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Evil Captor
02-23-2006, 09:10 PM
So, I was watching "Iron Chef" and the commentator mentioned that the challenger's mentor said that the challenger had been cooking for 15 years and he still felt he hadn't mastered salt.

And I'm thinking, "What a dingus. Fifteen years to master salt? Does he pick it up and think, "Ok, do I salt the fork or the meat or the napkins? I never can figure that out!" God forbid he should be given something COMPLEX to master, like fried rice.

I figured it was just Japanese culinary bullstuff. But I was wondering if there wasn't some Orien ... Asian, I meant Asian! ... tal technique or school or something which provides some kind of justification, however silly, for spending over a decade getting that whole "salt" thing down.

And don't try to tell me about the fisherman's apprentice who spent three years before he could master bait. I'm WAAAAAAY ahead of you.

Diogenes the Cynic
02-23-2006, 09:47 PM
I think I remember that episode. Didn't they call him something like the "Sorceror of Salt?" He had like all these different kinds of salt like regualr salt and sea salt and....I don't remember but he had a bunch of different kinds. I seem to remember that one of them was some kind of "moon salt" that was sea salt harvested only under the light of a full moon. I can't believe that it tastes any different than salt gathered any other time (or that I would personally be able to tell it from Morton's) but they were taking it all very seriously. If there's really any difference between all those different kinds of salt and salting strategies I'm sure it's much too subtle for me.

Evil Captor
02-23-2006, 10:25 PM
I think I remember that episode. Didn't they call him something like the "Sorceror of Salt?" He had like all these different kinds of salt like regualr salt and sea salt and....I don't remember but he had a bunch of different kinds. I seem to remember that one of them was some kind of "moon salt" that was sea salt harvested only under the light of a full moon. I can't believe that it tastes any different than salt gathered any other time (or that I would personally be able to tell it from Morton's) but they were taking it all very seriously. If there's really any difference between all those different kinds of salt and salting strategies I'm sure it's much too subtle for me.

Yeah, that's right, sorcerer of salt ... had the sea salt, the regular salt, the moon salt, the "distilled from the sweat from a Balinese temple dancer's upper thigh" salt ...

Little Plastic Ninja
02-23-2006, 10:37 PM
I'm not a professional chef, and I didn't see the episode, so I can't really comment very well... but since so much of Iron Chef is tongue in cheek, might they be exaggerating a tad?

Though I suppose when you get right down to it, iodized salt and sea salt don't have the same taste, and diet salt -- potassium chloride or whatever that rank crap is -- tastes different from all of them. I suppose in ten years of cooking I haven't mastered salt, since I never use anything but generic supermarket brand.

Snickers
02-24-2006, 09:17 AM
Actually, using salt well as a chef or cook is a pretty subtle thing that can be hard to get right. Salt is a potent flavor enhancer, and used well can really make an amazing difference to your dish. Many home cooks (like myself) probably don't use as much salt as they should because of the fear of oversalting the dish - you can always add more later, right? Better to let the individuals salt it to their own preference at the table later, right? However, salt added later might not punch up the flavor as it would had you added it during the cooking process.

An excellent chef pays attention to these things, and will intend for the dish to be perfectly seasoned when it's plated - no additional salt should be necessary when you're eating it. But getting to that point takes time and sensitivity. I'm not surprised he said that - salt is definitely hard to master.

Improv Geek
02-24-2006, 09:27 AM
Alton Brown only uses salt in making his burgers, nothing else. That's how powerful salt is!

Captain Amazing
02-24-2006, 10:12 AM
Alton Brown only uses salt in making his burgers, nothing else. That's how powerful salt is!

Wow. Most people use meat, too.

Improv Geek
02-24-2006, 10:20 AM
Touche.

Diogenes the Cynic
02-24-2006, 10:40 AM
The Japanese version of Iron Chef was always a mixture of reality and camp. (I remember feeling like an idiot when I first read that "Chairman Kaga" wasn't a real eccentric billionaire). One of the running schticks of the show was to absurdly exaggerate the expertise of individual challengers in a given ingredient or technizque. They were always given nicknames like the "Wizard of Seaweed," the "Sultan of Saki," the "Conjurer of Pasta," "the Magician of Toast."

I think that this kind of thing was probably based on a real bit of expertise or trademark ingredient of these chefs but that their level of ability with them was hyped up to the ceiling for entertainment purposes. The salt guy probably was known for using a variety of different kinds of salt so he became the "Socereor of Salt" for the purpose of the show. A little bit of reality, a lot of "show."

Smeghead
02-24-2006, 12:49 PM
I'm the Congressman of Cold Cereal.

Biffy the Elephant Shrew
02-24-2006, 12:54 PM
And I'm the Grand Exalted Potentate of Cheese Sandwiches.

Diogenes the Cynic
02-24-2006, 12:56 PM
I'm the Ayatollah of Ramen.

zoid
02-24-2006, 01:01 PM
Czar of chocolate checking in here.

GargoyleWB
02-24-2006, 01:10 PM
Earl of Grey. You may have heard of me.

