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-   -   Songs that make you want to stick pencils in your ears (https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=877824)

terentii 06-27-2019 06:55 PM

When I was working in radio in the '90s, "All I Wanna Do" got a lot of airplay. To this day, I loathe the song.

Guinastasia 06-27-2019 06:59 PM

Marilyn Manson's cover of "God's Gonna Cut You Down". I everyone at YouTube is gushing over it and I'm like, I want to gouge my ear drums out with a spork.

"We Built This City". How could the same people who did masterpieces like "White Rabbit" and "Somebody To Love", manage to produce crap like this? Is this what happens when you go sober? (WERE they sober at the time?)

pulykamell 06-27-2019 07:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thelurkinghorror (Post 21721350)
Here, this will clear that earworm.

I feel like a kid hipster because I've been hating Baby Shark for like 2 solid years before it became a meme and everybody learned about it.

Haha. I have to somewhat admire the song for the sheer ridiculousness and chutzpah.

Bumbazine 06-27-2019 07:07 PM

Some truly terrible 'songs' have been mentioned so far, but the absolute worst, IMHO, was horse with no name, followed closely by take it easy by the eagles.
Actually anything by the eagles was utter shiite.

manson1972 06-27-2019 07:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Guinastasia (Post 21721772)
Marilyn Manson's cover of "God's Gonna Cut You Down". I everyone at YouTube is gushing over it and I'm like, I want to gouge my ear drums out with a spork.

Come on!

CookingWithGas 06-27-2019 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grestarian (Post 21721582)
Quote:

Originally Posted by CookingWithGas
...Muskrat Love, the Captain and Tennille ...

The scary thing is that their version is the up-beat remake of America's tune -- it's even on their Greatest Hits album. The original practically sounds like a dirge!

You are shitting me. <checks> No you're not.

Guinastasia 06-27-2019 07:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by manson1972 (Post 21721810)
Come on!

Nope. Sorry, I hate Manson. I think he's trying to hard to be Rob Zombie, and it doesn't work.

manson1972 06-27-2019 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Guinastasia (Post 21721832)
Nope. Sorry, I hate Manson. I think he's trying to hard to be Rob Zombie, and it doesn't work.

Hate seems a strong word. Then again, I hate Rush, so maybe it's not so strong.

Mcmechanic 06-27-2019 09:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pulykamell (Post 21720947)
"Dame Tu Cosita" by El Chombo. Apparently, this came out in the late 90s, but was resurrected by some minion of Satan last year. It only barely broke the Top 40 in the US, but it hit #1 on the Latin charts. Drives me up a wall, and I have two kids, ages 5 and 3, who love it.

Also, "Hey There Deliliah" by the Plain White T's makes me uncharacteristically stabby for some reason. Luckily, the popularity of that one has waned quite a bit.

Yes! I still hear “Hey there Delilah” at least once a week still and can’t change the station fast enough before it gets stuck in my head and I want to drive my car into on coming traffic.
Also that “I chime in with a haven’t you people ever heard of, closing the goddamn door” song. It irks me.

Guinastasia 06-27-2019 10:21 PM

System of a Down, "Chop Suey". Well, I can't really stand any of their songs, but for some reason, this one annoys me the most.

Quote:

Originally Posted by manson1972 (Post 21721844)
Hate seems a strong word. Then again, I hate Rush, so maybe it's not so strong.

That's what this whole thread is about, remember? And I can't stand Rush either. ;)

nearwildheaven 06-28-2019 12:01 AM

The Doobie Brothers' "Music Is The Doctor" and the Beach Boys' "Kokomo" are tied with Wilson Phillips' "Hold On" for the worst song that won't go away.

panache45 06-28-2019 06:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gkster (Post 21721603)
"Christmas Shoes" - thank goodness that one gets airplay only a few months a year

OMFG, yes!

I'd rather listen to Florence Foster Jenkins.

Dung Beetle 06-28-2019 06:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grestarian (Post 21721582)
Are you talking about ...well...90% of her catalogue because that's just her vocal range or are you talking about that disgusting let's show the world I'm (not) just as good as Olivia Newton-John and remake her "Loving You" and butcher the signature aria?

I also love Olivia, but I must tell you that "Loving You" was not her song. That was Minnie Riperton.

Annie-Xmas 06-28-2019 08:27 AM

And that Tom Jones's classic "Why Why Why Delilah." Why why why did you record this song?

