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-   -   Songs that make you want to stick pencils in your ears (https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=877824)

Chimera 06-29-2019 09:50 PM

For me it is endlessly repetitive songs. Dude looks like a lady? Sure, how about singing some other words for a change? No? Then you're done now. I'll turn it off or walk away.

Your 'hook' is the same 5 notes played over and over with maybe 20 other notes during the entire duration of your song? GTFO.

Odesio 06-29-2019 11:44 PM

I'm astounded by songs so many of you hate that I actually enjoy. I love "Uprising" by Muse!

LLCoolL 06-30-2019 01:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MacTech (Post 21724631)
.....That rock ballad about the guy that loses his girlfriend in a vehicle accident and wants to die and go to “heaven” to meet her .....

That would be "Last Kiss", recorded by a number of artists. Most prominently J. Frank Wilson and the Cavaliers (#2 hit in 1964), and Pearl Jam (#2 again in 1999).

ftg 06-30-2019 08:44 AM

Gwar. Just plain Gwar.

Doesn't matter which song, they're all the same noise.

Buck Godot 06-30-2019 11:53 AM

You are the wind beneath my wings.

In my first year of grad school, I was in student housing and was assigned a Thai roommate who would listen to a walkman and sing along to this song off key.

digs 06-30-2019 07:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Knowed Out (Post 21724918)
I decided to unequivocally hate lovelytheband when I saw a Yahoo headline "Will lovelytheband save rock and roll?"

"Rock" Journalists have ruined songs and entire bands for me. Most notably all the headlines to the tune of "OASIS: the NEW Beatles?!? See page seven!"

Luckily, I'd already heard a then-hardly-known Springsteen before I read the "Next Dylan!?!" garbage. I'm afraid if I'd seen that (I think it was the cover of Time, fer chrissake) before I heard him, I never would have given him a fair shot.

bmoak 06-30-2019 10:23 PM

When I was a kid, my uncle gave me his old record player and some of his early/mid 70s 45s. Let's just say he had a fondness for sappy or melodramatic songs from that era....

Playground in My Mind by Clint Holmes. The screechy child chorus ("My name is Michael, I've got a nickel...")is enough to wish for sweet release.

Me and You and a Dog Named Boo by Lobo

The Night Chicago Died by Paper Lace, famous for giving us the East Side of Chicago.

Elendil's Heir 06-30-2019 11:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Knowed Out (Post 21724918)
...As far as Starship's "We Built This City" goes, it wasn't so much a bad song as it was the ultimate sellout. They allowed a bridge for DJs to plug their own radio stations for Og's sake. Plus, who was the mulleted doofus who was always pumping a 10 pound dumbbell when the camera showed him?

We had a very funny thread about "We Built This City" a few years back: https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...d.php?t=533622

Quote:

Originally Posted by Odesio (Post 21725034)
I'm astounded by songs so many of you hate that I actually enjoy. I love "Uprising" by Muse!

I do, too!

Alessan 07-01-2019 01:52 AM

For me, it's always been "Don't You Love Me Baby" by The Human League, although to be fair, I also loathe their song "Human".

PookahMacPhellimey 07-01-2019 07:10 AM

Imagine by John Lennon.

WOOKINPANUB 07-01-2019 07:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saintly Loser (Post 21721615)
I've got a few.

<snip>

And after that, the absolute worst song ever written, "Sometimes When We Touch," by Dan Hill.

Egad. I woke up to this song this morning and it immediately pissed me off :mad: In fact, it instantly occurred to me to add it to this thread ;)

"I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize-fighter
Still trapped within my youth"

WTF is that nonsense all about?

Dung Beetle 07-01-2019 07:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chela (Post 21724272)
You may want to tar and feather me but lee Hreenwoods GB USA gets on my nerves!

No, everybody hates that song. Let's tar and feather Lee Greenwood.

Snake_Plissken 07-01-2019 11:38 AM

Yes, indeed.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Dung Beetle (Post 21721097)
About 33 years ago, when I was in my teens, I realized that my life would be greatly improved if I never heard "Free Bird" ever again. And that very day, I made a rule that I would go to whatever lengths necessary to prevent being exposed to it. As a result, I've only had to suffer it about once per decade since then.


I admit, "Free Bird" is not the very worst song in the world. The worst is obviously "Muskrat Love", DSYoung! :mad:

And 'Turn the Page'. Life is too short.