Marley23
02-24-2006, 01:11 PM
So, I was watching "Iron Chef" and the commentator mentioned that the challenger's mentor said that the challenger had been cooking for 15 years and he still felt he hadn't mastered salt.
To be fair, it got much easier when he figured out which end of the shaker the salt came out of. That took him eight years.

Broken Wind
02-24-2006, 01:11 PM
Duke of Dominoe's at your service.

Nars Glinley
02-24-2006, 01:11 PM
I'm the Pontiff of popcorn.

MentalGuy
02-24-2006, 01:12 PM
I'm the potentate of peanut butter.

Little Plastic Ninja
02-24-2006, 01:16 PM
Monarch of marinade here. Also sultana of stir-fry.

Marley23
02-24-2006, 01:19 PM
I'll be the Caliph of Custard.

Ogre
02-24-2006, 01:20 PM
The whole "15 years to master salt" thing sounds pretty silly, but there are a lot of different types of salt. There's regular table salt, kosher salt (slightly coarser...makes a huge difference when salting something because the coarse flakes are easier to control. Also tastes different,) coarse sea salt (usually ground or milled,) grey sea salt (moist, minimally processed salt with lots of minerals,) fleur de sel (unprocessed, unwashed sea salt harvested by hand from the Atlantic salt marshes on Ile de Re. Includes lots of minerals, is fantastic for cooking, and has a subtle, earthy, mineral-y flavor,) and probably hundreds of varieties of inland harvested specialty salt (such as Dead Sea salt, Great Salt Lake salt, and minimally processed salts from geological formations like salt domes that have particular local flavors because of differing mineral contents. These last can be, depending on chemistry, be anything from pure white to brown to pink, green, blue, or any color in between.)

Depending on what flavors you're trying to enhance, you could make the whole salting thing pretty intense...but for 99.9999% of cases, one or two will do just fine. I use kosher salt and fleur de sel.

Broken Wind
02-24-2006, 01:25 PM
The whole "15 years to master salt" thing sounds pretty silly, but there are a lot of different types of salt. There's regular table salt, kosher salt (slightly coarser...makes a huge difference when salting something because the coarse flakes are easier to control. Also tastes different,) coarse sea salt (usually ground or milled,) grey sea salt (moist, minimally processed salt with lots of minerals,) fleur de sel (unprocessed, unwashed sea salt harvested by hand from the Atlantic salt marshes on Ile de Re. Includes lots of minerals, is fantastic for cooking, and has a subtle, earthy, mineral-y flavor,) and probably hundreds of varieties of inland harvested specialty salt (such as Dead Sea salt, Great Salt Lake salt, and minimally processed salts from geological formations like salt domes that have particular local flavors because of differing mineral contents. These last can be, depending on chemistry, be anything from pure white to brown to pink, green, blue, or any color in between.)

Depending on what flavors you're trying to enhance, you could make the whole salting thing pretty intense...but for 99.9999% of cases, one or two will do just fine. I use kosher salt and fleur de sel.I sense a challenger to the "Sorcerer of Salt"... smackdown!

Dolores Reborn
02-24-2006, 01:30 PM
I'll be the Duke of Oil.

<snerk>

CookingWithGas
02-24-2006, 02:05 PM
. . .diet salt -- potassium chloride or whatever that rank crap is . . .Huh? Salt has no calories. Why would there be diet salt?

Biffy the Elephant Shrew
02-24-2006, 02:07 PM
Huh? Salt has no calories. Why would there be diet salt?
It's salt for low-sodium diets.

Evil Captor
02-24-2006, 02:11 PM
I gotta get in on this:

Grand Pooh-bah of Grits.

Dr. Woo
02-24-2006, 02:21 PM
I am the Bacon Bitch.

Cervaise
02-24-2006, 03:29 PM
Actually, using salt well as a chef or cook is a pretty subtle thing that can be hard to get right.This is very true. I consider myself a pretty good cook, and I'm extremely conscious of the salt level when I eat my own food. Undersalt by even a small amount and there's a subtle blandness; oversalt just slightly and you start to lose the natural flavor of the food to the saltiness. When the level of salt is absolutely perfect, you know it; the food fairly sparkles on your taste buds. Yeah, Iron Chef does camp things up a fair amount, but the point about salt mastery is absolutely solid.

Oh, and I'm the mayor of maize, so I know whereof I speak.

h.sapiens
02-24-2006, 03:36 PM
I'm the Empress of Peanut Butter and Jelly.

don't ask
02-24-2006, 03:39 PM
Wasn't Babe Ruth the Sultan of Salt? I myself am merely the Wizard of Water - watch me simmer.

Liberal
02-24-2006, 05:06 PM
Mullah of Meatloaf here.

thirdname
02-24-2006, 05:11 PM
I'm the Comptroller of Coleslaw.

Darwin's Finch
02-24-2006, 05:25 PM
I am the City Councilman of Kraft Mac & Cheese.

RickJay
02-24-2006, 05:51 PM
I'm the Vizier of Chicken Noodle Soup.

Ogre
02-24-2006, 06:02 PM
I'll be the Duke of Oil.

<snerk>:)

Least Original User Name Ever
02-24-2006, 06:08 PM
ooh, can i be the archduke of raspberry?

