View Full Version : Assemble a "diverse"/"inclusive" comic superhero team...of terrible role models!

03-28-2015, 07:06 AM
('Sorry, I don't know the polite, succinct way to say "no more than 34% of the team members are straight, white males, and that may be pushing it.")

Snide sardonicisms aside, there's been more of a push in recent years for more diversity in comics and superhero teams. Fine and good in itself, to be sure; but my biggest personal problem with such a practice is a tendency to make characters "good role models." Y'know, set a good example for the kids, and society as a whole, and their enlightened, wholesome development.

But you know what else is good for you? Steamed organic Brussels Sprouts over a bed of wild rice. With a tall glass of prune juice on the side.

But that's not what brings the long lines at the county fair concession area, or the house you change costumes to trick or treat at twice. No, I'm looking for characters who are enjoyable, but bad for you. Possibly the former because of the latter. I'm looking for some tooth rotting, artery clogging, don't-try-this-at-home-kids characters. But diverse ones. A veritable Benetton commercial of rogues!

So…got a character who just loves hurting people? Has fascist sympathies? Is a devout and orthodox Mammon worshipper? Has a rather relaxed attitude towards medical ethics? Their only friend is a sock puppet made out of a human head? Let's get a team together!

The rules?

•Only characters from a single comic company's roster, per team.
•The characters have to at least plausibly be able to end up on a "hero" team. Although bribery and/or blackmail are acceptable, to a fair extent, this isn't a "Suicide Squad" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_Squad) recruiting drive. So no one who's completely evil, or completely dead.
•"Complete Mary Sue Character" doesn't really count as a "character flaw," in and of itself.
•Neither is "was a hideous 1940s ethnic stereotype character."
•Actual superpowers are not a requirement, as long as they can hold their own in action.

So...any takers? Come complete our rainbow!

03-28-2015, 09:29 AM
Elektra (Elektra Natchios) - Female; assassin, kooky.
Black Panther (T'Challa) [Hudlin version] - Look, he might be considered a role model by some; but he's an ass.
Puma (Thomas Fireheart) - Amerind; sometimes seems distracted from his superhero calling.
Dyke (real name unknown) - Claimed to be "the last naiad." Appeared once, in a Scott Lobdell/Larry Stroman story. Worked for the Irish government, and was probably fired right after if they had any sense. Maybe not the worst person (morally) I have ever seen try to be a superhero, but you can't prove she wasn't!

I give this team's existence about negative four minutes, in that it would be dissolved that long before everybody actually showed up.

Reno Nevada
03-28-2015, 07:35 PM
I am having a hard time coming up with an answer to this one, beyond...you know that DC Comics has already given us The New Guardians (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Guardians), right? I don't know that those characters are terrible role models, though, instead of simply terrible.

The Other Waldo Pepper
03-28-2015, 08:08 PM
I am having a hard time coming up with an answer to this one, beyond...you know that DC Comics has already given us The New Guardians (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Guardians), right?

Before that, the powers that be at DC of course gave us Watchmen, where the Comedian fills the aforementioned 'straight white male' position perfectly: as masked crimefighters go, he's a rapist who guns down a pregnant woman in cold blood before preserving Nixon's presidency by murdering Woodward and Bernstein...

...and he got his start alongside Hooded Justice, who (a) "loves hurting people" and "has fascist sympathies" like the OP said; and who (b) is gay, such that he's always "out with boys", which worries the superhero team's PR guy, because someday a kid with bruises and a convincing story is sure to put the word out...

...and, what the heck, let's hit the trifecta with the Silk Spectre, a woman who commits crimes left and right when she isn't busy having too much to drink or failing to quit smoking, so that's unhealthy personal vices plus a relaxed attitude toward lawbreaking, which maketh not a role model...

...wait, would I be allowed DCUers, or am I limited to folks in that particular series?

03-28-2015, 08:57 PM
The Justice Squad!

Headed by the Default Choice Nobody Will Question - White Privilege!
Behind Every Great Leader is a woman - Domestic Goddess!
Let's give a warm hand to the non-threatening, caramel-skinned subordinate - The Black Non-Disruptor!
And the Vaguely East- or South-Asian martial expert - Kwai!

Horatio Hellpop
03-29-2015, 06:07 AM
These were all from First comics, either second-bananas in an important title or leads in a second-tier title. We can call them the First Seconds.

Ham the Weather Wizard: Senior citizen, psychopath, squanders away his mystical powers for short-term cash acquisition. By most definitions, he is the team's sole Straight White Male

Judah "The Hammer" Maccabbee: Alien primate, superb fighter, not particularly self-reflective

Raul the Cat: Cat with robot hands and a voice box. Unusually articulate, but prone to making terrible decisions

Whisper: Female martial artist with appalling dating instincts

Shatter: Hispanic, digitally-rendered detective, limited by first-generation Mac graphics and dot-matrix printing. Regrettable hygeine.

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