Elendil's Heir 07-01-2019 11:41 AM

"Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis came on the radio earlier this morning and I lunged for the next-station button.

TimfromNapa 07-01-2019 03:01 PM

My picks:

Run, Joey Run, David Geddes (looks like at least 2 other votes for that piece of stinky cheese)
You Little Trust Maker, The Tymes (I want to stick an icepick through my eye just thinking about it)
Having My Baby, Paul Anka (at least one other vote)
I Think I love You, David Cassidy (too soon?)
Baby's First Christmas, Connie Francis (total puke)

I did not think of it, but I'll add a vote for Teddy Bear, by Red Sovine. I've only heard snippets of it in commercials for a compilation package. I hope I never have to suffer through it in its entirety.

TimfromNapa 07-01-2019 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LLCoolL (Post 21725086)
That would be "Last Kiss", recorded by a number of artists. Most prominently J. Frank Wilson and the Cavaliers (#2 hit in 1964), and Pearl Jam (#2 again in 1999).

Is it my imagination or did Pearl Jam manipulate their recording so that it sounded like a warped record toward the end?

Jeff Lichtman 07-01-2019 03:07 PM

Escape (The Piña Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes. This song is terrible both musically and lyrically.

Akaj 07-01-2019 03:58 PM

"Cruel to be Kind." I like Nick Lowe, but what is up with this whining, passive acceptance for emotional abuse? And the hookiness just makes it sound like he's endorsing that bullshit.

Someone (or two) upthread mentioned Rush, I have a favorite cringe moment when, after the incredibly unmusical lyric "endless compromises shatter the illusion of integrity," Geddy Lee adds "Yeah!' because, you know, it's a rock & roll song.

I also want to pre-emptively defend "Brandy," because someone's bound to bring it up, but I've always thought it was a near-perfect (though patronizing) slice of 70s pop-soul.

MacTech 07-01-2019 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ftg (Post 21725208)
Gwar. Just plain Gwar.

Doesn't matter which song, they're all the same noise.

GWAR is a comedy troupe with elaborate costumes that happen to play “comedy metal”

They’re not *MEANT* to be taken seriously, they’re more along the lines of “Weird Al”, except Al is far more talented and funnier.

terentii 07-01-2019 10:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeff Lichtman (Post 21726999)
Escape (The Piña Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes. This song is terrible both musically and lyrically.

Oh, God, yes! I played this for my college-age daughter who thought it was the most laughably awful song she'd ever heard.

Elendil's Heir 07-01-2019 11:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Akaj (Post 21727052)
...I also want to pre-emptively defend "Brandy," because someone's bound to bring it up, but I've always thought it was a near-perfect (though patronizing) slice of 70s pop-soul.

I like "Brandy," too. Definitely a song of its time, but a sentimental favorite of mine.

Keith1 07-01-2019 11:43 PM

radio?
 
This is exactly why I don't own a radio—other than what's in my car, where I have a satellite radio subscription. I do have a couple thousand CD's/records. I don't like music dictated to me, or squeezed into some category. Ever tried to browse disks lately (lately means several years at least). There are so many stupid categories of music how does one separate them all.
There's a ton of crap out there. It will be played on commercial radio. . . In between 10 minute commercial breaks and listening to a moron. There's tons of good stuff out there as well, by astounding musicians. Sadly you won't find any of it on your radio dial.

Dung Beetle 07-02-2019 07:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by terentii (Post 21727523)
Oh, God, yes! I played this for my college-age daughter who thought it was the most laughably awful song she'd ever heard.

Ooooh! Don't let her miss out on Undercover Angel! :D

pulykamell 07-02-2019 07:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeff Lichtman (Post 21726999)
Escape (The Piña Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes. This song is terrible both musically and lyrically.

Thirded! Just a horrible, horrible, horrible song. My high school girlfriend loved that song, and, at that age, I just kind of went along with it and didn't really listen too hard to the lyrics or think them through, and just kind of shrugged off the music as breezy, Jimmy Buffet-like island yacht rock. It was a few years later that I heard the song on the radio again and really paid attention to the plot in the lyrics and realized just how god-awful the whole plotline of that song was. And, by then, my musical tastes had shifted enough that the song musically grated like hell on me.

TRC4941 07-02-2019 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Akaj (Post 21727052)

I also want to pre-emptively defend "Brandy," because someone's bound to bring it up, but I've always thought it was a near-perfect (though patronizing) slice of 70s pop-soul.