The scariest thing about the Kars for Kids song is it was recorded after Johnny Cash died. What did they do, zombify him?

burpo the wonder mutt 06-28-2019 08:27 AM

"Teddy Bear" --Red Sovine
"Billy, Don't be a Hero" -- Bo Donaldson & The Heywoods
"Run, Joey, Run" -- David Geddes (Especially the part at the end where
SPOILER:
the girl dies, shot by her own father.)


(Joey don't share food!)

Treppenwitz 06-28-2019 08:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Procrustus (Post 21721490)
The worst song ever to hit the radio repeats this about 80 times (and does nothing else)

Quote:

Right about now
The funk soul brother
Check it out now
The funk soul brother
Rockerfeller Skank by Fatboy Slim. Well - You have a point. But there are reasons to like it: it rescued the Just Brothers from obscurity, because without their Sliced Tomatoes it would be no more than a shadow of itself. Plus Norman sponsors (or at least, used to sponsor) a youth football club in Brighton. So Hats Off, and I'll give him a pass.

j

ETA: and I meant to say, upthread someone mentioned My Way. Oh God yes.

Go_Arachnid_Laser 06-28-2019 08:40 AM

My number one most hated song is without a doubt, the X-Ambassadors with Renegades.

And I say hey, hey hey hey
Living like we're renegades
Hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
Living like we're renegades
Renegades, renegades
All hail the underdogs
All hail the new kids
All hail the outlaws
Spielberg's and Kubrick's

There's so many, sooooo many things to hate here. The hipsterism. The faux-folkish sound. The laziness of the lyrics. The repetition of the same chords and basing a whole song on a terrible chorus. The fact that they're the blandest, most boring band in existence and they make a song talking about what a bunch of rebels they are. Aggggggghhhh!!!!

SuntanLotion 06-28-2019 08:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Treppenwitz (Post 21722483)

ETA: and I meant to say, upthread someone mentioned My Way. Oh God yes.

Sid Vicious's cover was great

WOOKINPANUB 06-28-2019 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Go_Arachnid_Laser (Post 21722496)
My number one most hated song is without a doubt, the X-Ambassadors with Renegades.

And I say hey, hey hey hey
Living like we're renegades
Hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
Living like we're renegades
Renegades, renegades
All hail the underdogs
All hail the new kids
All hail the outlaws
Spielberg's and Kubrick's

There's so many, sooooo many things to hate here. The hipsterism. The faux-folkish sound. The laziness of the lyrics. The repetition of the same chords and basing a whole song on a terrible chorus. The fact that they're the blandest, most boring band in existence and they make a song talking about what a bunch of rebels they are. Aggggggghhhh!!!!

I don't mind the music but, hell yes, that "we're rebels" and "they" can't keep us down bullshit always ruins a song for me.

Several years ago Muse had a hit with the song Uprising(oh please :rolleyes:) which I always thought was called Victorious. Great, energetic music but this

"They will not force us
They will stop degrading us
They will not control us
We will be victorious
(So come on)"

just pisses me off for some reason.

TRC4941 06-28-2019 09:12 AM

I know I will continue to think of songs to put on this list all day long.

Lady in Red - Chris de Burgh
Anything by Bob Dylan - especially Lay Lady Lay
Having My Baby - Paul Anka
Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton
We Built this City - Jefferson Starship
Me & Mrs Jones - Billy Paul
Anything by the Doobie Brothers with Michael McDonald
Physical - Olivia Newton John
Feelings - Morris Albert
Anything by Wings
Ebony & Ivory - McCartney & Wonder

xizor 06-28-2019 10:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grestarian (Post 21721582)
Are you talking about ...well...90% of her catalogue because that's just her vocal range or are you talking about that disgusting let's show the world I'm (not) just as good as Olivia Newton-John and remake her "Loving You" and butcher the signature aria?

Fine, you made me look it up. It is Emotion. A perfectly mindless pop song until about 2:45 into it, she decides to show the world her upper range for no reason. I have to turn the radio off when I realize it is coming.

DSYoungEsq 06-28-2019 10:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xizor (Post 21721381)
I don't know the name of the song, but there is something by Mariah Carey where she starts screeching in the middle of the song trying to get as high pitched as possible, perhaps to break a wine glass.

"Emotion" I believe.

chela 06-28-2019 10:12 AM

Go away little girl

Go away little girl
Go away little girl
I'm not supposed to be alone with you
Oh yes I know that your lips are sweet
But our lips must never meet
I belong to somebody else and I must be true.

