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-   -   Scare me, just for fun (https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=876972)

Inigo Montoya 06-10-2019 07:31 PM

Scare me, just for fun
 
So lately, past 6 months or so, I've had no appetite. I get hungry as all get out, but food just seems icky. Even stuff I'd normally pack away is a turn off. I still enjoy cooking for the family, I just dont want anything. Some days I'll have a protein shake or smoothie for breakfast, work through lunch, no dinner, maybe a handful of grapes or a couple strips of bacon before bed. And zero weight loss. True story.

I could see a doctor, but that's no fun and it's not what this is about. Today, I want YOU to be the doctor. So dig deep in your book of medical woo, consult your maiden aunt, roll some dungeon dice and consult a chart---tell me what's wrong with me.

DPRK 06-10-2019 07:33 PM

Not enough exercise?

QuickSilver 06-10-2019 07:40 PM

Lupus. Definitely.

manson1972 06-10-2019 07:43 PM

n/m just read OP again.

Your family is anally feeding you calories when you sleep.

mandala 06-10-2019 08:29 PM

Probably diabetes. Your blood sugar remains so high hunger is not triggered.

More likely, though, you are possessed by a race of demonic leeches called Ickhkayala. They eat the victim hollow from the inside while secreting hormones to make the brain immune to hunger, as they don't like their victims eating junk food. You are doomed. Sorry.

Sunny Daze 06-10-2019 08:43 PM

Thyroid problems.

Or you're from the upside down - you choose.

Regallag_The_Axe 06-10-2019 09:01 PM

I have thoroughly questioned the Seven Spirits That Hide in the Wind and consulted the Chrystal of the Nine Hells. I drank the Blood of the Snake and cast the Bones of the Holy Lightbringer. What ails you is clear. A shade of famine haunts the lands of your tribe, seeking entry so that it may ruin your harvest and break your people. The only appropriate way to answer is to sleep upon a bed of wheat chaff for one night then trek alone though the plaguelands until you find the Vale of the Witchbreakers. I would suggest carrying a sacred amulet or an enchanted weapon or similar.

Alpha Twit 06-10-2019 09:12 PM

No doubt you're just sleep binging on junk food and assorted crap your waking brain can't admit to liking. Check you credit card statement for charges to "Bill's Deep Fried Lard" (now with midnight delivery). Check the area trash cans for an inordinate number of "Little Debbie" wrappers.

You should maybe super-glue your mouth shut before bed just to be safe.

carnut 06-10-2019 09:15 PM

You've put your body into starvation mode and it is trying to burn as few calories as possible. When you resume eating again, you will become huge before it catches on to the fact that it no longer needs to be in this mode.

Wesley Clark 06-10-2019 09:32 PM

high thyroid would also cause anxiety, restlessnes and weight loss.

Some drugs like ambien can cause night eating. I've known people who ended up eating a ton while they were asleep and not remembering it.

Also a starvation diet does reduce metabolism, but only by 10% or so.

Diabetes is easy to test for. You can have a blood draw to have fasting glucose and A1c tested.

snfaulkner 06-10-2019 09:33 PM

Cancer

Personal 06-10-2019 09:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by snfaulkner (Post 21691559)
Cancer

+1

burpo the wonder mutt 06-10-2019 09:53 PM

Scare me, just for fun
 
I'm pregnant and you're the father!

BobBitchin' 06-10-2019 10:15 PM

THC deficiency, take two blunts and apply Oreos as necessary.

Defensive Indifference 06-10-2019 10:22 PM

I'm sorry to be the one to inform you, but you have an enormous bezoar growing in your stomach.

markn+ 06-11-2019 01:00 AM

Definitely ovarian cancer.

Go_Arachnid_Laser 06-11-2019 01:05 AM

Remember that old gypsy woman you slighted in some way?

Inigo Montoya 06-11-2019 06:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Go_Arachnid_Laser (Post 21691771)
Remember that old gypsy woman you slighted in some way?

Ah, that time I struck a happy medium back in '08?

Shoeless 06-11-2019 07:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QuickSilver (Post 21691394)
Lupus. Definitely.

