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Elendil's Heir 06-27-2019 11:10 PM

taking my niece Brunhilde around the neighborhood selling Girl Scout cookies, or so she told me.

That little girl has some definite opinions on.....

Spoons 06-30-2019 04:38 PM

... the people who buy her Girl Scout cookies.

For example, the family down the street who ...

LennieB 07-01-2019 07:32 PM

...keep badgering her to find them some Mango Cremes, dammit!

Some people don't cope well with....

Beckdawrek 07-01-2019 08:12 PM

The insanity of it all.

They, therefore apply a little____.

Spoons 07-03-2019 12:23 AM

... Jergen's lotion to their dry skin.

Then they kick back and ...

SCAdian 07-03-2019 07:13 PM

... fall out of the canoe.

When you're up the creek without a boat....

Spoons 07-03-2019 11:37 PM

... a paddle won't do you much good.

What you really need is ...

boson 07-07-2019 05:18 PM

... Possessive Boater's Insurance.

I saved a bundle by...

Spoons 07-08-2019 12:07 AM

... switching to Geico.

Something about that gecko just ...

Covfefe 07-11-2019 04:27 AM

puts a song in my heart.

I plan to write a musical featuring.....

Spoons 07-11-2019 11:42 PM

... the Geico gecko, Mr. Clean, and Ronald McDonald.

I think I'll call it ...

Covfefe 07-12-2019 02:04 PM

How to Save $15 or More on Bath Salts.

When I show my scripts to other people, they.....

Spoons 07-13-2019 09:52 PM

... express interest, but I get the feeling that the scripts are round-filed as soon as I leave.

But I keep trying, because I know that someday ...

Beckdawrek 07-13-2019 10:47 PM

My ship will come in.

I hope I'm not at the____.

boson 07-16-2019 01:08 AM all passed out when it does.

My secret hangover cure is...

Spoons 07-16-2019 02:43 AM

... two dashes of Angostura Bitters, an ounce of vodka, apintofOldHarper, some beef jerky, and a Three Musketeers.

It leaves me feeling ...

boson 07-17-2019 01:28 AM I'm in a dream...and like I have eaten dirty socks.

And for the rest of the day, rest assured, I can...

Spoons 07-18-2019 03:25 PM

... taste dirty socks.

The only thing that makes that go away is ...

boson 07-21-2019 11:37 PM

...gargling with raw eggs and hot sauce.

Sometimes I pretend I'm a former astronaut in order to...

Spoons 07-22-2019 01:05 AM

... pick up women.

Though they see right through the ploy when ...

Beckdawrek 07-24-2019 02:10 AM

They notice my astronaut boots are really Uggs.

I wear my Uggs to_____.

Spoons 07-24-2019 10:06 PM

... the mall, the supermarket, when visiting friends, and so on.

The only place I don't wear them is ...

Patx2 08-17-2019 06:41 PM

in the swimming pool because Im usually skinny dipping.

Once when I was sitting poolside, umbrella drink in hand,

Beckdawrek 08-17-2019 07:23 PM

It started to rain. My drink stayed dry.

I went inside and....

atimnie 08-17-2019 11:04 PM

had another.

I was pretty blitzed by the time...

boson 08-17-2019 11:37 PM

...the alien landed.

He cocked his head at me and said...

Spoons 08-17-2019 11:46 PM

... "Hey, can you recommend a good restaurant nearby?"

Not quite what I expected, but ...

atimnie 08-18-2019 01:18 AM

I told him where the nearest Chili's was.

He asked if they served...

Patx2 08-18-2019 01:17 PM


I told him if he wanted some darn good chili, hed make out better...

Spoons 08-19-2019 01:14 AM

... anywhere other than Chili's.

What he really wanted was ...

Beckdawrek 08-19-2019 01:29 AM

Tacos. I directed him to the nearest taco truck.

He vaporized and left his.....

atimnie 08-19-2019 07:49 AM

...stench in the air.

I asked the bartender for another...

Spoons 08-19-2019 05:58 PM

... cocktail napkin, to use as a mask.

The bartender proceeded to ...

Beckdawrek 08-19-2019 07:10 PM

Mix me up a mint julep made with VaporRub.

It was so bad........

atimnie 08-19-2019 07:17 PM

...I almost couldn't finish it.

And then, the sexiest woman I've ever seen...

boson 08-20-2019 02:30 AM

...came in wearing a cocktail napkin.

The napkin didn't catch my eye. What caught my eye was...

Spoons 08-21-2019 01:28 AM

... the construction boots she was wearing.

Well, those and the ...

atimnie 08-21-2019 06:25 AM

...cardboard coasters she wore as pasties.

I asked the bartender about her...

Spoons 08-21-2019 11:55 PM

... outfit.

He shrugged and said ...

Patx2 08-22-2019 12:13 PM

Forever 21 had just had a big sale.

That made me reminisce about being 21 and

atimnie 08-22-2019 12:16 PM

...being really stupid.

I don't think anyone gains any real intelligence until...

Spoons 08-23-2019 01:02 AM

... they hit 30.

At that point, they've been through ...

Beckdawrek 08-23-2019 01:09 AM

The deep, dark exciting forest of thier 20s.

Then all the_____.

Spoons 08-23-2019 01:25 AM

... midlife crises start to loom.

A red sportscar and a twenty-something blonde won't solve anything; what you want is ...

Beckdawrek 08-23-2019 01:34 AM

A good recipe for Chili.

Make it and they will_____.

Spoons 08-26-2019 12:37 AM

... come.

Though they may have questions about ...

boson 08-27-2019 01:09 AM

...the tincture you squirted into it.

I always tell them that it improves the...

atimnie 08-27-2019 08:10 AM

They're still skeptical, but they still try it, and when they do...

panache45 08-29-2019 07:32 AM

... a few of them nevertheless don't survive.

In fact, before they succumb, they often...

Spoons 08-29-2019 12:32 PM

... have steam coming out of their ears, just like in a cartoon.

And their eyes ...

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