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Sampiro
01-03-2006, 01:07 PM
We can't do any worse that Jeane Dixon used to do. (Did she ever get one right?)

Mine:


David Spade will star in a movie about a 40-ish wiseass slacker who somehow gets the girl. Critics will loathe the movie but audiences will be lukewarm.


Andy Dick, Brad Renfro, Robert Downey Jr., Corey Haim and Tom Sizemore will star in a remake of Sergeants Three (http://imdb.com/title/tt0056470/) while playing Vegas lounges at night. They will forever after be known as The Smack Pack, at least until they become the first native born Americans to be deported.

Tom Cruise will revisit Oprah Winfrey, this time jumping up and down on her sofa screaming "I'm Gay! I'm in Love! And I've Converted to Buddhism!", bringing out and gushing over his awkward new much younger love Wilmer Valderrama. The move will stun many, none more so than Valderrama, who it turns out is not only straight but has never met Tom Cruise and just happened to be in the Green Room. For the first time in his career Cruise will be plagued by "Straight Rumors".

Paris Hilton will be featured in news articles as if she were actually somebody who is talented at something.

Vincent Gallo and Chloe Sevigny will star in the roles made famous by Dick Van Dyke and Julie Andrews in a remake of Mary Poppins, which will also feature Dakota Fanning and Dakota Fanning as the two children in Mary's charge, Danny Devito and Courtney Love as their parents, and with a cameo by Harvey Fierstein as "The Bird Lady".

Your predics?

Sampiro
01-03-2006, 02:28 PM
No one? Bueller, Bueller?

Okay, I'll take the next shift.


Thelma Todd will be found frozen in a block of ice under her old restaurant/house and prove she really didn't get killed after all but rather her lookalike did. She will attempt to revive her film career as a new Bond Girl but will instead find fame anew as herself as the romantic interest/sidekick/neighbor on Joey, bringing it to the top of the ratings. This will prove once and for all the existence of the paranormal as Randi will give up his $1 million prize, for there is no natural way Matt LeBlanc could carry a number 1 sitcom.

Gloria Stuart and Kate Winslet will team up again for a sequel to TITANIC. In this one Rose realizes that she wasn't on the Titanic after all but suffers from False Memory Syndrome, having created the illusion of the sinking ship to mask the terrors that befell her in her real life as the Grand Dutchess Anastasia. Ralph Fiennes will receive an Oscar nod for his portrayal of Rasputin but will lose out to Philip Seymour Hoffmann in Capote II: Black, White and Read All Over.

Sampiro
01-03-2006, 02:56 PM
Odd. For some reason the second post shows up when you click but not anywhere else and isn't numerically registered. I wonder if this will show up.

Marley23
01-03-2006, 03:47 PM
Michael Jackson converts to Scientology - it's about the only weird thing he hasn't done.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have their child, and name her L. Ron Maverick Joey Lestat Oprah Cruise. The press dubs her "LeRMaOJ" for short. Days after her birth, Lermaoj is kidnapped by the Raelians, who try to ransom her, and end up giving her to a couple in a small heartland town. The entire series of events receives less than five minutes of news coverage.

Little Nemo
01-03-2006, 04:42 PM
Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay team up for a remake of The Dirty Dozen. The movie will feature an all star cast of Jim Carrey, Andy Dick, Will Farrell, Jon Heder, Ashton Kutcher, Mike Myers, Michael Richards, Chris Rock, Adam Sandler, Seann Michael Scott, and David Spade, with Steve Martin played Lee Marvin's role. Early expectations of the movie's commercial success will diminish when Bruckheimer and Bay announce they will not be doing it as a comedy.

Imasquare
01-03-2006, 06:21 PM
Early expectations of the movie's commercial success will diminish when Bruckheimer and Bay announce they will not be doing it as a comedy.It would still be funny in a bizarre sort of way. I haven't seen a movie in a cinema since the 90s, but I'd pay to see that.

vivalostwages
01-03-2006, 06:25 PM
We can't do any worse that Jeane Dixon used to do. (Did she ever get one right?)

Mine:


David Spade will star in a movie about a 40-ish wiseass slacker who somehow gets the girl. Critics will loathe the movie but audiences will be lukewarm.