Nah. It's never lupus. ;)

Dung Beetle 06-11-2019 07:10 AM

How are you even posting here? You died two weeks ago! Don't you remember? Go into the light, Inigo. There is peace and serenity in the light. All are welcome, all are welcome...

burpo the wonder mutt 06-11-2019 08:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Go_Arachnid_Laser (Post 21691771)
Remember that old gypsy woman you slighted in some way?

*Touches Montoya's cheek with one wizened finger*

"T 'inner."

Two Many Cats 06-11-2019 12:41 PM

Bilious Fever?

Noelq 06-11-2019 12:48 PM

Its a tapeworm.

Its set up housekeeping in your intestines, and is laying eggs in all your major organs. Soon, as its sentience increases, it will start to "improve" upon your organs.

The movie "The Thing" will no longer be funny to you.

peedin 06-11-2019 12:48 PM

Tapeworm in the brain?

snfaulkner 06-11-2019 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Noelq (Post 21692628)
Its a tapeworm.

Its set up housekeeping in your intestines, and is laying eggs in all your major organs. Soon, as its sentience increases, it will start to "improve" upon your organs.

The movie "The Thing" will no longer be funny to you.

The only thing funny about The Thing is Wilford Brimley swinging an axe.

Yllaria 06-11-2019 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Go_Arachnid_Laser (Post 21691771)
Remember that old gypsy woman you slighted in some way?

No, not slighted.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Inigo Montoya (Post 21691938)
Ah, that time I struck a happy medium back in '08?

No, not struck. It was the puns. She cursed you because of the puns.

ioioio 06-11-2019 03:00 PM

Definitely stomach cancer. I know somebody who had it, and their symptoms were exactly the same as yours. They were dead in less than a year.









:eek: Too much? (I made it up just to scare you.)

Doctor Jackson 06-11-2019 04:00 PM

Remember the night that you dreamed you were a snake and swallowed an egg whole? Wondering why your TMJ seemed really bad the next morning? Still can't find your bowling ball? Mmmhmm. The answer is in the questions, grasshopper.

lingyi 06-11-2019 04:20 PM

Congratulations! You're on your way to being a Breatharian! Or a Lizard Person!

burpo the wonder mutt 06-11-2019 04:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doctor Jackson (Post 21693032)
Remember the night that you dreamed you were a snake and swallowed an egg whole? Wondering why your TMJ seemed really bad the next morning? Still can't find your bowling ball? Mmmhmm. The answer is in the questions, grasshopper.

Well, one night I dreamed I was eating a five pound marshmallow and when I woke up, half my pillow was gone.

adhemar 06-11-2019 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Inigo Montoya (Post 21691383)
So lately, past 6 months or so, I've had no appetite. I get hungry as all get out, but food just seems icky. Even stuff I'd normally pack away is a turn off. I still enjoy cooking for the family, I just dont want anything. Some days I'll have a protein shake or smoothie for breakfast, work through lunch, no dinner, maybe a handful of grapes or a couple strips of bacon before bed. And zero weight loss. True story.

I could see a doctor, but that's no fun and it's not what this is about. Today, I want YOU to be the doctor. So dig deep in your book of medical woo, consult your maiden aunt, roll some dungeon dice and consult a chart---tell me what's wrong with me.

you're pregnant

burpo the wonder mutt 06-11-2019 04:39 PM

Just like the old gypsy woman said!

Mundane Super Hero 06-11-2019 05:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Inigo Montoya (Post 21691938)
Ah, that time I struck a happy medium back in '08?


I always wondered what happened to Patricia Arquette...

Tibby 06-11-2019 07:41 PM

The good news is that you’re as attractive healthy as an ox, scrappy as a honey badger and destined to live a good, long life!

However, at the end of that good, long life, there is no God and therefore no heaven.

… but, that’s not the bad news.

You see, while Richard Dawkins et al are correct about the non-existence of God, resent research in the field of deadology proves conclusively that Satan does exist. Not only that, but you and everyone else are going to hell for all of eternity. To make matters worse, the deadologists all agree that the real hell makes Dante’s version seem like a walk in the park.

… so, sleep tight.

DorkVader 06-11-2019 09:13 PM

Obi Wan never told you the truth, but you somehow knew it all along, and now your body is reacting to the intuition you've suppressed,

WHEEZE GAAASSSP

Trump, is your father!

WHEEZE GAAASSSP

what? He said to scare him!


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