Straight Dope Message Board

Straight Dope Message Board (
-   The BBQ Pit (
-   -   June, I'm worried about the Peeve (mini-rants) (

Chimera 06-29-2019 07:01 PM

Being in 'close quarters' (they're not that close) at work is NOT an excuse for constantly deciding that you need to reach past me to get things while I'm engaged in dealing with someone else, open drawers and cabinets into me because you need to get into them RIGHT NOW and can't wait to ask me if you can do so without bumping into me and constantly making unwanted, unexpected physical contact with me from behind.

Yes, when I'm talking with someone and doing my job and someone is suddenly pressing against my back and their arm is reaching past my rib cage to grab something, it makes me uncomfortable. When a drawer is suddenly slammed into my hip - twice in ten minutes, it makes me uncomfortable and angry.


When I say that this unwanted physical contact makes me very uncomfortable and at a certain point makes me angry, the correct, professional response is NOT to declare that you need to do these things and get angry and pissy with ME for complaining about it, constantly muttering under your breath and looking at me in anger.


The fact that you're both a woman and an assistant manager and you can't figure out that you're the bad guy here, not me, and trying me make me your enemy is the real problem. You could have just accepted that your incessant invading of my personal space is making me uncomfortable and apologized for it. Maybe you could even realize that if the situation were reversed and you complained about it, you would expect me to be contrite and apologetic, not turn into an angry asshole like you're doing.

No, I'm not 'overly sensitive' in not wanting to have people constantly coming up behind me, bumping into me, touching me, reaching through my personal space and/or opening drawers and cabinets into me. You don't need to be doing this.


Helena330 06-29-2019 09:28 PM


Originally Posted by SurrenderDorothy (Post 21719699)
Forgive me. I know this is so self-indulgent and I really am trying to just... get a better attitude and deal with it and move on. And irl, in person, I'm somewhat more successful at trying to put on an optimistic face. But I'm so, so low tonight and really have nobody to talk to.
We're going on four months now since my brain glitched out. In the beginning, I kept scheduling things for a week out thinking I had to be better by then. There was snow on the ground when this started. Four months.
They've replaced me at work. I still get to do some of the media, so I still have... half a job. I understand. Of course they had to. But that job really means a lot to me and I had kind of been working on the idea that I might be back at it any day now, but...

And it feels like the universe is telling me, bit by bit, that I'm not needed anymore. In ways that will sound really absurd if I list them out but... there are just so many little things that seemed like, six months ago, they couldn't keep on without me... or at least that I made things easier or better in some way. I was wall-to-wall in demand. But now, I mean... it feels like if I disappeared, it would barely register. I'm not usually big on superstition or signs from the cosmos, but it just feels like every little thing is pointing that way.

I don't even know who I am anymore. Like all the good parts are gone. Like it's not enough that I can't do anything I even sort of enjoyed anymore... I can't even be what I always tried to be. The parts of myself I liked and worked hard on are just disintegrating. How can I be reliable, generous, and hardworking? How can I be solidly competent and always willing to lend a hand? I have barely enough strength and energy to get out of bed, much less go the extra mile.

And all the little practical things feel like they're crumbling around my ears. My house is such a disaster at this point. My car, too. Everything is just slipping out of control little by little with the occasional big jump any time I feel like I might begin to catch up.

So I guess that's it. A huge part of my identity and practically everything I felt that I could control about myself and make good and productive and useful is just gone. I'm just gone. I am not, at this point, adding anything positive at all to anyone's life. Nor does it seem like that's likely to change in the near future.

I got my handicap parking hang tags this week, too. Temporary, but they expire just before Christmas. God, I thought for sure I'd be back on my feet in like... two, three weeks max. I know this in no way actually means I won't be better before Christmas, but it no longer seems like a given. I don't understand how anyone lives like this permanently. Hats off to them- they must be stronger people than I.

SurrenderDorothy, you write beautifully and with such poignancy. I wonder if you can do something with that? I don't have any advice, but I'm sending gentle hugs.

Helena330 06-29-2019 09:30 PM

Weird board crap. Duplicate post.

panache45 06-29-2019 11:51 PM

Chimera, would it help if you switched work stations with this other person, so that you'd be the one to reach around her to get what you need? Show her how it can be done politely.

kayT 08-01-2019 05:10 PM

wrong thread

kayT 08-01-2019 05:11 PM

wrong thread

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:39 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

Send questions for Cecil Adams to:

Send comments about this website to:

Terms of Use / Privacy Policy

Advertise on the Straight Dope!
(Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.)

Copyright 2019 STM Reader, LLC.