She's a Lady
Well she's all you'd ever want
She's the kind they'd like to flaunt and take to dinner
Well she always knows her place
She's got style, she's got grace, She's a winner
She's a Lady. Whoa whoa whoa, She's a Lady
Talkin' about that little lady, and the lady is mine


ick ick ick ick, sharpen that pencil quick quick quick

burpo the wonder mutt 06-28-2019 10:16 AM

One Hell of a Woman -- Mac Davis

She's one hell of a woman
Young, strong and tame
*Puke Smiley*

BrickBat 06-28-2019 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Just Asking Questions (Post 21720980)
Paradise by the Dashboard Light.

It might not be a "pencils in ears" song, but it definitely a "gopher" song. I gopher the knob as soon as it comes on. Fortunately, the need to do that has virtually gone to zero thanks to iTunes.

Yeah, it's pretty revolting to hear today, though I never liked it back in the 70s either. Mawkish beyond belief.

It's also been my observation that those people who love this song ( still today ) tend to be immature airheads.

Runner up would be 'Run Joey Run'.

Guinastasia 06-28-2019 12:52 PM

"Hot for Teacher" - Van Halen. Generally I like Van Halen, but this...ew.

"It's My Party" and "Judy's Turn to Cry", especially the latter. WTF, the guy left you for your best friend, and you're taking him BACK??? Kick his ass to the curb, girl!

RTFirefly 06-28-2019 06:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RobDog (Post 21720860)
Celine Dion - My Heart Will Go On

Seconded.

And along similar lines, I'll add Whitney Houston's cover of "I Will Always Love You."

Elendil's Heir 06-28-2019 08:40 PM

I've heard the Rolling Stones's "Satisfaction" enough for ten lifetimes. I always lunge for the next-station button when it comes on.

ZipperJJ 06-28-2019 08:57 PM

"Sex on Fire" by Kings of Leon.

And then, everything else by Kings of Leon.

Saintly Loser 06-28-2019 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grestarian (Post 21721582)
Are you talking about ...well...90% of her catalogue because that's just her vocal range or are you talking about that disgusting let's show the world I'm (not) just as good as Olivia Newton-John and remake her "Loving You" and butcher the signature aria?

Wasn't that Minnie Riperton?

terentii 06-28-2019 10:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grestarian (Post 21721582)
Are you talking about ...well...90% of her catalogue because that's just her vocal range or are you talking about that disgusting let's show the world I'm (not) just as good as Olivia Newton-John and remake her "Loving You" and butcher the signature aria?

Sure you mean "If Not for You" instead of "Loving You"*? :confused:

*To be honest, I have no idea which one she butchered. :(

nearwildheaven 06-28-2019 11:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Guinastasia (Post 21723003)
"Hot for Teacher" - Van Halen. Generally I like Van Halen, but this...ew.

"It's My Party" and "Judy's Turn to Cry", especially the latter. WTF, the guy left you for your best friend, and you're taking him BACK??? Kick his ass to the curb, girl!

On a related note, "Second Chance" by .38 Special. Whatever that one mistake was that you made, she's gone as a result, and she's not coming back.

gkster 06-29-2019 12:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Guinastasia (Post 21722064)
And I can't stand Rush either. ;)

Guess who was on the radio when we were driving home? I don't remember ever hearing Rush before, but a song came on with an interesting instrumental intro, and then a voice that was like nails on a chalkboard. I asked hubby "What on earth _is_ that?!" and he said it was Rush. So now you can add me to the can't stand Rush group.

california jobcase 06-29-2019 12:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrickBat (Post 21722788)
It's also been my observation that those people who love this song ( still today ) tend to be immature airheads.

Paradise by the Dashboard Lights is just a goofy, fun, shaggy dog story of a song. I like watching people's reaction to "and now I'm praying for the end of time" when it's the first time they hear it.

Now, for songs I still hear and truly despise, I submit Free Bird, Turn the Page, Like a Rock, and Roundabout. I liked Free Bird and Roundabout the first few times I heard them, but not so with the Seger songs.

LLCoolL 06-29-2019 04:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xizor (Post 21721381)
I don't know the name of the song, but there is something by Mariah Carey where she starts screeching in the middle of the song trying to get as high pitched as possible, perhaps to break a wine glass.