I agree! Brandy was my favorite song. I still love it and sing along loudly whenever I hear it.

burpo the wonder mutt 07-02-2019 09:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeff Lichtman (Post 21726999)
Escape (The Piña Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes. This song is terrible both musically and lyrically.

Yes, we're both cheating scum, but it's OK because we're cheating with each other!

Da song sux.

Akaj 07-02-2019 09:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elendil's Heir (Post 21727610)
I like "Brandy," too. Definitely a song of its time, but a sentimental favorite of mine.

Then you might enjoy Sarah Borges' "Same Old 45" -- a song about listening to that song.

Annie-Xmas 07-02-2019 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeff Lichtman (Post 21726999)
Escape (The Piña Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes. This song is terrible both musically and lyrically.

And though I'm nobody's poet/I thought it wasn't half bad.

Holmes should have asked for a second opinion.

Akaj 07-02-2019 09:48 AM

Almost anything by Billy Joel, but especially "Piano Man." His picture should be next to the word "unctious" in the dictionary.

salinqmind 07-02-2019 09:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elendil's Heir (Post 21726693)
"Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis came on the radio earlier this morning and I lunged for the next-station button.

She sounds like she's singing through her nose or something. I read where Simon Cowell felt so strongly about her grand singing talent, he bought her a house. So it goes in this gross, unjust world.

'Afternoon Delight', 'Love to Love You Baby', and 'Wildfire' , probably already mentioned, still make me cringe.

Dung Beetle 07-02-2019 09:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeff Lichtman
Escape (The Piña Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes. This song is terrible both musically and lyrically.


I like to sing along with it, and put a different expression in my voice when it comes to the line "and she said, "Oh it's you". I get a giggle out of making it sound like she just found out she'd stepped in something.


Truthfully, I love seventies cheese. :D

burpo the wonder mutt 07-02-2019 10:03 AM

And though I'm nobody's poet/Maybe someone will adopt me.

pulykamell 07-02-2019 10:25 AM

nm

terentii 07-02-2019 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dung Beetle (Post 21727866)
Ooooh! Don't let her miss out on Undercover Angel! :D

Holy crap! Does that bring back memories! :eek:

WOOKINPANUB 07-02-2019 11:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dung Beetle (Post 21728169)
I like to sing along with it, and put a different expression in my voice when it comes to the line "and she said, "Oh it's you". I get a giggle out of making it sound like she just found out she'd stepped in something.


Truthfully, I love seventies cheese. :D

I know! I love some of the songs that have been named here. Next I suppose someone's going to dis You Make Me Feel Like Dancing or, dog forbid, Heaven on the 7th Floor :dubious: :p

terentii 07-02-2019 11:37 AM

This song kept ABBA's "Money, Money, Money" from reaching No. 1 on the UK charts the final week of 1976. I'll never forget listening to the radio while standing on a roundabout in freezing rain at one in the morning as I was hitchhiking from Brighton to Cambridge and saying "THIS is NUMBER ONE?!?" :eek: :smack:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YY8APrYU2Gs

I ended up walking the last 14 miles into town. Got home around five in the morning.

WOOKINPANUB 07-02-2019 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by terentii (Post 21728367)
This song kept ABBA's "Money, Money, Money" from reaching No. 1 on the UK charts the final week of 1976. I'll never forget listening to the radio while standing on a roundabout in freezing rain at one in the morning as I was hitchhiking from Brighton to Cambridge and saying "THIS is NUMBER ONE?!?" :eek: :smack:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YY8APrYU2Gs

I ended up walking the last 14 miles into town. Got home around five in the morning.

Oi! You can't touch The Hutch!

Elendil's Heir 07-02-2019 12:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Akaj (Post 21728084)
Then you might enjoy Sarah Borges' "Same Old 45" -- a song about listening to that song.

Heh. Thanks - never heard that before!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dung Beetle (Post 21727866)
Ooooh! Don't let her miss out on Undercover Angel! :D

I, er... have that song on my iPod. Don't you judge me!

BrickBat 07-02-2019 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Keith1 (Post 21727640)
This is exactly why I don't own a radio—other than what's in my car, where I have a satellite radio subscription. I do have a couple thousand CD's/records. I don't like music dictated to me, or squeezed into some category. Ever tried to browse disks lately (lately means several years at least). There are so many stupid categories of music how does one separate them all.
There's a ton of crap out there. It will be played on commercial radio. . . In between 10 minute commercial breaks and listening to a moron. There's tons of good stuff out there as well, by astounding musicians. Sadly you won't find any of it on your radio dial.