KGS
02-24-2006, 06:12 PM
Iron Chef did incorporate a lot of pomp and flamboyance, but it wouldn't surprise me if the chefs really do take some of these things seriously. Cooking is a serious art form especially in Japan, nearly to the extent of religion or sex (or both!)

One of the most memorable Iron Chef moments was a match between I.C. Morimoto and Bobby Flay. At the end of the battle, Flay stood up on the cutting board and pumped his arms in the air to get the audience cheering. Morimoto was FURIOUS. He said, "He stood on the cutting board! That's an insult to us! Knives and cutting boards are sacred to us! He's not a real chef, he should be disqualified!"

Later they held a rematch, and this time, Flay made a big show of carefully removing the board before standing directly on the counter. Morimoto stared at him with a look that could melt ice; then he shook his head, and grabbed a bottle of sake.

KGS, High Priest of Hot Pockets.

bmoak
02-24-2006, 06:17 PM
The Japanese version of Iron Chef was always a mixture of reality and camp. (I remember feeling like an idiot when I first read that "Chairman Kaga" wasn't a real eccentric billionaire). One of the running schticks of the show was to absurdly exaggerate the expertise of individual challengers in a given ingredient or technizque. They were always given nicknames like the "Wizard of Seaweed," the "Sultan of Saki," the "Conjurer of Pasta," "the Magician of Toast."

I think that this kind of thing was probably based on a real bit of expertise or trademark ingredient of these chefs but that their level of ability with them was hyped up to the ceiling for entertainment purposes. The salt guy probably was known for using a variety of different kinds of salt so he became the "Socereor of Salt" for the purpose of the show. A little bit of reality, a lot of "show."

Thce cynic in me would say they also wanted to hype up incoming challengers as super-specialists since the quality and reputation of challengers in the earliest seasons was nothing special (top-notch chefs wouldn't touch Iron Chef until it became a big hit), but there is a trend towards specialization in Japanese professional cooking, and an intense narrow focus on one aspect of a craft is admirable in japanese society. I've eaten at noodle joints that serve only soba and not udon (and vice versa). I've eaten at places where you don't need a menu becasue they offer only one or two dishes.

adhemar
02-24-2006, 06:31 PM
Marchioness of marchpane

devilsknew
02-24-2006, 06:34 PM
You guys are cracking me up! RLMFAO! WHEW!

This comment is an insight into the exacting and extreme sense of technicality, perfection, and aesthetic within Japanese artisinal pursuits. Although "salt skills" seem rather arbitrary and simple, it is often the most basic that is raised to artisanal levels within Japanese culture. An entire system, with schools of technique and apprenticeship have arisen in Japan for something as seemingly mundane and simple as serving tea. It is all very zen, to use a cliche.

The mentor's comment is also a pretty typical example of Sempai/Kohei (Senior/Junior) relations- there is always room for improvement, and it's best to keep your junior humble and working towards real greatness and perfection.

I am the President of Chili.

Ogre
02-24-2006, 07:45 PM
I am the President of Chili.
Reply With QuoteWith their track record, you can probably count on being President-for-Life. :)

bmoak
02-24-2006, 10:22 PM
On Iron Chef America, one of the challengers used something called Hawaiian red salt on the rim of his cup of cocao (it was battle chocolate/coconut).

Oslo Ostragoth
02-24-2006, 10:54 PM
I recall once hearing about the career path of wine (or maybe it was brandy) tasters. After 5 years of apprenticeship, you are allowed to ask questions. After another 5 years, you are allowed to to state an opinion. 5 years later you should know your stuff.

15 years to master salt sounds about right.

Coin
02-24-2006, 11:16 PM
Archimandrite of Mac n` Cheese with little hot dog chunks.

bouv
02-24-2006, 11:28 PM
Prime Minister of Prime Rib.

simster
02-24-2006, 11:32 PM
Friar Fish checking in....

Smeghead
02-24-2006, 11:42 PM
Friar Fish checking in....
Shouldn't that be Fish Friar? Your name isn't Chip, is it?

Queen Bruin
02-25-2006, 01:00 AM
I'm the Acolyte of the Snickerdoodle.

The Lovely Margo Lane
02-25-2006, 01:48 AM
Witchfinder General here, Devilled Eggs division.

II Gyan II
02-25-2006, 02:17 AM
Da Maharaja of Masalas

simster
02-25-2006, 08:46 AM
Shouldn't that be Fish Friar? Your name isn't Chip, is it?

My Friends call me Chip....

Perhaps 'Friar of Fish' would've been better.

MrDibble
02-25-2006, 08:57 AM
I am the Tyrant of Tunamelt and the Bishop of Butties!

lorene
02-25-2006, 10:05 AM
Countess of Carrot Cake checking in.
Of course, I had to marry the Count of Cream Cheese to inherit the frosting.

Chefguy
02-25-2006, 10:33 AM
King of pain, but then I like French food.

Hey, It's That Guy!
02-25-2006, 10:40 AM
I'm the Lord of Lasagna.

TellMeI'mNotCrazy
02-25-2006, 11:36 AM
Earl of Grey. You may have heard of me.
You're hot!

