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-   -   Derailed quotes. (https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=873211)

furryman 03-29-2019 01:53 PM

Derailed quotes.
 
Just like the derailed lyrics thread take a quote and twist it.

"There's too many damn snakes on this damn plane."
One snake is too many.

"You're lack of faith is disturbing. As a matter of fact I just don't like you."

Prof. Pepperwinkle 03-29-2019 04:24 PM

Toto, I don't believe we're in Ohio any more.

Kent Clark 03-29-2019 04:51 PM

From West Side Story

MARIA: How many bullets are left, Chino? Enough for you? And you? All of you? WE ALL KILLED HIM! and my brother and Riff. I, too. I CAN KILL NOW BECAUSE I HATE NOW! How many can I
kill, Chino? How many-and still have one bullet left for me?

It's a revolver, so it's easy to tell how many bullets are left. In fact, just look into the cylinder and you'll see them right there. Don't forget to count the bullet that's already in the chamber.

Prof. Pepperwinkle 03-30-2019 07:35 AM

I'll be back... in about 15 minutes.

furryman 03-30-2019 01:12 PM

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to route one, route one leads to New York."

I've often thought the blurb for The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe should have been. "Some doors were meant to be opened."

Annie-Xmas 03-30-2019 01:44 PM

Frankly, my dear....I don't give a Rhett's ass.

Kent Clark 03-30-2019 04:18 PM

RICK BLAINE: I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that.

ILSA: You condescending mansplaining ass! The entire world is at war. Do you think I'm so stupid I can't understand that!

burpo the wonder mutt 03-30-2019 06:05 PM

To be, or not to be--hell, what does the boarding pass say?

LennieB 03-30-2019 11:32 PM

N/M.

LennieB 03-30-2019 11:35 PM

Leave the gun. Take the cannoli. The shells don't stay crisp very long, capisce?

Sefton 03-30-2019 11:52 PM

We'll always have Paris. In a metaphorical sense, I mean, since the Nazis are occupying the city.

burpo the wonder mutt 03-31-2019 09:17 AM

In the beginning...

was a fantastic song by Chicago, if a tad long.

furryman 03-31-2019 01:13 PM

"Are you talkin to me?"
It's time to see a psychiatrist when you start arguing with yourself.

MEBuckner 04-01-2019 01:01 AM

In space no one can hear you scream, except for the people who are tuned in to the frequency your space suit radio is transmitting on.

Annie-Xmas 04-01-2019 08:07 AM

I'll make him a reasonable offer, and I'll be willing to negotiate the terms until he accepts it.

LennieB 04-07-2019 02:57 PM

"I have a dream...." that I can't find my classroom, and I'm the teacher!

burpo the wonder mutt 04-07-2019 03:55 PM

Friends, Romans, countrymen, shouldn't I be speaking Latin?

Kent Clark 04-07-2019 05:48 PM

"Après moi, le déluge"

Your majesty, with all due respect I must sadly advise that you do not control the weather.

LennieB 04-07-2019 06:34 PM

"I shall return" this too-small shirt to the store. Good thing I kept the receipt!

Little Nemo 04-07-2019 07:40 PM

Four score and seven years ago, which works out to eighty-seven years if my math is right...

burpo the wonder mutt 04-07-2019 08:13 PM

Early to bed and early to rise and you'll get your own damn breakfast!

Kent Clark 04-07-2019 10:01 PM

The only thing we have to fear is, fear itself. And this world-wide Depression. And the global spread of tyranny and failure of the League of Nations. And the only reason I can stand is because my legs are encased in steel braces and I'm hanging on to the podium. I'd really like a stiff drink, but Prohibition hasn't been repealed yet.

Annie-Xmas 04-08-2019 09:25 AM

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. 2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

3 And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. 4 God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. 5 God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.

However, where the light was coming from remains a mystery, since the sun wasn't created until the fourth day. Go figure.

Elendil's Heir 04-08-2019 12:19 PM

Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country in between episodes of The Bachelor.

burpo the wonder mutt 04-09-2019 09:21 PM

I missed you... but I'm re-loading my rifle for another try!

Beckdawrek 04-09-2019 09:27 PM

Location, Location, Location, if my google maps and direct me.

burpo the wonder mutt 04-09-2019 09:36 PM

I can not tell a lie, because I'm a kid and not a politician, yet.

Mr Zox 04-11-2019 02:05 AM

They can't hit an elephant at this dis....Damn it, they shot my horse!

burpo the wonder mutt 04-11-2019 10:40 AM

You couldn't hit the broad side of a bar....Damn it, you shot my horse!

:D

Annie-Xmas 04-11-2019 11:24 AM

They shoot horses? Do they?

Typo Negative 04-11-2019 03:14 PM

I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country. But if I had to do it over again......

Mr Zox 04-12-2019 11:40 PM

It's time to either fish or cut class.

Mr Zox 04-13-2019 11:51 PM

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can't fool Mother Nature.

Spiderman 04-23-2019 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by burpo the wonder mutt (Post 21579117)
Early to bed and early to rise and you'll get your own damn breakfast!

Early to bed and early to rise...& your girl goes out with other guys.

LennieB 04-23-2019 09:17 PM

It takes two to tango, unless it's a line dance, in which case I guess there's no limit.

Little Nemo 04-24-2019 09:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kunilou (Post 21565599)
RICK BLAINE: I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that.

ILSA: You condescending mansplaining ass! The entire world is at war. Do you think I'm so stupid I can't understand that!

Or maybe:

RICK BLAINE: I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that.

ILSA: I do understand it. I've been out working with the resistance while you've been moping in a bar. Nice of you to join us.

furryman 04-25-2019 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Annie-Xmas (Post 21579729)
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. 2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

3 And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. 4 God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. 5 God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.

However, where the light was coming from remains a mystery, since the sun wasn't created until the fourth day. Go figure.

It came from his Fiat. "Fiat Lux":D

Bayaker 05-13-2019 08:53 AM

A horse, a horse! My kingdom for a horse! OK, I'll give you Cornwall for a Shetland pony!

Annie-Xmas 05-13-2019 12:01 PM

"Surely you can't be serious."
:I am serious. Very serious. Extremely serious. Serious to the limit of serious. 100% serious. Remarkably serious. As serious as a person can be serious. Surely that tells you how serious I am."

Little Nemo 05-13-2019 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Annie-Xmas (Post 21579729)
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. 2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

3 And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. 4 God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. 5 God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.

However, where the light was coming from remains a mystery, since the sun wasn't created until the fourth day. Go figure.

Quote:

Originally Posted by furryman (Post 21609585)
It came from his Fiat. "Fiat Lux":D

Yeah, it sounds impressive in Genesis. But all God really did to cause the light was open his car door.

BrotherCadfael 05-13-2019 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LennieB (Post 21578984)
"I shall return" this too-small shirt to the store. Good thing I kept the receipt!

"You may light the fire when ready, Gridley!"

Props to anyone who knows the connection between these two items...

panache45 05-13-2019 08:23 PM

The only thing we have to fear is the bogey man under the bed.


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