Having to listen to "Classic rock" commercial ( non-satellite ) stations is one big hurl-fest. I just had to endure 7+ hours of a co-worker blaring one such station on his boom-box and I was completely drained by the end of the day. I just can not understand how some people can be so inured by a raging cacaphony of raging idiot DJs and screaming bubbly commercials. It's like it's nothing to them. Then there's the matter that all that time there was 2 or 3 decent tracks at the most that were NOT the same sell-out/corporate rock/yacht-rock schlock that I never like the first time around.

Apparently the station programming director firmly believes its audience wish it could be vanilla-land in 1977 forever.

Akaj 07-02-2019 01:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrickBat (Post 21728576)
Having to listen to "Classic rock" commercial ( non-satellite ) stations is one big hurl-fest. I just had to endure 7+ hours of a co-worker blaring one such station on his boom-box and I was completely drained by the end of the day. I just can not understand how some people can be so inured by a raging cacaphony of raging idiot DJs and screaming bubbly commercials. It's like it's nothing to them. Then there's the matter that all that time there was 2 or 3 decent tracks at the most that were NOT the same sell-out/corporate rock/yacht-rock schlock that I never like the first time around.

Apparently the station programming director firmly believes its audience wish it could be vanilla-land in 1977 forever.

I have a pet theory that the rise of classic rock radio parallels the rise of today's cultural conservatism. A whole generation of (mostly) middle and working class whites think everything was perfect back in the early 80s and only want to hear what they loved then. Plus they can sing along with it.

The popularity of modern country only confirms this idea. Take away the southern accents, and a lot of it sounds just like 70s and 80s MOR rock.

terentii 07-02-2019 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Akaj (Post 21728616)
I have a pet theory that the rise of classic rock radio parallels the rise of today's cultural conservatism. A whole generation of (mostly) middle and working class whites think everything was perfect back in the early 80s and only want to hear what they loved then. Plus they can sing along with it.

The popularity of modern country only confirms this idea. Take away the southern accents, and a lot of it sounds just like 70s and 80s MOR rock.

Maybe you weren't aware of it, but the same thing happened in the early '70s, when the hits of the '50s were dusted off and got a lot of airplay. I doubt it has anything to do with political conservatism. Old farts like myself (I'm 64) just enjoy listening to the music they grew up with. I suspect hits of the '20s, '30s, and '40s would also have been recycled 10--15 years later if a comparable pop culture had been in existence then. (They ended up on Lawrence Welk's show instead.)

pulykamell 07-02-2019 01:59 PM

I grew up in the 80s, and the "classic rock" of the late-60s to late 70s (maybe touching into the early 80s, but I remember it all being 70s at the latest) was pretty huge here, as well, and had nothing to do with cultural conservatism, from what I can tell. All the rockers when I was in high school from '89-'93 listened to a lot of classic rock, and I grew up in a politically mixed area (I'm in Chicago, but don't be under the impression that the whole city is liberal because it votes Democratic. It is not.)

Akaj 07-02-2019 02:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by terentii (Post 21728660)
Maybe you weren't aware of it, but the same thing happened in the early '70s, when the hits of the '50s were dusted off and got a lot of airplay. I doubt it has anything to do with political conservatism. Old farts like myself (I'm 64) just enjoy listening to the music they grew up with. I suspect hits of the '20s, '30s, and '40s would also have been recycled 10--15 years later if a comparable pop culture had been in existence then. (They ended up on Lawrence Welk's show instead.)

Quote:

Originally Posted by pulykamell (Post 21728685)
I grew up in the 80s, and the "classic rock" of the late-60s to late 70s (maybe touching into the early 80s, but I remember it all being 70s at the latest) was pretty huge here, as well, and had nothing to do with cultural conservatism, from what I can tell. All the rockers when I was in high school from '89-'93 listened to a lot of classic rock, and I grew up in a politically mixed area (I'm in Chicago, but don't be under the impression that the whole city is liberal because it votes Democratic. It is not.)

Not to completely derail the thread, but ... I never meant to imply that everyone who likes classic rock is a MAGA head -- that's obviously false. IANAS, but it just seems that the cultural shift that's made classic rock (and modern country) so bankable is part of the same shift that's brought us to MAGA.