That's probably "Dreamlover". Of her entire repertoire, I like maybe two of Mariah's songs, and that's one of them. :)

LLCoolL 06-29-2019 05:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nearwildheaven (Post 21722185)
The Doobie Brothers' "Music Is The Doctor" and the Beach Boys' "Kokomo" are ..... the worst songs that won't go away.

Those were horrible "comeback" songs by once good bands, that somehow climbed the charts. Allow me to add to the list: "The Flame" by Cheap Trick. Ugh.

Biotop 06-29-2019 08:56 AM

Umbrella by Rihanna.

The song grates all the way through, but the umbrella -ella-ella -ella -eh -eh... is genetically designed for ear penciling. Just awful. I get that umbrella is an interesting word, even though it may be the most basic U word of all. A kid's alphabet book probably has "A is for Apple, B is for Boy, ... U is for Umbrella." It comes from the Latin umbra, meaning shade. Other umbra- words like umbrage are not common in everday vocabulary. So I have no problem with anyone who thinks the word umbrella deserves a song. It does.

However if I was writing a song focusing on "umbrella," I would emphasize the umbr- part of the word, which is the part of the word that is unusual and deserves the attention. The ella is fairly standard and less interesting, but that's where Rihanna's notice goes, abandoning the umbr- for the increasingly annoying repeat and repeat of the -ella before several unpleasing eh grunts.

Consider another common but intriguing U-word : Unicorn. It conjures up images of magic and fantasy and innocence and freedom. There's a song waiting still to be written about Unicorn. But if you picked a section of that word to play around and repeat in song, you'd likely go with the -corn because while uni- is a fairly standard prefix, the corn when not referring to a kernel is different. That's where the fun in unicorn is. And the Umbr- is the fun in umbrella. Not the -ella.

Umbrellas act as protection, and the idea of lovers together, sharing a shield from the rain (the bad things and pressures of the real world), is a nice image. But somehow outside of Mary Poppins and a few old black and white movies (where a crowd outside a building during a heavy rain is an eye-catching sea of umbrellas), the umbrella has not received its due in the arts (I'm looking at you disappointing Umbrella Acadamy on Netflix). And this song is the worst example of that failure.

ZonexandScout 06-29-2019 10:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LLCoolL (Post 21724031)
Those were horrible "comeback" songs by once good bands, that somehow climbed the charts. Allow me to add to the list: "The Flame" by Cheap Trick. Ugh.

In all fairness, CT was pretty uncomfortable with the pressure put on them by the record company to do this song. (They did not write it.) In interviews, they've made it clear that they have come to terms with it, especially since they are expected to perform it, but that it is not one they are particularly proud of.

chela 06-29-2019 10:52 AM

You may want to tar and feather me but lee Hreenwoods GB USA gets on my nerves!

Periwinkle 06-29-2019 11:43 AM

“If I Die Young” by The Band Perry. I just hate it.

“Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing”. The Aerosmith caterwauling is bad enough but this is a popular one for butchering on singing competition shows too.

LLCoolL 06-29-2019 01:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Guinastasia (Post 21723003)
....."It's My Party" and "Judy's Turn to Cry", especially the latter. WTF, the guy left you for your best friend, and you're taking him BACK??? Kick his ass to the curb, girl!

Sounds like male wish fulfillment: "two girls fighting over me - cool!" But the song was written by two women - Beverly Ross and Edna Lewis.

According to Wikipedia, "Judy's Turn to Cry" was a 'sequel' of sorts to "It's My Party". In the latter song, the protagonist's boyfriend leaves her for Judy. In the sequel, she gets him back. Teenage soap opera.

LLCoolL 06-29-2019 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WOOKINPANUB (Post 21722525)
I don't mind the music but, hell yes, that "we're rebels" and "they" can't keep us down bullshit always ruins a song for me.

Several years ago Muse had a hit with the song Uprising(oh please :rolleyes:) which I always thought was called Victorious. Great, energetic music but this

"They will not force us
They will stop degrading us
They will not control us
We will be victorious
(So come on)"

just pisses me off for some reason.

Many Muse songs have very bombastic lyrics like this. It's their thing.

Although I suppose you don't have to like it. ;)

RTFirefly 06-29-2019 03:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by california jobcase (Post 21723950)
Paradise by the Dashboard Lights is just a goofy, fun, shaggy dog story of a song.