Number
02-25-2006, 04:26 PM
You're hot!Especially when he's ordered by Patrick Stewart.

Oh, and you may all bow down before the Dauphin of Dumplings (formerly of Posture, but I folded).

Guinastasia
02-25-2006, 04:37 PM
Mistress of Milkshakes. Damn, I haven't made one in a while, though.

Biffy the Elephant Shrew
02-25-2006, 04:43 PM
I just got back from lunch at Nawab India, so today I am the Guru of Garam Masala.

Marlitharn
02-25-2006, 07:20 PM
I am the Fakir of Frozen Pizza. My husband is the Exchequer of Extra Cheese, so we get along famously.

Shalmanese
02-25-2006, 07:45 PM
I seem to remember that one of them was some kind of "moon salt" that was sea salt harvested only under the light of a full moon. I can't believe that it tastes any different than salt gathered any other time (or that I would personally be able to tell it from Morton's) but they were taking it all very seriously. If there's really any difference between all those different kinds of salt and salting strategies I'm sure it's much too subtle for me.

To answer the moon salt thing, the highest tides occur during full moon which churns up more minerals in the water and gives a supposedly different taste to the salt.

The whole master of salt thing is exaggarated but the mark of an excellent chef compared to a merely good chef has always been in the ability to master simple things. Thomas Keller, perhaps the top chef in the US speaks about how he will never master hollandaise, a simple sauce consisting of egg yolks, wine vinegar, butter and tarragon. He makes it every day yet he always finds something he can do to make it better.

Salting isn't just about adding the right quantity, salt often has a complex interplay with other ingredients depending on the timing and method. Chiefly, dry salt acts as a dessicant, drawing moisture out of cells. However, salt in a solution behaves exactly the opposite, rawing moisture into meat and making it more juicy. The trace minerals in salt including potassium and nitrites can have significant effects on the curing process of meats and salt selection is a very important part of caviar making due to the complex interplay of salt and eggs. Salt added early into the cooking process will be absorbed more by the ingredients and is reputed (but not actually confirmed by any tests) to slow down the cooking of beans. Some salts are slightly basic or slightly acidic which can drastically affect the speed of cooking of certain vegtables. Heavily salted water used for blanching vegtables locks in the green colour and prevents leakage of the nutrients into the water.

The texture of salt also plays an important role, different salts sprinkled onto a piece of meat will be absorbed at different rates. Kosher salt (which really should be known as koshering salt) has large, flat crystals which are designed to stick onto the side of meat and speed up the koshering process. Ordinary table salt, on the other hand, is cubic and will simply roll off meat. Salt in crystal form, when eaten, also provides differing textures and flavour release due to their geometry. Fleur de sel from Brittany is prized for it's light, fluffy structure which, when sprinkled at the last minute over a soup, provides a very gentle, perfumed salt taste as the crystals melt on your tounge. Maldon salt from Britain is prized for it's large, flat grains which provide a hugely satisfying crunch when sprinkled over a salad.

And that's just the white salts. Theres grey salt from Geurende, Red salt from Hawaii, Pink salt from Australia, Black salt from India, Orange "Jurassic" salt from Minesota, Smoked Black salt from Denmark... each of which has a very distinctive flavour due to trace chemicals which can't be duplicated.

Salt is by no means a simple subject and proper salting *is* one of the defining marks that shows off the true ability of an exceptional chef.

The salt wizard actually showed off a few techniques I've never seen or heard of before. The first thing that comes to mind is the salting the paper thing he did. I'm going to play around with the concept some more because I can see the potential.

Anastasaeon
02-25-2006, 08:05 PM
Marquise of Marshmallow. Pleased to meet you all.

Qadgop the Mercotan
02-25-2006, 08:10 PM
Pontifex of Parsley

jweb
02-25-2006, 08:19 PM
I shall henceforth be known as Chieftan of Chocolate Chip Cookies

Cheez_Whia
02-25-2006, 10:18 PM
I'm the Acolyte of the Snickerdoodle.

Ahem. You are the Acolyte of the Supreme Baker of the Unearthly Delicious Snickerdoodle (that would be me).

Pork fat rules!

Queen Bruin
02-25-2006, 10:39 PM
Ahem. You are the Acolyte of the Supreme Baker of the Unearthly Delicious Snickerdoodle (that would be me).

Pork fat rules!
True dat, true dat! (I made a batch the other day. Everyone said how good they were. "They aren't as good as my Mom's!" They never are! But they're still damn good!)

Marley23
02-26-2006, 12:36 AM
I shall henceforth be known as Chieftan of Chocolate Chip Cookies
Oooh... can I change mine? I want to be the Christ of Cupcakes.

BlackKnight
02-26-2006, 03:20 AM
I am the Ceasar of Salads.

I have diplomatic relations with King Croutonkhamen

Gerome
02-26-2006, 04:26 AM
I am the Ceasar of Salads.

I have diplomatic relations with King Croutonkhamen

As the Prince Regent of Pasta, I sentence you to death for the heinous crime of punnery.

Olive, The Other Reindeer
02-26-2006, 04:26 AM
I am the Princess of Peas!!

