View Full Version : Great/funny fake names???

08-22-2001, 08:21 PM
My last name is pronounced EXACTLY like it is spelled.
However, when we give our name to the hostess at a restaurant/event etc. they ALWAYS totally butcher it while announcing it over the loudspeaker.
So instead of signing in as "Smith" I was hoping you guys could give me some ideas along the line of

Imajunkie etc.

Something that would be hilarious over the loudspeaker.
What can I say? We get bored easily........ :)

08-22-2001, 08:27 PM
/go go gadget burt reynolds voice/

Turd Ferguson. Heh heh. It's a funny name.

/go go gadget burt reynolds voice off/

08-22-2001, 08:28 PM
Dick Swett - the real name of a former Democratic candidate for the US House in New Hampshire.

Bubble Girl
08-22-2001, 08:51 PM
Mike Hunt

08-22-2001, 09:02 PM
Bubble Girl, that is a GOOD ONE!! LOL

I had to say it 3 times to "get it" !!

08-22-2001, 09:04 PM
Heywood Jablomey

This is just another name for a "Prank the Bartender" thread.

Crunchy Frog
08-22-2001, 09:10 PM
Damn, someone get Creaky in here. We were chatting a while ago and she knew this name that was funny as hell.

Of course, I forgot it though.

08-22-2001, 09:15 PM
Well, there's always the ever-popular Phil McCracken.

Or the more-vulgar and less funny Buster Hyman.

08-22-2001, 09:23 PM
Are you guys all crazy?

Hugh Jass.

There can be only one.

08-22-2001, 09:44 PM
Ema Nymton

08-22-2001, 10:06 PM
Zebra: I've read it and read it, and said it and said it ... but huh?

08-22-2001, 10:11 PM
Hugh G. Rection
Pat McGroin
Pat McRotch

08-22-2001, 10:31 PM
Can't forget the classics

Betty Humpter
Ben Dover

Then of course I actually know someone named Richard Wacker.
Yes, he goes by "Dick". He seems to take a perverse pride in it.

08-22-2001, 10:34 PM
You could be my Russian friend, Oliver Klosov.

Ditto on Ema Nymton. I must be too tired.

08-22-2001, 10:40 PM
I went to a school called Chabot, and pronounced "sha-beau".
Whenever someone asks how you spell that, we always said "just like it sounds". :D

08-22-2001, 10:41 PM
Dick Gazinia
"Papa" Cherry
Mike Rautsch
Dick Hertz
Having an adolescent son can come in handy

08-22-2001, 10:51 PM
I've always been fond of Howie Feltersnatch.

Clint Oriss is fun too, specially when it's prefixed with "Mister"

08-23-2001, 07:31 AM
Well, it lacks the hormone appeal of most of the others given so far, but a friend claims that when going out to eat with buddies he will often give his last name as "Donner" just for the thrill of hearing them annonce "Donner party ... your table is ready."

08-23-2001, 07:44 AM
Ben Dover and C. Howett Fields (thanks, Cecil :))
Jack Meoff
And here's to all the Dick Johnsons of the world.

gallows fodder
08-23-2001, 07:58 AM
Ema Nymton - read it backwards.

08-23-2001, 08:08 AM
when leaving my name with the hostess at a restaurant, I sometimes tell them my last name is "Wilde, like the poet". Later, over the loudspeaker, the entire bar hears... "Wilde party, your table is ready".

I'm sooooo original. :rolleyes:

08-23-2001, 08:12 AM
Raffi Pooman
Shecky Shakapopolis
Willy Pullet
Dan Pusse´ (ala Dan Clowes/Eightball)
Dick Pinch

Tequila Mockingbird
08-23-2001, 08:13 AM
Once had to send a laptop back to the manufacturer for repairs for a customer. I put his name in the return address protion of the shipping and at first thought it was a fake name.
Les Dykes

My friend Katherine's mom was a nurse. They absolutely refused to page her to another floor of the hospital.
Anita Coffin was her name.

08-23-2001, 09:57 AM
I've used Rocco Gibraltar a lot.

08-23-2001, 10:00 AM
From the Harvard Lampoon's "Bored of the Rings":

Ima Pseudonym

08-23-2001, 10:14 AM
Amanda Hoggenkiss

GrizzWife SWEARS that she took a call while working for Presidential Airlines (many years ago) who said his name was Harry Fatbottom.

08-23-2001, 12:01 PM
Phil McCrevice
Harry Dick

08-23-2001, 12:08 PM
Phil Deeznuts
Sharon Peters (Classic, we actually got our vice prinipal in middle school to announce it was Sharon's birthday at lunch one time. We had to apologize to everyone, but took the opportunity to say "Sharon Peters" yet again in front of half the student body...)

