View Full Version : Future Sequels

Full Metal Lotus
07-01-2008, 09:37 PM
In this thread, I invite you to create future sequels to films. Use this to tie up loose threads in your favorite films, or, in the example that follows, simply try and create a giggle..

My offering:

"Harry Potter and the crises of middle life"

Harry is 49 years old, and an established wizard. He is balding and wears exceptionally thick spectacles. He still longs for his youthful adventures with Hermione, but is married to another...

Big scene: Harry flying the Lambourgini to escape the Taxium Legalmorti

Big Conflict.. Harry trying to master the spell of "Viagraum de Benifitus Employum"

(No offense meant to HP fans..)



07-01-2008, 09:39 PM
Rocky XXIII: Bumfight - Rocky Balboa, again bankrupt because he never did learn to manage his money, has lost Adrian to a richer man and has ended up on the street. When he's offered $500 to be on a bumfight tape, he...well, pretty much ends up just as pathetic as any of those bumfight people do...

07-01-2008, 09:48 PM
LOTR: Hobbit Hole-o-cost
The Shire goes condo thanks to Sauron & Co. New Earth Developers. Forced to relocate to higher crime troll ridden areas or buy their holes, the Hobbits go on a quest to find dragon treasure and are never seen again after an encounter with Shrek, who on steroids to recapture his youth and atone with bodybuilding for The Love Guru works through his anger management issues at the expense of Middle Earthlings.

STAR WARS Episode VII: The Apology
Leia wakes up to realize she's been having a nightmare about something called "Jar jams or something like that- he was this lizard played by JJ from Good Times I think... and there was something about middling-chlorine I guess in the tap water that caused the Force to have no meaning...". Han gently slaps her and tells her to snap out of it because she's embarassing him at Life Day.

Dead Old Men- the hijinks twixt lifelong neighbors and frienemies played by Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon continue on the other side as each do increasingly odd things to the others mortal remains.

High School Musical Shooting- self explanatory- shorter and more violent than the others, but features the hits Don't Hide in There! and Maybe This'll Get Me out of the Contract while bringing closure to the series.

07-01-2008, 11:58 PM
Terminator X10: The Peace Accord

Spider-Man 9: Peter Parker Grows Old and Dies

Munich 2: The Samson Option

Cinderella 4: Madame Guillotine

Pokemon: Death/Rebirth

300: The Next Generation (http://youtube.com/watch?v=pMQwT9z0Jyc)
(I kid, I kid :D )

Die Hard V: McClane vs. Charm, Originality, and Nostalgic Memories.

The Muppets Take Sindh

Full Metal Lotus
07-02-2008, 12:01 AM
Excellent responses all! Keep 'em coming!


07-02-2008, 12:03 AM
The Muppets Take Sindh

Kermit writing "Peccavi" as his missive back to England is classic! It's a little-known fact that he wasn't going for a Latin witticism, but actually writing a love letter to Miss Piggy, and meant to write "Peccary", but the quill slipped.

07-02-2008, 12:04 AM
Hulk 3: Relaunching again!

07-02-2008, 12:40 AM
When Kirk realizes that an alien culture has created a fictional clone who makes a 3D replicant of him for a primitive entertainment technology in an alternate timeline that is worshiped by a race called "The Geeks", he must race the Enterprise 18 times around two suns to go back in time and destroy the clone, Shat-ner, before his own life becomes too predictable from that of the clone who appears in "movies".

The Blue Lagoon Turns Green
When a cruise ship sinks a small naked blonde boy and a small naked brown haired girl grow up on an island until they're naked teenagers. The only adult they have for guidance is the ship's special guest speaker Al Gore, who teaches them about the environment and how to respect the island and the tide levels and how to skin the wild seals for their fur, until the naked teenagers learn to say "Here he is! Commmmme-and-git-ittttttt!" in the local headhunter dialect.

Coming Back to America
When Zumunda strikes the largest deposits of oil in Africa George Bush (Eddie Murphy) adds them to the new Rectangle of Evil and invades. In order to hide in plain sight the royal family- King Jaffe (James Earl Jones), Prince Akeem (Eddie Murphy), Queen Lisa (Shari Headley), their son Muhammad (Shemar Moore), their hideously obese twins Fatima (Eddie Murphy) and Lourdes (Eddie Murphy) make amends with estranged friend Semmi (Arsenio Hall), now provost of a research university whose professor Sherman Klump (Eddie Murphy) sometimes transforms into an old barber (Eddie Murphy) and sometimes into a wisecracking idealized version (Eddie Murphy) and sometimes into an old Jewish barber shop patron (Jackie Mason). Sideplots include assisting King Jaffe's illegitimate son Baruk (Brian Stokes Mitchell), born when he was sewing his "royal oats" and dallied with a white farm girl (Arsenio Hall) and who is now the first major party black candidate for president, in distancing himself from the rantings of his former pastor Reverend Brown (Arsenio Hall) and his controversial "I KNOW THERE'S A GOD-DAMN AMERICA!" sermons and the drugged up antics of Baruk's maternal half-brother Randy Watson of the Sexual Chocolates. John Amos appears as Akeem's father-in-law, who reveals that he is really James Evans, Sr. ("Man, I faked my own death to get away from Cabrini Green and that nagging no-necked woman and that scene-stealing Stepin Fetchit hoodlum oldest son of mine").

Boyo Jim
07-02-2008, 01:05 AM
The Youngest Indiana Jones -- living in modern day Indianapolis, young Indiana loots recent graves and sells the jewelry on ebay.

The Fantastic 3 -- after a dunken binge, the rock guy rapes the hot chick and accidently crushes her to death.

The Bourne Finale -- the CIA proves so inept at killing Jason Bourne that it is disbanded.

07-02-2008, 01:16 AM
Spider Man Finale
Peter Parker has sex with Mary Jane. Unknown to him at the time she becomes pregnant, and not even she knows why she kills him and devours his body. She dies giving birth to his egg sac, but 900 of their offspring carry on their legacy.

07-02-2008, 11:07 AM
Coming to America: Part 419

Prince Akeem has a problem. He wants to help feed the poor of his country but doesn't have access to the $44 million in the royal bank. Nobody in Zamunda can or will help him. So he goes online to find an American to whom he will give half the money just so he can share the rest with the poor of Zamunda. But no matter how many people he contacts, no one will even respond to his thousands and thousands of emails.

Then finally he gets an answer from some helpful Blikster-speaking American named Crandall....

07-02-2008, 02:21 PM
Operation! The sequel to Jumanji and Zathura. Once two kids start playing a magic Operation game, they find themselves in an operating theater where they must successfully complete major surgery on a live patient. If the patient dies, they will be trapped in the game forever serving time for first-degree Manslaughter.

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