM
Those who read the shithouse walls
roll their shit in little balls.


Don Draper
07-21-2005, 06:15 PM
Those who read the shithouse walls
roll their shit in little balls.


And those who read those words of wit,
EAT those little balls of shit!

07-21-2005, 10:07 PM
Jesus Variation:

Jesus Saves

But Esposito scores on the rebound


There once was a man from Madras
Who's balls were made out of brass
He'd bang them together
Amid stormy weather
And lightning shot out of his ass.


I spied the Doo be doo be doo and Nietche/God quotes in College

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