"Hey, you non-white kids, quit playing that hippy-hoppy shit on my lawn!" (puts in earbuds, plays "I Won't Back Down" for the 900th time)

Jeff Lichtman 07-02-2019 03:25 PM

I don't think there's anything new about people clinging to the music of their youth. In my dad's generation there were people who hated rock and roll, and would only listen to big band music. Often when a new musical genre comes around, it's embraced by the young and reviled by the old. At the same time, young people often reject the music of their parents' generation. When I was a kid, things like big band jazz and Frank Sinatra were seen by me and my peers as hopelessly square. The same thing happened with the coming of jazz in the teens and be-bop in the forties. It's happened again (sort of) with the coming of rap.

This isn't a reactionary political thing. I know plenty of leftists and progressives who don't like rap, and would rather listen to the music that was popular when they were in high school and college.

It's actually unusual (and, to me, encouraging) that young people today haven't rejected rock music. Lots of kids today love the music of their parents' and grandparents' generations.

BrickBat 07-02-2019 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Akaj (Post 21728732)
"Hey, you non-white kids, quit playing that hippy-hoppy shit on my lawn!" (puts in earbuds, plays "I Won't Back Down" for the 900th time)

In my observation, it's more a case of generational chauvinism biased toward the 70s ( when they were young adults )

"Hey you millennial philistines, quit playing that acid rock!" ( I've actually heard them use that term today; to them, anything harder than 'Bostons' 'More than a feeling' ) Then proceed to play The Eagles or Fleetwood Mac greatest hits.

The emphasis on "hits". Nothing too eclectic like the third track on the "B" side of their treasured LPs or cassettes. They loves them some vanilla.

Akaj 07-02-2019 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrickBat (Post 21728972)
In my observation, it's more a case of generational chauvinism biased toward the 70s ( when they were young adults )

"Hey you millennial philistines, quit playing that acid rock!" ( I've actually heard them use that term today; to them, anything harder than 'Bostons' 'More than a feeling' ) Then proceed to play The Eagles or Fleetwood Mac greatest hits.

The emphasis on "hits". Nothing too eclectic like the third track on the "B" side of their treasured LPs or cassettes. They loves them some vanilla.

I understand that every generation favors the music they heard growing up. What bugs me about classic rock is that -- unlike big-band jazz or 50s rock -- it became a dominant, go-to format long after its original impact had worn off, and remains so to this day. It didn't become nostalgia; it remained mainstream.

I also understand that's because the generation that grew up on this stuff was the biggest, wealthiest, most influential generation ever. And I see a parallel between that big, wealthy, influential generation's clinging to its music and that big, wealthy, influential generation's clinging to other cultural tropes such as English-only, white Christians in charge and "traditional" families.

Yes, lefties can love classic rock, and white supremacists can love death metal. I'm talking broad cultural stuff, not individual tastes.

terentii 07-02-2019 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Akaj (Post 21729045)
What bugs me about classic rock is that -- unlike big-band jazz or 50s rock -- it became a dominant, go-to format long after its original impact had worn off, and remains so to this day. It didn't become nostalgia; it remained mainstream.

I think this is a gross oversimplification. I don't believe it's "go-to" for everyone, and for those who are partial to it, there is an element of nostalgia. So it seems to me you're mistaken on both counts.

There are many genres of music today, and each one has its own following. At the same time, there's a lot of overlap. I'm not confined to any one style or artist, and what I listen to is determined by my mood. I can enjoy music from all decades equally, and I do.

by-tor 07-02-2019 07:29 PM

Any song with auto-tune as an effect.
Any Polka.
All new country and a lot of old country. Country music is perverted Blue Grass as far as I am concerned.
All carnival music.
Most Show tunes.
Most rap music after 1990.
Modern R&B, especially anything with vocal gymnastics in it.
Grunge, Emo, and other whiny/depressing music for the most part.
Glam metal.
Get offa my lawn!

Labdad 07-02-2019 09:10 PM

“Honey” - Bobby Goldsboro
“In the Year 2525” - Zager and Evans
Pretty much anything by America
Anything by Gary Puckett

TRC4941 07-03-2019 08:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Akaj (Post 21728146)
Almost anything by Billy Joel, but especially "Piano Man." His picture should be next to the word "unctious" in the dictionary.

I can't believe I forgot to add that one to my list of hated songs.


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