Olive

crowmanyclouds
02-26-2006, 05:11 AM
Bwha ha ha ha ha !!!

And I rule over all of you,

Crow,
High Lord and Executioner of Leftovers!
Bow down before me, or stay in the back of the fridge till your blue and fuzzy!!!

CMC

SkipMagic
02-26-2006, 07:53 AM
I'm just a lowly Baron of Buttah now, but once my uncle in Scotland dies, I'll inherit his title and be the Head Highlands Haggis Honcho.

Revenant Threshold
02-26-2006, 08:06 AM
I'm just a lowly Baron of Buttah now, but once my uncle in Scotland dies, I'll inherit his title and be the Head Highlands Haggis Honcho.

Perhaps we are related! I'm the Laird of Lychees.

flickster
02-26-2006, 08:19 AM
Nothing of responsibility for me

Just call me the Jambalaya Jester

Harborwolf
02-26-2006, 08:25 AM
I'm Mayor McCheese.

Eleusis
02-26-2006, 09:26 AM
Fall in line, for I am The Captain of Cumin.

SkipMagic
02-26-2006, 09:35 AM
Perhaps we are related! I'm the Laird of Lychees.
Oh, good. I thought you wanted to be a Highlands Honcho, too. You can't, you know.

There can be only one.

TellMeI'mNotCrazy
02-26-2006, 10:01 AM
::cuts off Skip's head::

Olive, The Other Reindeer
02-26-2006, 02:38 PM
Monarch of marinade here. Also sultana of stir-fry.

Shouldn't you be the Sultana of Raisins?

Olive

lorene
02-26-2006, 07:18 PM
Shouldn't you be the Sultana of Raisins?

Olive

And one might question why you are not, say, the Okolnichiya of Olives.

Knorf
02-26-2006, 09:34 PM
... the "distilled from the sweat from a Balinese temple dancer's upper thigh" salt ...
I'd be interested in tasting this ...

:D

Knorf
02-26-2006, 09:43 PM
I am the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Chai.

mobo85
02-26-2006, 09:57 PM
Gee, we're running out of foods. I guess I'll be the [non-terrorist] Jihadist of Junk Food.

Olive, The Other Reindeer
02-26-2006, 10:08 PM
And one might question why you are not, say, the Okolnichiya of Olives.

Actually, my husband calls himself the Mount of Olive

Evil Captor
02-26-2006, 10:32 PM
Gee, we're running out of foods.

Not hardly, says I, the Original Gangsta of Okra, the Vizier of Venison, the Panjandrum of Polenta.

Rick
02-26-2006, 10:35 PM
Ruler of ribs here.

fluiddruid
02-26-2006, 10:51 PM
Gee, we're running out of foods.Plenty of beverages left. I'm the Big Kahuna of Kahlua.

sturmhauke
02-27-2006, 01:24 AM
I am the Raja of Rice, the Burgher of Burgers, the Constable of Cornmeal (none of that effete polenta junk), the Warlord of Whipped Cream, and the Landsknect of Linguica and Lentils.

Antonius Block
02-27-2006, 01:51 AM
I am the Bacon Bitch.Pleased to meet you, Dr. Woo [Are you really just a shadow of the man that I once knew?], for I am the Bacon Slut (Oink!), and I have the ID to prove it (http://www.sirblah.com/misc/group8.htm) (12th pic down on page, courtesy of Amazon Floozy Goddess and Hal Briston)!

[What I lose in alliteration, I gain in anagrammy goodness.]

Catfood Purrito
02-27-2006, 02:03 AM
Hello. I'm Pope Pop Tart XII.

Odesio
02-27-2006, 02:18 AM
Can I be the Salami Sultan?


Marc

Malacandra
02-27-2006, 07:33 AM
Panjandrum of Pepper checking in...

TheseGoToEleven
02-27-2006, 11:09 AM
that nobody beat me to this:

Baron of Beer, here! Cheers! :D

Improv Geek
02-27-2006, 11:09 AM
Well I must be the Samurai of Salmon then

Tristan
02-27-2006, 11:16 AM
Chairman of Cheesecake.

The ladies love me.

Ellen Cherry
02-27-2006, 11:18 AM
Cardinal of the Creme Brulee!

Menocchio
02-27-2006, 12:08 PM
Patriarch of Pastrami!

BMalion
02-27-2006, 12:45 PM
I am the Baron of Boboli.

My sister is the Viceroy of Vegemite.

Ghanima
02-27-2006, 12:49 PM
Duchess of Doughnuts, Czarina of Cookies and Heiress of Hostess, at your service.

Corner Case
02-27-2006, 12:58 PM
Friar of Fried Chicken; Cleric of KitKats.

ZebraShaSha
02-27-2006, 01:03 PM
Where is CK Dekter Haven? He's William I of Orange, I believe.

Me, I'm just the Führer of Flan.

MacSpon
02-27-2006, 01:21 PM
I figured it was just Japanese culinary bullstuff. But I was wondering if there wasn't some Orien ... Asian, I meant Asian! ... tal technique or school or something which provides some kind of justification, however silly, for spending over a decade getting that whole "salt" thing down.
Has the word "oriental" now become perjorative or non-PC, and I missed it? Just wondering.