Andy Dick, Brad Renfro, Robert Downey Jr., Corey Haim and Tom Sizemore will star in a remake of Sergeants Three (http://imdb.com/title/tt0056470/) while playing Vegas lounges at night. They will forever after be known as The Smack Pack, at least until they become the first native born Americans to be deported.

Tom Cruise will revisit Oprah Winfrey, this time jumping up and down on her sofa screaming "I'm Gay! I'm in Love! And I've Converted to Buddhism!", bringing out and gushing over his awkward new much younger love Wilmer Valderrama. The move will stun many, none more so than Valderrama, who it turns out is not only straight but has never met Tom Cruise and just happened to be in the Green Room. For the first time in his career Cruise will be plagued by "Straight Rumors".

Paris Hilton will be featured in news articles as if she were actually somebody who is talented at something.

Vincent Gallo and Chloe Sevigny will star in the roles made famous by Dick Van Dyke and Julie Andrews in a remake of Mary Poppins, which will also feature Dakota Fanning and Dakota Fanning as the two children in Mary's charge, Danny Devito and Courtney Love as their parents, and with a cameo by Harvey Fierstein as "The Bird Lady".

Your predics?

Did you mean to say Elle Fanning (little sister) instead of saying Dakota twice?
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I predict that Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter will have a second child, and that Burton will collaborate once again on a movie with Johnny Depp.

Someone will make an indie film about Abraham Lincoln portrayed as a gay or bisexual man.

Tarrsk
01-03-2006, 07:43 PM
The entire series of events receives less than five minutes of news coverage.

Oh, we can only hope.

Sampiro
01-03-2006, 07:43 PM
Someone will make an indie film about Abraham Lincoln portrayed as a gay or bisexual man.

Splitrail Mountain starring Jake Gyllenhaal as Abe, Heath Ledger as Joshua Speed (Abe's supposed but far from proven* boyfriend) and Sean Hayes as John Wilkes Booth ("If I cain't have him no one can!")

*Unproven, that is, unless you count those letters that provide infallible evidence that Larry "the gay answer to Eric von Danichen" Kramer claims to have in his possession but "chooses" not to let anybody else see. Rumor is he keeps the "evidence" stowed along with a 1973 letter from Amelia Earhart, Joseph Smith's "My First Thummim" and a crystal containing all the compiled knowledge of Atlantis in the Ark of the Covenant buried under his cousin's garage.)

Shirley Ujest
01-03-2006, 08:03 PM
Mel Gibson Announces he has been a Secret Jew for 25 years.


Abe Vigoda Has Himself On His Own Dead Pool List.



Kevin Federline's Rap Album a huge hit!

LiveOnAPlane
01-03-2006, 08:03 PM
1. Miichael Jackson hits big with a #1 Country-Western song.
2. Dakota Fanning stars in "Scream5: The Sequel."
3. Paris Hilton marries, retires from show biz and becomes a stay-at-home soccer mom.
4. Clive Cussler receives a Pulitzer Award.
5. Suzuki hires Tom Cruise to promote their new 1000-horsepower motorcycle.
6. Cecil Adams hosts an all expenses paid Vegas blowout for all subscribed Dopers.

Shirley Ujest
01-03-2006, 08:08 PM
Paris Hilton seen eating a donut.


JK Rowling admits that book 7 will be free to everyone "I've got more money than God. It's the least I can do." Said the bajillionaire.


Donald Trump Gets a New Hairstyle


Hollywood Women collectively announce they have all had major plastic surgery, botox and eating disorders.

Hollywood Men collectively announce they are all gay.

kunilou
01-03-2006, 08:56 PM
Rumors will swirl that the marriage of [/B]Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson is on the rocks.

Surprisingly it will be Ron and Cheryl Howard[B] who wind up divorced.

kunilou
01-03-2006, 09:00 PM
Additional rumors about my ability to code will prove true.

Shirley Ujest
01-03-2006, 09:48 PM
Nicholas Cage names his son Khalil....



No..wait....

Sampiro
01-03-2006, 09:52 PM
Did you mean to say Elle Fanning (little sister) instead of saying Dakota twice?

Holy Pre Liposuction Cher, there's another Fanning?

Wile E
01-03-2006, 10:06 PM
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie finally marry. The next morning Brad's dessicated corpse is found in the Honeymoon Suite.

