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-   -   It Came From The Crypt (Sequential Threads 2019) (https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=868203)

Jackmannii 01-01-2019 01:39 PM

It Came From The Crypt (Sequential Threads 2019)
 
When I'm 64, and other reminders that you are old.
My computer is 8 years old and still works like it's brand new.


And as a special bonus, blasts from the past:

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...d.php?t=595947
https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...d.php?t=130921
https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...d.php?t=775021
https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...ad.php?t=92101
https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...d.php?t=669690

Johnny L.A. 01-01-2019 04:24 PM

What is the benefit of a sauna?
Heated Clothing

beowulff 01-01-2019 05:00 PM

Ideology or witticism.
Trump wall solution


I'd say "Ideology."

Jackmannii 01-01-2019 06:15 PM

What Divides Us the Most?
The five billion dollar wall

Spiderman 01-02-2019 12:09 PM

gifts for kids whose parents you hate
Keep your fingers crossed for me: Christmas without a furnace


A lump of coal.
What? It'll keep 'em warm.

Jackmannii 01-02-2019 02:20 PM

Do other peoples' opinions make you mad?
Is This the Human Condition?


What's it to you, mac? :mad:

Knowed Out 01-02-2019 02:54 PM

What triggers your 'Cash for crash' awareness?
Wheat Pennies

"Forming a government" in a parliamentary system
Can a King/Queen be removed by the government?

Ludovic 01-03-2019 09:40 AM

What is the benefit of a sauna?
Water reserve for astronauts?


It relaxes them in between spacewalks, and can double as a water reserve!

Ludovic 01-03-2019 11:05 AM

Water reserve for astronauts?
The Fountain Pen Thread


The Fisher Space Pen could be used as a very tiny water reserve.

Jackmannii 01-03-2019 01:02 PM

Suggestions to fight the unmitigated evil of new sidewalks in front of my house?
Taming an insect as a pet


A "Beware of the Hissing Cockroach" sign might scare off city workers, but to be on the safe side you'd better have a couple thousand of them on patrol.

stillownedbysetters 01-04-2019 07:54 AM

I am shocked - shocked - to know that dancing is going on...

I'm Afraid For My Daughter



You should be. I've seen [I]Footloose[I], I know where dancing can lead.

CalMeacham 01-04-2019 08:01 AM

Cat Wars -- A Solution At Last?

Should we get a budgie?

Annie-Xmas 01-04-2019 10:04 AM

New Research Claims Jeanne Calment, thought to be worlds longest living human at 122, a fraud.
The Most Influential Bell-ends of 2018

Ludovic 01-04-2019 10:29 AM

Taming an insect as a pet
Should we get a budgie?


Sure, right after the biology lessons!

Jackmannii 01-04-2019 11:44 AM

Please help solve this hard drive mystery. It will not install properly.
Would anyone really buy a 30-year old hard drive?


Will it make a good paperweight?

MEBuckner 01-04-2019 02:10 PM

What is the justification for farm subsidies?
Ancestors that were killed in battle


My great-great-great-great-great-great-grandpappy died defending this land from the Redcoats! It's only fair I should get paid to not grow soybeans on it!

Johnny L.A. 01-04-2019 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MEBuckner (Post 21411898)
My great-great-great-great-great-great-grandpappy died defending this land from the Redcoats! It's only fair I should get paid to not grow soybeans on it!

Major Major’s father was a sober God-fearing man whose idea of a good joke was to lie about his age. He was a longlimbed farmer, a God-fearing, freedom-loving, law-abiding rugged individualist who held that federal aid to anyone but farmers was creeping socialism. He advocated thrift and hard work and disapproved of loose women who turned him down. His specialty was alfalfa, and he made a good thing out of not growing any. The government paid him well for every bushel of alfalfa he did not grow. The more alfalfa he did not grow, the more money the government gave him, and he spent every penny he didn’t earn on new land to increase the amount of alfalfa he did not produce. Major Major’s father worked without rest at not growing alfalfa. On long winter evenings he remained indoors and did not mend harness, and he sprang out of bed at the crack of noon every day just to make certain that the chores would not be done. He invested in land wisely and soon was not growing more alfalfa than any other man in the county. Neighbors sought him out for advice on all subjects, for he had made much money and was therefore wise. “As ye sow, so shall ye reap,” he counseled one and all, and everyone said, “Amen.”