That's how I feel about it too.
Quote:

Now, for songs I still hear and truly despise, I submit Free Bird, Turn the Page, Like a Rock, and Roundabout. I liked Free Bird and Roundabout the first few times I heard them, but not so with the Seger songs.
"Turn the Page," yes:

Most times you can't hear 'em talk,
other times you can
All the same old cliches,
"Is that a woman or a man?"


The real problem with this song is that that 'same old cliche' hasn't been a cliche for decades.

So I propose a category: Songs from 'The Sixties'* Which Take Themselves Way Too Seriously, But Seem Stupid Now That The Sixties Are Long Gone.

"Turn the Page" is an example, but I'm really thinking of songs like Buffalo Springfield's "For What It's Worth" or Barry McGuire's "Eve of Destruction."

I was still hearing these songs on the radio until I stopped listening to 'Classic Rock' stations four or five years ago.

There may be an argument that they're once again relevant in the Age of Trump, but nah, they don't fit. Let someone write new songs to capture the madness of this particular era.


*'The Sixties' as a cultural mood really extended into the early 1970s. People used to debate when they really ended. it's not important.

RTFirefly 06-29-2019 03:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Periwinkle (Post 21724338)
“If I Die Young” by The Band Perry. I just hate it.

OTOH, I'm kind of amused by the mini-trend in band names they seem to have started.

The Band Perry, not to be confused with the platypus Perry.

Portugal the Man, as distinct from Portugal the European country.

And lovelytheband, making sure nobody mixes them up with lovelytheadjective.

RTFirefly 06-29-2019 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Just Asking Questions (Post 21720980)
it definitely a "gopher" song. I gopher the knob as soon as it comes on.

Of course, the original 'gopher' song was Hall & Oates' "I Can't Gopher That (No Can Do)." ;)

Bad pun aside, if I was still listening to classic rock station, I'd gopher the button the moment that one came on.

nearwildheaven 06-29-2019 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chela (Post 21724272)
You may want to tar and feather me but lee Hreenwoods GB USA gets on my nerves!

I hated that song long before 9/11.

DinoR 06-29-2019 04:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nearwildheaven (Post 21722185)
the Beach Boys' "Kokomo" ... the worst song that won't go away.

This.

I actually managed to avoid hearing it all the way through when it was still on the charts and getting maximum airplay. It's wasn't quite as extreme as literal pencils in the ears. I did walk out of rooms a couple time when it started playing, though. Damn thing got me a couple years later. It started at a time when I couldn't politely disengage or jump out the nearest window.

MacTech 06-29-2019 04:27 PM

“Don’t worry, be happy”
“Shiny happy people”
That rock ballad about the guy that loses his girlfriend in a vehicle accident and wants to die and go to “heaven” to meet her

Any religious song, rock or otherwise
Rap/trance/techno/dubstep

Any ‘70’s pop/disco

Other than that, I’m good
;)

So basically, I like rock/metal/classical/some non-sappy country/jazz/some R&B

LLCoolL 06-29-2019 09:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Biotop (Post 21724170)
Umbrella by Rihanna.

.......

Umbrellas act as protection, and the idea of lovers together, sharing a shield from the rain (the bad things and pressures of the real world), is a nice image. But somehow outside of Mary Poppins and a few old black and white movies (where a crowd outside a building during a heavy rain is an eye-catching sea of umbrellas), the umbrella has not received its due in the arts (I'm looking at you disappointing Umbrella Acadamy on Netflix). And this song is the worst example of that failure.

You missed "Bus Stop" by the Hollies. Opening stanzas:
Bus stop, wet day
She's there, I say
Please share my umbrella
Bus stops, bus goes
She stays, love grows
Under my umbrella

All that summer we enjoyed it
Wind and rain and shine
That umbrella we employed it
By August she was mine

Knowed Out 06-29-2019 09:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RTFirefly (Post 21724569)

And lovelytheband, making sure nobody mixes them up with lovelytheadjective.

I decided to unequivocally hate lovelytheband when I saw a Yahoo headline "Will lovelytheband save rock and roll?" Will Yahoo always employ fecal matter to write columns?

My all-time hated song is Come on Eilleen, followed closely by Wham's Wake Me Up Before You Go Go.

As far as Starship's "We Built This City" goes, it wasn't so much a bad song as it was the ultimate sellout. They allowed a bridge for DJs to plug their own radio stations for Og's sake. Plus, who was the mulleted doofus who was always pumping a 10 pound dumbbell when the camera showed him?


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