Katie Holmes gives birth to little L. Ron Cruise, surprisingly the baby is the spitting image of Chris Klein.

Donald Trump becomes even more full of himself.

Paris Hilton finally meets her soul mate, his name is Skeletor.

Sampiro
01-03-2006, 10:25 PM
Katie Holmes gives birth to little L. Ron Cruise, surprisingly the baby is the spitting image of Chris Klein.

Even more surprising, doctors confirm that Katie is still a virgin.

Good Egg
01-03-2006, 11:09 PM
Sampiro, a lot of people aren't replying because your original post was so great we can't top it. Any ideas on Jessica and Ashlee Simpson?

Sampiro
01-04-2006, 02:28 AM
Any ideas on Jessica and Ashlee Simpson?

From her spectacular success in Dukes of Hazzard she'll co-star with her sister in a remake of ALICE. Inspired by the recycling of Brando's footage in the new SUPERMAN, the producers will arrange for Vic Tayback to play Mel once more, while Ashlee will pretend to sing the themesong. Meanwhile I see Nick LaChey getting rave reviews for his performance in The Odd Couple alongside Flavor Flav at the Chief Allu Kaneet Dinner Theater and Casino in New Albany, MS.

DeVena
01-04-2006, 11:32 AM
The show Skating with "Celebrities" is an unexpected success due to the large number of injuries to the said "celebrities." So the producers slightly tweak the format to remove the ice... And thus, Celebrity Death Match becomes reality.

Little Nemo
01-04-2006, 12:02 PM
Any ideas on Jessica and Ashlee Simpson?
The Simpson family will unveil its new sister, Kerree Simpson, now that her breasts are sufficiently developed to sustain a professional musical career. In keeping with the family's plans to cover all aspects of the entertainment industry, Kerree will be marketed as a pseudo-lesbian feminist folk singer.

Dante
01-04-2006, 01:10 PM
James Cameron will attempt to raise the Titanic using a long nylon cord and his own ego. Both halves of the great ship will last be seen leaving earth orbit.

Due to lack of work, Matthew Perry will take the lead role in Miss Chanandler Bong, an off-Broadway musical about a man who never gets his TV Guide.

Ozzy Osbourne will be elected the spokesperson for ToastmastersTM, after a crayon is removed from his brain.

DMark
01-04-2006, 02:21 PM
Peter Jackson announces his next film project, a stunning 4 film, 12 hour epic finale to the television show, LOST to be filmed in New Zealand and Skokie, Illinois.

Katie Curic has a meltdown on live television as she strips naked, grabs a gun and runs wildly into the public standing outside the TODAY show, killing five and injuring 15 before Al Roker tackles her and pins her down while Matt Lauer calls 411 to get the phone number for 911.

ioioio
01-04-2006, 02:29 PM
Katie Holmes will scream for drugs during childbirth. When Tom Cruise tries to prevent the doctors from administering drugs to her, she will knock him unconscious with a bedpan.

Post-divorce Jessica Simpson will move into a new house with sister Ashlee, and a new reality show will ensue. The scantily-clad catfights will never end. Ratings will be record-breaking.

After adopting her two children and impregnating her, Brad Pitt will discover that Angelina Jolie is a major nut job, and he will immediately leave her for the latest flavor of the month.

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline will have two more children before finally figuring out that their marriage ain’t gonna work. Child One will develop drug and alcohol problems and be repeatedly arrested for petty crimes. Child Two will become a gay folk singer with a compulsion to expose himself on stage. Child Three will spend most of her life in therapy, eventually writing a tell-all book titled “Hit me baby one more time”.

Pamela Anderson will have another boob job, adjusting their size up or down a few notches, but they’ll still be huge and plastic-looking. Pamela will fall madly in public love with yet another disgusting scuzball, possibly K-Fed, is he’s available soon enough.

Nicole Richie will die, because no one can be that skinny and live. (http://www.eonline.com/Gossip/Fashion/Archive2/0,1912,1638,00.html)

Joan Rivers will be attacked by rabid wolverines, and no one will attempt to save her.

Sampiro
01-04-2006, 06:29 PM
Nicole Richie will die, because no one can be that skinny and live. (http://www.eonline.com/Gossip/Fashion/Archive2/0,1912,1638,00.html)

Damn!

In a similar story, John Goodman will write a memoir about his lifelong battle with bulimia called Except for the Throwing Up Part.