Major Major’s father was an outspoken champion of economy in government, provided it did not interfere with the sacred duty of government to pay farmers as much as they could get for all the alfalfa they produced that no one else wanted or for not producing any alfalfa at all. He was a proud and independent man who was opposed to unemployment insurance and never hesitated to whine, whimper, wheedle and extort for as much as he could get from whomever he could.

CalMeacham 01-04-2019 02:49 PM

What is the highest-level animal that regularly kills and eats other animals?

Questions regarding College Administrators



"Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son," said Dean Wormer as he licked the blood from the back of his hand.

CalMeacham 01-04-2019 04:35 PM

I am shocked - shocked - to know that dancing is going on...

Cat Wars -- A Solution At Last?



The Man who was Shocked by Cat Dancing.

Annie-Xmas 01-05-2019 09:42 AM


How bad is homelessness where you live?
living paycheck to paycheck


That's a good way to become homeless.

Sunspace 01-05-2019 10:43 AM

Should we get a budgie?
Cat Wars -- A Solution At Last?


The Cat Wars of the early 21st Century finally began to recede when a new form of ammunition was discovered.

stillownedbysetters 01-05-2019 03:25 PM

How do I make the fluffiest eggs?
I'm bored with food.

Excessive experimentation in pursuit of fluffy eggs would bore me, too. For God's sake, throw a steak or a salad in there 9nce in a while.

Ludovic 01-06-2019 08:50 AM

Latin in Catholic services--making a comeback?
The recent taboo of using the N-word under ANY circumstances


So that's what the "N" in "INRI" stands for!

Jackmannii 01-06-2019 10:49 AM

Why does drinking soda on an empty stomach cause stomach cramps?
How long does a nuclear explosion last?


With Atomic Mr. Pibb, about 3 milliseconds. :eek:

Two Many Cats 01-06-2019 04:47 PM

Should we get a budgie?
I got Diverticulitis

Fezziwinks II: Now with Feathers!

Ludovic 01-06-2019 07:16 PM

France: What are the yellow vests protests about?
Taming an insect as a pet


No, that's what the yellow jacket protests are about.

Jackmannii 01-06-2019 07:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ludovic (Post 21415500)
France: What are the yellow vests protests about?
Taming an insect as a pet

Les cafards sont animals de compagnie? Mais non! Jamais! Aux barricades!!!

MEBuckner 01-07-2019 02:14 AM

Tuna sells for $3,000,000
Just set out a trap-line in my study.


"You have tuna in your study?"
"No, but for three million bucks I figure it's worth a shot."

Ludovic 01-07-2019 08:07 AM

What's the worst reaction you've ever had to medication?
living paycheck to paycheck


Warning: may cause fetal insomnia, intermittent plague, headache, and bankruptcy.

CalMeacham 01-07-2019 08:15 AM

Just set out a trap-line in my study.

Drunken, obnoxious, Arkansas dopers!





I caught one!

Jackmannii 01-07-2019 08:30 AM

Ants, round six and they keep coming back.
Impeachment? Then, what?


Set up a Congressional Committee on Ant Encroachment. Then, demand their tax returns. :mad:

Ludovic 01-07-2019 09:00 AM

Impeachment? Then, what?
Mongolian Folk Rock


Naw, he'd be unfazed by that since he'd think "throat singing" was going to be something different.

Jackmannii 01-07-2019 09:02 AM

Question about absolute zero
Can a billionaire buy land in Canada or Greenland and from his own country?


C'mon. While winters in those countries get pretty bad, you can expect at least some molecules to keep moving even during the worst cold snaps.

