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snfaulkner 08-09-2018 02:11 AM

...that Charlton Heston is now a maniac.

You fools! You....

Elendil's Heir 08-09-2018 10:29 AM

should know better than to cross the damn beams.

Sigourney Weaver in Ghostbusters was simply _____________________

Knowed Out 08-09-2018 11:16 AM

... a silver fox goddess.

You know who else trips my trigger? _____________________

Prof. Pepperwinkle 08-09-2018 11:21 AM

Bullet, Roy Rogers's dog. He was constantly getting under Trigger's hooves, causing him to trip.

When Elvis sang "You Ain't Nothin' But A Hound Dog", he was talking to...

Elendil's Heir 08-09-2018 12:54 PM

A. Hound Dog, Esq., a noted Memphis trial attorney and bon vivant.

Anybody who calls me a bon vivant obviously __________________

RivkahChaya 08-09-2018 01:10 PM


Originally Posted by Elendil's Heir (Post 21137476)
Anybody who calls me a bon vivant obviously __________________

failed French.

Aujourd'hui, maman. . .

betterlifethroughchemistry 08-09-2018 06:31 PM

said a creepy stranger behind me, I glared at him before pulling my Executive rain coat around me and facing into the wind, I don't care about his mother, or did he mean, 'Maman', what the hell was he talking about, I ran down to the taxi stand and got into the first available one as I needed to get to...

snfaulkner 08-09-2018 06:37 PM

...the toaster oven exorcists to pay my bill.

Can you believe he charged me....

Spoons 08-09-2018 07:09 PM

... three easy payments of 59.95 plus shipping and handling?

But because I called in the ten-minute period ...

RivkahChaya 08-09-2018 08:02 PM


Originally Posted by Spoons (Post 21138213)
But because I called in the ten-minute period ...

... I got a second one if I just paid shipping.

My stomach. . .

Beckdawrek 08-09-2018 08:05 PM

Needs chocolate. ( truely)

I prefer to eat only_____.

Spoons 08-09-2018 09:31 PM

... Hershey's, but let's face it, I'll take what I can get.

I'd have some chocolate right now, but ...

snfaulkner 08-09-2018 09:35 PM

...I'm currently trapped under a heavy bookcase hemorrhaging blood into my lungs. Posting this from my phone with my one free hand.


boson 08-09-2018 11:34 PM

...chocolate. I'll even take the cheapest. But make it dark. If you can bring me Johnnie Walker, I wouldn't turn that away. Also can you turn the page of this book.

You see, since the bookcase fell on me, I've been reading...

RivkahChaya 08-10-2018 03:29 AM


Originally Posted by boson (Post 21138541)
You see, since the bookcase fell on me, I've been reading...

...Helter Skelter.

Squeaky Fromme. . .

Spoons 08-10-2018 03:51 AM

... should have left well-enough alone, rather than trying to assassinate Gerald Ford.

What's with these ...

Knowed Out 08-10-2018 08:02 AM

... fingernail clippers?

They cut my thumb nail just fine, but they can't handle ...

Cardigan 08-10-2018 10:34 AM

...heavy duty tree trimming, as I discovered to my great surprise and dismay this morning.

I plan, however, in the future to....

betterlifethroughchemistry 08-10-2018 05:15 PM

walk the Earth like Caine in Kung Fu, I plan to leave as soon as...

Spoons 08-10-2018 05:44 PM

... I get a decent pair of walking shoes.

Of course, they will have to be ...

RivkahChaya 08-10-2018 06:03 PM


Originally Posted by Spoons (Post 21140182)
... I get a decent pair of walking shoes.

Of course, they will have to be ...

... Skechers.

Who can turn the world on with. . .

Patx2 08-10-2018 06:16 PM

a clap on clap off?

Iíll bet Mary Tyler Moore...

betterlifethroughchemistry 08-10-2018 06:20 PM

and I gave her a really nice hat for her birthday, but she lost it when...

Beckdawrek 08-10-2018 06:51 PM

Rhoda decided to borrow it on a windy day.

I don't go out on___.

snfaulkner 08-10-2018 06:57 PM

...the vernal equinox

Mainly because...

Mr Zox 08-10-2018 08:38 PM

...I don't know what it means.

I also don't know the meaning of...

snfaulkner 08-10-2018 09:01 PM


Something about the birth of santa...

Beckdawrek 08-10-2018 09:06 PM

Had Mother Claus in a panic.

All the Reindeer did______.

Elendil's Heir 08-10-2018 09:26 PM

laugh and call Rudolph names, just like the song said.

But the actual reason they did that - no shit! - was because _________

Beckdawrek 08-10-2018 10:21 PM

Those stinkin' elves started a rumor.

The were punished by____.

Spoons 08-11-2018 02:05 AM

... the Ghost of Christmas Present.

Right now, Charles Dickens is ...

Beckdawrek 08-11-2018 02:26 AM

Sitting on a cloud thinking to himself "I coulda written about An Easter Carol, and made a bunch more bucks"

The characters would be______.

Spoons 08-11-2018 03:36 AM

... Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and Teddy the Wonder Lizard.

Nobody likes Teddy because ...

Beckdawrek 08-11-2018 11:28 AM

He's a slippery fellow.

Lounge Lizards are a______.

Patx2 08-11-2018 06:45 PM

Thing of the past.

But bar barracudas

Beckdawrek 08-11-2018 07:34 PM

are in the future? Really?

At closing time______.

Elendil's Heir 08-11-2018 08:40 PM

I hopped in my time machine, went back an hour, and ordered another three Saurian brandies.

My local pub doesn't offer Saurian brandy, but you can get a pretty good ________

snfaulkner 08-11-2018 09:46 PM

...herpes infection.

For happy hour...

Beckdawrek 08-11-2018 11:17 PM

There is always the back room.

I never go in the restroom in_____.

boson 08-12-2018 12:27 AM

...February. It's such a short month.

But in March, haha, that's when I...

Spoons 08-12-2018 12:28 AM

... feel a great sense of relief.

Then, in April ...

snfaulkner 08-12-2018 12:39 AM

..., when the murders began, ...

Beckdawrek 08-12-2018 01:11 AM

I forgot to finish my sentence.

So I started 2 more about_____.

Patx2 08-12-2018 10:23 AM

life in the fast lane.

When Iím driving in the fast lane

Happy Lendervedder 08-12-2018 10:26 AM

...I set the cruise control and take a nap.

Naps are the best when...

betterlifethroughchemistry 08-12-2018 10:44 AM

you bomb down the highway at 80 miles per hour, put the seat back, the windows all the way down and cranking some...

Spoons 08-12-2018 05:26 PM

... Carpenters and early Olivia Newton-John.

After all, Led Zeppelin and The Who and similar ...

boson 08-12-2018 07:53 PM

… noisy bands tend to keep you awake while driving.

When I drive on a couple Ambien, I tend to…

snfaulkner 08-12-2018 08:31 PM

...have weird dreams and wake up soaked in blood.

My trip to Ecuador...

betterlifethroughchemistry 08-12-2018 08:58 PM

was really fun, I met these really nice people who asked me to carry some suitcases back to America, imagine my surprise when I learned they contained...

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