Moe
02-27-2006, 01:36 PM
A nod to my good friend AndyPolley the self-proclaimed: Turducken Czar (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=296846&highlight=turducken)

Fear Itself
02-27-2006, 01:43 PM
All bow before the Mogul of Meatloaf!!

Lady Gydea
02-27-2006, 02:26 PM
I am the City Councilman of Kraft Mac & Cheese.

Then I'm totally the Premier of Kraft Dinner

TimeWinder
02-27-2006, 02:56 PM
To answer the moon salt thing, the highest tides occur during full moon which churns up more minerals in the water and gives a supposedly different taste to the salt.

OK, I'm going to have to admit my astronomical ignorance here. Why are the tides higher during a full moon? It's not like more light causes more gravity. The sun and moon are most opposed during a full moon, I admit, but the sun's gravity contribution to tides would be negligible, wouldn't it?

Caricci
02-27-2006, 03:06 PM
Matriarch of manicotti checking in.

Evil Captor
02-27-2006, 03:42 PM
Has the word "oriental" now become perjorative or non-PC, and I missed it? Just wondering.

When applied to people, some folks find it offensive. Here's a link. (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=280541&highlight=Oriental) I think they're being waaaay too thin-skinned, but that's a whole 'nother thread.

sturmhauke
02-27-2006, 03:42 PM
OK, I'm going to have to admit my astronomical ignorance here. Why are the tides higher during a full moon? It's not like more light causes more gravity. The sun and moon are most opposed during a full moon, I admit, but the sun's gravity contribution to tides would be negligible, wouldn't it?
explanation of tides (http://www.thehopewellrocks.ca/english/fundytides2.htm)

Tides are strongest during the new and full moon, and weakest during the first and last quarter moon (named for the point in the moon's orbit, but more commonly called a half moon because it's half in shadow).

BMalion
02-27-2006, 03:50 PM
Sorry I was the 3rd person to use the title "baron" I swear those posts weren't there!

But in the interest of not being an usurper.

I declare myself Admiral Refridgerator!

akira5822
02-27-2006, 04:13 PM
I am the Grand Moff of Reese's

TimeWinder
02-27-2006, 05:03 PM
explanation of tides (http://www.thehopewellrocks.ca/english/fundytides2.htm)

Tides are strongest during the new and full moon, and weakest during the first and last quarter moon (named for the point in the moon's orbit, but more commonly called a half moon because it's half in shadow).

Thank you.

To save others having to look it up, and because I had to post again to claim "Priest of pudding," it's because my guess that the sun's influence was negligible was wrong. Apparently the sun's effect on tides is about half that of the moon -- not insignificant at all.

Spatial Rift 47
02-27-2006, 05:18 PM
I'm the God of Goulash.

furryman
02-27-2006, 09:37 PM
[Keye Luke] When you are able to snatch this grain of salt from my palm, only then, Grasshopper, will you you be Master Of Salt. [/Keye Luke]

Posted By the Duke Of Devils' Food Cake.

DiggitCamara
02-27-2006, 09:46 PM
Godzilla of Sushi SMASH!!!

Civil Guy
02-27-2006, 10:01 PM
I can't believe I'm the first to think of this:

Sir Loin, a Knight of the Round Table

Odinoneeye
02-27-2006, 10:28 PM
I proclaim myself Darth Lasagna

Catsmeow
02-28-2006, 03:03 AM
I'm the God of Goulash.

Very nice to meet you. I'm the Goddess of Goetta.

:)

jakeline
02-28-2006, 12:13 PM
Benevolent Dictator of Danishes here

batninja
02-28-2006, 02:03 PM
I am the Corporate Head of Lettuce, Adjudicator of Baked Potater, and the Wizard of Cods...fish, that is...

Crab Rangoon
02-28-2006, 02:11 PM
Commissioner of Condiments here. Would you like some ketchup with that? Sweet or dill relish?

Amazon Floozy Goddess
02-28-2006, 02:31 PM
Grand Dame of Guacamole, at your service.

DrDeth
02-28-2006, 02:43 PM
[QUOTE=Ogre]. There's regular table salt, kosher salt (slightly coarser...makes a huge difference when salting something because the coarse flakes are easier to control. Also tastes different,) coarse sea salt (usually ground or milled,)

grey sea salt (moist, minimally processed salt with lots of minerals,) fleur de sel (unprocessed, unwashed sea salt harvested by hand from the Atlantic salt marshes on Ile de Re. Includes lots of minerals, is fantastic for cooking, and has a subtle, earthy, mineral-y flavor,) /QUOTE]

According to some food book I read, all Salt is NaCl*, and has the exact same flavor- Kosher, Mineral, Sea- all the same. Now, true, some salt has a different texture to start, which as Ogre said, can effect control, etc.

* the exception being the grey or Fleur de sel salts, which are not pure NaCl, and thus do have a very slight different taste.

Sunspace
02-28-2006, 02:43 PM
Margrave of Mashed Potatos here. :)

jakeline
02-28-2006, 04:19 PM
According to some food book I read, all Salt is NaCl*, and has the exact same flavor- Kosher, Mineral, Sea- all the same. Now, true, some salt has a different texture to start, which as Ogre said, can effect control, etc.