When the case of Anna Nicole Smith comes before the Supreme Court (http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/12/26/scotus.roundup.ap/) her lawyer, Howard Stern (not the "radio personality who gets paid millions brings retarded people on his show to make fun of them and pays naked lesbians and transvestite whores to wrestle" Howard Stern but the sleazy one (http://www.realitytvplanet.com/photos/photo3199986.jpg)) will argue the case so well that Bush will immediately appoint him to the Supreme Court vacancy. The decision will be based on the beautiful way he argues community property laws and the way he gets his client down off the pole where she's dancing during her testimony.

To get some free publicity and full switch from the Democratic Party to the GOP, Arnold Schwarzeneggar will divorce Maria Kennedy Shriver and marry both Bush twins in a bizarre Austro-Mormon ceremony. Dubya will announce that this is only fair since he never could tell the girls apart anyway, only to be embarassed when he learns they're not identical.

Surprise hit Reality TV shows for the year will include Who Wants to Marry Scott Peterson?, Cannibal Island: Only One Will Survive, Survivor: Cabrini Green and Prison Bitch: The Game. Most surprising is that all will be won by Miss Ethel Schollborgen of Wewanimak, Minnesota.

Robert Blake and O.J. Simpson will attempt to pay off their debts to the Bakley, Brown and Goldman families and society by joining the cast of RENT as Collins and Angel. Understudy Danny Pintauro will have to go on for Blake one night when he attempts to open fire at an audience member for laughing at the fact he's in a Santa Claus dress, only to realize he left his gun at Sardi's.

Dolly Parton, having already announced her plans to write a Broadway musical version of 9 to 5 (true (http://www.myrtlebeachonline.com/mld/myrtlebeachonline/entertainment/13420234.htm) ), will decide to go ahead and write the songs for Broadway productions of Straight Talk (http://imdb.com/title/tt0105481/) and Rhinestone (http://imdb.com/title/tt0088001/) while she's at it. The productions, both starring Nathan Lane and Rosie O'Donnell, will result in the official closing of Broadway to make way for STARBUCKS LAND on December 8, 2006.

Amaranta
01-04-2006, 07:07 PM
Nicole Richie will die, because no one can be that skinny and live. (http://www.eonline.com/Gossip/Fashion/Archive2/0,1912,1638,00.html)


Sweet Jesus. The width of your sunglasses just shouldn't exceed that of your hips. Ever. Yuck. I hope she gets help soon.

Good Egg
01-04-2006, 09:59 PM
[b]Joan Rivers will be attacked by rabid wolverines, and no one will attempt to save her.
Silly. Her daughter, Melissa would, and then joins a show with Lisa Marie presley called We Look so much Better Than our Moms.

jackelope
01-04-2006, 10:03 PM
Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay team up for a remake of The Dirty Dozen. The movie will feature an all star cast of Jim Carrey, Andy Dick, Will Farrell, Jon Heder, Ashton Kutcher, Mike Myers, Michael Richards, Chris Rock, Adam Sandler, Seann Michael Scott, and David Spade, with Steve Martin played Lee Marvin's role. Early expectations of the movie's commercial success will diminish when Bruckheimer and Bay announce they will not be doing it as a comedy.I would totally go see that. $5 says Jon Heder dies in the second reel.

vivalostwages
01-04-2006, 11:26 PM
Lindsey Lohan will admit she's bulimic.

:smack: Oops, she just did!

Little Nemo
01-05-2006, 12:49 AM
A new reality show, Celebrity Whiz, will debut with the concept of having famous stars submit to unscheduled drug tests to determine what drugs they are currently on. The show will collapse after its first episode when it is surprisingly discovered that Jack Black, Kate Moss, Tara Reid, and Keith Richards have in fact never used drugs. As a tearful Richards will confess on camera, "I've been faking a drug problem all these years just so people would think I was cool."

Philster
01-06-2006, 01:43 PM
Bad storms will cause damage to Florida. The good storms will just wave.

Bill Mahr will amaze people, not with his political spins, but his ability to bag more models and Playmates.

Michael Moore will prove that even models and playmates have limits.

Anne Coulter will be outed as a Democrat, by Bill Mahr (her real life close friend) who fails to bag her in 2006.

There will be trouble with oil.

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