Mr. Cynical
08-23-2001, 12:27 PM
Obviously, Sue Duhnym.

08-23-2001, 12:27 PM
Years ago, I worked with a man whose last name was Breast. He told everyone his wife's name was Ophelia and his name was Felcher.

08-23-2001, 12:36 PM
Karim Abdul Goldstein?

08-23-2001, 12:44 PM
Fanny Passafiume.

And there're always the MPFC classics:

Mister Neutron
Ima Lumberjack
Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson
Mr. Keith Maniac [from Guatemala] ("Maniac party, your table is ready")
Ron Vibbentropp
Raymond Luxury Yacht (pronounced "Throatwarbler Mangrove")
Mr. Arthur Frampton (the man with three buttocks)

and (takes a breath)

Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönendanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm.

(damned carpal tunnel is back)

Sister Vigilante
08-23-2001, 02:15 PM
Our morning radio show here actually called a store and had Harry Paratestes paged. Twice. Got it all on tape, over the phone. They are playing it back continually now in commercials for the morning show.

Hugh Jass
08-23-2001, 09:14 PM
Originally posted by Ross
Are you guys all crazy?

Hugh Jass.

There can be only one.

Thankyou. Thankyouverymuch.

08-23-2001, 10:01 PM
Dick Fitzwell
Connie Lingus
Geena Talia
Dixon Cider
Craven Moorehead
Harry Balzac

08-24-2001, 12:46 AM
I saw Mike Hunt mentioned...another variation is:

Mike Hawk

My school yearbook staff put that in as a joke lastyear.

08-24-2001, 12:51 AM
I heard in the news about an American (doctor?) who wanted to begin efforts on a human cloning experiment. This was not long after the news of Dolly the sheep was broken.

The guy's name? Richard Seed.

Think about it.

Geek Mecha
08-24-2001, 06:41 AM
Justin K. C. (or Casey) Hollers

Forgot the joke associated with it, though. Something about parents using him as a babysitter. I'm sure someone else can think of something better.

Fern Forest
08-24-2001, 06:54 AM
*ahem* in keeping with my comic sensabilities call me

Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr

and of course his honey

Anne Uumellmahaye

08-24-2001, 10:26 AM
Willy Phisterbottom

Stu Padasso

08-24-2001, 11:14 AM
Two-Ears Laybelle

from The Goodies' cast list for "White Christmas":

Emma Dreaming
Arthur White
Chris Muss
Jess Like-Dee
Juan Swee
Hugh Sterno
Wendy Treetops-Glissen
Anne Chilled-Wren
Two-Ears Laybelle
Cindy Snow

(c) The Goodies, circa 1976. They also gave us "Norma Snockers", which still makes me laugh.

08-24-2001, 01:34 PM
Ben Dover
Ilean Dover
Justin Case
Hue Gass
Amanda Hugankiss
I.P. Frealy
Al Kahallick

This is the one I use
Rodriko (pronounce in a thick mexican accent) Douglas (pronounce in a disgiused monotoned voice)

08-24-2001, 01:54 PM
i do know a girl who is really called Binky Moorehead.

but then, i know
a Lasagna Jameson : her father is a chef

a Nirvana O' Hegarty : who grew up in a commune in Connemara

and a Sanskrit O'Neill : ummm, your guess is as good as mine!

08-24-2001, 02:15 PM
The credits of the Car Talk radio show has some good ones. The whole list is on their web site:


Happy Feet
08-24-2001, 06:17 PM
When I was in junior high there was a raffle and a kid put in the name Ben Dover. It was so awesome, because by some stroke of luck, this kid WON!!! The poor Vice-Principle had no idea what he had just said in front of the entire class while he was announcing winners to come up to the stage, so of course he read it multiple time and the hilarity ensued.


Chris P. Nugget

and my favorite of all time...

Drew Peacock

08-24-2001, 11:47 PM
I don't think this was mentioned yet Wilma Dickfit.

08-25-2001, 12:17 AM
My friend's personal favorite to use at restaurants is "Dr. Rosenpenis".

Max the Immortal
08-25-2001, 01:36 AM
Learn to pronounce a mandarin name properly. Whenever you give your name, make sure they know how to pronounce it. It they can't get the hang of it, pretend to become very angry.