* the exception being the grey or Fleur de sel salts, which are not pure NaCl, and thus do have a very slight different taste.
At least in my local market, the default table salt is iodized salt, not just pure NaCl. So, if you're buying table salt and aren't paying attention, you probably aren't buying pure NaCl.

descamisado
02-28-2006, 08:03 PM
I am the Czar of Czardines!

I know, I know, I must duck and run for that one.

Shalmanese
02-28-2006, 09:18 PM
According to some food book I read, all Salt is NaCl*, and has the exact same flavor- Kosher, Mineral, Sea- all the same. Now, true, some salt has a different texture to start, which as Ogre said, can effect control, etc.

* the exception being the grey or Fleur de sel salts, which are not pure NaCl, and thus do have a very slight different taste.

THe book was probably "It must have been something I ate" by Jeffery Steingarten. And Fleur de sel *was* indistinguishable from table salt in that test.

Hypno-Toad
03-01-2006, 07:45 AM
I'm not as exalted as all of you. I'm just a Colonel of Corn.

Evil Captor
03-01-2006, 07:56 AM
I'm not as exalted as all of you. I'm just a Colonel of Corn.

The Potentate of Popcorn has been looking for you and the Duke of Oil.

Ellen Cherry
03-01-2006, 08:40 AM
Commissioner of Condiments here. Would you like some ketchup with that? Sweet or dill relish?

You are dish, not a purveyor of condiments. ;)

Crab Rangoon
03-01-2006, 10:19 AM
You are dish, not a purveyor of condiments. ;)
Should I be in-salt-ed by this?
Have my credentials as the Commissioner of Condiments been a-salt-ed??

I have sel-dom seen such affrontery.

Amazon Floozy Goddess
03-01-2006, 10:35 AM
Should I be in-salt-ed by this?
Have my credentials as the Commissioner of Condiments been a-salt-ed??

I have sel-dom seen such affrontery.

Dispense with your terrible puns or I shall cover you in glorious pasty avocado goodness!

WordMan
03-01-2006, 11:35 AM
First of all, thanks to folks like Shalmanese, Ogre and others who have actually contributed to fighting ignorance about salt through their informed posts.

Secondly - bow before the Grillmaster, aka the Grand Coordinator, Architect of the Perfectly Timed Meal (tm) when all elements are ready at the same time!

Rodd Hill
03-01-2006, 12:49 PM
"Lady Marmelade, may I present the Fürst of Wurst, the Graf von Glögg, Field-Marshall Frikadeller, the Bantiarna of the Poteen, Freiherr Fritter, the High Commander of Halvah and the Emir of Emmenthaler?"

Rodd Hill, Thane of Scones.

Rodd Hill
03-01-2006, 12:58 PM
Oh dear, left out the Mikado of Miso, the Nizam of Noodles, and the Badshah of Buckwheat.

There will be one hell of a row in the kitchen about this...

Labtrash
03-01-2006, 02:37 PM
I'll be the Field Marshal of fricassee!

Crab Rangoon
03-01-2006, 05:59 PM
Dispense with your terrible puns or I shall cover you in glorious pasty avocado goodness!

:eek: Holy Guacomole!! :eek:

Cervaise
03-01-2006, 08:31 PM
First of all, thanks to folks like Shalmanese, Ogre and others who have actually contributed to fighting ignorance about salt through their informed posts.What am I, chopped liver?

sturmhauke
03-01-2006, 11:23 PM
What am I, chopped liver?
No no no, that won't do at all. You are the Knight-Commander of Chopped Liver!

Roland Orzabal
03-02-2006, 06:47 AM
Wow. Most people use meat, too.Okay, I've seen dozens of people claim it on this and many other boards, but never before in my life have I actually, literally snerked a beverage through my nose as the result of a messageboard post. Managed to miss the keyboard, thankfully, but Mt. Dew still feels funny going out the wrong end.

Well played, Captain. Well played.

WordMan
03-02-2006, 07:18 AM
What am I, chopped liver?

I vote for Chairman of the Chopped Liver Board!

And thank YOU, Cervaise, for your thoughtful contributions to this deeply insightful discussion.

Funny thread - deep thinking about how to think about and cook with salt interspersed amongst random silly call-outs of cuisine leadership...try explaining this one to a non-Doper...

WordMan (aka the Grillmaster)

Mr. Goob
03-02-2006, 08:11 AM
My tombstone will read the Poobah of Pizza.

BMalion
03-02-2006, 09:16 AM
My tombstone will read the Poobah of Pizza.


So whattya' want on your... oh, never mind.

levdrakon
03-02-2006, 01:44 PM
Caligula of Capsicum, checkin' in.

Oh, and sometimes Lama of Lemon.

Cervaise
03-02-2006, 03:09 PM
I vote for Chairman of the Chopped Liver Board!That's more like it. :cool:

sturmhauke
03-02-2006, 08:39 PM
Hmph. Knight-Commander clearly has more panache. Besides, if someone doesn't like your Knight-Commanderliness, you can chop their liver with your broadsword.

simster
03-02-2006, 10:08 PM
Hmph. Knight-Commander clearly has more panache. Besides, if someone doesn't like your Knight-Commanderliness, you can chop their liver with your broadsword.

