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Patx2 07-06-2018 08:20 PM

causing seizures and having other severe ill effects on the viewing public.

Last night I dreamt...

Beckdawrek 07-06-2018 08:37 PM

I was Hillary and came out of my pantsuit at a cabinet meeting.

At the cabinet meeting___________.

snfaulkner 07-06-2018 09:02 PM

...they all reviewed videos of karl Rove performing lewd acts.

When the pirates boarded...

Elendil's Heir 07-07-2018 12:55 AM

, they immediately declared nude Hillary pics a crime against Web-based humanity - and quite properly, too.

I tell ya, it's a crime the way some people _________________

Beckdawrek 07-07-2018 01:17 AM

Perform lewd acts.

The room was full of________.

Ambivalid 07-07-2018 02:09 AM


Originally Posted by Beckdawrek (Post 21069262)
Perform lewd acts.

The room was full of________.

Dawn donuts and debauchery.

These pretzels are making me______.

Beckdawrek 07-07-2018 02:11 AM

Twisted and salty.

I like cheese on_________.

Knowed Out 07-07-2018 09:51 AM


There's so much potato salad left over from the holiday, I'm going to...

RivkahChaya 07-07-2018 10:11 AM

. . .start another holiday.

Crickets chirping in the wind. . .

Patx2 07-07-2018 11:30 AM

reminded me to put my pants on before I went outside.

Going outside without pants...

Alpha Twit 07-07-2018 12:13 PM

generally causes more problems than it solves.

My pant are too...

RivkahChaya 07-07-2018 02:15 PM

. . .slobbery.

I saw the best minds. . .

Beckdawrek 07-07-2018 04:07 PM

Act like idjets, taking off their pants and panting.

The movie I am watching___________.

Patx2 07-07-2018 04:55 PM

is not nearly as entertaining as this thread.

Spaghetti and meatballs...

Beckdawrek 07-07-2018 06:05 PM

Will ruin a white tee-shirt.

When I wear white____________.

Elendil's Heir 07-07-2018 11:36 PM

I feel compelled to get married again, but I usually get over it.

My cousin T.K. has been married five times; you'd think ____________

Alpha Twit 07-07-2018 11:44 PM

he'd skip the costly and time wasting divorce settlement and just burn half his stuff every few years.

When I asked Jenny to marry me, she said.....

snfaulkner 07-08-2018 01:16 AM

"I have Ebola "

While oozing her liquified organs through her pores...

Beckdawrek 07-08-2018 02:32 AM

I sprayed air freshener.

While cleaning a closet _________.

Spoons 07-08-2018 02:38 AM

... I found a book that my ex-wife borrowed from the public library that was seven years overdue.

While cooking dinner tonight, ______

snfaulkner 07-08-2018 02:48 AM

...I burnt the drifter's pancreas.

For 2 bucks, I would...

Beckdawrek 07-08-2018 03:01 AM

Write you a poem. Not a good poem, but still...

I went a beat-nik coffee house and_______.

snfaulkner 07-08-2018 03:11 AM

...asked for directions to the nearest bar.

Anál nathrach,
orth’ bháis’s bethad,

Spoons 07-08-2018 03:34 AM

... And that's what I said in an Irish pub, after imbibing far too many pints.

As a result ...

Beckdawrek 07-08-2018 03:38 AM

I followed a Leprechaun to a pot o' gold!

I went shopping with gold and__________.

snfaulkner 07-08-2018 03:54 AM

Bought 3 magic beans.

When planted, the beans...

Elendil's Heir 07-08-2018 01:26 PM

sprouted really fast-growing stalks that poked me right in the eye. Now I'm gonna sue that magic-bean salesman for every penny he's got!

Magic-bean salesmen, as a rule, ___________

Beckdawrek 07-08-2018 01:41 PM

Are blind.

The salesman's seeing-eye dog_________.

Patx2 07-08-2018 03:28 PM

was a Shih Tzu wearing a bow tie and argyle socks.

In his brief case...

Spoons 07-08-2018 06:25 PM

... the Shih Tzu had an extra bow tie and an extra pair of argyle socks.

The salesman, on the other hand, was carrying ...

snfaulkner 07-08-2018 06:26 PM

...pamphlets describing the features of the toilet of the future he was selling.

Halfway through his pitch...

Beckdawrek 07-08-2018 06:37 PM

I needed to take a peepee, so I excused myself.

When I came back into the Parlor_________.

snfaulkner 07-08-2018 07:01 PM

...he was lying face down in a pool of his own blood next to a broken candlestick.

To solve the crime...

Spoons 07-08-2018 07:07 PM

... I invited all the famous detectives I could think of.

The only ones to take me up on my offer were ...

CairoCarol 07-08-2018 08:01 PM

...Hercule Poireaux and Data, dressed up as Sherlock Holmes for hijinks in the holodeck.

When I saw just what kind of "hijinks" Data was up to, I...

Beckdawrek 07-08-2018 08:05 PM

Left the scene rather quickly.

Dr. Watson met me running out the door and said________.

Patx2 07-08-2018 08:11 PM

I’m positively certain, Mrs. Peacock had something to do with this.

When we get the results of the lab work...

Spoons 07-08-2018 11:08 PM

... we will know for sure whether it was Mrs. Peacock or Professor Plum.

Still wondering, though, about the murder weapon, which ...

Beckdawrek 07-08-2018 11:15 PM

I thought was the letter opener I found under the chair.

When I went to retrieve it, I found_________.

Elendil's Heir 07-09-2018 12:18 PM

Judge Crater's business card, Amelia Earhart's last flight plan and a photo of a Yeti holding yesterday's issue of The New York Times.

Every time I read The New York Times, _____________________

Cardigan 07-09-2018 12:28 PM

....I think to myself that one of these days I'll have to read something in it other than the comics and crossword puzzle.

The movie Uncle Drew is to motion picture history as.....

Alpha Twit 07-09-2018 12:40 PM

retrophrenology is to medicine.

I'm told that all the spicy food I've been eating has caused my.....

Heffalump and Roo 07-09-2018 01:18 PM

. . . nose to become runny.

Tonight, I'm looking forward to my favorite dinner of __________.

Elendil's Heir 07-09-2018 02:09 PM

plomeek soup, grilled Lombardy Pudding Elk cutlets and mashed smackles.

If you recognize all three of those references, __________________________

snfaulkner 07-09-2018 05:37 PM

...then your name is probably Orson Bean.

There once was a man from Nantucket...

Beckdawrek 07-09-2018 05:48 PM

He kept his golf balls in a bucket.

Meanwhile, back at the golf course ________.

Knowed Out 07-09-2018 06:18 PM

the caddy told the ball washer to suck it.

The ball washer replied ...

Alpha Twit 07-09-2018 11:11 PM

"Three for a dollar. Same price as downtown."

An no point do I want to....

Beckdawrek 07-09-2018 11:23 PM

Go downtown.

All the way uptown there are__________.

snfaulkner 07-09-2018 11:34 PM

Crocodile infested pools with vines to swing over them.

The treasure you seek...

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