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-   -   Thread for wisecracks and inappropriate comments -or- Get it out of your system here (https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=891432)

dropzone 03-11-2020 06:26 AM

Thread for wisecracks and inappropriate comments -or- Get it out of your system here
 
You need to say it but it is a hijack or just a bit of wiseassery inappropriate in a serious thread? Post it here! I'll start:

If I heard it right, Biden's son in law is Dr Howard Fine. For duty and humanity!

JKellyMap 03-11-2020 06:35 AM

I don’t get it. Enlighten me!

dropzone 03-11-2020 06:39 AM

And to think you call yourself a Doper. :rolleyes:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=53KcqITIPlA

JKellyMap 03-11-2020 06:50 AM

Heh! I have been enlightened. (I’m more of a Dr. Rosenrosen kind of guy).

elbows 03-11-2020 08:45 AM

How about a Coronavirus joke?

Or is it too soon?




Never mind......






You probably won’t get it anyway!

RioRico 03-12-2020 06:03 PM

A few things work. Tramp the champ. Trimp the chimp. Tromp the chomp. Trump the chump. "E" and "Y" have no place there, more's the pity. Diphthongs fail, too. Maybe they caught the virus. The orange virus. They're fucked.

The Secret Service presidential protection team has established a new virus screen protocol for potential visitors to this POTUS. Non-family will be bound and tossed into a pond. The healthy will sink; the infected will float and be disposed of. Family will be stripped naked and sprayed with a bleach+cocaine solution sold by Alex Jones.

Meanwhile, federal virus czar Michael Pence celebrated Native American Day by distributing infected blankets as per tradition. The motto: "Like nooses, they're reusable!" Thus does this administration embrace sustainability.

BobLibDem 03-12-2020 06:42 PM

If Kevin Bacon tests positive for Corona we're all screwed.

ThelmaLou 03-12-2020 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BobLibDem (Post 22186559)
If Kevin Bacon tests positive for Corona we're all screwed.

Good one!

digs 03-12-2020 11:23 PM

Had a mission trip (to rebuild a hurricane-ravaged island) cancelled today. A great group of college students have been counting on it for a year; very disappointed. While I was FaceTiming the director, who was in tears, I made a joke and she was shocked. Before she could react, though, I said:

"Well, that's just me, putting the Pest in Pestilence!"

I figured an exasperated eyeroll was better than an angry expletive.

Beckdawrek 03-12-2020 11:39 PM

I always miss episodes of panic shopping. Pisses me right off.

RioRico 03-12-2020 11:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beckdawrek (Post 22186998)
I always miss episodes of panic shopping. Pisses me right off.

Those are exciting times when one can bludgeon competitors for handy-wipes and the last discounted cans of Dinty Moore stew. If I needed a wheelchair, I'd install Ben-Hur hubcaps, big slashing blades to keep enemy shoppers at a safe distance. When will store greeters start frisking us for firearms? They won't find my poison darts, nya-ha--ha!

Will coughing in a checkout line clear away shoppers now?

velomont 03-13-2020 09:54 AM

Those toilet paper hoarders are on a roll.

Folacin 03-13-2020 10:00 AM

Two people entered a bank wearing masks, and every one panicked.

Then they pulled out guns and shouted "This is a hold-up!" and everyone relaxed.


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