True, but only if he's been assaulted.

Evil Captor
03-03-2006, 08:17 AM
True, but only if he's been assaulted.

Better yet, assaulted and battered, saith the Curmudgeon of Curry.

SCSimmons
03-03-2006, 08:25 AM
I'm the Ayatollah of Ramen.

So, you're a sort of Holy Ramen Emperor, then?

pool
03-03-2006, 08:30 AM
Well I don't know if I would call myself the sorceror of salt, but once when I was very young my sis and I were making mac and cheese. I really hated pepper so when my sister put some in I dumped almost a quarter of a salt shaker in the mac and cheese as some sort of badly planned revenge. Long story short my mom made me eat a good chunk of that culinary abortion. :(

SCSimmons
03-03-2006, 08:37 AM
I'm the Ayatollah of Ramen.

So, you're a sort of Holy Ramen Emperor, then?

Or the Ayatollah Lo-Meini.

(OK, I'm leaving now.)

BMalion
03-03-2006, 08:59 AM
Viscount of Vittles

Mullah of Marshmellows

I wish I could claim to be The King of Soup but somebody beat me to it.

Biffy the Elephant Shrew
03-03-2006, 10:34 AM
True, but only if he's been assaulted.
"Zwei peanuts vas valking down the Strasse..."

Cervaise
03-03-2006, 11:50 AM
Knight-Commander clearly has more panache.I'm allergic to panache.

Corner Case
03-03-2006, 12:00 PM
I'm allergic to panache.Perhaps a flambé-ant dish?

photopat
03-03-2006, 12:19 PM
General T'so here. Has anybody seen Colonel Sanders?

photopat
03-03-2006, 12:22 PM
Oh, and you can all call me the Calamari Commander, thanks.

BMalion
03-03-2006, 12:53 PM
Colonel Kernal, here.

usar_jag
03-03-2006, 03:17 PM
The Nabob of Corn-on-the-Cob, here...

sturmhauke
03-05-2006, 08:45 PM
The Nabob of Corn-on-the-Cob, here...
As long as you don't natter on negatively.

SmartAleq
05-27-2007, 08:50 PM
Ah, but the only emperor is the Emperor of Ice Cream!

*curtsey*

Apos
05-27-2007, 09:48 PM
Count me in for not finding this particular silly. Salt is pretty much THE flavor enhancer in most cuisines, and getting it exactly right really IS a very tricky and fine thing, because its often very hard to control how much salt presents in any given morsel of food that's any more complicated than soup (and heck, its even hard to get just right in soup: it takes time to mix with other things cooking in the broth, so its hard to judge and taste midway through and be able to predict whether there will be too much or too little). It often matters when you use salt in the cooking process, because it has chemical effects on food (like drawing the bitter juices out of eggplants, or helping onions sweat).

Even the shape of salt crystals can alter their taste: just try kosher salt flakes over your steak next time instead of table salt: you WILL recognize the difference, because of the different speeds at which it dissolves on your tongue.

Aspidistra
05-27-2007, 10:48 PM
This thread is the Butcher of BRAAAAAAAAAINS!

psychobunny
05-27-2007, 11:39 PM
I am the Princess of Pringles and the Empress of M&M's.

Diogenes the Cynic
05-27-2007, 11:47 PM
I'm the Governor of Gumbo.

Tapioca Dextrin
05-28-2007, 12:22 AM
I am the Lord of Zombie Threads.

SmartAleq
05-28-2007, 01:17 AM
I knew it was dead, Jim, but I couldn't believe nobody'd done that one yet! How often around here does one get the chance, anyway? Mea culpa and stuff... :smack:

devilsknew
05-28-2007, 01:39 AM
I am the Deva of Deja Vu.

Aspidistra
05-28-2007, 01:43 AM
I knew it was dead, Jim, but I couldn't believe nobody'd done that one yet! How often around here does one get the chance, anyway? Mea culpa and stuff... :smack:

yeah,yeah, sure, you say that NOW.

Now hold still while I insert this straw in your ear

*SLUUUUUUURP!*

C K Dexter Haven
05-28-2007, 06:17 AM
OK, generally, we don't care too much about thread-resurrection ("zombie threads") in Cafe Society, so long as there's something worthwhile being added. Please go to Forum Rules (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=343601) and not especially Post #7. I quote: Don’t resurrect an old thread unless you’ve really got something to add. Just putting an “I just heard this album, and I agree with you!” on a two-year old thread does not accomplish anything at all.
In this case, SmartAleq, adding a few jokes doesn't contribute to the thread in any meaningful way. I am therefore closing it.

I am aware that Apos certainly tried to add some content. If the main focus of the new posts were related to that, I'd have left it open, but since the main thrust are just joke continuations... > CLANG <

If y'all want to continue salt discussion, please start a new thread and provide a link to this one, and I'm sorry for the inconvenience. Don't blame me, blame the jokesters.

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