08-25-2001, 05:13 AM
Foo King
Ima ______ (insert whatever you are)
______ (insert first name) Sux
or, my favorite nickname for an obnoxious boy in my class,
Shut Up

P.S. Max, if you think getting an american to say a mandarin name is tough, try getting one to say your TAIWANESE name. or get a chinese to say your english name. it's the sort of thing which would lead you to bang your head on a brick wall... trust me. i've been there.

08-25-2001, 12:34 PM
I subscibed to Men's Health one time under the name: Herbert J. McBooby.

Also from the Simpsons: Busty St. Clair, Hooty McBooby, Chesty Laroo, and Max Power (from a hairdryer.)

08-25-2001, 12:54 PM
Stu Pidass: This is my registered name on a lot of internet services

Jack Kingoff: Speaks for itself

Whore O. Matic: Not that witty, but it's hilarious when I register for something on the web and then, even after specifically asking not to, I get spam saying "Matic family reuinion!" or "Important free stuff for Whore O. Matic!" It makes the Spam a lot easier to tolerate.

Shifty McCrapFace: No hidden meaning, it's just a funny name to say out loud.

LaToyota Corolla Falana
08-26-2001, 01:13 AM
I remember reading that the movie star Jim Carrey checked into a NY hotel under the name "Picollo Thunderbutt."

I worked with a guy named "Justin Thyme" (pronounced Justin Time).

I was a passenger in a car when we got rear ended at an intersection. Behind the offender was an unmarked squad car with plain-clothes detectives. They rushed to our door and identified themselves as Detective Jones and Detective Smith (or something), to which the driver of our car said "Ya, and I'm Dick Tracy." Which is his real name. I thought we were going to get shot.

Often I sign in with the hostess at a restaurant as "Christ, Jesus H., party of 13."

I used to have a shirt with a phony name on it's back: Little Ricky Alphonzo del Remos Gonzales, Jr., and on the front was "Juan Tough Dude."

08-27-2001, 06:40 AM
I worked with a guy who knew someone named Dick Passwater.

My favorite fake name is the entertainment package dreamed up by S. J. Perelman: Chalky Aftertaste and his Musical Poltroons.

I don't know why, but it really cracks me up.

08-27-2001, 11:41 PM
I hope my friend never sees this, cuz it's his REAL name: Kannagassabapathy (Kah'-Nuh-Goss'-uh-BOP'-uh-thee) Rikki Ratnarajah...and I'm Christopher.

Tars Tarkas
08-28-2001, 03:17 PM
Mike Oxwelling

I always use Martin Van Buren as a fake name, you'd be surprised how few people recognize it.

08-28-2001, 03:25 PM
When I was working at the bank, I saw a couple wierd ones on checks:

1. Peggy and Harry Beaver

2. Amanda Koch Tees
(Cock Teese)

I couldn't help but giggle...

08-28-2001, 05:58 PM
Neva Ontheim

Max the Immortal
08-28-2001, 06:21 PM
Of course, there's Mike Oxbig

08-28-2001, 06:35 PM
You guys are all amateurs. (http://www.hurkvanden.demon.nl/cool/cool.html)

08-28-2001, 08:28 PM
Let's see:

Maddick Hertz

Itburz Whenzapi

08-28-2001, 08:54 PM
Courtesy of Herman Wouk...

Aida Norfallot.

Oh, and the guy who performed my husband's vasectomy was Dr. Richard Paine (and yes, he went by Dick)...and the one who did the vasectomy reversal was Dr. Cockburn (pronounced coburn).

I can't vouch for Paine, but Cockburn, at least, has a great sense of humor. :)

08-28-2001, 09:31 PM
Stu Pididiot
Les Bien
Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo (thanks simpsons)

08-29-2001, 08:28 AM

Sorry, Crunchy, I just opened this thread today.

I think the name we were discussing was Ozella Nazelrod.

Man, that just has to be the funniest name I have ever heard.

08-29-2001, 08:30 AM
I've always liked the brother-sister duo Eileen and Ben Dover

08-29-2001, 08:53 AM
I once registered illicitly in a Finnish hotel as Simon Templar.

Upon checking my name the clerk announced "ahhh..welcome back Mr. Templar ...good to have you with us again"

Sheesh! Cant even get a pseudenom right.

For thoose who dont know Simon Templar was the name of the character played by Rodger Moore in "The Saint".

08-29-2001, 01:34 PM
I don't know if'n he's still there butt the Waco phonebook used to list a guy named Henauder Titzoff. He also chewed our ass when we called to verify.

LaToyota Corolla Falana
08-30-2001, 04:17 PM
Anita Rubdown
Anita Waxing
Anita Deodorant
Anita Dick
Ainta Flogging
Ainta Beer

Our waitress at lunch TODAY was "Barb Horney" (B. Horney)

My sister says she fell for the Mike Hunt name trying to track down overdue library books. Mike Hunt never brought them back!