Jackmannii 01-07-2019 12:20 PM

A haunted TV in the MMP
I'm Afraid For My Daughter


They're...here!! :eek:

Ludovic 01-07-2019 01:26 PM

Anyone ever discover in an old show, a great talent you wern't aware of, only to find....
Funniest Musicians?


I thought the Smothers Brothers were just comedy, but they kept breaking out in to song. Annoying!

Jackmannii 01-07-2019 03:08 PM

Taming an insect as a pet
How bad is homelessness where you live?


Sounds a bit grim. On the other hand, people might donate extra cash if you're walking a giant cockroach on a leash while holding a sign that says "Duke is hungry".

MEBuckner 01-07-2019 03:17 PM

What's the point of guilt?
Woman in coma gives birth


Dude, She's Like, in a Coma! That's just wrong!!! :mad:

CalMeacham 01-08-2019 08:10 AM

Question about absolute zero

OK, why is my computer freezing up?


Jackmannii 01-08-2019 12:00 PM

I'm Afraid For My Daughter
Just set out a trap-line in my study.


That'll keep her from gallivanting around at night.

stillownedbysetters 01-08-2019 12:54 PM

Anyone ever discover in an old show, a great talent you wern't aware of, only to find....
Cold War American films showing Soviets in a positive light



Just when you find a talented guy playing Breshnev, he is making Breshnev likeable.

stillownedbysetters 01-08-2019 12:59 PM

Get Rich! Become a Book Author!
Unrealistic expectations or just like to bitch?



Sure I would like it if my book made me rich, but I expect to just be bitchin' about it when it doesn't

Jackmannii 01-08-2019 04:34 PM

Is there any way for Sears to reverse their decline or be salvaged?
My computer is 8 years old and still works like it's brand new.


Well jeez, if people like you would just buy a new computer at Sears, the company wouldn't be bankrupt. :mad:

CalMeacham 01-09-2019 07:42 AM

What's a typical range for air conditioned air temperature coming out of the vents?

Question about absolute zero


You gotta stop using that Helium Dilution Refrigerator in your home cooling system!





Weatherman fired for uttering a racial slur on air

Drunken, obnoxious, Arkansas dopers!


Ludovic 01-09-2019 10:47 AM

Did you look for your Christmas presents when you were a kid? Why?
Squatters' Rights and Adverse Possession


If anyone got to play with them for an hour before I did, they became theirs!

Lucas Jackson 01-09-2019 10:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jackmannii (Post 21406331)
When I'm 64, and other reminders that you are old.
My computer is 8 years old and still works like it's brand new.

I have a Mac that’s 13 years old. Works great and I use it everyday.

Jackmannii 01-09-2019 02:22 PM

Have you ever had a paranormal experience?
Squatters' Rights and Adverse Possession


Yeah, there was the time Bigfoot parked his furry butt in my La-Z-Boy and wouldn't get up. Had to fill him full of 0000 buckshot before he'd move. :smack:

Jackmannii 01-09-2019 03:07 PM

TMI: My rectum is on fire (anal fissure)
Rewiring your brain to stifle hiccups


That's one way to stop hiccuping. What works for me is whacking my fingers with a ball-peen hammer. :)

MEBuckner 01-09-2019 07:07 PM

Question about absolute zero
OK, why is my computer freezing up?


"Sir, it clearly states in your User Manual that your computer has been designed to operate at temperatures between 50° to 95° Fahrenheit. 459.67° below zero is definitely outside the recommended temperature limits."

CalMeacham 01-09-2019 07:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MEBuckner (Post 21421646)
Question about absolute zero
OK, why is my computer freezing up?


"Sir, it clearly states in your User Manual that your computer has been designed to operate at temperatures between 50° to 95° Fahrenheit. 459.67° below zero is definitely outside the recommended temperature limits."

These two threads keep bumping against each other. I first posted the pair ten entries up.

Jackmannii 01-10-2019 08:44 AM

TMI: My rectum is on fire (anal fissure)
Should I keep these speakers?


Try turning down the volume a bit.


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