08-30-2001, 04:23 PM
One of our newest dopers chse the following username:

Payne N. Diaz

08-30-2001, 06:36 PM
Sorry for the interruption (I'm not very good at harassing the bartender with fake names), but I just had to congratulate CrunchyFrog on being a fellow Brunching fan (I saw your sig and almost couldn't contain myself.)

Tony Montana
08-30-2001, 11:56 PM
the helephino ! (cross between hippo,elephant,rhino)
how 'bout "DR.Dick Burns" .....

09-07-2001, 06:41 PM
My last name is tough too. Mostly I give my dad's first name, Craig.

It's familiar enough that I won't miss it when they say it.

09-07-2001, 07:15 PM
My mother swears she went to school with a girl named Ophelia Rasse.

And, honestly, I went to college with a guy named Dick Blewitt.

I have also worked with a Grant Dumbell and a Dick Tracey.

Green Bean
09-07-2001, 09:47 PM
A friend of a friend (really!) is Cliff Torres. Say it fast.

09-07-2001, 11:17 PM
Gotta mention Clem Kadiddlehopper from the Red Skelton Show...Yes, kids, that's Red Skelton....comedian....long time ago.....back in the "olden days....:)

09-07-2001, 11:40 PM
The "Wongs" when we go for chinese,
"Elmer" at Fuddrucker's,
Dundee at Outback,
Angus at Steak and Ale,
Ahab or Gorton at Red Lobster,
Bubba at Cracker Barrel.

When we eat at new places it's a game to see who can think up the best name to leave. Recently a pizza place opened up near our home with our real last name. We phoned in an order and they asked our name, when told the clerk didn't believe him. We found it rather ironic that the one time we use our real name, we had to show identification to prove it.

Albert Rose
09-08-2001, 10:03 AM
Bob Sparacades.
Paul Molive.
Chris Mustree.
Andy Seppetik.
Jay Walker.

09-08-2001, 05:55 PM
The famous couple, Willie Getsomme and Betty Wohnt.

09-09-2001, 09:35 AM
I once knew a guy called Kim Sizer. We all called him 'Sir'.

Think about it.

10-03-2001, 01:51 AM
In college - (some college - which college? Perhaps Carlton) there was a girl named Jenny Fletcher, which probably isn't funny unless you remember Tom Lehrer's *Vatican Rag*...

10-03-2001, 03:59 AM
I always liked "Emerson Biggouns"

10-03-2001, 06:05 AM
I know a bloke called Ivor Longstaff

Hope you're not reading this Ivor; if you are, sorry, but it's funny mate.

Iguana Boy
10-03-2001, 07:56 AM
Betty Swollocks

10-05-2001, 10:52 PM
My mom told me she knew a man by the name of Longerbone who married a gal by the name of Hollowpeter...


10-06-2001, 08:44 AM
There's a real gyn named Dr. Rambush.

And it always cracks me up to hear Dee Dee from Rugrats refer to Dr. Lipschitz.

10-06-2001, 04:51 PM
There used to be a sign in a Harley shop up in Elyria, Ohio that cracked me up.

It said...

'Helen Wate is our credit manager. If you want credit, go to Helen Wate.'

Airman Doors, USAF
10-06-2001, 08:29 PM
Wow! I can't believe that nobody's said Adolf Oliver Nipples yet! ;)

10-06-2001, 09:08 PM
Real Names

1. From NASCAR: Dick Trickle
2. From my high school: Happy Hussy
3. Hi Opal!

08-29-2015, 04:53 PM
How about Peter Gazigna? (silent G)

08-29-2015, 06:03 PM
Ahmed Adoudi
Philip McKrevis
Chris P. Weatzenraisins
Bo D. Satva
Hammond Eggs
Rufus Leaking
Juan Morefore DeRhode
Etta Booger
Helen Highwater
Mel Lester
Phil Lattio
Connie Lingus
Neal Down
Cass Trate
Yuri Nate
Kurt Remarque
Roger Overandout

Leo Krupe
08-29-2015, 06:08 PM
Ben Dover's partner: Stan Dup

08-29-2015, 08:02 PM
Golda Zeiss, Gunter Frieze, Thelma Thole, Keith Myath.

And a real one, Anita Bathe (http://www.news1130.com/author/anita-bathe/), pronounced "bath."

08-29-2015, 08:49 PM
Don't forget the Russian chauffeur, Pickup Andropov